The pain slowly ebbed away. Karen lay still, sprawled tangled amidst her nested blankets as her rapid breathes settled into a solid rhythm.
“Denrol.” She commanded the blood-iron amulet at her clavicle, more out of habit than hope. Her fingers brushed the familiar weight, tangled near dark hairs, then she blearily sat up to peer at the mirror and count whatever mistakes she’d made this time.
A tawny young woman stared back at her through dark eyes, chocolate brown straight locks hanging past her shoulders. No wings or tail disrupted her lean frame, but those were amateur mistakes after all. Other mutations were more subtle, and she counted her digits- fingers and toes, no claws or paws. Karen stared. Her heart skipped a beat, then she lurched to stand, twisting to examine every inch in search of wayward feathers or furry flaws. Only scattered scars and fading bruises marred her human hide.
“I’m perfect.”
She checked again. She’d failed dozens of times by now. But her body was her body. Human.
“I’m perfect!”
Karen hastily donned a slightly ripped set of PJs, before creeping out into the hall. The morning was dim, and winter snow lay thick and fresh outside, but the warm scent of bacon, eggs and conversation escaped the kitchen. She paused outside the door, corner of her mouth twitching, before pouncing in and onto her sire, covering his eyes with both hands.
“Guess who?”
Across the table, her Mom flinched, chair scraping the floor obnoxiously. “Karen! Will you stop doing that!? Haven’t you learned your lesson!”
Ollie chortled at the reaction, coughed through a mouthful of waffle and punched his chest hurriedly.
“Hmmm.” Pa tensed for but a moment, then reached back to find her head with one rough hand. “Long hair. Good mood. Early mornin’. Not a clue, doesn’t sound like anyone under my roof.”
“Rude.” Karen released him, skipped around and gave a vain triumphant spin, “Look- absolutely perfect. No scales or anything!”
“Wow, second time ever,” Ollie chuckled through his chokes..
“Don’t get too excited, you might change. Your lock’s set isn’t it?” Mom worried, scooping a single plate up to escape the table.
“Denrol.” Karen rolled her eyes.
“Denrol!” Ollie boomed.
“Denrol.” Pa intoned, stood and cradled her in a hug, “Good work. You look well. Think you can do it again?”
“Uh, yeah,” She scoffed, “It’s not fluke, it’s skill.”
“That’s good but does it really… need repeated?” Her mother asked gently, pulling some bacon out of the oven. “Why not simply stay like that? If you don’t unlock your amulet then you’re fixed, yes? Human indefinitely, just like you wanted.”
Her cheer evaporated, and Karen sat with a scowl. Like she wanted? Like Mom wanted. “Until the next accident when I’m out of practice, sure. Practice makes perfect.”
“So it was a fluke?” Ollie teased.
“I see.” Her mother pursed her lips, and set a generous plate down for her. “So you’ll change back tonight?”
“Yeah. Pretty hard to sleep or fly otherwise.”
“Well, maybe you need to practise that too.”
“Yeah, and go to school without any sleep, genius.”
“You’d get used to it. You seem quite eager to adapt to anything else.”
“Well maybe I can just sleep how I want in my territory?!”
“If that’s the best for your sleep, then that’s how it is.” Pa rumbled, cutting between the two women. “But give sleepin’ human a shot too. Might surprise you- look at Ollie, he’s been back in his bed all week, no problem.”
Her brother blushed faintly at the praise, “Yeah, but… that’s different.”
“No- you’ve done wonderfully, Oliver. You have as much to be as proud as your sister.” Mom urged, only for him to stand abruptly, shoving his chair back.
“I’m going out for the snow. Greedy guts can handle the rest.”
The abruptness quietened things for a moment, and Karen seized the chance to eat ravenously. Once she had her mouth full, there was no debating with her, and so the lectures and complaints died down. As they only should- she was perfect, what did they have to lecture her about?!
By the time she’d had a proper shower, dried her hair, and dressed for the chill, Ollie’s snowman was as tall as her. A huge boulder of a base had been rolled until he could move it no further, leaving an awkward base that partially blocked the drive. Atop it, a growing mound of snow flared up with branches awkwardly stabbed near the top.
“Nice work. Those antlers?” Karen cocked her head, “You made a wendigo?”
Her brother looked up, panting from rolling another two foot ball of snow, his face red and hair encrusted with flakes. “Huh? Whah? Nah, no, those… haaaah, those are arms. This is his head here. Gimme a hand.”
“Way too ambitious, Ollie. Should’ve tried to make a snow-griffin, much easier.” Karen snickered, watching him try to haul it, slipping in the slush. “What’s the magic word?”
“Anverath.”
