Waking up with a start, Clara clenched her fingers tight to subdue the familiar panic attacks that threatened to overwhelm her senses. Still coping with the inability to move her limbs around, she felt trapped inside her body let alone the terrors of the induced blindness. Time had lost its meaning to her lying here on this bed. To hear the sound of the morning dawns and evening crickets yet only experience them in total darkness summed up her current life, day in and day out. What was the point of living like this? The singular question kept resonating throughout her waking moments, like a silent plea urging Clara to end it once and for all and join her ancestors in the afterlife.
Truth to be told, Clara had no reason to ignore these dark thoughts. In fact, she longed for the sweet release of death. Far away from the limitations of her physical handicap, far away from this prison of the flesh. ‘You never know what you have until it’s gone' never rang so true. Wallowing in misery, she forced herself to fall back to sleep. The waking world was a shroud of darkness that veiled over the light and only sleep could shake her off from this living torture.
“Good morning Clara, how are you feeling today?”
Entering the room after several light knocks, Kiara approached the bedside with her medicine kit in hands. Day after day the old woman would make sure that Clara was taken care of by washing, feeding, cleaning and changing the bandages with her grandchild Javi sometimes tagging along to help out. The chatty munchkin was prone to become a talented healer given a decade or so under his grandmother’s tutelage. In addition to being her community’s medical practitioner, Kiara also brought a sense of justice and tranquility to those around her. Many people came daily to seek out her aid not just for the everyday ailments but also resolving personal conflicts.
“Hi Kiara. I’m...feeling a little better today. How is Omar doing?” Struggling to turn her head, Clara forced a smile to her face and pushed the depressing thoughts away. Pretending to be fine everyday was a tussle in of itself but what else could she do? This was someone who had been trying to help her get better and Clara could not find it in herself to appear ungrateful and lifeless, however much she wanted to.
“Bah! No need to worry about that grumpy old bones, just some bruises here and there, nothing too serious. Taming that wild horse was more than he could handle. That’s what he gets for doing things that he shouldn’t be doing at his age.” Taking a seat next to the bedpost, Kiara began to wash Clara’s hair while simultaneously stirring the nearby medicine bowl.
“I’m glad that he’s okay. I really enjoyed listening to his stories.” Clara winced in pain as the bandages started to come off. Her skin felt like it was on fire.
“Hah! Exaggerated tales aimed to impress the ill-informed. Don’t take them too much at face value dear.That one has always been mischievous for as long as I knew him. By the way, you have such pretty and bright silver hair Clara my dear. Does it run in the family?”
“Yes...I was told that my mother and I shared the same hair color. Other than her, I do not know anyone else who has hair like mine.”
“Oh? The color is indeed a rarity. Some might say that it is a blessing of magical manifestation. In fact, I only know one other person who has a similar trait and she is stopping by my house this morning for a quick check up. Perhaps you would like to meet her afterwards hmm?” After helping Clara to sit up, Kiara began to spoon-feed the bitter concoction to her patient. “Just bear with it my dear. You only need to drink this for a few more days before we can start letting you try solid foods again.”
Smiling in embarrassment, Clara didn’t realize she was making an ugly face while gulping down the bitter potion. According to Kiara, her taste buds would come back in a few days after this current prescription.
“Sorry I thought the taste would be bearable after a while…and yes! I would love to meet this person that you mentioned. Does she also live near here in the village?”
“Why yes. In fact she is our village’s head shaman and an old friend of mine. I told her a few days ago about you at our weekly meetings. Come, let us get you out for some fresh air. Lying in bed for too long will do you more harm than good.”
Placing Clara in a wooden wheeled chair, Kiara put on a light overcoat and wrapped a wool blanket over her patient before taking them both outside. There was a slight chill in the air as Clara took in the smell of the morning dews and felt the warm rays of sunlight caressed across her face.
“Ah at last the sun finally broke through the clouds after last night’s rainfall. Still a little bit misty but a beautiful morning nonetheless. I’ll check on Javi and have him accompany you in a minute.”
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Leaving Clara at the back garden, Kiara went inside to find Javi. Finally alone with her thoughts, Clara began her daily breathing exercises. It was pretty much the only thing that she could do in her current physical condition without upsetting her caretaker. Recalling one of her training sessions, she reminded herself of her Master’s words about letting go and finding the right mental balance:
“Empty your mind pupil and find stillness in your thoughts.”
“Now picture a quiet morning as you float over the clouds and drift across the lake.”
“Find steadiness by looking at your reflection in the calm water.”
“Whenever you are ready, try to direct the flow of the natural energies toward your core.”
“...I was only able to get hold of some of it Master.”
