The pink salamander let out a high-pitched scream and charged at the hairballs.

It ran across the chamber with its signature axe in its mouth. It looked about as threatening as a toddler with a toy knife. Pinky leaped into the air with its axe raised for the killing blow.

One of the hairballs stepped forward and swatted the pink salamander like swatting a fly. That hairball turned its attention to the bawling Baby Axelotl.

Then it lunged for the pup!

Qale picked up a stone and flung it at the lunging hairball. The stone connected with a rustling thud. The hairball was knocked off its course but appeared to be unharmed. Its dense fibre seemed to be absorbing most of the impact.

The hairball rustled like a rattlesnake. It lowered its main body close to the ground, and its thick arms acted like coiled springs. Then it lunged, not at the pup, but at Qale.

The sauveté dodged to the side. Two craters formed where the hairball landed. Those arms were not for show. But he didn’t have time to admire those guns.

The other hairball charged. Baby Axelotl was once again in danger.

Qale made a mad dash towards the baby.

The rustling hairball tried blocking his advances.

But the sauveté evaded the blockage by sliding between the massive arms.

The charging hairball was almost upon the baby.

Qale ran with all his might.

He gritted his teeth. His body felt like a massive sprain. He hadn’t recovered. He wouldn’t make it in time.

A flash of pink and the charging hairball went tumbling over Baby Axelotl.

Qale skidded to a halt to grab the baby. He flung it with the last bit of his strength.

It flew into one of the holes with an exhilarating whee!

And silence.

The tumbling hairball and the pink salamander were nowhere to be seen.

Qale collapsed onto his back. The rush in his ears was deafening. His entire body screamed in pain. He hadn’t taken a rest since the ANAL.

Heck, he hadn’t had anything to drink since then. He licked the sweat off his lips. It felt like sandpaper.

A rustle.

He turned his head to where the sound came from. It was the rustling hairball.

Its large fists pounded the ground as it trudged towards the exhausted Qale.

Thud… thud… thud!

A slow beat. A steady beat. A war drum.

His second executioner of the day cast a shadow over him. He turned his gaze to the ceiling. The crystals were white. Glistening in the dark like angels circling above him. Observing. Waiting. He closed his eyes to accept his final moments.

Life didn’t flash before him. Instead, he heard the angels sing.

It started low. Then it got louder. And louder. The song turned into a chorus of squeals.

The author's narrative has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.

Colours burst forth from the chamber walls like cheap confetti. It was the axelotls!

They shot out from the holes like cannonballs. Each carried deadly mini weapons. They sliced and stabbed the rustling hairball with rage. It did nothing to the thick outer husk, but it did overwhelm the hairball.

Its thick arms made wild swipes in the air. When that failed, it tried smashing the flying critters—it brought its massive palms together in a thunderous clap!

And like the many failed attempts to catch those pesky mosquitoes buzzing around your ear— the hairball caught nothing.

The hairball rustled in rage. It began smashing the ground like a spoiled demon child. Its massive fists pounded the ground with earth-shattering booms. The hair on Qale’s forearms bristled in alarm.

Each blow sent shockwaves across the chamber. The shockwaves sent the axelotls scattering like Skittles. Hairline cracks began to form where Qale lay.

I need to get out of here! He gritted his teeth and pushed himself up on his wobbling arms. His muscles screamed—it felt like the fibres were being clawed by feral cats. He struggled to his feet, but not before a manly cry escaped his swollen lips.

The ground trembled as he limped to the nearest chamber exit. The hairball kept its assault on the ground. More axelotls fell by the shockwaves piled up in the chamber. It was starting to look like the inside of a toy claw machine!

Another few steps and he would’ve made it out. But alas, the universe was a bigger cunt than karma.

The ground gave way before he could lunge for the tunnel. The hairball was the first to disappear under the crumbling ground and dust. The frantic squeals of axelotls rang around Qale like a ghastly pipe organ. He would’ve screamed if he could.

But he didn’t need to. He landed on the squishy salamanders with a winded oof. With the wind knocked out of him, he could only lay spread-eagle as he took in the majestic sight before him.

An enormous scorpion stood on the opposite end of the caved chamber. It had human-like skin and bulging muscles that made it looked nude. It was a Brorpion.

Massive forearms powered its razor-sharp pincers. Its Herculean shoulders held bulging biceps the size of a human-sized ball. An impressive chest puffed out between the massive arms. The sinewy muscles—barely contained under the stretched skin—jutted out obscenely. Not even the largest bra could hold those man tities!

Its torso lean and sculpted like a block of marble graced by a master sculptor. Its washboard abs could turn even the dirtiest of clothes bleach-white. Even its neck muscles had muscles!

The humanoid arachnid was positively shredded, utterly massive, and absolutely jacked. And Qale was thoroughly fucked.

The hulking scorpion stood guard at the only exit from the caved chamber. Its pronounced lats (back wing muscles) forced its massive arms to flare out from its side. Nothing could get past it—a true gym bro.

A rustle.

Debris fell off the rustling hairball as it rose. Lavender scent permeated the dusty air. The axelotls beneath Qale caught whiffs of the sickly sweet fragrance. They began to squirm. His makeshift bed unraveled—rolling him off it.

Pain wrecked across his body as he hit the ground. Tears formed at the corners of the eyes. But he must take cover, lest he wanted a flowery death. He gritted his teeth and crawled behind a large rock.

The hairball shook the dust off his husks and rustled violently. It banged its massive fists on the ground and took off in the direction of the retreating axelotls. Qale peeked from his hiding spot. The squealing salamanders were running towards the brorpion—they were running into their deaths!

In response, the brawny brorpion squatted closer to the ground. Its sharpened pincers were ready to intercept the oncoming critters. Its beady eyes were void of emotion. It clicked its fangs—as if savouring the imaginary flavours of its would-be prey.

Qale held his breath as the axelotls ran beneath the muscular torso and… nothing! The muscular menace did nothing! Chirpy cheers soon replaced the frantic squeals—the axelotls would escape unharmed!

The axelotls bobbed their heads in delight as they ran. Brilliant colours bolted out of the chamber like the pool table towards the end of the game.

The rustling hairball skidded to a halt. Unlike the midget salamanders, it couldn’t crawl beneath the muscular torso. It bent its gorilla arms in preparation for a lunge. If it couldn’t have the midgets, it would have the hunk.

The rustling hairball leaped, leaving a blanket of dust where it once stood. Its thick arms outstretched in a bid to wrap itself around the brorpion’s head.

Qale’s eyes were glued to the airborne hairball.

Could it take on the brorpion?

How big would the Rafflesia be?

Does size even matter?

Dozens of useless thoughts ran through his mind. It would be great if the hairball could turn the brorpion into a harmless flower. He didn’t like rooting for the rustling hairball—one of them had killed Old Man Axetotl without mercy. How many others had fallen prey to its kind?

He shook the idle thoughts away and prayed his exit would be secured.

It was not. The universe was a bigger cunt than karma.

Qale could hardly believe his eyes. The brorpion sliced the air with maddening speed. It moved so quickly that it left an afterimage.

The hairball dropped onto the ground with a soft thud and split into quarters.

Qale’s eyes bulged from his skull.

He was positively, utterly, absolutely, and thoroughly fucked.