The light.
I could feel a warmth on the right side of my body.
It must be the warmth of the… Sun?
Impossible.
If the source were tungsten filament bulbs, I should feel it directly above me.
So then, what is it?
Before I could ponder, the light, along with its warmth left me. Replaced by the sensation of a heavy blanket being pulled up around my neck.
Ah…
It must be night… time for bed.
Just when I thought I could untense, I felt the peculiar sensation at my side again.
Thank the Stars… I was beginning to sweat under there. My body feels all gross and sticky…
Ah!
A cold hand- no, wait, it’s a damp towel! Someone is blotting my skin!
This feels nice…
Ugh… All this freon I've perspired is made my back itchy. I don’t suppose?
Eh… yeah, that’s probably asking too much when you’re in a coma… or whatever you could consider this catatonic/hibernation state that I’m in.
The blanket already- how long has it been? W-Wait, come back! I can hear your footsteps!
Oh! I just realized my acoustic sensors are functioning!
Strange... I never heard any voices.
Huh? The light already? But I just got the blanket!
Wait, give me a few more minutes! I’m cold-! P-Please give me back the blanket!
WHA!? WET-WARM!? I didn’t just… wet the bed… did I!?
No this is just the rag again, but it's warm water this time!
You scared me, err, whoever you are…
Wait…
Wait- wait! H-Hold up! A-Am I… naked!?
Huh? T-The Sun is gone? Or is it the lights!?
Where’s my blanket? I’m c-cold… w-wait, now I’m warm! T-Too warm! Am I submerged in hot water - a bath!?
If I c-could just o-open my eyes. If I could just signal to the h-hand touching m-me!!
“Good morning. Sleep well? I hope you won’t mind…”
As my eyes began to crest open, I noticed a pair of arms drifting over the water’s surface dangling lazily over my shoulders. Three limbs in total, only one belonging to myself. I was in a bathtub with someone cradling me from behind, but that was not the real reason for my concern; it was because my right arm was nowhere to be found.
“Fragile p-please! Don’t freak out! It’s okay! Everything is okay!”
Turning my neck to its fullest extent, I found Lux, wide-eyed, staring back at me.
“H-How did I get here!? What’s going on!? Are we back at Base!? What happened!? Why are you here!? Where is everyone!?”
My mouth went a mile a minute, but my mind couldn’t keep up. The fatigue pulled at my body like an anchor. Had Lux not been there, I would have surely drowned in the small steel tub in only a foot and a half of water.
“Shh~shh~,” She soothed, placed a palm over my forehead hinting for me to lay back. “You’re home. I've got you. Everyone made it. Everything is going to be alright. Just lie back now. Let me take the wheel for a little while longer.”
Trembling, I found myself reluctant to accept anything without seeing my friends in person, but after a hard minute of hesitance, I obeyed, for I had been long past my limits and no longer possessed the strength to hold myself upright.
“The Mayor assigned me to your triage and therapy. She… I mean… Miss Tesla wanted me to express her gratitude for completing your Mission… but… you probably done really want to hear about that sorta stuff, huh?”
I opened my mouth to speak even though I wasn’t exactly certain what I would say. Had I known it wouldn’t have mattered for my throat gave out on me entirely. The result; a croaky puff of air that triggered a stifled chuckle and a series of gentle head pats.
“You know… I really wanted to thank you for getting that medicine for me… Without it, I wouldn’t be here right now… a lot of people wouldn’t be here right now. We’re so fortunate to have you… we’re the… fortunate ones…”
In opening my mouth again, Lux was already ten steps ahead of me. She knew precisely what it was I wanted to ask, before I could even think of where to begin.
“The common cold here is about as good as the bubonic plague. That’s why we have so many decontamination protocols… especially for the Jünkers; ah, I mean our salvage teams when they return… but you slept through that. Don’t worry. This is just your weekly cleanse. I’m sure it beats Faust using the rag and lavender water.”
Listing my head to the side, my eyes lazily drifted along the foamy suds as a surreal sense of peace washed over me, taking care to avert the sight of the raw metal socket of where my right arm used to be.
“Tesla won’t release the Debriefing to the public… I’m sure it’s for a good reason…” Hesitating, I felt her chin rest upon my crown. “I don’t know where I’m going with this… I should be happy you’re back here… with me… I just… *huck*.”
