Midday finally arrives and I quickly head to the cafeteria while the others chat and laugh foolishly through the hallways. I isolate myself at a secluded table after buying an apple and sparkling water. I would prefer to skip lunch, but I must keep up appearances.
Keep up appearances.
Why do I have to do this? Why must I engage in this charade of masquerades and smiles? No sense of gratification springs from me in doing so. And yet, I do it, driven by a reason as simple as it is uncomfortable: DNA, the answer is imprinted in my genes, hinted through generations of predecessors whose only concerns were survival and reproduction.
Self-preservation instinct: two words, one concept. I remember the stories of the early humans, wild beasts that moved on all fours, bright eyes and sharp teeth, with the sole goal of seeing another sunrise in a world where every shadow could be the end. This legacy, this brutal need to persist, to protect oneself at all costs, has been refined over time, metamorphosing into the most mundane and banal acts, even in someone as insipid and devoid of emotion as me.
I sigh, and continue the act. I chew. I smile. I nod in recognition to those who pass by, feeling how the midday approaches its end with the same speed with which it dragged on. To my annoyance, Tsuneo soon finds me and sits right in front of me with his food tray. He starts to babble about how different things are here compared to his old school, mentioning names and details that I pretend to listen to with interest.
“Wow, this is so different from my old school,” he comments enthusiastically. “There the menu was always so boring, just fried or breaded stuff. But here you have so many healthy options!”
I nod with apparent interest while I take a bite of my tasteless apple.
“And the teachers here seem much more interested in teaching. The history teacher especially, the way he narrates makes even the boring wars and dates sound fascinating!”
“I’m glad you’re adapting well, Tsuneo,” I respond with a gentle smile, number 5 from my repertoire. The one that usually works to express brotherly support. “I know changing environments can be hard at first. But you’ll certainly get used to it soon.”
He nods vigorously, scattering crumbs of his sandwich everywhere as he gesticulates with exaggerated enthusiasm.
“Yeah, I’m very grateful! Everyone has been so kind to me here. You especially, Makoto. Thank you for welcoming me so warmly. You’re a great support.”
“It’s nothing. We’re happy to have new faces with so much enthusiasm,” I say with false modesty. “If you need anything, don’t hesitate to ask me. That’s what friends are for.”
I see a flash of emotion in his eyes at the word “friends.” The naive are the easiest to manipulate. Their need for belonging makes them highly malleable.
“Of course! Hey, what are you doing after classes? I was thinking of exploring the area a bit and...”
Tsuneo can’t finish his sentence because we are interrupted by the arrival of a couple of girls. Fumiko, my “girlfriend”, sits very close to me without even greeting, invading my personal space. I can smell her floral perfume as she wraps her arm around me in a possessive gesture.
“Hello Makoto, I was looking for you,” she says in a syrupy tone that makes me shiver, though I manage to maintain a neutral expression.
“Hello Fumiko. This is Tsuneo, he’s a new student,” I reply politely, pointing to my companion.
She looks at him disdainfully for a fraction of a second before focusing all her attention on me again. Tsuneo’s eyes are mesmerized by her.
“Oh yeah, hello. Hey Makoto, some of us are going to the mall after school. You have to come with us!” she exclaims excitedly, caressing my arm.
I pretend to think about it for a few seconds to not seem predictable. Then I slightly shake my head.
“That sounds nice, but I promised Tsuneo to show him around the campus this afternoon... Maybe some other time?” I say with feigned regret.
I see disappointment cross her face before she composes her fake smile again.
“That’s fine, don’t worry. It will be another time then! See you,” she reluctantly accepts before turning to her friends.
Tsuneo looks at me with a mixture of guilt and gratitude.
“You didn’t have to reject their plans for me, really. I can explore the campus on my own,” he murmurs.
“It’s no bother, I really wanted to show you around,” I reply with a shrug. “Besides, outings like that aren’t my thing. I prefer quieter places.”
He nods, clearly relieved not to be left out of the group. Any crumb of acceptance makes him feel special and fortunate.
Fumiko and her friends give us sideways glances as they whisper and laugh foolishly among themselves. I perceive their body language subtly change, becoming more rigid and hostile. Tsuneo seems not to notice the difference. But my trained eye catches every variation in microexpressions and movements around, even of my own countenance to ensure the perfect mask. Nothing escapes me.
The bell rings marking the end of the break. Tsuneo stands up and says goodbye nervously before heading to his next class. I watch him walk away, this little pawn unknowingly has been put into play.
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Fumiko approaches again, whispering in my ear:
“See you later, Makoto,” her warm breath causes me a spasm of revulsion.
I give her a polite smile that does not reach my eyes and collect my tray to leave there. The rest of the day goes by without incidents. I pretend attention and interest in the trivial lessons, enduring Fumiko’s lascivious glances and the bravado of Tatsuya and his group.
When the bell finally rings for dismissal, I rush to collect my things to escape from that den of mediocrity. But before I can leave, Tsuneo stands nervously in front of my desk.
“Uh, hello Makoto. Is the offer to show me around still standing?” he asks, wringing his hands. “I wouldn’t want to bother you, really. If you have other plans, I can explore by myself...”
I contain a sigh of annoyance. I had forgotten the little lie to get away from Fumiko. I’ll have to keep playing the role of the good Samaritan a little longer.
“Of course, it’s no bother,” I reply with a cordial smile. “Let’s go, I’ll show you the most important places.”
Tsuneo’s face lights up like a puppy offered a bone. We leave the building together under the curious gaze of some classmates. I guide him through the gardens and buildings, pointing out places of interest like the library, the gym, the dormitories. Tsuneo listens attentively, nodding and asking naive questions.
