“So I guess I did pass?” Dante asked again.
A guffaw came from the darkness as F replied “Barely Kid, I’ll grade you….D, for Dumbass”
"D grade?! I just fought for my life with everything I had. I'm in complete darkness, with nothing to protect myself with, made to fight against whatever the hell that creature was! Cut me some slack F." Dante protested through gritted teeth, he ignored the dumbass remark because he didn’t want to dignify it with a response.
"Yes, based on all possible calculated solutions and outcomes. You barely scraped by, I'm being generous with my grade." F retorted like it was the most obvious thing in the world, he seemed to take pleasure in Dante's frustration.
F clapped his hands together, making it clear he was done with debating what grade Dante deserved "right... enough of that, I’ve decided I will help you. First of all, if you want. I’ll let you ask 2… hmm haha! No, because I'm so generous, you’ll get 3 questions! then you can leave my humble abode."
"3 questions?" Dante immediately asked without thinking, still in his discombobulated mental state after scrap he just had with the hound.
F chuckled "Yes, you had 3 questions. Knew you were going to need that extra one. Now you have two remaining".
Dante cursed his stupidity, he let his impatience and desperation for answers get the better of him. ‘Get it together Dante!’ He mentally chided himself. He took his time to try and recall what was going on, trying to think his way out of the situation.
There was the wall of light and nothing before that. ‘Why can't I remember before the wall of light?’ He recalled basic facts and trivia, comics, tv shows, and how for some reason how to write code. All useless things in his current circumstances. He just didn’t seem to have any personal memories, anything that reminded him of his identity and life before the event.
Then he woke up in this shithole of a cave with a madman for company. 'Ok, work with what you have.’ He recalled how he had apparently failed trial 0, but not the actual participation of the trial. His title was a reward for his failure to complete trial 0, it would possibly explain his presence in the cave.
"Why… What's trial 0?" Dante asked, changing his question at the last moment. Rather than asking 'why am I here?', he wanted to gain an understanding of what the trial was, hopeful that it would explain everything else.
F tutted, he seemed disappointed in Dante’s obvious question. "Oh that's easy, trial 0 is something an Ascended person can request for the system to trigger, they would do this when bringing sentient lifeforms into this universe. The trial you failed was supposed to determine your compatibility between opposing forces within the Ascended universe. It would then create an optimal path for you to follow after, directing you to a location suitable to maximise your success."
F coughed several times, clanking chains rang out in the cave with each racking cough. He continued his explanation "You're technically not supposed to be able to fail it, even if your compatibility for either side is close to 0. I don't know how, but you failed to satisfy any conditions. The system didn’t know what to do with you. So now you find yourself here, with me, in the naughty corner. HAHAHA.” Rapturous laughter boomed in the dark space.
Clasping his hands over his ears Dante weathered F’s booming laughter. When he stopped his ear-shattering laugh he spoke again “Last question boy. Make it good."
Dante tried to process the response, ‘I wasn't supposed to fail?’ He couldn't recall taking the trial, or whatever it entailed. ‘Optimal path to what? candidate?’ He needed more answers or an actual fucking explanation that made sense.
‘One question isn’t enough?!’ Dante, fed up with the restrictions and lack of answers. Every question he asked F felt like a trap, he wasn’t sure that F was being entirely honest. His every response left him with many more questions.
Dante’s frustration exploded out of him as he shot off a series of questions "The wall of light, what happened to Earth? What's the system? Where am I? Why can't I remember before the light? Why can’t I remember taking the trial? Candidate for what? Who are you really? How do I get out of here?" He was unhappy about The limited questions and having so much unexplained.
After that outburst, he felt a moment of embarrassment and fear, he was greeted with silence from F. Then some rumbling movement, as if some giant being moved closer to him. It didn’t help that he couldn’t see anything in this damned darkness.
Dante heard the sound of what he believed to be F sucking his teeth and hissing right next to his ear. It sounded as though it came from an impossibly cavernous mouth with a low echoing quality to every sound he made. Then F spoke up, "That's obviously too many questions. I’m feeling generous though, I'll throw you a bone". He laughed to himself while pondering how to summarise the information. Mumbling with barely perceptible words "...can't tell him that yet...Oh he won't like that...Yes, that might do it" As F continued to mumble, Dante started to lose his patience with F’s eccentric behaviour. "F?" He prodded gently, awaiting an answer to any of his questions.