The world swam and blurred as her eyes burned, and Karen gasped. The onset of pain was like the heaviness before a storm- not quite setting, but the moment of lightning striking was but a moment away, and she struggled to call together her simulacrum. Humanity. Strumming the guitar. Thrown in the air by Pa. Skipping stones. Watching her mom try a brownie. Splashing in the stream with Maddie. Sitting with Gramma.
The pain quietened by a decibel, even as familiar colours and details lit up the world, and she choked out, “Denrol. Asshole, I almost lost it there!”
“Yeah, but you didn’t. And you were going to change your eyes anyway. Like always..” Ollie sagged, hands on his knees, “C’mon, please sis? I’ll pay you back.”
“Fine. You owe me..” She approached, set her fingers under the snow-boulder, grimaced at the cold and heaved. It took both of them, staggering and wobbling, to get it in place without smashing the rear window of the car. But, once complete, the snowman was as tall as Pa himself, if somewhat lumpy and misshapen.
“Happy? I’ve gotta get to work, can’t play in the snow all day.”
“Work? You worked yesterday.” Ollie glanced over from taking a quick picture.
“Yeah, and I’ve got another job today- and then school tomorrow. It’s bullshit, isn’t it?”
He frowned, “I mean, you did eat a horse and give Gramma a heart attack…”
“Oh, shove off.” Karen slung a snowball at him, and stomped off. Wasn’t she serving penance? Did that have to include constant reminders of her mistake!? Except apparently so, as Ollie hurried to catch up with her, breath billowing out as mist.
“Wait up, I’ll help!”
“What?”
“You helped me- I’ll help at the camp.” Ollie beamed, “And I’ve not seen the camp in ages, it’ll be cool!”
Karen drew herself up, trying to capitalise on the scant inches between their heights, “Oliver I’m a sorceress's apprentice. Magic is no laughing matter for amateurs, with plenty of secrets that you don’t stand a hope of understandi-”
“You just deliver flasks.” He scoffed, “And I know magic- I can turn you into a griffin with a word, right?”
“No, don’t you dare! I spent so long getting ready this morning.” She snarled, upping her pace along the street. “Say the word again, and I’ll chuck you in the lake, griffin or not. And I’m not babysitting you, I’ve got shit to do, so handle your own way home.”
Maybe she was a bit harsh. Ollie followed without much chatter, mainly just making snowballs to try and hit targets like bottles or rival snowmen of smaller size and finer form. The silence was useful though, and Karen fumbled on her phone with chill fingers, bragging to Maddie, and sending a heads up text to Diana that would likely not be noticed. Then Karen switched to a new, different number.
His response was thankfully quick, though unhelpful. <...How big is old griffon?>
Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings.
She gave up texting on the way out to RASA, partly because of Ollie’s teasing about any potential boyfriends, and partly just to focus on the road. The snow turned it to a bog of slush, mud and large tire tracks, requiring attention to not slip and tumble. Her nose and ears stung in the frigid air, but it was still far better than the trainride had been, and the view was good. In winter, there was already a slender sheen of ice across the lake, glittering with all sorts of phantom colours, and they glistened in each individual snowflake that her eyes alighted on.
Further out, the pines provided a shelter for more solid footing, with the occasional drift dropping when Ollie disturbed the precarious snowy boughs. Close to the camp, a few were draped with festive decorations- ornaments of all random sorts, christmas lights, hanging stars. Tinsel and holly adorned plenty of doorframes and roofs, but below that the streets were quagmires, lacking the proper foundations to resist the winter weather and so much footfall. Karen and Ollie virtually hopscotched from mat to paving stone, to gravel to dry spot, until they reached the colourfully adorned staircase that connected the upper and lower halves of Diana’s abode.
“Wow, she doesn’t tone it down, does she?” Ollie giggled excitedly at the mix of tinsel and fairy lights, and wild mural that completely consumed the once beige containers.
“Nope. Carpe Diem, seize the day,” Karen chapped on the door, then leaned back against the railing as an avian squawk came from inside. Then, but a moment later, the door unleashed a gout of warmth, comfort, and Diana’s red haired form, adorned in a patterned blue summer dress, as if ready for the beach.
“Well,” Her eyes sparkled and she clapped hands before the shining fiery gem where Seraphina dwelled. “Look at you!”
“I was perfectly human this morning, but can’t beat my eyes,” Karen bragged, even as her heart dropped slightly. No, it was fine, she’d only barely broken her promise- and Matt wouldn’t tell anyone. “Think I’m getting the hang of it.”
“She is indeed, wonderful progress- ah, good morning O….scar?” Diana cocked her head.
“Oliver. Ollie. Do you not get cold?” Ollie gaped.
“The benefits of being a phoenix.” she lied with a smirk, “Do you want to come in? They don’t look like you’re handling December so well.”
