He had the same dream every night. He was in a box, and it was getting smaller. There were no windows or doors, and the only openings were those that let in streams of light Shawn couldn’t reach because he was chained to the floor. It was just him, trapped. Until it wasn’t just him anymore. Every night Shawn had the dream, and every night she came when he screamed.
She bowed. She introduced herself. She didn’t draw the sword she carried. The woman with the eerie eyes and the rotted neck. Akki.
“Greetings, Shawn.” Akki was still bowing. “Do you remember me?”
“Yes.”
“Do you remember what I’m about to do?”
“Yes.”
“Would you ask me to?”
“Yes!”
Akki sliced the chains that held Shawn down. It was one masterful motion, a swift swoop upward, and Shawn was free of the chains. He sat there and marveled at her, then noticed the room getting smaller, the holes that let in light getting thinner. Akki seemed unperturbed by this, as always. He’d never admit it out loud, but Akki’s nonchalance scared him too. Along with her appearance. How did she walk around with her neck like that? How did she have such poise? It was unnatural. Gave Shawn the shivers.
“We’re gonna die in here,” said Shawn.
“Not if the room stops shrinking.”
“But I don’t have any control over that!”
“Yes, you do.” Akki stared at him, the pinhole light casting bright dots on her eyes. “A dreamer always has the most control of their own dreamscape.”
“I don’t have control over anything. Not even when I’m awake.”
“Then that is the reason this one is recurrant.” Akki drew her sword. She held it up and the ceiling halted. “Lack of control in the waking world can seep into the dreamscape. The same holds true in reverse.”
“How are you doing that?”
“I’m deciding to.”
“That’s it?”
“That’s it.”
The walls were still squeezing closer. The chains that before held Shawn clanked against the incoming wall and scraped along the floor as it pushed.
“In waking life,” said Akki. “Where do you feel least in control?”
“What does that have to do with anything?”
“Are you lucid? I’ve already explained what that has to do with your dreamscape.”
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She had mentioned before that the waking world, as she called it, reflected the dreamscape, but Shawn didn’t know what in the waking world was causing this dream. In the waking world, he was in control most of the time. He was the star athlete, the one everyone looked up to, and also on the fast track to being valedictorian. He was in control. The only thing he wasn’t in control of was what other people thought of him.
“It’s pressure,” said Shawn.
“Pressure?”
“To perform.”
“Once you’re on the top, you can’t slip up. People remember if you hit rock bottom.”
The walls inched closer. The ceiling somehow slipped around Akki’s hold of it and lowered.
“One mistake leads to another,” said Shawn. “And another and another, until all you are is a failure.”
“You’re not a failure.” Akki swiveled her wrist and the ceiling stopped falling again. “One mistake doesn’t always lead to many either.”
The wall to the right of Akki slid faster toward them. She put out her right hand in a gesture that meant stop, and the wall halted.
“How are you doing that?” asked Shawn. He was wide-eyed on the floor on all fours. He gazed up at her and tried to figure out the positioning, because maybe if she could do it, he could do it too. “Is it just a pose, or are you doing something else too?”
“I’m refusing to compromise,” said Akki.
The streams of sunlight vanished and they were left in the dark.
That hadn’t ever happened before. Shawn picked himself up off the floor. He wanted to reach for Akki but he didn’t know how far the walls were from them, aside from the fact they were closing in, and he didn’t know what to do even if he did reach her. But he had to do something, anything, to get out of here and not be crushed. He sat there feeling like an idiot. Then he put his hand out, facing the wall on Akki’s left.
“The last time I was here,” said Akki. “You mentioned you were on an athletics team.”
“Yeah, so?” The wall kept getting closer. He just knew that’s what was happening, regardless of the visuals. Dreams are weird that way.
“So, you also said you were the leader.”
“Leader is putting it too heavily. The whole team has to work together to win.”
“Then why are you not working together with me?”
“Because I don’t know how!”
“What is it you’re compromising on in waking life?”
“I don’t know, everything? But it’s not my fault my dad won’t listen to me.”
The wall behind Shawn reached his back and was still pushing. He nearly tripped over the broken chains as he braced to maintain his balance.
“What do you really want?” Akki’s voice never wavered. She must not be afraid of anything. “Beyond the surface, what is it your soul craves?”
Shawn pushed harder against the wall at his back, lowering his arm to do so. “Time,” he blurted.
“Time?”
“I don’t know why I said that but I know what it means.”
“What does it mean?”
“We’re being crushed and you’re psychoanalyzing me. You figure out what it means.” He always had gotten ruder whenever he was stressed. He winced as he realized he sounded exactly like his father. You figure out what it means. “I’m sorry.”
“In waking life,” said Akki. “Refuse to compromise on something. It need not be more than one. Just one. A new one.”
“I really want to quit.” Shawn’s admission came as a surprise even to him. “The team. I’ve been wanting to quit for ages but I’m the best player. It’s no fun anymore, having to defend my position. And so many people looking up to me. But I started for the game initially, not the status. The game itself.”
“Then that is what you must do. Quit the team.”
“I can’t just—”
The walls rushed faster and Shawn awoke in his bed. He wasn’t panting or sweating or anything, but he remembered what he dreamt. He wondered why it was always a blond who came to his rescue. Maybe too much of that one TV show. Lingering in the back of his mind were her pointers. He thought on it. Quitting. It would be liberating, right? Freeing? For him, but the team would suffer. There wasn’t anything he could do about that area of his life. But what if it was as easy as just quitting? What if he could do it?
His dad would have a shitfit.
Shawn attempted to tell his father how he felt at breakfast, but no words came out of his mouth when he tried to breach the subject.
And he went to practice and tried to tell Coach and nothing came out then either.
And he went to sleep and had the dream. Again and again and again.