I have to admit, I don’t think I’m very good at this. I must have started and stopped writing this half a dozen times by now. I’m not quite sure what I want to say. I’m not quite sure how to begin. I’m not at all sure what this is even supposed to be.

A last will and testament? A memoir? Whatever it is, I do hope you end up enjoying it. Whoever you are.

If you discover this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation.

Elaina, if you’re reading this: don’t assume I’m dead. Don’t assume anyone is dead. Ever. That’s a mistake you can never afford to make in our line of work.

And yes, of course you get everything I have. I love you, baby girl. I promise I’ll see you soon. Even if it has to be from the Upper Planes. If they’ll have me.

For everyone else: my name is William Moxxey, and this is my story.