(The Man’s POV)
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“AWAKEN”
Echoed the voice of a woman with sheer confidence that could even awaken the dead from their eternal slumber. It was coming from somewhere deep like she was talking from underwater, or… Was it I who was underwater?
“AWAKEN”
Her voice boomed again, deeper and louder this time with even more confidence as if it was possible. The voice was familiar, too familiar to be exact but I couldn't put a name behind it. Maybe the familiar one was not the sound but the timbre of it. Her voice echoed countless times before dying in the everlasting void. There was nothing inside the void, not even me.
“AWAKEN”
The woman’s voice sounded one more time, making my eyes shoot open. It felt like an electrical current ran through my body making me groan. My voice was alien to me though. Rough and forked, like I have been shouting for ages. It was like coming from somewhere deep, just like the voice of the woman.
“NAME YOURSELF!”
The owner of the voice ordered this time before my brain could comprehend where I was and what I was doing. I wasn't able to see the owner of the voice from the position I was lying and it was impossible to detect the source with all this echo. Alas, there was no reason to search for it. Because without even thinking about what was happening, my body obeyed the order immediately like I was waiting for this question for ages.
“Reason” My voice answered automatically like I was possessed.
‘Wait… What? Wait a moment… My name is not Reason.’ I thought, groaning again but couldn't voice my thoughts. But the woman gave no respite and continued her interrogation nonetheless.
“What is your purpose?” She asked, but there was something more in her voice this time. ‘Was it… Pride?’ I thought without knowing any better.
“...to, reason?” My voice answered in confusion despite myself again, creeping me out. That voice was definitely mine, but I was not the one answering the question.
‘What now? Am I possessed?’ I thought. As if hearing my thoughts, the woman asked again. "Why do you seek possession?”
Now, that definitely answered one of my thousands of questions, albeit causing thousands more. ‘Was I really possessed? By what, and how for God’s sake? Where was I? How did I end up here?’
“...to protect…” I- No! The thing that called itself Reason answered automatically again with a deadpan voice. I tried to move my arms, legs, neck, and even fingers with no success. With that, a deep sense of helplessness started to run through my veins. If I was frightened before, now I was genuinely terrified. The image of me, being trapped in my own body for the rest of my life made my blood run cold. If I could scream right then I would have, alas It was a herculean task even to blink.
“There is no one hostile here but you!” The woman said mockingly and continued. “Ask your own consciousness! Ask him his name.”
This time that thing didn't talk with my voice but something in my mind talked, or maybe thought… to me? There was something inside my mind but it was definitely not me. Not the way I know of it.
‘What is your name?’ the thing that called itself Reason thought following the woman’s suggestion with obvious curiosity. I was creeping out within my own skin from something that was in my mind, holding my body hostage.
‘So what should I deduce from this?’ I thought incredulously. ‘Was I really that thing’s consciousness? Was it hostile? What does this information mean then? In the end, could I trust the owner of the voice?’ my thoughts wander. My mind was in complete disarray. ‘Could I even trust myself if I knew I was mentally ill?’
I knew myself better than anyone else and the answer was a big fat no. No, even without something talking in my head I couldn't trust myself completely but with something talking in my head and controlling my voice, maybe even my body?
Well, that was first-class nightmare fuel, not that I could have one. Still, I answered the question with my own thoughts.
‘Pinhan’ I said -thought-, following the ritual as I did it countless times before but that answer didn't satisfy the thing.
‘Ayan?’ it asked again but I did not answer this time. Not that it could make a difference if I was really possessed. But still… I hold that information from the thing in my mind to get back at it with everything I had. I had no idea if it could read my mind or not, but the answer was obvious if it needed to ask.
As if she could hear my unworded thoughts, the woman talked to me… No, to that thing again. "Did you get your answer?” She said mockingly. “As I said, you are the only hostile here.” Her voice turned into a whisper in the empty chamber again and she continued talking.
“Now dive deep. Watch, listen and learn but never possess without permission again for that would be the last thing you would do. I will make sure of it.” She threatened the thing that called himself Reason.
I had no idea if she had the power to fulfill that threat or not. Likewise, I had no idea what would have happened to me if she fulfilled it. However, there was no need to learn.
Just like that I… No, my consciousness started to swim towards the surface from wherever it was. The moment it surfaced, I took a deep, sharp breath as if I really was underwater just a moment ago. My whole body felt like a great amount of weight was lifted from it and my mind started to clarify. Memories started to flood into my mind as if to answer my previous questions and I couldn't help but groan one more time, this time my voice was much clear to my ears.
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"Congratulations!”
Cheered the woman as if she was waiting for me to surface.
“For now, you are Awakened."
As if waiting for those words I remembered where I was and what I was doing here with literally another subconsciousness in my mind. I was in the Secret Chamber of Awakening, lying on my back on the altar of sacrifice, running through the first awakening of my mind in the hope of gaining a sapient subconsciousness that would accompany me for the rest of my life.
“Name yourself!” Ustad Figen asked again. Although I still, couldn't be able to see anything in the odyssey of the chamber, I was sure who the voice belong to now. It was impossible not to recognize the voice of the woman that was the Muallim of almost half of my mandatory courses.
“Pinhan '' I answered following the ritual as always with pride like I was the king of the world but incognito only for this occasion. The answer didn't satisfy the woman just like it didn't satisfy my infant subconsciousness.
“Oh my!” She mused as if she was hoping for another answer but was shocked with this one instead. “Ayan?” She asked after a brief moment to build up the pressure like she didn't know my ayan name.