Although I could only tell the tears were flowing by a gentle pitter-patter of droplets running down the base of my neck, I knew Lux wasn’t just crying; she was sobbing, desperately trying to hold back through pure resolve.
I gave it my best attempt to voice my reassurance, even though I had none to begin with. Instead, I meshed my fingers between hers, and squeezed firmly. All I could think about; Where’s Lotte… Where’s Slate… Hell… What happened to Petra- the citizens of Providence. We left a city under siege… we…
We may have fetched the medicine, completed out objective… but this felt like no victory. Not when the casualties are still piling in my absence.
“It’s not your fault.” She choked, pulling me in closer. “I know you want to go back- but… there’s nothing to go back to. You saved our lives; can that please be enough? I don’t want to lose you again.”
Helplessly, I let out something close to a wry laugh, though it was entirely unintentional.
Not to sound cold; just what was I to her? Were those brief conversations really all that meaningful enough to cause such a heartache?
I can’t see myself being worth that much to someone else other than my strategic value as a Soldier.
My mechanical heart aches even with my pain receptors having been toggled off.
I don’t like this.
I’d rather feel anything but ‘THIS’.
If only I could define... 'THIS'...
Never before have I found it this impossible to collect myself; me, a hardened Soldier. A Sniper; as personal as a Soldier can be on the battlefield. Having seen the faces of my targets and the aftermath through the magnification of my scope, even my damaged neural drive can keep track of my ghosts and the emotions they illicit.
“Fragile…” Lux sniveled as she pulled her arms into my chest, meshing our bodies together. “I don’t know what to say that would make you understand where I’m coming from… I’d blame my short lifespan… I’d blame the ignorance of my youth… I’d blame my jealousy, my curiosity and my lust… everything that makes me ‘me’ or maybe even how chaotic life just is… but… if I don’t say it now, I may never get the chance- and I can’t live like that!”
As Lux spoke her voice became strained and only up until now, I realized that my grip had doubled if not tripled in strength beneath the murky water spiced with tea-leaves. Even after I released and rubbed the webbing between her fingers, I knew she had found no reprieve.
“I… Lo…”
Butterflies swarmed my stomach, pushing forward until they threatened to squeeze between my teeth. I felt as if I were to open my mouth even in the slightest, I would vomit, but Lux’s fettered nerves beat me to it.
In a single bound, she leapt from the tub seated inside the familiar communal bathing chamber where I had been introduced to Lotte… who had been standing in the doorway all along.
Stammering, Lux nearly tripped over her own feet as she came to a skidding halt. “L-Lottie! W-What are you doing up and about!? Where’s Faust!? Isn’t she taking care of you!?”
“Das ist nicht wichtig, bitte. I could ask you the same.”
“W-Well it IS Fragile’s turn to use the bath. I did requisition it today a week in advanced like I always do!”
Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings.
“It appears you are leaving, bitte?”
Audibly choking, Lux took a single step back from the edge of the tub only to plant herself on her rear.
“Is something the matter, bitte? Have I interrupted?”
From the cover of the tub’s steel wall, I hid my disbelief as Lux shot a glance towards me.
“N-No, I-I mean, F-Fragile is a little shy so I err-!”
(No, Lux, no! Lotte knows that’s a bullshit lie!)
“B-But, I guess if you wanna join us; there’s not really room for more, but you’re small enough...”
And just like that; here we are; three peas crammed uncomfortably in a tub. By now, the water had grown cold and although my skin is artificial, it was still subject to pruning. Lotte had manned the helm with her feet over the edge in a position that caused her to lean back into me along with her vertebrae shaped spinal implant, while Lux effectively sandwiched me into position, preventing me from going under.
Like a kingpin, once Lotte had plopped herself into my lap, there would be no feasible way to escape as the curvature of the vintage tub was at its greatest width towards the rear.
[Operator: CMD//System.Inquiry: Logic]
[PrimalOS: System.Inquiry – Report: System Logic Module not responding. Fault(s) Detected!]
Unintentionally, I sighed directly on Lotte’s neck causing a rolling shiver to visibly roll up from below the waterline.
“Prinzcessin, b~bitte!”
"(Sorry Lotte.)"
Apologizing beneath a whisper, I shifted uncomfortably as her large faceted implant brushed against my thigh.
The tension mingled with the humidity as Lux's words ran on repeat in the back of my head.
