Chapter 136

William reluctantly took that book into his hands and wanted to see the answer. Soon, many pages flew between his fingers and his eyes showed skepticism and fear.

Pages were old, yellow, and dry sheets of paper. Some had holes, but with black ink that remained even after many years. It was obvious this book already passed quite a few lifespans of its writer. William kept reading and his expression sometimes changed, unlike his silence that remained.

Old pictures, articles from newspapers, and many drawings littered the pages. Stories, facts, and logic followed many personal texts. William understood quite quickly that he was more ignorant than he assumed and how the past was different.

“This stuff really happened?” He glanced at Ellie, who remained standing aside. Leaning on a shelf, she watched his reactions and enjoyed very few of them.

“Yes. It was a hellish tragedy filled with more tragedies. What followed were drastic times because of politics and other things. It took many decades, but better times returned. Then worse fell on us. Well, a lot of people had it worse. People are terrible, you see. Were? No... I think you would disagree, little Outsider.”

“I would. People are terrifying.”

“I... see. So?”

“I am better off not knowing too much of those... things. I saw enough. What time would be like without those wars of absolutely mad people? It is a war between millions or billions? World War are two words that shouldn't come together, yet.... it is nothing in comparison to the Dawn.” William argued, slapping the book shut and returning it without regrets.

Ellie frowned, crossing her hands on her chest, and wondered what was right and not for this Outsider boy.

“Yeah? No idea what you are blaming. Your inquiry isn't valid or wrong. So what if what ifs happened? The Dawn is here while the past wars were there. And also not really in the past. It is still present, yet these people happened. Are they real? Not really. Not anymore.”

“What are you saying?”

“Aren't your wonders just speculations without answers? Shitty human wars happened all the freaking time. That's the facts of the past that move conflicts, if not some advancements, some dared to say. Silly, I say back. Some texts even depict how the Dawn saved humanity against themselves. Isn't it hilarious?”

“... yes? Perhaps they are correct.”

“You mean the Walkers, right?”

William shook his head. “No. People are shitty. Walkers are still people, so who is right? Maybe this is what is right, but who am I to know it? I grew up stupid if you think what I think, and don't make some words about my Walker status! I lost my parents and grew up where this shitty gem in my hand helped and curse me.”

“Oh, I am not trying anything. Trust me. Also, don't underestimate yourself. In fact, let me say my main point. Wars and terrible times lead to a helpless willingness to bear with them and advance at any cost. Dawn is the same. We crawled back. Humanity can adapt to terrible things quite quickly. There, in those World Wars, advancements in medicine and many technologies increased the research of that time. For what? To kill more people? Perhaps, but that eventually changed and....”

Ellie explained the little good that came afterward, but William already made his choice about it and took her lesson less seriously.

It was like a drop, for it was a darker time in human history. She played with words and reasons because it was centuries-old history and not that prevalent anymore.

“Are you trying to downplay what occurred there?” William asked her, pointing at that book.

“Of course not. It is what we have been for more than just a few decades. I hate it, in some sense. Detached sense.”

“Isn't it ignorant? Outside is... no. Not this. This logic. I hate it. So brutal and illogical.”

“Then what is here? Do you think the Federation is peaceful and Dawn occurred for our good? No. The Federation isn't peaceful and its people aren't angels.”

William wanted to tell something but chose to remain silent. Frustration crept into his mind and arm until he grunted and gave up thinking. This was too much for him.

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“The idea that this hell stemmed from Europe is even more strange. I thought that continent had it always easy since it's so far away from America.”

“Again, you and your opinions and guesses. You are standing in a room that can answer and change your views, William.” Ellie argued, spreading her arms around.

“What change? What need? I... don't know. I don't know anymore.”

William then shut his mouth and didn't want to argue with her about something older than any of them. It was about humanity, so perhaps it wasn't that wrong and detached. He didn't want to accept she might be right. After all, who cared about the abhorrent shits some ancestors did in the middle ages, or even further? What about the great history of China and its ancient dynasties? What was the Mongol Empire? Uprisings? Revolutions?

Even if he wanted to retort and speak his mind, he couldn't do this to Ellie. He knew the harshness that she didn't understand Outside, but what did it matter? Perhaps it was why she was like this. She wanted to see and read his reaction and know if this was a good or bad approach. He feared she was testing him because of something else.