"Right, yes. Your planet and all sentient life on it has been inducted into the Ascended universe, welcome by the way, at least that’s the way we used to do it. So here’s the thing, there is a great infinite war going on, some call it the last war, the eternal war, the war to end all wars. It has many more names but that’s not important, what is important is that the war is currently on hiatus, no one knows for how much longer. I suspect your presence here indicates certain things are in motion… Hahaha. Anyway, whoever decided to bring you into this universe was looking for candidates to groom towards ascension, these ascended beings are supposed to sway the tide of the war. It’s probably going to be a bit of a proxy war, some stupid agreement was made because they were too lazy or incapable of resolving their differences themselves.
Now for your information, not everyone is capable of ascension. A system request was triggered, this event is a process of filtering potential candidates and it usually doesn't neglect any sentient lifeforms with the smallest chance of succeeding. It’s an expensive request after all." F paused his speech, no longer able to maintain his monotonous tone and guffawed. "Yet, here you are. I suppose you have more questions but how about we make a deal?"
‘Ascension? Great infinite war? This is bullshit!’ Dante was even more confused than before, every question answered raised several more. He had to acknowledge his circumstances, it just didn't stop everything happening from not making sense. "A deal?" Dante asked hopefully.
"Yes, a deal. A favour for a favour. I scratch your back, you scratch mine." F replied excitedly as if he was getting to the heart of the matter.
"What favour?" Dante asked hesitantly.
"It's a trifling thing, anyone could do it.” F mumbled, just loud enough for Dante to hear, “Ok, so what is it?” Dante prompted. F inhaled then exhaled a long slow breath that almost knocked Dante to his feet, then F spoke very quietly “When you get to the gates, say my name."
Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.
F's excitement was peaking as if he was holding the winning hand in a game of cards and he couldn't help revealing it.
"Gates? You want me to say your name?" Dante asked, still confused.
"Yes! Will you do it?" F asked in excitement, it was as if he pushed all his chips to the table, ready to call his winning hand. If Dante could see him, he might be freaked out by the gleeful smile on F’s face.
Dante tried to think about what F was asking him to do, it didn't sound difficult. Say his name, in front of gates? "What gates?" Dante asked.
"You'll just know! Do you want my help or not?" F wheezed impatiently.
Dante couldn't help but feel something was wrong, but he was scared in the darkness, naked as the day he was born, covered in blood and dirt. He would probably agree to anything and it really didn't seem to be that big of a deal to agree. "Uh I guess, sure, I'll do it if it gets me the hell out of here". Dante sighed, ‘I’m making a terrible mistake aren’t I?’ thinking how he didn't truly have much of a choice.
F clapped his hands once again "Hah! Deal!" He growled. The last word echoed off the walls, reverberating as if a cacophony of differently pitched voices were all repeating back the word 'deal'. To acknowledge the transaction as witnesses to this agreement between a simple human and something unknown but unmistakably powerful.
Dante felt sudden crushing pressure as if a giant hand suddenly and firmly wrapped around his arm. A voice whispered incomprehensible words gently into his ear, Dante frowned not truly understanding what was being said but a feeling of knowledge and information trickled into him. The dissonant voices and stream of knowledge pouring into his brain caused him to convulse and drop to his knees. A white-hot pain stabbed in his skull.
[DANGER System Disconnected!]
"ArghhhHh what the fuck F?..."
[System disconnected...attempting to reconnect to candidate]
[System disconnected...attempting to reconnect to candidate]
[System disconnected...]
[System detected inconsistencies, system attempting reboot]
[System rebooting...]
[System rebooting...]
[System connection re-established successfully]
The whole time Dante was experiencing unbearable pain, constant ice picks stabbing into his brain, eventually, it became too unbearable and caused him to lose consciousness. Dante’s limp body twitched and glowed blue while the incomprehensible words continued to be whispered into his ear from a thousand different voices.
****
Warmth gradually spread across Dantes cold exposed body. His awareness stirred, blinking in the bright daylight. His eyes were absorbing light for what felt like the first time in a while, too much light too suddenly caused a stabbing pain in his eyes. He shut his eyes, squeezing away the pain. He squinted and tried to look around, to get a feel for his surroundings.
Dante could feel grass gently caressing against his naked body, the soft warm wind blowing past causing a light tickling sensation as it brushed against his skin. The sun gradually warmed up his body. The first positive sensations he had felt all day, he felt at peace.
From what Dante could tell with his blurred vision. He was outdoors, in a luscious green field that stretched off into the distance. Dante allowed himself to relax and slowly breathed out a long drawn out "Fuuuuuuuck" as a means of releasing his frustrations.
A system prompt dinged into his head.
