My heart beats thunderously in my chest, my hands shaking and sweat dripping down my brow as the situation finally begins to kick in. My feet are in the process of wearing trench into the grass, dirt, and leaves underneath my feet as I frantically pace. My pack is off to the side a bit, leaning up against a tree as I really didn't want to deal with carrying it around when I began my frantic pacing about ten or so minutes back.
My vitality, it isn’t coming back, and I don’t think it ever will. It might be too soon to tell though. Only a couple of hours have passed but the lack of change in my reserves is only making me more worried. Even focusing as much as I could, I was unable to find any difference. My vitality is still at the same level it is after I enforced and modified my personal barrier.
Why did my patron not inform me of how my vitality did not replenish? Was this part of their experiment? I already know that the being did not care for me at all aside from the potential information it could get from me, and I am already sure that my patron already got the information that they needed from me. That could be a reason, it just didn’t think telling me was important, needed, or even necessary.
Heck, I’m roughly ninety percent sure that the reasons that my power lines up with my twisted view of true heroism along with the isekai is due to pity and how little effort it probably took the being. A thought that is not exactly comfortable, but regardless of the reasons, I am still thankful for the new opportunities and power granted to me. Even if the power is a double edged sword and that I could really use some more information so that I don’t die out here.
I clench my shaking hand into fists and take a deep breath, holding it for a couple of seconds before releasing it while unclenching my hands. I wasn’t feeling any better in any fashion, but the pause caused by the action helps me to change gears. It is time to stop trying to psychoanalyze cthulhu. I have absolutely no idea how beings on that level operate or even comprehend the existence or non-existence that surrounds them. Doing so is only futile and a waste of time. I have some more important and immediate problems to focus on.
What exactly did my patron mean by vitality when they granted me these powers? Vitality has several definitions, and I have absolutely no idea what any of them are. Who would for that matter? Nobody ever remembers the dictionary definition of a word, much less for a word like vitality which is barely used in any form of normal conversation. However, my inability to remember was eating me up inside, remembering the definition is something that would drastically help me understand what the hell I was using to fuel my abilities.
My patron could easily mean a definition from a dictionary, but it could just as likely mean something else entirely and my brain just translated that concept into vitality as that is the closest thing I understood to the concept my patron meant. I was dealing with an eldritch abomination of unknown abilities, alignment, and existence. I know better than trying to sort out that mess, madness lies that way.
So I should ignore all that and focus on what I know about the concept of vitality. I only had my own notions of vitality from the various media sources I have read and played. I have been treating my vitality as if it was similar to hit points in a video game, and that is clearly not the case, because if it was similar then I would have regained at least some of my vitality by now. I hadn’t though, and I will be dealing with the consequences for the rest of my existence. Perhaps I should start thinking of vitality as something similar to a primary stat in a video game like strength rather than a secondary stat like health.
Video games and other popular media like books tend to frame vitality as a life force that is more tied to the physical body than the soul, which is a thing, and generally is something that the character's health is based off of along with ties to the character’s ability to resist abnormal status conditions like poison. A bit like constitution but more mystical and nebulous.
The whole idea of vitality being a primary stat does work with my current experiences with vitality, as miniscule as that experience is. Instead of spending health, stamina, or mana, I would be permanently decreasing a stat for powerful effects like my personal barrier, the creation of viable food and drink, and even resurrection. I have run across items and abilities that permanently decrease a primary stat before across all different types of media, mainly video games and books to be honest, but the idea does exist.
It would also line up with the core theme of my powers, sacrifice and martyrdom. The temporary sacrifice that I had assumed my powers to be earlier don’t quite fit in with my depressed twisted idea of true heroism, to give up all that is one’s self to protect those that you care for. This however fits right in as permanent sacrifices of something that is intrinsically part of yourself is more or less the name of the game.
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I take some more deep breaths and finally begin to slow down my frantic pacing before finally coming to a stop. The whole train of thought I just had was minutes in the making and heavily hindered by the amount of anxiety and fear I was and am currently feeling. Thankfully reaching the end was useful in getting me to calm down as I finally have a more accurate understanding of my powers… I hope.