“Nah, here to get deliveries done. Sorry for missing last time- he’s gonna help me catch up, apparently.” Karen explained. “I’ll come round after, if that’s fine?”
“Hmm, will be maybe five before I’m back. How was the other job?” Diana asked idly as she locked up the apartment, and trotted down to the laboratory below.
“Torture. Had to feed horses. Gonna try to fly there in the future.” Karen went over the work mirthlessly, while the witch got out the hefty satchel of Veil, cards, and a scribbled list of addresses. “...this is definitely better. Get to actually learn with you.”
“Glad to hear she’s not satisfied yet. You’ve got good potential, Kay. Catchya later!”
Karen gave an easy wave as she balanced the heavy satchel over one shoulder, and bit back her irritation at the weight. Her veiled form was stronger, if ever so slightly, it felt immature to struggle with something Leah or Diana would handle effortlessly. But she made do, browsed the list of addresses to plan a rough route, then started out down the eastern avenue, explaining as she went.
“So we can’t just chuck Veil everywhere- some folk order it special, it’s all individually addressed. Diana says OAR want to keep an eye on it, apparently, no anonymous potions. And we can’t leave it sitting out like milk, so we post in one of these cards if noone’s home- see?” She produced one of Diana’s crumpled business cards to show Ollie, turned around, and noticed her brother was not there. “Ollie?”
Another turn revealed nothing- other humanoids wandered the street, hustling to conclude business in the snow with heavy scarves and long coats. Were more veiled than usual? Then her eyes found him- still at the door with Diana, his arms folded for warmth, one foot tapping. “HEY! Squirt, come on!”
With a glance, he span, and sprinted to catch up, almost slipping in the muck before catapulting past her. “Fine- come on, slowpoke!”
“We’re delivering to these two though. Don’t get lost!” She snapped, chucking him one Veil, before chapping the caravan door herself. A perplexed big fuzzy mystic peered out, enquired after the other apprentice girl, and brightened on learning that she was the other apprentice girl. Even if Ollie dragged her away mid explanation, it felt good to re-introduce herself to some of the locals with her preferred face, and earned a couple of mince pies from one old lady.
“Isn’t it kinda… bad for business to sell Veil and brag about not needing Veil?” Ollie needled her as he dug into the winter sweet.
“Nah.” She tossed the pastry top aside and nibbled down the fruity interior. “Noone thinks Diana uses Veil. Or the Tohakens. I guess it’s like… a magic brag.”
“Really?”
“Yeah- hey, check us out, we’re so good at magic we can do this. Our potions must be great! Ah- that caravan there, this bottle.”
He took it, peering at the pale lanky mystic inside as they swapped full for empty, then hurried back. “But you don’t know anything about potions?”
“Yeah, neither do you and you’re helping.” She blew a lock of hair aside. “What were you bugging Diana about anyway?”
“A surprise.”
“Oliver. She’s not some school teacher- she’s my employer, you can’t just bug her.”
“What, don’t want a birthday surprise?”
“If magic’s involved? No.” She bristled, “Look, spill. I’ll ask Diana anyway and she’ll tell me.”
“Fine. I was enquiring.” Ollie sniffed.
“That’s not an answer- what about?” Karen dug out another flask.
“Her business, duh. Veil.” He took the bottle and gave a meaningful tap. “Didja know she can make griffin Veil?”
“Well yeah. Of course. We’re living things, don’t have any innate magic cheats, so yeah, good job captain obvious. Wanna guess why I don’t need griffin Veil?”
“Not everything’s about you, sis.” Oliver tutted.
“A birthday surprise probably is though.”
“Yeah, but you wouldn’t use it- we would.” He announced dramatically. “Me, Pa, Mom- could see us as griffins too, and try out your side of things. Maybe Mom’d be less cagey if she’d been one too?”
Karen stumbled, muddy slush splattering her leg as frantic thoughts raced. “Nope, that’s a dumb idea.”
“Wha- come on! What’s the saying- walk a mile in someone’s shoes, you know? It’d help with empathy, stop you snapping at each other.” Ollie urged, “Besides, you’re the one going on about how awesome griffins are, right?”
“Uh, no, I go on about how awesome I am. Some griffins are just dumb as bricks.” Karen snapped, brushing her hair aside with a grimace, “Here, this house, come on.”
The stop gave her a moment to think. Worst case scenario, Veil would trap Ollie and Mom as griffins too, possibly with a body count if they panicked. A ticket to the Dungeon. She passed off the flask to a middle aged minotaur, then resumed the march.
“Look, you know what happens if you feed an animal this kinda Veil? They turn into a human, but they’ve still got the brain of a… dog, or a horse or whatever. You get a freaky feral human for a couple hours, and… a real messed up animal afterwards, okay?”