‘I Lo.’ There’s only one thing I can imagine that would complete that sentence. I’ve read about such situations in literature during my service as a Sniper for the Commonwealth Liberation Brigade.
‘I love you.’
That was her answer to what I had been wracking my brains about for over the past fifteen minutes.
Love…
I still don’t understand my worth to her… or perhaps I’m letting my imagination get the better of me. ‘I lo-ng for companionship?’ ‘I'm lo-nely?’ Err- Lux is a doofus, but she doesn’t have a speech impediment. Maybe she simply stopped short in seeing Lo-tte?
Before I knew it, I found myself scrubbing Lotte’s back, finding patterns in the scars of her fair complexion.
“Rose…” I squeaked faintly in my half-attentiveness.
“Prinzcessin?” Lotte repeated, shrinking herself down in embarrassment.
“Huh, you’re right!” Lux chimed in. “That scar on your shoulder does look like a Rose!”
With a faint grunt of displeasure, Lotte balled herself up even further, creating an opening in which we might be able to escape, although Lux had something else on her mind.
“Lottie, have you been using that herbal cream I made for you? A pretty little dolly shouldn’t be all banged up like this; even if you’re a little scrapper like the rest of the boys.”
“Faust applied the ointment. This is just how I am, bitte.”
“You best not be fibbing! You know I’ll ask Faust once we get out of here- speaking of which…” Lux hinted as she scooted her feet further apart.
Seemingly out of nowhere Lotte uncharacteristically made her intent known. In laying back to her small frame’s extent, I became a sardine in a tin can.
(She had to have overheard and came to my first conclusion… there’s no way this little Brat doesn’t realize my freaking thighs are killing me!)
“Je ne mens pas~” Lotte sighed almost sarcastically. “Go ahead. Ask her.”
[ᴀᴜᴛᴏ ᴛʀᴀɴsʟᴀᴛᴇ sᴇʀᴠɪᴄᴇ - ʀᴇᴘᴀɪʀs ᴄᴏᴍᴘʟᴇᴛᴇᴅ: sʏsᴛᴇᴍ ᴏɴʟɪɴᴇ]
[ᴀᴛs: ɪ ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ʟɪᴇ.]
“Lottie! Did… did you overdo it on the Tank-Chocolate? What’s wrong with you!? You’re gonna drown poor Fragile! She can’t talk very well yet!”
“Peut-être que j'ai fait… Qu'est-ce que c'est pour toi, Chien?”
[ᴀᴛs: ᴍᴀʏʙᴇ ɪ ᴅɪᴅ… ᴡʜᴀᴛ’s ɪᴛ ᴛᴏ ʏᴀ, ᴅᴏɢ?]
[ᴏᴘᴇʀᴀᴛᴏʀ: ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴏᴜᴛʜ ᴏɴ ᴛʜɪs ɢɪʀʟ!?]
[ᴏᴘᴇʀᴀᴛᴏʀ: ᴏʜ… ᴛʜᴀᴛ’s ʀɪɢʜᴛ… ʟᴏɢɪᴄ…]
[ᴏᴘᴇʀᴀᴛᴏʀ: ɴᴇᴠᴇʀᴍɪɴᴅ.]
“H-Hey! I can tell when you’re being cheeky even if you never speak with inflections! A-And I’m not a Dog! I’m a Hyena, they're not even in the same genus! Besides, my ears are not nearly as ambiguous as your Syncro-Band, ya little Fox!”
Syncro-Band? Lux is aware of the functionality of Lotte’s implants?
I wonder…
[ʀᴀᴅɪᴏ ғᴏ̨ – ᴏᴘᴇɴ ʙʀᴏᴀᴅ sᴘᴇᴄᴛʀᴜᴍ ᴄʜᴀɴɴᴇʟ:…]
[ᴄʀɪᴛɪᴄᴀʟ: ɪʀʀᴇᴄᴏᴠᴇʀᴀʙʟᴇ ᴇʀʀᴏʀ ʜᴀs ᴏᴄᴄᴜʀʀᴇᴅ. ᴅᴜᴍᴘɪɴɢ ᴍᴇᴍᴏʀʏ ᴛᴏ ᴅᴇʙᴜɢ ʟᴏɢ(89283128).ᴛxᴛ]
“Wha-?” I wheezed as I felt a massive wave ripple through my internals until I was faced with a blinding blue light that is the Crash-Reporter Display Prompt.
