It took a week for Ezo to finish reading all of Jacob’s journals. There was a lot of information about his journeys and passions, but nothing about his personal life. No mention of Ezo. No mention of Fairhills or his parents. It was the account of an elementalist and nothing more.

Not that it wasn’t a valuable resource, but Ezo needed his uncle’s personal journal. He still hadn’t found it.

He set down the last journal and rubbed at his tired eyes. Mountainkeep was quiet, and he had no idea where Remec and Kammon were. Ezo needed to move, though, to get out of the dark rooms and stand in the sun for a few minutes.

He left the library and headed outside.

It was late afternoon, and a cool breeze drifted through the area. Ezo walked away from the entrance and down a trail that led further into the trees. A river ran through the woods, and Ezo followed the path toward it.

He closed his eyes when he reached the water’s edge, listening to it bubbling over rocks and fallen logs. The sun fell on his face, and his shoulders relaxed. He stretched his arms up over his head and twisted a bit. He needed to remember to do this more often.

When he looked around, he realized a figure was sitting on a rock in the middle of the river.

“Kammon?”

Kammon had his eyes closed, his hands resting in his lap. He looked up slowly, taking a moment to find Ezo.

“Ezo, are you okay?” Kammon asked.

Ezo smiled. “I’m fine. Stiff. I came out for a walk. What are you doing out here?”

Kammon pointed at his chest. “If I meditate a few times a week, this thing inside me is quieter.”

“I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

The bubbling grew louder as blocks of earth burst from the surface. “Join me.” Kammon offered.

Ezo jumped across the steps that his lover had created, and sat with his back against Kammon’s. The stepping stones fell into the water, and it quieted again.

“What can I do to help?” Ezo asked. “You won’t let me try to heal it.”

Kammon tipped his head slightly, and Ezo felt the soft brush of his hair against his ear. It tickled, and he smiled, though he refused to move. This was nice. They’d spent every day reading, and Ezo only slept when Kammon forced him away from the books, exhausted.

“Trained healers have tried, Ezo. Including Alvrey.”

He frowned at the mention of her. He felt guilty for leaving them the way he had, but he still believed he’d done the right thing.

“How did it happen?” Ezo asked. “You don’t talk about your past. Tell me.”

Kammon’s back expanded against his as he took a deep breath. “It’s not a happy story. I don’t remember my younger days. I was a street rat. They found me when I was seven and brought me to the University. I had a hard time of it. I wasn’t very trusting, and I had more power than my teachers.”

“They were afraid of you.”

“Very, and I knew it. Not only was I still growing strong, but it was fire, and most of my teachers couldn’t touch it. It’s a rare element to have a talent for.”

Stolen story; please report.

“It’s not my strength either,” Ezo admitted.

“So when I finished university, I became War-Sworn. That was when I felt this for the first time.” Kammon tapped on his chest again. “I assumed it was part of the Vow, this creature that feeds off my power. It seems stupid now, but I didn’t trust anyone enough to ask about it. And everyone knew about the drain that happened after you took the oath.”

“The drain?”

“The exhaustion. At first, there was no negative drawback to it. I was stronger and able to defend our kingdom better. After a year, though, I noticed how tired I felt. All the time. It wasn’t just when I pulled on too much magic. The reserves that I had always been proud of were depleted, and I couldn’t hold the power as long as I had been able to.”

“The Vow made you stronger but had long-term consequences.”

Kammon nodded. “For me, it grew steadily worse. I learned to use large bursts of power to subdue my enemies, so stamina wasn’t a problem.”

“What changed?” Ezo asked. “You believed in what you were doing. That you were fighting for something good. You wouldn’t have gone to war if you hadn’t.”

“It happened too many times. News came in after we were told to attack that they’d wanted to talk peace. Or we learned that the soldiers had all been moved away, and there were nothing but civilians in the cities we destroyed. I couldn’t live with that.”

“It wasn’t your choice to hurt people, Kammon,” Ezo said. He couldn’t understand why Kammon joined the War-Sworn, but he knew his lover.

“Every. Single. Time. It was my choice. I could have said no. I could have asked more questions. I should have asked more questions. By the time I realized those in power wanted this destruction, I had already killed so many people. How many of those were innocents, Ezo? How many just wanted to go about their lives? When did my orders go from defending my home to invading someone else’s?”

Ezo didn’t know how to answer that. Instead, he groped around until he found Kammon’s hand and twined their fingers together in a silent offer of support.

“They wanted us to take a village and they’d grown used to me following orders. To me overpowering everyone and not having to risk our men. I’d started to question as we traveled, though. I saw the faces of the people on the side of the road. They were exhausted from war and afraid for their lives. They clung to each other as we passed, hidden in the trees and bushes. They whispered my name in awe and fear. I wasn’t a soldier. I was a weapon of mass destruction.

“And when they told us to take that village, that was all I could see. I offered my sword, but that’s not what they wanted. So I walked away. They ordered their soldiers to stop me, but there was nothing they could do. The War-Sworn I had fought with understood. Only one stood against me.”

“Who would be so stupid?”

“Salinger. It’s why he attacked me like that in Prama. He couldn’t build a shield strong enough to hold off my attacks and he thought I was toying with him. I knew they’d send the War-Sworn in without me, so I didn’t want to injure him. Ultimately, I knocked him out the same way I did Voth.”

“You could have hit him a little harder,” Ezo grumbled. Salinger was a pain in the ass, and Ezo wasn’t feeling sympathetic toward the man who had Kammon shot.

Kammon let out a soft snort. “When I left the War-Sworn, I needed to find some way to use my power that wasn’t destructive. We’re taught to use fire as a destructive force and not much else. I’d watched others build, though, and I wanted that. I could play with all the elements already, but I hadn’t mastered anything but fire. So, I started with earth and added the others as I could. I dedicated myself to that as a way to be something besides a weapon.”

Ezo let go of Kammon’s hand and turned around. Kammon turned to face him. “You’re a hell of a lot more than a weapon,” Ezo said. “No one could deny how strong you are in a fight, but I’ve seen you help people, Kammon. I would be dead if you hadn’t stepped in at Mason Creek. You helped me save that town. You can’t undo the past, but you need to remember who you are now.”

“And who am I?” Kammon asked.

“Mine,” Ezo answered with a smile. “And you know I wouldn’t keep a weapon around.”

“No, but you do attract trouble.”

“So, you’re attracted to me?” he teased.

Kammon smiled, which was all Ezo could ask for at that moment. It wasn’t everything in Kammon’s past. He hadn’t talked about the scars on his body or the nightmares that woke him some nights, but it was a good start.

Kammon leaned closer to Ezo, brushing his lips against Ezo’s temple. “The things I want to do to you, Raven.”

His voice trailed off, and Ezo shivered. “Show me.”

Ezo pressed their lips together. Kammon pushed his fingers through Ezo’s hair to grip the back of his head and keep him close. When Kammon’s free hand slipped under Ezo’s shirt, he didn’t stop his lover.

And if Remec found them in a less-than-presentable state, he had enough common sense to walk away.