“And that’s the field where the tennis matches are played. Tatsuya and his friends from the team usually practice in the afternoons,” I point to the metal stands where the aforementioned are already warming up.
“Wow, they look very athletic. I was never good at sports, I preferred to stay reading in the library,” Tsuneo comments, shyly shrugging his shoulders.
“Everybody has their own talents,” I respond simply, although inside I despise his defeatist attitude.
We continue walking in a more comfortable silence, moving away from the stadium noise. I take the opportunity to analyze him more closely, looking for weaknesses and levers that I can use when the time comes.
His stooped posture, evasive gaze, and stuttering reveal low self-esteem and social anxiety. Surely a product of previous bullying. This makes him an easy target, eager to captivate and belong. His love for reading indicates intelligence, albeit lacking worldliness.
In summary, a very manipulable pawn.
Tsuneo breaks the silence suddenly.
“Hey Makoto... thanks again for your kindness. I know you must have better things to do than show a new nerd like me around.”
“It’s no bother, I’m glad to help you feel part of the group,” I reply naturally.
“Still, I really appreciate it. At my old school, no one would have gone to this trouble...” he continues with a tinge of sadness. “It’s good to feel like I belong, even if it’s just a little.”
I pat him on the back in a brotherly way, congratulating myself internally for having won his trust so easily.
“Don’t sell yourself short. You’re going to fit in perfectly, you’ll see,” I reassure him.
He gives me a grateful smile. The pawn has been protected under my wing, ready to be used.
We continue touring the grounds until the sun begins to set on the horizon.
“I think that completes the tour,” I say, checking my watch. “It’s getting late, we should go back to the dorms for dinner.”
We walk side by side back. Tsuneo hums to himself, clearly in a good mood. His naive trust amuses me.
When we reach the dining hall, I point him to an empty table.
“Sit here, I’ll go get our trays.”
I walk away before he can respond. I return minutes later, carefully balancing two steaming plates.
“Here, meatballs with sauce,” I say, placing the tray in front of him.
He blinks in surprise.
“How did you know I like meatballs?”
I feign a thoughtful expression. In truth, I had chosen them randomly.
“Hmm, I don’t know... I guess I intuited it from your way of being. Meatballs suit you,” I reply with a friendly smile.
He laughs flattered and begins to eat. I peck at my tasteless salad, pleased to have further solidified my influence over this pawn.
“Hey Tsuneo, I was thinking...” I say casually. “In addition to being student body president, I also lead the school’s theater club. We’re always looking for new members who are interested.”
I look at him with a friendly expression.
“Would you like to try? No prior experience is needed, I would guide you myself. It could be a good way to get involved in extracurricular activities and meet more people.”
He stops chewing and looks at me with eyes wide, like a deer dazzled by headlights.
“Me? In the theater club? No... I don’t think that’s a good idea,” he stammers. “I don’t have any talent for that, I would just make a fool of myself.”
I smile to reassure him.
“Nonsense. We all have an actor inside; it just takes practice to bring it out. I assure you that you would enjoy the experience.”
He shakes his head frantically, splashing tomato sauce.
“I appreciate it, but no. I would die of embarrassment standing in front of an audience. I prefer to stay behind the scenes helping out as needed.”
I contain a sigh of irritation. Clearly, his self-esteem is at rock bottom. I’ll need to change strategy if I want him to agree.
“I understand your nervousness, it’s normal at first,” I say patiently. “But overcoming those fears is part of personal growth. And I’ll be there to guide you every step of the way, you won’t be alone.”
He shakes his head again, but this time with less vehemence. My persuasion is having an effect. Just one more push.
“Come on Tsuneo, join us. I promise you won’t regret it. In theater, you’ll find a family, people who will accept and celebrate your unique talents,” I say emphatically.
He bites his lip, clearly struggling with himself. It’s time to press.
“So? What do you say? Will you honor us with your presence in the club?”
Finally, his shoulders sink in a sign of surrender.
“Alright, I’ll try it...” he reluctantly accepts.
I pat him on the back in celebration, making him cough.
“Excellent! You’ll see, you won’t regret it. Meetings are Tuesdays and Thursdays after classes in the auditorium.”
He nods meekly as he finishes his meatballs. I give him a triumphant smile.
“Well, I have to go. Thanks for the meal and... I’ll see you on Tuesday at the club,” he says as he stands up with his tray.
“I’ll be there. Rest up Tsuneo, good night,” I say goodbye kindly.
I watch him leave the dining hall, head down, as if resigning himself to his fate. I almost feel sorry for him. Almost.
I finish my dinner calmly and then return to my room. My roommate hasn’t arrived yet, which allows me to enjoy a few minutes of precious solitude.
I lie down on the bed, mentally reviewing the day’s events. Tsuneo turned out to be even more malleable than expected; my well-rehearsed act of a friendly mentor quickly earned his trust and admiration. In no time I’ll have him eating out of the palm of my hand.
A creaking of the door opening interrupts my musings. Tatsuya enters sweaty and noisy, as always.
“Makoto, bro! Where were you hiding? We were looking for you to go eat pizza, but you disappeared after school,” he chides me in jest.
“Oh, sorry, I was showing the campus to Tsuneo, the new kid,” I explain naturally.
Tatsuya pulls a face of disgust.
“Seriously? You're wasting your time with that loser. He won’t last long here.”
I shrug with feigned indifference.
“Just trying to be nice. Plus, Tsuneo turned out quite nice once he loosened up.”
He looks at me incredulously and bursts out laughing.
“Yeah, right, whatever you say. Anyway, next time you won’t get out of pizza.”
“Deal, count me in.”