*SHING*
The sound of a tempered crystal blade parting flesh rings through the lower cavern level as the lightning rabii’s eyes fade from a bright red to a dull grey. The body splits apart lengthwise as bloody ichor runs off the blade, no etches in the weapon’s surface to stick to.
The senses of the man tingle as he does a heavy roll to the side, a geyser of blue flame roaming the air he had so narrowly avoided. A knife, hidden from view, spurted forth from his cloak in a half liquid state as it headed towards the source. The wailings of the machinery and the death throes of whatever cogs lurking inside screeched within the closed space. Sweat dripped from the man’s brow as he waited anxiously for an encore from the null device. An encore that, thankfully, never came.
His pace was steady as he continued his dungeon crawl, the final obstacle now destroyed. The rocky terrain through which he trekked lead him to a new area, wide open space decorated with strewn about banners and flags, small piles of treasure afoot, and a pillar of stone in the middle. A resting within that pillar of stone was the item of the man’s desire, the legendary sword, Encalibur.
His gaze flitted about the room, his senses, eyes, and magic detecting nothing, as his form lurched closer to the ancient treasure on the pedestal.
His hand, shaking with anxiety, went forward to grasp the hilt, fingers interlocking with the gold-like plating substance. His pinky almost seemed to trace the bejeweling jewelry adorning the surface, the blade that of a perfect reflecting material.
His second hand moved just above the first, and using the carved stairwell at the foot of the stone he clambered up to the same level as the weapon. With both hands thrust before him, he used all his might and-
*ROOOOOOOOOAR*
He had no time to react to the sound as his body turned to ash, permanently cremenating him where he stood.
“What in the nine hells Kaiser! You weren’t supposed to do that! He got there fair and square!”
“The little omiagi deserved it! I spent eight hours on that trap, eight hours! It took someone as good as me that long to create that thing, and he had no right to destroy it. The material price is already insane, and to let him take an orichalcum blade too? Screw that.”
“Our policy is fair, and now it’ll take more than just magic to bring back that guy.” *sigh*, “I guess it’s not worth it now, but that’ll give us a cut on our reputation, and an evil rating for a while. Why can’t you guys just be like Robin and just listen to meeeeee?”
I started tearing up. This wasn’t the first time this year that Kaiser brought out a f-ing dragon when one of his crafts got destroyed, and as much as I didn’t like it, it was probably not going to be the last unless I did something about it. Head of the trap committee or not, he still does not get to make executive decisions such as that.
“Also, what the heck is Encalibur? That sounds like the shi-i-i-i-” *cough* “crappiest rip off i’ve ever heard.”
“Just cuss lady, screw business policy!”
“Listen Kaiser, you darkstone dwarf, if you pull something like that one more time, you’re fired.”
“Fine! I don’t need this company anyway!”
I smacked my face. You gotta be kidding me. “Look. One, I didn’t fire you yet. Two, that’s what you said the last two times we fired you before you came back after not having enough money to finish your own personal projects you made. And next time, we won’t take you back, and last time I checked debt slaves don’t get to make fancy projects,” my gaze turned back to the screen, “it is a shame though, when adventurers decide for some reason to destroy the disabled traps.”
I press a button next to the mic. *click* “Hello? Hello? Can we get the Mid-Level reconstruction team #4 to the blightmines for cleanup? Thank you.” *click*
“Are you ignoring me?! I’ll deck you!”
“You know who’s going to win a fight like that. Though of all people you had to kill, you had to go for the west cultivating hero. The things I do for you….Robin, could I get a coffee?”
“Of course, ETA is five minutes.” the succubus replied.
“Thank the gods, you’re my savior. So glad you’re my secretary.”
“The homemade coffee creamer as usual?”
“Yes please. Lead Kaiser on your way out as well.”
“As you wish.”
With a unconsciously performed seductive sway of the hips, her tail snaked out of her long, gray company issued skirt as she walked away. I give a sigh, something I seemed to do a lot these days, as I covered my face with my hand. This job was as stressful, and maybe a bit more tedious than being a balrog tamer, but the pay was fantastic, so I guess I shouldn't mind too much.
A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.
Oh, I forgot to introduce myself, my name is Amy. Why did I start wanting to record this stuff, I don’t really know. Something to remember me by before I eventually get fired I guess. If I do get fired, it’s gonna be because of these idiots though, i’m perfectly qualified.
*click*
“Hey, um, stalker squad #24, can we get a read on adventurer group in the Seadomes? Stalk them for a while too, since they’re getting close to the end boss. Thank you for your work.”
*click*
I looked at the moving tattoo on my hand as it shifted with every passing second, the three wickedly curved knives illustrating the time. Just 29 minutes until observer shift was over. Rayla was gone today, and as her superior I filled in for her. She’s usually kind, so I let her off the hook when she called in.
*yawn*
24 minutes~ 16 minutes~ 8 minutes~
*Beep Beep*
Done!
On my way out, I bump into an one-hundred eyes beholder, standing right outside the doorway. “Sorry Charles, but i’m in a rush! Unlike you. I actually have to monitor each screen, switching between them. Thanks for your understanding and hard work!”
Before he could even reply, I was outta there. Predicting I would completely forget about my coffee, Robin was standing a bit out to the side, a fresh batch made.
