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Ebony Chitin - Adventures of The Hive
Chapter 14: Grief of Innocence

Chapter 14: Grief of Innocence

Richard Adams

Everyone filtered back to their homes after a few rounds of apology from the guys that saw the 'wyvern' heading towards us. I had to apologize to a few people as well given that I probably should have put two and two together sooner. Mark covered by saying it was good practice in case a fiend or something else came along. It didn't convince everyone, but they were just happy nothing bad actually happened.

I made my way to Mimi, as everyone else gave her a wide berth now. Her workers had gotten her mostly clean, but it wasn't every day someone took out one of the things that typically killed fiends in the forest. She gave me a smug smile, with all four arms crossed. "You look like you had fun." I smiled back.

She gestured to the body, "It wasn't very impressive. I thought of something wonderful though. Richard, you need a cape!" She clasped her hands together.

"A cape?" I tilted my head, looking at the wings, then back at her. "What are you talking about?"

"Yep, then we'll match." She grabbed the tip of a wing and stretched it out to let me look at it.

"I don't think I need a cape, Mimi." I gave her my best smile.

"You need a cape, all heroes should have one." She grinned back at me.

I swallowed hard, "I-I'm not a hero." I tried, only making her show some teeth with her smile. "O-on second thought, I do need a cape. It'll be cool, and we'll match just like you said."

She nodded, her razor-sharp teeth hidden behind those kissable lips. "I'm going to take the head and heart since it's my kill. Then I'll eat them inside the wagon. Care to join me? We can talk about a few things, and this should be enough food to keep the town going for a good while."

"Alright, just give me a few minutes to tell Mark." I turned and started running towards him when she began a countdown. Mark jumped a little when I ran towards him, "Hey, Mark. Get everyone indoors, unless they want to have nightmares."

He started to laugh before he saw the look in my eyes. "W-what is she going to do?"

"She's counting down Mark! We don't have time here. Trust me, I'm going to look away and wait in the back wagon. She's not going to hurt anyone physically, but she's in a brutally playful mood." I started running towards the back wagon as soon as she hit forty. "Don't say I didn't warn you!" I could hear him running to tell the others.

I hopped into the back wagon as she hit ten. She finished, and I could hear a few gasps followed by bones breaking. Not everyone got away, as Mimi tore into the wyvern's body. I heard the thud outside, pretty sure that was the head landing beside the wagon. There was a snapping sound followed by someone screaming. I could hear doors slamming shut, and heard a few vampires vomit. I was thankful she waited until after every person in town was indoors. Then the squelching noise started. More bones were breaking, and I swore I could hear a few people muttering prayers.

It stopped as suddenly as it started, silence for a few seconds until she started walking towards the wagon. Mimi pulled in a heart two-thirds my size, and the jawless head. The smell of blood was thick, and I had to force my dinner to stay down. She gave me an evil smile, before moving our bed out of the way. I closed my eyes while she popped the brain out and slurped at it. I shuddered as I heard her chewing away at the heart. She was nice enough to keep any gore from getting on me, but I could hear the strange sound of silk coming from her mouth.

She ate it all in ten painfully long minutes. I opened my eyes once she was silent. She was sitting there with her legs crossed as workers cleaned the blood off her again. The dishes were in the corners of the wagon, while she appeared to be meditating. I had seen her change after eating something before, but this was different. "Everything alright?"

Mimi appeared to be pouting, as she let out a small huff. "My eyes melted, and that's it."

I blinked, "Wait really?"

"Yes, Richard. I'll admit it tasted good, but all I'm getting out of it is a new pair of eyes. Wait, no it feels like I have an extra eyelid as well now." She sighed in frustration, "The thing was a terrible hunt and an even worse meal. By this point, I would have accepted some spines, or maybe even a tail. I don't even feel new magic because of it."

"That sucks Mimi." I offered, as she raised a brow.

Her eyes were still closed, "It does."

I got up and walked towards her. Even sitting, she was still a bit taller than me. "Want to talk about it? You were pretty mad earlier."

Mimi relaxed, as her workers moved away from her once their job was done. "I do wish to discuss a few things. I'll let you lead this conversation, however, since you approached the topic yourself."

I put a hand on her shoulder, "How did you manage to kill a wyvern?"

"It was laughable easy, I just flung myself above the trees and it decided to attack me. The whole fight was more an accident than anything. Even its acid was weak." She let out another huff, but there was a small smile there.

"Maybe you're just too strong, Mimi." I pushed her shoulder a little, and she didn't budge. "You usually go into more detail about these kinds of things."