Great. I let my curiosity get the better of me and I Blue-Screened myself!
I didn’t even know why I thought to call out to Slate over my internal radio- like he would help me out of this sticky situation anyway.
Well, I guess I should look at the bright-side. Using Broad Spectrum Broadcasts would mean anyone with a radio or even a speaker would overhear my blubbering.
It’s just…
Without Logic, what the hell am I to do?
“Est-ce déjà le matin, bitte?”
[ᴀᴛs: ɪs ɪᴛ ᴀʟʀᴇᴀᴅʏ ᴛᴏᴍᴏʀʀᴏᴡ?]
Lotte's voice... It was so close to me I could feel the air moving with every word.
[ᴘʀɪᴍᴀʟ-ᴏs: ᴏᴘᴛɪᴄᴀʟ sᴇɴsᴏʀs – ᴜɴʀᴇsᴘᴏɴsɪᴠᴇ! - ᴇʀʀᴏʀ!]
Despite the thick veil of static clinging to my surroundings, I found myself in my own bed, but I wasn’t alone.
Lotte was staring at me, half asleep still in her lacy day-wear gown.
“Lotte…?” I croaked as I raised my head to see if Lux or anyone else could be hidden within the dreary light.
“Yes, Prinzcessin? Have I startled you, bitte?”
“N-No… I’m just…”
I sighed heavily. Between the exhaustion of having undergone countless hours of maintenance, it was fair to say that I have been drained of life entirely. This effect of being transported in not only location, but in time made it seem like my reality had been on fast-forward.
I’m on autopilot, or so it seems. The control I once had is now non-existent, but that isn’t what truly scared me. It is the distortion all around me that has been created in the absence of consciousness… left to my imagination to interpret it all.
I’m home… I’m finally home…
So why is it that I am… still…
“Prinzcessin? Why are you crying? Does my presence here upset you?”
I shook my head. Lotte being here was the only assurance I had in this world right now, and by the note on my nightstand, I knew this would surely change.
‘Come meet with me when you’re up to it~ Tesla.’
The little rabbit doodle near her signature did little in the way of reassuring me that a future debriefing would be anything but dredging up trauma and bitter memories. What more could be asked of me?
“There you are!” A voice called from the doorway. At first glance, it was Lux, but then I noticed an off-center ribbon in the doppelganger’s hair signifying that this was in fact, Faust.
“It’s time for your treatment again, please don’t make this difficult.” She sighed wearily as she paced towards the opposite side of my bed where Lotte had sought refuge beneath the blankets.
“Oh, Fragile! Pardon me, I didn’t see you there! I’m sorry, but I’m running on no sleep… could you please eject Lotte so I can apply her ointment?”
Having at first missed the elephant in the room, I glanced over the old blood stains of Faust’s nurse uniform.
“I-I apologize if I stink. I’ve been up to my ears in the Medical Wing, I… haven’t… slept… in...” With a massive yawn, Faust began to teeter on her feet.
“I could do it for you.” I yawned in response as Lotte began to burrow into my backside. “You really shouldn’t push yourself so hard. Why don’t you let me handle this one?”
“You’d really do that for me?” Faust blinked with a hollow smile.
I nodded, taking the small tube into my possession before setting it aside on my nightstand.
“You’re the best… Frag…ile…” And like a lightswitch, Faust’s slid to her rear and let out a rhythmic snore.
“F-Faust? H-Hello? Wake-wake! Err…?”
Peering beneath the covers to Lotte for a solution, a knock on my doorframe startled me.
“So that’s where you two got off to.”
Slate! The Godsend to all my worldly troubles! Well, okay; not entirely. This just resolves getting Logic back and Faust out of my hair.
“Lotte, you in here?” He sniffed as he rolled Faust’s head about with his palm.
“I’m taking care of her. Faust just gave me her medicated ointment before she conked out on the floor. You guys must be running ragged in my absence.”
“Oh, Fragile, you’re finally up?”
“W-What am I invisible or something today!? I’m sitting up for heaven’s sake!”
“Not invisible… it’s just been so long since you’ve been lucid to be frank I kinda forgot about you.”
“F-Forgot!? Rude!!”
“Well, not ‘Forgot’, I just kinda… deleted you from my mind. Err- I mean this in a good way if you let me explain.”
Rolling my eyes, I crossed my arms with a puff of frustration.