“Clara...as Martial Warriors we must not neglect our inborn gifts but must utilize them to our advantage. Our senses can be augmented the more skilled we become. You do not need to fully master them like our mage counterparts but just understanding one’s own elements is critical for progress. Go ahead and overcome this natural barrier of insight on your own. This is something that can not be taught but only through experience will your future potentials be unlocked. I know you are ready for the next tier of magic.”
“Ughhh Master you always said that but how can I overcome such a thing? It’s been years since the incident but I have yet to make any progress. The best I can do right now is erecting basic elemental barriers while maintaining proficiency in my warrior skills.”
“Oh ho! Listen to yourself berating your own abilities without actually trying. I understand why you’re hesitant about it. Let go of your fears Clara and confront the past. Sometimes we must-”
“I’m sorry Master. Please forgive this foolish student for disappointing your expectations. I just don’t feel like I am ready yet to pass that hurdle yet.”
“...We are never truly ready for anything Clara. The best anyone of us could do is to be prepared when the time comes. Now stop fidgeting around so much and concentrate!”
Sensing the flickers of magic around her, Clara redirected the energies toward the center of her being. It was a lot easier for her mind to notice these traces now that she wasn’t using her physical eyes for sight. But just as before she was doing it wrong. Lacking the finesse control over the floating magical particles, she could see a large quantity of them escaping her body. Manipulating the world’s energies required more than a calm mind and strength of will. At the moment however, Clara did not even possess those two basics of basics.
How frustrating. This was the one of the reasons why she had trained in the martial path. It was a lot easier to punch your way through things than spending all that time wrestling with the magical unknown.
“Deep breaths girl, deep breaths. Control your wandering thoughts. Invite the magic into your being. Make them feel welcome to be part of you rather than forcing them to do your bidding, for they had always been there alongside you.”
Slowing down her heartbeats, Clara followed the advice and submerged herself amidst the currents of energy. She felt the elemental magic gathering around her core, pulsating in cadence along with every breath that she took. She could hear the loud poundings of her heart and the circulation streams of her lifeblood. The world around her suddenly became a little brighter amidst the perpetual darkness. Her senses were sharper than ever before with every blade of grass and sounds of the forest bustling with life. Was this the next level of comprehension that Master had talked about?
“Amazing feeling isn’t it?”
Yes. Indeed it was an amazing experience.
A tiny flicker of light twinkled in and out of existence in the far distance. With every second that passed she could see it becoming a little bit sharper to define. Every fiber of her being yearned to run toward the luminescence. The tiny ball of light seemed to be hovering ever closer to her location. Reaching out with her senses, she could’ve sworn that it just spoke out her name. There was a foul stench in the air as the light ball increased in speed, shooting toward Clara while emitting a trace of golden dust in its wake.
A gentle whisper of words followed by a light wind brushed past her face. Coming back into awareness, Clara turned her head to the direction of the stranger’s voice all the while noticing that the strange light was gone. “Yes. Thank you for providing me with your advice earlier err…”
“I am called Delmira, head shaman and protector of the village. Kiara spoke to me about you little Clara and I was just stopping by to introduce myself. What’s wrong? You look like something is troubling you.”
“No...It’s just that I felt something earlier. Something that I couldn’t explain. A sort of presence that tried to I don’t know, communicate with me. Is that normal?” With a title of shaman, perhaps Delmira could shed some insight into what Clara had just experienced.
“Hmm that is interesting indeed. Why don’t we talk more about it after your walk with Javi? Ah, here he is.”
Running out with hurried steps, Clara could hear Javi’s excited voice as he approached. Breakfast must have had some type of honey again, Javi never failed to mention what his absolute favorite food was in the morning.
“Oh hello there head shaman! My grandmother is inside if you need to see her. Do you want to join us for a walk around the neighborhood?”
“Perhaps another time child. I will see you two when you get back from your walk. I have some things to take care of with your grandmother. Enjoy yourselves now.” With her goodbyes, Delmira left to find Kiara.
“I’m going to take you around the upper farmlands this morning big sister Clara. My friend’s family has the tastiest of fruits that we can try. Plus, it’ll be good for you to have something else in your body besides that yucky stuff.”
“That sounds good Javi. Although your grandmother would be furious if she found out that I’m having anything besides the prescribed medicine drink…”
“Bah! I won’t tell if you don’t. I can see that you are ready to move on days ago but grandmother was just being extra safe for no reason.”
“Thank you Javi. I guess I’ll be in your care.”
“Great! Let’s head out now while the sun is still cool in the morning. Ooooh I was playing with my friends yesterday and we saw a tiny wild cat in the trees…”
Perhaps it was just her sense of honor speaking but Clara made up her mind to find some ways to repay back her caretakers, and that meant trying her best to live with this broken body. Instead of feeling elated at the realization, she felt a sense of tiredness at her silent oath. A life debt was more than someone like her could give.
“There is no rest for the weary.” Clara finally understood what the words meant as she dreamed about better days.