William walked away from her and glanced at different and much better books. Unwillingly, he touched something terrible again.

Depressing, tragic, and totally inhuman were only a few words that came to his mind. Then, he tossed that Art of Warfare back where it belonged.

“Is all history so grim-looking? I think the world we live in is not much different, sure, but that shitty century followed... the hell. Can we make it better?”

“Tragedy is an everyday thing of the past and present. Humans are always like this. Emotional and brutal. We are one of the few creatures in evolution that could be called mad.” Ellie said with unlike stern-sounding words. She even frowned with a heavy expression. “Wanna know why I keep going, even after knowing a lot about this past?”

“Because you want to go forward? For what? No idea. Like every human who wants to live, what choice is there when we want to live? Darks or people, it seems there are no good answers to that question. It sounds weird... similar to the World Wars, as...”

“...real? Yes. That is because humanity lost against the Darks, while we battled against one another for stupid reasons and lost many reasons and lives, words, and so on. It's not a nice argument, isn't it?”

William took a sip from his bottle after ignoring it for the past few hours. Thirst and anxiety got to him after reading stuff he wasn't fond of.

“Humans can be monsters too. With or without the Dawn in sight.” Ellie argued.

“Agreed. What else about it makes it different?”

“You want to discuss this? Why?”

“Why not?” William gave her a long annoyed look.

That was enough for Ellie to shift and change back to normal. “Alright, let's stop with this pessimism. I didn't show this to you and get you all depressed and weird. It is a piece of lesson that is not bad to know.”

“I don't feel sad or depressed. Just angry that it happened in the first place. Humans... I am one, but I feel like there is much to us.”

“We live in a bubble. Our lives are ours and cultures are another bubble. Is there one more bubble? I am not sure. Every one of us is a bubble and we can grow large, glistering, or pop off. We are not too different from some animals, but we butcher them to get so much-needed food. What does it make us? Is it natural, or are we simple primates who got smarter about what is good and best? Is knowledge a curse?”

William frowned again because he knew it. He killed many chickens and rabbits, and it wasn't because he wanted to, but because the need for it was too heavy. Camps wouldn't bear any kind of waste, let alone some hesitation for survival.

A sudden realization came up to William. A lesson that could shape him into a better person or even a basic human in this society.

“Thank you for showing this to me. I will definitely think about it in... my free time. And I am not depressed. Trust me!” William said resolutely. Determination and unknown thoughts were in his eyes.

“Alright. I can accept that, so what do you want to know next? We have many more wars to go through in this alley if you want. Medieval times were crazy, or how about some ancient Rome, Mongolia, or China? Oh, Japan is an intricate one and not as bad as you would think. Not like China, but wars are...” Ellie chuckled when William walked away and ignored her offer.

She showed him many more tags with more names, moving behind him.

Grunting, William rather moved to a different area. One which would not be as depressing. Talking about those wars was enough. Ellie caught up with him and persuaded him to stay. He reluctantly agreed to it under the premise that she wouldn't be playing with him anymore.

She didn't plan for his agreement, so she showed him more sections with general historical values about nations he was interested in. That included continental historical books, detailed explorations, and many guides and stuff about the past nations.

Three hours quickly went by, with books and talks that Ellie enjoyed, while William attempted to enjoy them.

It was a much-needed kick to an ignorant William, who didn't know what was good for him. It was worth the effort to think of it as lessons. And taking lessons had many perspectives. Some of them were pondering, leaving questions and answers, or guessing behind. Others were fine to take for what they always were about.

William kept thinking and reading, going through the book about the importance of America's colonization within the eighteenth and following centuries. He already had this book in his hand for dozens of minutes.

The history of his home place was also within them, with some depictions of Canadian borders that were different, and historically not as deep as those of the United States of America.

“People settled in there for hundreds of years. In the wild, with others, or alone. No electricity. No technology. Just food, farming, killing for food, and drinking the mountainous waters from lakes and ponds. Those are contrasts that I get by. They sound honest, yet almost foreign if we see future technology or the Dawn.” William muttered in insight.

“Not much different from the camps Outside, is it not?” Ellie asked.