Holy fucking hell.

One minute I was at the window seat of a cafe, sipping a cup of flat white, studying the email detailing my first ever paid gig, and then the next thing I knew a truck was barreling towards me and smashed right through the window and then it all went dark.

I expected to die, you know. Just, like, lose consciousness and everything. Being the atheist I was, I was rather sceptical about heaven and hell, but if I did end up somewhere in a burning pit at the bottom of Tartarus or somewhere with an angel strumming a harp, I wouldn't be that surprised.

But I was surprised when I opened my eyes and found myself lying in the middle of a busy cobblestone street, getting almost run over by a horse carriage.

"Holy fuck!" I yelled as I rolled over to avoid dying, a second time.

I earned a few weirded-out glances from people dressed in suitcoats and gowns that I would only expect to see on the prince and princess of English or something.

Where the hell was I, in the middle of a movie set?

I stood up, brushed myself off, and yelled into the crowds, "Uhm, does anyone know what the fuck is going on?"

Everyone stopped and some parents stooped down to cover their children's ears. Oops. I let my dirty mouth run wild again.

"Where are your manners, young lady," chastised a thirty-something woman in an elaborate gown. She looked rich.

"Sorry," I muttered to everyone before hesitantly approaching Ms Elabroate Gown.

"Hello, miss. Can I ask you a question?" I put a hand on her shoulder to stop her.

I was vaguely aware of a circle of guards beginning to surround us. Okay. She clearly was rich then, to have her personal bodyguards.

"Miss? Who do you think you are calling miss?" The woman narrowed her eyes. She cast a disgusted look at my hand on her shoulder, and I quickly retracted my hand.

"Uh, uhm..." What did she want me to call her? Your Royal Majesty?

"Madam?" I tried instead.

She gave me a condescending look that made it clear she thought I was merely a bug.

"You can call me Your Grace, and then apologise for ruining my morning with your impudence, thank you."

Oh, my god. It was at that moment that I realised...

I might have probably, possibly, mayhaps been isekai-ed.

Right. I didn't know what the hell was going on, but I knew I needed to play along with it.

"Right. Sorry. Your Grace." I did my best curtsey, mirroring the princess I saw in the medieval movie I watched last night on Netflix.

She tch-ed and turned to walk away. As she did, the guards also faded back into the busy crowd.

I just stood there, dazed, trying to process my situation.

Was this...for real?

Really?

What the fuck, universe? Why now? Why now, when I finally fought my way through the fuckhole called high school? Why now, when I was finally going to be able to do the one thing I loved?

Fuck you, god. Go to hell, god. I hope you fall in the toilet after you get constipation, god.

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Ugh. So now I was stuck here, with nothing but my Pikachu hoodie and a phone with no internet connection.

What next? What happened in every isekai manga I've ever read? The protagonist was always pretty as hell and people always adored her like she was the goddess incarnate. Right. So I've got to figure out if I was pretty first.

I strode over to the fountain in the centre of the road, peering into it. My reflection stared back at me, the water wavering and shimmering slightly in the afternoon sun.

'I' had stark red hair and brilliant emerald eyes and flawless skin.

My god. Those mangas were right. I was radiant.

"Ariel," I told myself. "From now on, my name is Ariel." Now that I thought of it, it was fun to be able to live a new life. And in a medieval world too! I'd always dreamed of living in the past, to be honest. Besides, it was always good to keep my real name to myself until I had a stable footing in this world. Who knew what kind of psychopath lived in this world?

I felt a bit giddy only I understood the reference to my name in this entire realm.

Right then. Now that I knew I was absolutely the most gorgeous thing to ever exist, I could finally move on to trying to survive this world. Usually, according to the mangas, there was going to be a way to return to the world I came from.

Now, also according to the mangas, it would be incredibly easy to figure out how. I just needed to ask a random passerby and they would somehow miraculously have the information that would conveniently bring me back home-

"Scuse me, sir, but do you know anything that can transport someone to another realm?"

The man looked at me weirdly but answered. "You mean to the Sun Realm?"

"Uhh, yeah, sure." What the heck was the Sun Realm?

He gave me a suspicious look. "There's a portal that would lead you to the Sun Realm in the palace, which can only be accessed with two magical keys. Those are guarded by the Duchess Vianna and the Marquis Cosar."

Holy shit. The mangas were right again. It was so easy I was starting to be afraid that it was too good to be true.

"Right. Thank you, sir. Hey, just a quick last question, you don't say that that is the palace, do you?" I pointed at the gigantic golden-and-white structure looming over the rest of the city.

"Did you hit your head, girl?" He said annoyedly. "Yes, it is." Before walking off and muttering 'idiotic, young people these days'.

Great. So all I had to do was infiltrate the palace and get my hands on these two key thingies, and then I would be freed from this place. Hopefully.

Now, what did the mangas have to say about infiltrating palaces?

Answer: you will miraculously meet a ridiculously rich and powerful noble in the middle of the streets who will take a liking to you and will take you into the palace immediately.

Right. So I just wait for my Prince Charming/Princess Gorgeous to show up. Meanwhile, I was going to go buy some new clothes, because I was beginning to freak everyone out in my hoodie and shorts. Besides, the gowns that everyone was wearing were stunning. I couldn't wait to try some on myself.

After some cautious directions from some citizens (who probably thought I was a lunatic), I found the dress shop called Miss Debbie's and pushed the door open. It smelled of floral perfume inside, and it was bustling with ladies fawning over different dresses.

Silently, I went over to the closest rack and picked out some of the good stuff, then slinked into the changing room. I was sure if I got caught by the shopkeepers in my strange outfit, I would be booted out in a second.

I changed into a green dress that looked suspiciously like a long-sleeved version of Anna's coronation dress from Frozen and stared into the mirror. Nah. I looked too...plain. If I was going to infiltrate the palace, I was going to dress the part. Besides, I didn't need to worry about money. Not at all.

So I went back outside, much more confident this time, and grabbed a white fur coat from one of the racks. Next, I tried on some shiny black high heels, a pair of unnecessarily large earrings and a diamond necklace. I tied my hair into a bun at my nape.

Then I strode out of the store looking like a owned everything I was wearing. Nobody stopped me.

Yes! Mission accomplished. Mission-steal-some-clothes-which-are-probably-10009909233-dollars-from-a-shop-that-was-just-trying-to-do-its-job.

It was fine. When I became the new princess or some shit as they did in the mangas, I would pay them back three times.

I was taking a whiff of the strangely sweet air of this new realm when I rounded the corner, and I didn't have time to stop before I crashed into someone. It was Ms Elaborate Gown. This time she had two young women standing behind her.

"You again!" Elaborate Gown said.

I regained my footing and mumbled a quick sorry.

"How dare you!" Said the brown-haired woman from behind. "Say sorry to Duchess Vianna properly, now!"

I froze on the spot.

Did she say-

Duchess Vianna?

Wait, wait. Did I actually just randomly bump into a ridiculously rich and powerful noble in the middle of the streets, twice?

Holy christ, those mangas are more accurate than history textbooks.