Ollie arched a dark brow, “Right. And? You do an okay human impression half the time.”
“Shut up- point is, any of you trying Griffin Veil would be the other side of it.” She lied, tension swirling inside. “Awkward griffins bumping into furniture, falling over, it’d be gross, not even funny. So no, no way, you’re banned.”
He scrutinised her, dark green eyes so much like Pa’s, trying to read through. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, it’s just a dumb idea.”
He kept in her way, “Well what about instinct Veils?”
“No, Ollie, that’s-”
“Then we could even fly with you!”
“I SAID NO!” She shoved past her, sending the boy sprawling in the slush as her fingers rubbed her temples. “No. This is my life. There’s no room for other griffins in it, so don’t you dare mess with Veil! Your stuff’s meant to be, like… chess and climbing and whatever you wanna do. Why are you even following and bugging me, I don’t need help!”
Sometimes her vision felt too clear. Ollie gasped up at her, sweat and dirt splattered across his cheeks. His lips worked, squirming anxious as his pulse beat quicker, and his eyes darted.
“But what if… it helped us to share it?” He murmured, hanging his head, “Or helped Mom and Pa?”
“Sorry, Ollie, but… look, we’re fine. What do you think it could help Mom with beyond scaring her to death?”
“I don’t know- I just don’t want them to divorce!” He cried, eyes reddening as tears broke free.
“What!?” Karen gasped, then squatted down low, close to him, “Why would they?”
“Cos… cos we’re too much. Cos Mom’s talked about moving out. Being near Gramma. Because of us.”
Her throat felt dry, and shoulders slumped. Was that where Mom had been when she was locked away in a cell, in court? “I… Ollie, they’re not gonna separate. Like… things are rough now, they’re being pains in my ass, but that’s not on you- they love you! I’m the one messing up and causing problems, you’re fine!”
“Yeah, I’m fine now- what about all of November?!” He cried, an attempt to wipe tears away only smearing more mud, “I was a fucking stupid drama queen for weeks- and for what?! You’ve got actual problems, you’re a big psycho mystic, while I was just… I was just…”
“Traumatised.” Karen breathed, setting hands on his shoulders gently, “Ollie. You were traumatised. That’s just as scary as all my bullshit. You weren’t being dramati-”
“Yes I was- come on, what was I even scared about!? Everybody got lost in the woods, there was some fire, it’s… it’s not a big deal for anyone else!” He yelled, pulling at his jacket, “It’s like… I just stopped talking, stopped playing, nearly stopped eating, just hid away and ignored everyone and… am I just a coward or something? I don’t understand, it’s like I was dreamwalking for a month!”
“Shush, shush, you’re alright.” Karen pulled him urgently into a hug, her heart pounding. What had gone wrong? Matt was meant to have sealed all the memories- though, it didn’t seem as though he’d remembered anything. No, it was more as if he’d noticed the holes, the inconsistency. What if he picked at it, like opening a scab?
“Look, Ollie, you’re being kinda ridiculous right now.” She whispered, mist escaping her lips, “So, here’s three facts. Okay? None of this is your fault. Mom and Pa are never gonna separate. And I love you. And I’m sorry.”
“That’s four.” His tears made his voice waver, and his hair tickled her neck.
Karen gave a choked wheeze. “Yeah, I’m less sorry about shoving you, to be honest.”
“Jerk.” He winced, then used her to climb to his feet, “I don’t get it though.”
“Yeah. But… sometimes you just… something snaps. Like this morning. I shapechanged perfectly.”
“Yeah- you’ve told everyone a hundred times!” Another dismayed laugh broke through his tears.
“Right. And I couldn’t do that the last twenty days. Or… the colours. I can’t describe the ones I see to you. Can you tell me what orange is like?”
“Uh, like red and yellow mixed?”
“No- without reference. Without comparing it to anything.”
He pursed his lips and wiped his eyes, “Uh… like… happy and… kinda cringe. And warm? What?”
“Sometimes you just get a different perspective. That doesn’t make the other view wrong.” Karen tried with a sigh, “Just because you’ve had some good days, it doesn’t mean your bad days weren’t bad. People aren’t that simple.”
Ollie looked at her quietly, green eyes scrutinising until she leaned in, licked a finger, and wiped the smears off his face. “Urgh- get off, I’m not a cub!”
“Nope, you look like a pig. Gross child.” She pinned him and rubbed the grime away, before shoving another flask into his grasp. “Now, come on. I wanna finish up.”
“Fine… but, if not a griffin road trip, you got any birthday ideas? Pa was floating ideas around..”
“Hmmm…. A hunting license?”