Mimi tilted her head slightly, "Not many details to say, I spread out a few scouts and teleported on top of it when it tried to grab me with its talons. It couldn't carry my weight, so I broke a wing and we fell. Its scales weren't able to deal with the branches, so I knew I wouldn't get stronger chitin. It broke the other wing during the fall and a few ribs when it landed. As far as battles go, that was one of the more disappointing ones. There are a lot of squirrels on the forest floor, but I brought enough food back, so maybe something more interesting will come along."

"Sorry to hear you didn't have fun, but I know the town appreciates what you brought them." I struggled to keep the conversation going, looking down at the wooden bottom of our wagon. "Mimi, how do you do it?"

She cocked her head, "How do I do what?"

I swallowed hard, "How do you hunt so easily? How do you take lives? Doesn't it hurt?"

A few seconds passed before she blinked her eyes open. The pupils changed from regular circles to something like a four-pointed star. Almost like a plus, but more triangles than studs. She looked me over, "Before I answer that, how do I look?"

It felt like a loaded question, but I knew she'd want honesty. "Your pupils changed, can you see better now?"

I saw a film run over her eyes, dimming how brightly they glowed, as if she was blinking without the eyelids closing. "I can probably see farther now, I might see better in the day but I'm not sure yet." She turned to the wall, probably looking at herself through the bugs. She laughed softly, "I can't pass as a dark elf with unique armor still, so why does it hurt to look at myself like this?"

I blinked, "What do you mean?"

She turned towards me, "Since I completed the last step... I've been feeling my body's emotions more clearly. Almost as though it is being amplified, and it reverberates through the Hive. It's generating feedback loops and I haven't gotten them under control yet. I'm keeping you from feeling them, but it is proving difficult to adapt."

"I don't get it, but you'll figure it out like you always do. You said it hurt to look at yourself though, what do you mean by that? Are you mad you can't walk around without people realizing you are you?"

She considered it, before softly shaking her head, "That's not it. I know I could put some headgear on, and cover up most of my features with cloth or silk. I should be able to manage it, but something changed."

"Are you afraid because we're going deeper into the Kingdom of Fire's territory? We both know they can be a bit more zealous against monsters."

Mimi winced a little, "That seems to be the issue, I'm suddenly anxious about it. Then there is the possibility of you getting hurt because of me. I acted out today, I lashed out, and I know very well I shouldn't unless we are alone. It appears the idea of something happening makes it more likely to happen now, versus just reacting to it as I used to. How strange."

I smiled at her, "That's a people problem, Mimi. We make our own issues, and they grow if we don't stop worrying. Nothing bad will happen, and we can go through every town to make sure we get to a spot you feel comfortable with."

Mimi closed her eyes, before smiling at me. "I suppose that would help. As for your question earlier, I never had a problem with killing. It was just something that was done to survive. Dark Elves have a tradition of teaching their young to carve flesh from bone once they can walk. The monster that merged with Alice already killed on instinct. A body is just a vessel that traps the soul, as it were. Ending a life is necessary for your own to continue."

I shook my head, "You don't feel anything then?" I kind of expected this answer, but we're here and it was just nice talking about it. After so many weeks of traveling, we were finally having a conversation.

Mimi shook her head, "That's not what I said. Dark elf culture, and perhaps all elf culture doesn't view killing as an evil act. A lot of tribes practice cannibalism since it is seen as disrespectful to the one that died to not use every part of them. I haven't been in contact with any of them for over a century, so maybe it's changed since then. Remember, most of what I'm telling you about elf culture is based on a young dark elf's childhood. Alice didn't exactly die when the monster bug took over her body, but she did become one with it after we got inside Eclipse."

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I nodded, "Got it, so it might be a little dated. Most of the elves dealing with Eclipse and its nobles say they don't practice such barbaric things anymore, but it's not my place to judge, you know?"

Mimi rolled her eyes, "Short-lived races are quick to forget things, and every race lies to others for an advantage. Even if it means denouncing certain traditions and practicing them in secret. Not every light elf tribe is civilized, and the elven cities interact with them on a more frequent basis than any other race."

I turned a pot over to sit on it, "You're saying they are lying?" I smiled, letting her know I wasn't too serious about it.

Mimi crossed her arms, "It's politics whenever nobles meet, everyone lies. We are getting off track, my point is that I do feel things when I kill. They tend to be positive because I know I will survive. I would regret killing someone close to me, but my will to live is stronger than most others."

I crossed my arms, "Says the girl who fought a dragon for a friend I never really knew."

Mimi winced, looking at me with a small amount of hurt in her eyes. "Are you upset? That failure still stings."

I shook my head slowly, "No, but I want you to be honest with yourself. You'll do more than you care to admit, and you'll risk death to protect those precious to you. You lost Beru to that attack as well, are you sure you don't want to talk about it?"