This changes all of my plans. Every single one, with the ones being more important to my survival being heavily changed. I need to ration my vitality as much as I can. I don’t want to die, not from vitality depletion, not from selfish use, not before I leave a lasting impact on somebody’s life for the better.
When I wanted to die only a few hours ago, I wanted my death to mean something, to make a positive impact in the world. A bit of a weird want, but it kept me alive, it was a reason not to die just yet. Not a reason to live, a very big difference in my mind, not so much in others. It also helped that situations where a casualty would result in a positive impact upon the world are extremely rare.
The tight feeling that I get in my chest wherever I talk about uncomfortable topics rears its ugly head and warns me off further contemplation. I never really liked acknowledging the fact that I want to go down in what is essentially a blaze of glory, leaving all of those that I care about behind leaving a hole in the life of those who care for me. A care that I hated myself for returning so little of what I have received.
I take a shuddering breath and do my best to turn my thoughts away from the topic. I would contemplate that later when I was sure that I was safe and under absolute privacy. It hurts enough as it is and I don’t want it to hurt more.
Another shuddering breath followed by a shaky exhale, a cycle establishes itself until my breathing is smoother and my mind a smidgen less fragile and much less prone to getting myself killed off in some dumb and equally useless way.
Alright, I need to get back on topic.
The dulling of my senses and mind as slight as they are now will only worsen the more I use my vitality. I despise the idea of losing more of my senses or having my mind dulled even more, but even then I prefer to live with dulled senses then to die a meaningless death
The need to learn about mana and the magic here, assuming that this world operates off of mana instead of some other energy, is greater than ever before as using my vitality to defend myself constantly is no longer possible. I would likely die within the week, especially because I only have so many supplies and barely enough combat knowledge to make sure that I don’t impale myself with my sword by accident.
Magic, if it exists, and it should according to what I know from my patron, as dubious as that information is now, is what will allow me to protect myself and others, to make life easier for me, and possibly even allow me to make some stuff. The idea of enchanting and making magical items is something that I have always loved. That love tended to bleed over into the games that I play and the characters that I create.
My mind flits about like a hummingbird before it unexpectedly latches onto an idea. Stat boosting items typically exist in most fantasy settings in some shape or form. Typically they are more prominent in worlds with systems, which I have no idea if this world does or doesn’t, but if they do exist I am going to have to see if I can enchant something to increase vitality. That would give me some buffer when it comes to using my vitality up as I wont technically be using my personal vitality. The whole idea is a bit of a stretch though, I have no evidence that stat boosters even exist in this world, nor do I even have an idea about the prevalence of magic in society on this world, for all I know magic could be shunned.
I sigh and collect myself before shaking my body out, ridding it of some jitters that had started to creep up on me. I need to stop going off on tangents about what ifs, my survival is more important. Luckily, my bag is in the same place that I left it and seems untouched. I doubted that anything would be able to sneak up to me normally, but I was freaking out earlier, and am currently an anxiety and fear ridden mess. In a magical forest filled with unknown creatures, I don't doubt that there might be some form of ambush predators and prey creatures that have camouflage capabilities. I could have easily missed several obvious indicators that something is nearby while I was panicking.
My gaze searches the surrounding trees and finds nothing, though at this point the lack of creatures only unnerves me. I haven’t noticed any smaller creatures in the forest so far, only the birds and the insects. I would have imagined that there had to be squirrels or other small critters in this forest, but I still haven’t noticed any. Nor have I come across any larger wildlife, but that is probably for the best. Who knows what is out there in this world.
I take my time getting myself ready to travel again, this time making sure that I have more than just my staff at the ready. Chances are that I am going to end up using my sword despite my inexperience. My staff is definitely not enough to protect me from the denizens of the forest and I doubt that my sword will be enough either. I really don’t want to use more of my vitality but life rarely if ever goes according to plan.
With my bag once again secured onto my back, my staff in hand, and sword on hip, I set out once more into the forest. I hopefully have a couple more hours until sunset, before I have more problems to deal with and darkness to contend with.