Egoia, 1, Lotus in the grass field

Anytime during the day i can look outside the windows at the guards as they patrol the grand wall with their figures standing against the red eventually coming together as they make their rounds to briefly form one shape but it always ends in separation. Do you understand. She is asking me something but i havent been paying attention and she wears white as the clouds do to stand out from the vastness of an empty sky thoughtfully shading us from the sun whose rays we welcome after periods of cool darkness but soon grow tired of as we sweat under its piercing stare. So long as you promise not to do it again you may now leave with everyone else. What have i done for i was busy exploring within this classroom yet i havent moved but most grownups punish you for this during long days of lessons you might slip away for a few seconds to relieve your mind of all the weighty facts and memories that serve to bag us all down like a few others in my class try escaping but none with their eyes open like i can in this classroom i am present and trapped between rows of desks and observed by the chalkboard and intimidated by the teachers desk as i look up at the ceiling there is no trace of sky just a reflection of the wooden floor below and barred windows tease me with everything held beyond reach but still i know a door exists across the forest of faces that will wrap itself around me and so i nod. Good now run along. I join the flow pouring out into the halls and then below into the craters now is when im really able to explore like how im satisfied stealing a few glances to the boy i have a crush on throughout the morning until eventually im able to bask in full awe of his beauty as he gets called to the front of our classroom for whatever reason and his mouth moves but i hear nothing as the sight alone renders me deaf and soon even my vision fails but i close my eyes to lie down and begin exploring the grass field. Hello and who are you. There are always interruptions but this crushed feeling of my chest as i stare up at the boy ive been cherishing disables my will to speak as i find his eyes the same green as everything ive been desperate to explore to at once bring me back to the field as i fall on my knees and slam my fists and direct my curses toward the ground. My name is hymn. I already know your name and i dont bother facing hymn but looking to the heavens is the best replacement i can think of as i tell hymn my name and hope he remembers me since we are in the same class. Lotus is a pretty name and where did your parents find one of those. Everyone asks this but how should i know since i have no parents to ask yet i dont respond rudely since hymn likewise couldnt possibly have known. But everyone has parents. On second thought its true everyone has parents youre absolutely right i should think im simply missing the knowledge of mine rather than having none and what positivity and all from your beauty ill claim this insight was found. Youre lucky mine are scary. All this time ive been lucky but can it be true we all want what we dont have so hymn and i must have corresponding views on the matter of parents as the chill of winter is always welcomed by those who tire of summers love and the other way around. Do you want to play with my dolls. I cant help look to hymn calmly judging his features at last without the previous ecstasy distorting him into divinity and ponder what sort of boy plays with dolls and memorize the contrasting black hair swung over pale skin and light freckles balanced across a delicate nose on which rest his two natural eyes that emanate a comfortable warmth and i want to reach up to feel his cheeks and within his subtly curved lips plant my own firmly and this sort plays with dolls and i would rather simply play with him yet i feign interest. This one is apple and she is my favorite but you may hold her. I see a fellow vegetable in this doll perhaps formed by its mother casually holding a snack as she rested in bed and everyone must think how was a lotus brought to my own when only from stories and picturebooks can one identify a lotus as none have actually been seen and in my hands i feel the connection to a divine hymn ready to possess me and write down its melody from which only angels may hope to one day sing as apple parts the clouds to deliver news of this miracle to the creator itself and faces all around only dare hope witness a moment of our bond growing stronger and the bells ring out and apple falls above into the sky with my own drops trailing and we return to the lady of the clouds. How was your play everyone. She knows it was as grand as the walls that confine us and their gaping faces produce just as grand a wall of sound in answer to the clouds thunder and i feel the burden of time without the sweet hymn to lock eyes with. It is time for rest now so grab your helmets everyone. Cursed devices cannot contain my exploration if i select the numbered eleven helmet for this one is disabled and i always manage first pick by careful positioning as the clouds roll in and we all lie on wooden planks worn smooth from sighs and tosses and turns as minutes comes to pass i pretend to sleep and wait for the hymn to quiet down and i reach out to grasp its hand and pray for its acceptance. Lotus do you want to hold hands. I do and that is why im holding your hand but i cant possibly form any words. Its okay. You never explore and neither do they and its only through my wandering around the endless grass field that i find true accomplishment as i see only walking headless corpses refusing to stop their daily lives as they cannot see a thing past the dirt of their faces left abandoned below their feet and why am i alone in this field when its wind ripples the tops of grain or how i ride the breeze to and from this school and firmly i find myself drawn to an area of the field lower than all the rest which i discover a halfway exposed chest not yet birthed from the ground that requires a certain key to unlock which no doubt contains the most valuable treasure ill ever find but forward and back and all around there is nothing more to see and so the chance of ever finding the key seems at first unlikely but a single ray shining far out begs for my patience as i push through the stems of grass and past stalks of reed and into bushes and between the slim trees paced with roots walking through mud until the light has disappeared and i find myself exhausted from staying so far below a flood of mist that obscures all the towering trees and my enslaved flesh collapses against a trunk as wide around as i am found tall or lying down beneath the cool and smoothed surface my cheeks seek love and within seconds i am brought to a deep state of awareness as nothing feels the same as any other thing when one is sitting still and barely i emit the sightly particles needed to study my own health as a young lotus sprouts from my stomach and my clothing as if hot metal and flakes of ash build a naval base as the petals emerge spiralling outward from a bulb so perfectly arranged and they continually die and give birth to yet more when soon an infinitude of their fair forms establish a sphere that takes in all what little visibibility i have kept safe from the distant pale twin hidden on top of this land that searches for the returning glow of my skin. Ah you are lost?