Mimi shook her head, "No, he is most likely dead. It was his choice, but it reminded me of how weak I still am. Until I can slay dragons with ease, until I can slay the Old One, I will continue to grow my strength. That's why I kill Richard, for those lost, and those I can still protect. Killing for the sake of death is closer to evil than killing for the strength to protect what is yours."

I let out a soft sigh, it was nice to have that confirmation from her. I smiled back, "I thought you liked to say good and evil are just tools."

Mimi pouted, "You're picking apart my words." She leaned back with a sigh, "They are tools, but the morals I have are different from your own. You said people make their own problems. I submit; morals are a source of such problems." She smiled, "Therefore I can say whatever I want because I will adapt to the situation whenever I need to. No rule is perfect because there are always exceptions."

I bobbed my head, "Humans aren't that adaptable, but I kind of get it."

"What about you Richard? You've killed, and it has upset you. How do you feel?" She warmly taunted me with her words. There was no malice behind them, just a continuation of the conversation and curiosity.

I grabbed the water bag and drank some before replying. I wasn't sure, it still hurt, but I felt kind of hollow. "I don't like it, Mimi. I... I feel like something's missing. Almost like they took a piece of me when they died. It hurt so much after the fight was over, but now it's just a dull pain."

Mimi watched me, waiting while I sorted through these feelings. I could feel her checking them through our bond, before continuing when she felt it was the right time. "A lot of dark elves cry after their first hunt."

I blinked, looking back at her, "What? Really?"

Mimi nodded, "It's a right of passage, a dark elf that can't hunt is useless to the tribe. Everyone needs to be able to defend in the event of an attack. The adults called it the grief of innocence, though grief translates differently in this language. Kind of like how catcher is the same word for monster across all tribes. Grief means many things; loss, selfishness, pain, realization, and so on. The grief of innocence is merely what it is called when the first hunt is completed because something is wrong if a young dark elf doesn't cry."

"I don't get it, why are they expected to cry? What's wrong if they don't?" I leaned forward, as Mimi seemed reluctant to tell me more.

She found her resolve, "I'm not a dark elf anymore, but a part of me still doesn't want to tell you this. It might be better to say I was never a dark elf since I was made when both Alice and the bug became one. Still, their memories define me, and even the children knew not to share such things. We are mates Richard, and I ask that you promise not to tell anyone else." She stared into my eyes.

I nodded, waiting.

"Say it," she demanded.

"Okay, I promise. I won't tell anyone about dark elf culture. I want you to tell me why though." I could tell she was struggling a little.

Mimi took a quick breath, "Other races view dark elves with a certain stigma. For better or worse, it has helped to make other people wary of the tribes. What do you think when you imagine a dark elf?"

I smiled, "Badasses, all of them. All dark elves have weapons, all of them know how to fight. People don't travel the black desert because dark elves are just as likely to attack as monsters. I guess a lot of people might think they're mysterious, or just tough in general."

Mimi nodded, "They are aware of those views, and even children are taught to adhere to them in the presence of foreign company. Telling others that we have a phrase for crying after the first hunt starts to break down that idea. It's even worse when people realize that it's expected, otherwise we believe there might be issues. If a dark elf doesn't cry after their first hunt, they are thought to be broken inside. It makes the other families become more involved to see what happened. Often it is some kind of abuse due to the pride of the parents. If all appears to be fine, then the dark elf in question is regarded as a fool."

I tilted my head, "Wait, so you're telling me that if a dark elf doesn't cry, then the tribe becomes involved? What do you mean by them being a fool otherwise?"

Mimi sighed softly, "The life of the tribe depends on the young growing and making more. A tribe will die if they don't take care of each other. So, it is essential that they make sure nothing terrible is happening. Privacy is respected since everyone keeps secrets. If a dark elf doesn't cry, and nothing is wrong, then they are a fool. An arrogant idiot of sorts, one that cannot understand the value of the life they took. Fools are tolerated, but not heralded as great warriors."

A thought struck me, "Wait, wouldn't you be considered a fool by their standards then?" I tried to tease her, but she didn't like that.

"I've been alone for a long time Richard, with nothing but my Hive and a terrible monster. I suspect my stepfather would have arranged an accident on my first hunt. I probably would have laughed had I survived it, which would have branded me as a catcher myself. At best I would have been viewed as a broken, but Wyatt's father was the village chief."

I swallowed hard, having struck a nerve. "You never talked about your past, or Alice's I guess. Why... why do you think he'd have arranged an accident?"

Mimi looked away, "The bastard sent our elders on a wagon to Eclipse with Wyatt, while the rest of the children were in school. We found out we were under attack when the first fiend broke through the walls and killed a few of us. We managed to catch up to the wagons after running for days, but our numbers were severely reduced. Crippled adults simply walked into the desert to die so their bodies might lure away any catchers. The elders slit their throats just a day away from the walls. Which left a bunch of orphans wandering into the city."