[Grand trial accepted: F’s request
Speak F’s name at the Gates
Rewards: Based on performance
Failure: Death]
Dante was too tired to care, he allowed his eyes to close from the exhaustion of everything that he had just gone through. His consciousness began to slip away voluntarily. ‘Just resting my eyes’. His last thoughts before drifting away.
****
"Fluffy wake up, you can stop playing dead, he's gone" with a flick of his wrist, F threw out bright silk-like threads that flew towards the corpse of the dog that Dante had recently defeated.
Fluffy's skull started to repair with sickening cracking sounds, the spilt contents of its head made squelching noises as they were sucked back inside. A fast and heavy panting coming from fluffy, its chest rapidly rising and falling as life returned to its limp body. Its sickly skin began to shed away revealing a striated muscular body, smooth skin grew back almost instantly, completely contrasting with its previously lumpy cancerous appearance.
Thick sprouts of jet black Fur with a metallic sheen started growing all over its body. Its muscles began to expand, filling out its previously gaunt and neglected appearance. Once all the fur had grown back, the tips of the fur on its body began glowing like hot embers in a furnace. Gradually the glow spread from its face, down its back to the tip of its tail. Distorted heat began to rise from its body. Fiery intelligent eyes sprung to life.
"So, what do you make of him fluffy? Will he succeed?"
A loud nasal exhale came from fluffy's snout, flames licked out from its nose, briefly lighting up the cave. ‘Why does he insist on calling me that name? Whatever… can’t argue with the boss.’ The irritated thought caused him to scowl at F.
A deep, rough yet sophisticated voice came out from the resurrected hound. “He's a bit dumb, I give him a 5% chance of succeeding." Fluffy revealed how unimpressed he was with Dante.
F hopelessly exhaled into the darkness, a gust of wind blew past Fluffy who remained steadfast against the sudden storm that blew through the cave. “I was afraid it would be that low, I might have improved his chances a bit, I tampered with his system just a tad. He’s going to need all the help he can get with the trials he will be facing.” A rumbling chuckle echoed through the cave, his unrestrained mirth vibrating the walls. His defiant attitude against his circumstances, or was it madness?
Fluffy’s eyes widened upon hearing that his master had bestowed a system blessing upon Dante, ‘That human doesn’t know what a boon he has received! If he can survive his first few trials he will become quite formidable’. Fluffy then saw the doubt that crawled across his master's face, he tried to cheer him up, give him some hope by reminding him how Dante had succeeded against the odds in the initial trial. Fluffy lips pulled back revealing a frightening smile, then said “I suppose he did show some spirit when he fought me, bastard gouged my eyes out!”.
"Yes, that was fun! You went too easy on him though" F responded, chiding fluffy in a playful manner.
Fluffy looked at his master ‘Fun?!’ Having his eyes gouged out, his brain poked and his skull smashed in wasn’t his idea of fun. It was excruciatingly painful! Went easy? F had weakened him into that wretched and miserable state!
Fluffy released a low growl of annoyance at his master. ‘At my peak, a mere sniff would have been enough to disintegrate that pasty little grub of a human’.
In hindsight, Fluffy recalled the moment the human, who was naked and panicked, ran face-first into the wall. Flailing around for something to protect himself with. He almost burst out laughing at that moment during the trial, potentially ruining the whole ruse. Fluffy decided to get back on topic, knowing his eccentric master would just poke fun at him if he tried to voice his frustrations.
"So..., He was the only one this time?" Fluffy asked, seriously.
F sighed loudly, he tried to raise his hands to his face to rub at his temples. The sound of clinking chains and grinding stones rang out in the dark. The cave trembled as if there was an earthquake, it took a moment before the noise and shaking slowly subsided. "Yes, he's my last chance. So he has to succeed. Everything rides on it". F lowered his hands, having given up on trying to rub away the stress of aeons of isolation and imprisonment.
Fluffy stared at his master, his burning red eyes trying to read his master's thoughts, never having heard the enigmatic being speak so seriously, a defeated tone of voice. "So be it, do you want me to keep an eye on him?" He asked the rhetorical question as he understood his master's intentions, already making his way out of the prison.
"Please do. Try not to be seen, they'll notice you if you cause trouble" F responded.
"I'll be careful. I’ll try not to be too hard on him. Take care yourself F, they won’t be happy if they realise what you’ve done."
Fluffy, who was already leaving the dark cave bid farewell, he could be seen releasing a gentle amber light that was fading into the distance as darkness began to swallow the light.
"Goodbye, my old friend..." F whispered into the darkness after his companion disappeared from sight. It was his last gamble, he put everything onto Dante. If Dante truly knew what was at stake he might crumble in madness and despair.
“He has to succeed, or everything is ruined.”