“Hey! Out of everyone I was the most worried about you! I’ve been busy keeping my mind occupied up until this moment, honest! For the first couple of weeks every time I so much as thought of you I would drink myself into a stupor. I meant that I intentionally tried to occupy myself to pass the time… until this moment… you understand, right?”
“Fine-fine,” I pouted. “How long have I been out for anyways? You make it sound like a few weeks is comparative to a few years.”
“Fragile… You’ve been out for four months and a week or so…”
Instantly my chest tightened, and my breathing went shallow.
“You’re not bullying me, right? You’ve got to be kidding?
Without his muted expression faltering, he took my hand into his own as if to reassure me that he was indeed serious.
“Then… I don’t know where to begin… I have so many questions!”
“Everything is fine for the most part… things seem to have resolved themselves. Owen is back on his feet, encase you’re still worried.”
“Who’s Owen?” I blurted, only to have my brain catch up a second later as the bearded Soldier’s face laughed under the influence of the morphine I had administered to him inside the cave.
“You know, he was our Engineer on our Sortie… you do remember that, right?”
“Of course I remember the Sortie! That’s what got me here, right!?”
“Yeah, you and your recklessness! We can pick up this conversation later,” Slate gestured to Faust who had been dribbling in the depths of a bubbly slumber. “I’m going to haul this Lump back to Lux’s Lab.”
After Slate had hoisted Faust over his shoulder in a fireman’s carry, they left without a chance for me to come to terms with my condition.
“Lotte…” I whined as she poked her head from beneath the quilted sea. “What’s wrong with me?”
“Prinzcessin?” She repeated as her eyes hinted towards my missing right arm.
“My Catalyst… What am I to do? Without my arm, I’m no longer a Creator…”
And then gravity of the situation intensified exponentially.
“Did we recover it?”
Lotte shrugged.
Had she given an answer, yes or no, the weight would never have been lifted. ‘Yes’ would mean that the is potential for Tesla to reverse engineer the technology, ‘No’ meant that someone else could do just the same. Both of which left a reactionary countermeasure that had been hardcoded inside of me; a string of instructions left by my Creators in the hopes that it would prevent the end of days.
[>else.if/loss-of-proprietary-technology/]
[>YES//Self-Destruct.]
Now, it wasn’t like I would explode at any moment- at least, not without Logic running a certain string of code. Self-Destruct, defined by an Electro-Magnetic Pulse would render my body worth it's weight in scrap.
Beyond useless… Those were the two words I had been looking for when I endeavored to describe how I feel.
“Bitte…” Lotte murmured as she brushed aside the frilly shoulder strap of her dress allowing it to dangle loosely before motioning to undo the other. “I am sure the Mayor can put your mind at ease. I apologize for-.”
Or it would do the exact opposite and make me more anxious, but I didn’t voice my concerns. If what Lux said was true; that this quiet shadow of mine never left my side; Lotte would be my rock, my ticket to absolving my sin of being ephemeral. The one to root me in reality, to make me feel whole again.
“Come here, you. The ointment can wait.”
As I pulled her into my chest awkwardly, fumbling with the use of my one arm, I cradled the top of her crown beneath my chin and for the first time; I willingly let my guard down.
No longer did I confide my tears in the memory of my belated Master. It no longer satisfied the congealed mass of sorrow welling up from the pit of my stomach.
This was real.
She was real… and to some extent, this made me feel real.
A friend.
I’ve made a real friend.
Perhaps even a best friend.
And so, I found myself pressed for answers to questions left unsaid; “Lotte, just what am I to you?”
In turn she responded, firm, unwavering and unexpected; “You are my Princess.”
She must of see the unsettled look on my face. Well, how couldn’t she? We were gazing at one another, eyes locked and for the first time; I saw that this mute expression of hers was anything but- it was a mask she had been wearing all along.
Using those powerful mechanical hands of hers, she cradled my face, peering into my eyes as if to discern something.
“You’re not even human… You’re empty, just like me… Yet, we persist in this world. Hollow. Broken. We accept our punishment and move forward in silence. To some degree, you must have known when we met on the battlefield. You realized, the mercy I asked of you was not to spare me.”
“I don't understand, just why does that make me a 'Princess'.”
With a fang on her lip, she asked; “Have I not said it before?”
My mouth parted on its own.
“I am forever in your debt, for that day, I realized that Hell would not contain an Angel. That is why you are my Princess. A flame to guide me through the dark.”