My jaw dropped as I stared at her, waiting for her to say she was joking. The shadow cast over her eyes, and the bitter look told me it was real. "Please say it got better for you."

Mimi looked at me, giving a dark chuckle. "Sure, for a month or two. Mother Oak was around and young back then. We were taken into her orphanage, our wagons, and goods sold so that she could take care of us. Then the orphanage was burned down by a cult, and the children taken outside the walls. Alice's mind magic was developing so she followed them before getting the former captain of the Guard. She knew their intentions and tossed a rock to get their attention. A couple of the cultists chased after her, but she was able to make it to the cave where the bug was. I think the cultists were eaten, and that would be when my body was born."

I got off the pot and tackled her with a hug. She wasn't expecting it but hugged me back after a second. I was starting to tear up, "You were just holding that in, all this time?" Suddenly it all made sense, as to why she'd be so brutal with what she killed. How she didn't feel anything negative when killing.

"Don't get the wrong idea, I've had a long time to come to terms with such a thing. If Wyatt's father is out there, if he somehow survived, the rest of his life will be very painful if we find him. I decided to do that for who Alice was, beyond that it doesn't concern me. I'm a catcher after all." No, you're not, you're broken, Mimi.

I couldn't say what I thought to her, fighting about what she was or wasn't wouldn't help either of us. I saw how she winced when I called her a monster earlier. I knew deep down that a part of her wanted to think she was a dark elf, that was why she was so reluctant to tell me about their culture. Apparent trauma and pain aside. I didn't know what to say, I knew she wasn't going to tell me more tonight. I swallowed hard, looking up at her. "You're the strongest person I know, Mimi."

She looked at me with surprise, then amusement. Her wings wrapped around both of us, "This conversation was supposed to be about what upset us. It hurt that you didn't wake me up when we got here Richard. It left me bitter that you didn't ask me to help this place with my Hive, and only used me to hammer in a wall. Do you have any idea how insulting that was?"

I buried my head in her chest, "I didn't want to stop you from doing your thing, and it didn't feel right to order you to use your Hive for something I wanted. I'll make damn sure to ask you next time, and it won't be a problem again, promise."

She started stroking my back, "Very well, you're still wearing the cape as punishment."

I laughed at that, glad all she was doing was making me wear a cape. "Thanks Mimi, I was talking to Mark about what was going on around here before. Do you think you want to go into the frost forest and maybe catch some orcs or whatever might be in there?"

She smiled, "Orc blood is the only green blood there is, and they are the only race that was born to eat monsters. I'm curious, and perhaps we'll get something interesting out of that forest. Are you sure you don't want to wait until after we get the walls up?"

"That's your choice there, but I'd like it if we only killed those that attacked us first. Especially if they can talk to us, or don't want to fight. I figured we could maybe leave the wagon here, or set up some hives on the way. I'm sure you'll figure something out for their water problems." I grinned up at her.

Mimi huffed, "I have many solutions to the problems this town has. Even during this conversation, I have been moving them around to begin fixing them. They should have enough water for us to leave for a couple of days, and I'll have my purifiers and testers clean their water. It's a little hard not being in complete control of our relationship with a foreign party. Though this is still excellent practice."

I nodded, "You're the best, Mimi. You know... if you want to tell more about your past, or dark elf culture, I'll listen. Just like you helped me with some of my feelings on fighting."

Mimi raised a brow, "Oh? What did you decide to do about killing?"

I narrowed my eyes, "Fighting, I'll only kill if I have to. Otherwise, I'm just going to kick their ass and let them go."

Mimi tilted her head, "That's very naive, Richard."

I shrugged, "If it looks like they're about to kill me, I know you'll step in. At that point, it's your choice what you do. Otherwise, I'll have to do the fighting for us. I'm leading us, so it's my decision."

"Are you prepared to accept all the consequences?" She raised a brow.

I nodded, "Yeah, I think I am, or at least I'll have to be when we get there. Everybody I can spare will get one, if they do it again then they're asking for it. The world isn't a fair place, so I'm more than reasonable here."

Mimi chuckled, "Spoken like a true hero."

I chuckled, "Please don't make that stick. It's bad enough I have to wear a cape now."

Mimi rolled her eyes, shaking her head. "Only whenever I'm mad or you do something stupid. If you're reasonable, then I'll have to be more reasonable."

I grinned at her, as we kept talking through the night. There wasn't much action or any grand battles, but these moments mattered the most to me. I was so lucky to have someone to argue with and talk to. Someone that would listen, and stand by my side. This world might be uncaring, but at least I wasn't alone. Just as she was there for me, I promised myself that I would be there for her. I felt just a little closer to her by the crack of dawn. Thank you for everything, Mimi