“A, a, are you a goddess?”
She giggled, “If you keep saying I am it might come true.” Honestly, she’s probably my best friend, possibly ever.
I checked my demonic watch tattoo again, five minutes before next shift.
I take a sip of the warm, caffeine vanilla-y goodness, drinking it halfway, and lean against the wall. “Honestly, I don’t know why some are addicted to human flavor, is it refined taste?”
Robin put her finger up to her chin, a movement that wasn’t supposed to be provocative but still was, “I don’t know Amy, I like human just about as much as any other person, but that’s about it. Though I have to say, they are quite useful for different… productive uses for my race.”
“Ahhh.”
I knew what she was talking about. Putting the needle deep into the thread so to speak. I nodded my head back in forth as I realized what she was saying.
Her family actually runs a well known joint for producing fantastic homemade scarfs. Their weaving ability, I have to admit, is incredible, and it hasn’t only been one time I have bought their products.
I savor the scent of the empty cup one last time before I throw it in the slime disposal. Checking the time again, I have two minutes. It takes one minute to get to the office if i’m hurrying and two if i’m not. Perfect.
“Well, I gotta go Robin, so make sure to keep your buzzer on. I might need more than one coffee today.”
Waving goodbye, I took my leave as she waved back. Hah, having to wear this armor is a boor, I can’t even feel the gray carpet under my feet, I complained as I passed row upon row of office cubicles, standard white color, and highfived Tom as I passed.
Tom is chill, everybody likes Tom.
At the end of the hall, with a golden plaque to the side of it, was a giant set of doors. Why they had to make it so big, I have nooooo idea Maybe the last guy was a superjock named Bradley or something.
Pushing it open, the warm scent of soft vanilla rice envelops me. Ahh~ the sweet pleasures of life, my nose takes a big inhale as the aroma of vanilla and warmth wafts in my direction. Incense sticks are the best, just leave em burning and come back.
The office originally gave me a soft seat that you could sink into, and bigger than any normal office desk. However, due to the fact I have to wear my employee uniform, which is a giant set of spiky black full plate w/ helmet, I can’t feel the angelic cushion. So instead, I replaced it with a nice and comfy rolly chair from Greg’s Furniture Emporium. That was a pretty good $80 spent. Plus it’s a ROLLY chair people, a rolly chair!
And as soon as I fuc- hekkin sit down, the dang important email notification blares.
Katie- Hello! Sorry for the inconvenience, but the board of directors decided that it was once again time for a dungeon change! I know this is sudden, but don’t kill the messenger please, and it needs to be done by the end of the day. Thank you.
WHAT!?!??!
A dungeon change, right now, by the end of the day!?!? The *^&$ ^%$# &^*% *!*$#@* *^$* *%**!!! Screw that, ‘Don’t kill the messenger”? No way in heck i’m gonna follow that logic, that little #$%#&.
Ah, I got mad again. I’m going to have to replace the desk.
...And the floor.
...And some of the ceiling.
You see, when I get angry, I accidently release some of my power. And, ahhh, looks like I chose molten rock paradise. Dang it, that’s more coming out of my paycheck, I better get a bonus the size of the Yeakl vault for the dungeon change.
I can’t even get a break, as soon as you sit you stand and vice versa. I don’t even bother to step over the magma as I go to the reinforced coldsteel door. I open it up, seeing the holiest angel to ever exist at my door.
“Coffee?”
*Sniff* “Yes please.” I can barely say over the tears in my eyes, hugging the small woman in a tight embrace.
She reaches into my helmet and pats my head, rubbing my back. “ETA, five minutes.” She understands me, the goddess~!
I don’t cry often, and she comforts me when I do. Take my saleryyyyyy!
With one last sniffle, I release the beautiful thing of creation as I press a buzzer on my way out. With a swift pace, I run back the way I came. However, running for me means I almost broke the sound barrier, papers flying everywhere.
“Sorry Tom.”
He just gives me a thumbs up. Such an understanding guy, respect to the ooze race for my homie.
I practically, well, I did break down the darkshard reinforced door to the meeting room. This is an emergency, no time for opening doors! I slide across the long table, leaving carved marks from the spikes of my armor along the way, till I slide right into the final chair.
Now, you might be thinking, how will they know to get here? Well, the buzzer I pressed in my office is what is usually called the ‘Oh Shit’ button. In this case, I forwarded the private email, but as long as specific people don’t learn I did something against business policy, i’m fine.
What was it again? As long as they don’t find out, it’s not illegal?
*Crash* *Bang* *Screech*
Oh, here they come.
A harpy, a shadow demon, a leviathan (don’t ask), a snake woman, and a dark elf walk into an office- I AIN’T GOT TIME FOR THAT!
“Everybody’s seen it, the email, right?”
Everybody nodded, most stoked with vigor, while others crippling depression. I can relate to the latter.
“Your coffee.”
ROBIN~!
No! Back on topic!
*cough* *cough* “Now, everyone knows how deep we are in shi- oh heck with formalities, we are neck deep in shit right now, and there’s nothing we can do. Swap floors, change tiles, alter traps, rotate monsters, force adventurers out, all of it.”
“So, what in the hells are we going to do about it?”
“I’ll tell you Marie. I’ll tell you exactly what we’re going to do,”
“we’re going to pull the drain.”