“Agâh” I gave my given name -ayan- this time instead of hiding it as I did previously to let my new subconsciousness not only learn my given name but also the way of the ritual itself.
“A fitting name indeed.” Ustad teased but didn't stop with just that. “Pinhan?” She asked as if she was testing the literally first thing that she taught to all the authority holders during their first courses on the first day of the academy.
I thought about not answering it like I always did in the last four years and letting silence be my answer but decided against it. ‘Not today.’ I thought. ‘Today I will savor this feeling.’
“With all my respect, I refuse to answer this question Muallim.” I said teasing her in return. She feigned a gasp in the face of the open rebellion but couldn't prevent the rising edges of her mouth… or I thought so. Not that I can see anything, not even myself.
“My, my… Sadly child but no, you can't refuse” She said and asked another question but this time not to me. “Usta Amra! Didn’t you teach this young man that he can't refuse an Official Request of a Naming from his domain supervisor?”
“I drilled it to his thick skull as I did it to every graduate of this division Muallim.” answered a much younger woman exaggeratedly with a fake urgency in her voice.
“But why is he acting like he already has his own supervisor then?” asked Muallim Figen her new not-question this time.
“Indeed Muallim, I have asked Muallin Nuran for her supervision prior to my awakening.” I answered the question that was pointed towards Usta Amra, like it was the most natural thing to do with a smile on my face, still lying on the cold stone.
“But nothing is set to the stone child. Say… Would you say no to me if I try to steal you from Nuran?” Muallim Figen set her trap in the guise of a question with all the false innocence she could muster. While I was trying to find a way out to save myself from the dilemma of the double-edged question that I unleashed upon myself, another voice came to my rescue.
“Oh, come on Figen. It is enough fun that you have made of the boy. Now that he fell back upon me, I should protect him from your pleasantries as any responsible supervisor would do.” said Muallim Nuran and lovered her voice to address me.
“Congratulations, on your first awakening child.” her voice turned towards me and then continued. “Now that you are one of those, mind awakened, we must discuss the path you wish to walk formally.” She started her briefing before the last part of the ritual but the conservation took an unexpected turn. “However, there is something more important we must address before that.”
Immediately I started to skim my, now accessible, memories of the ritual in my mind to crosscheck everything while she continued talking.
“As you must be able to remember now, your first awakening was a great success as you have separated a significant portion of your consciousness to create an individual autonomous subconsciousness with a distinct personality of its own.”
While I couldn't find anything unexpected at first glance, Muallim Nuran continued summarizing the results of the first part of the ritual.
“In fact, you were so successful that he even named himself as Reason without your consent which is just another indication of his great potential.”
‘That…’ I thought from the place where I lay on my back watching the darkness above ‘...was too good to be true, isn't it?’
“Just like everything else that is not in moderation, this great success also caused a not-so-rare side effect that must be paid attention to.” she continued mirroring my own thoughts. ‘Here comes The Big But.’ I sighed mentally.
“But nothing too dire thankfully as you too also can imagine from the delightful atmosphere inside The Chamber.” she added to relieve me.
There it was, The Big But. ‘Never believe anything before the but’ I thought sighing inwardly.
“As you have already experienced it yourself, although he is still an infant, Reason is already strong enough to possess your body.” She pointed out the problem, also explaining the reason behind the nightmare fuel I have just experienced but didn’t give proper attention to due to my newfound success. “Alas, he is almost strong enough to be considered as a semi-consciousness.”
‘Damn!’ I thought, realizing the problem immediately. I was a member of the lucky minority, or the unlucky minority if you take it from another perspective.
“This alone is not something that should be alarmed of by itself. On the opposite, it is a great advantage that should be properly exploited if he, Reason, is trained properly. However, if not trained properly, Reason not only has the potential to take control of your body, pushing you towards deep in your own consciousness but also replace and even destroy it.” She continued explaining the textbook disadvantages of having a semi-consciousness.
Alas, by that time I was already dreaming about the advantages of the situation and trying to imagine ways to exploit them.
“Now no need to panic. We just have to present you to Reason as an intrinsic ally of his and being the embodiment of your logical consciousness, he would be your greatest asset in your future endeavors, as long as you draw borders properly and treat him with respect. However, I must add, choosing the logical part of your consciousness to divide and awaken first instead of any other part was a great insight on your side, especially in this case.” She tried to alleviate my not-so-present concerns.
While she continued her explanation, I was still thinking of ways to best utilize this new tenant in my mind. Obvious from the name he choose for himself, Reason, was a product of my rational consciousness. Anything from decision making to action planning, from problem-solving to thinking, reasoning, and learning could be associated with the rational part of my consciousness and could be exploited with an independent semi-consciousness.
“...with our guidance and counseling, there should be no immediate danger..” Muallim Nuran was continuing her speech. As much as I understood the risks of such an entity in my mind, the potential gains were weighing down losses too much to worry about.
“Fret not,...” She said but dreams of greatness and excellence were already clouding my mind at that point. I was already imagining multi-casting and simultaneous-casting let alone image and trigger sharing.
‘I am going to be a one-man squad aren't I?’ I thought involuntarily. ‘What if my other sub-consciousnesses too would be semi-consciousnesses?’
“.... you must wait at least five years to undergo your second awakening if you desire so….” Muallim Nuran said as if answering my thoughts as if she can read them just like Muallim Figen did previously. Although not probable, It was obviously possible.
‘It was too good to be true anyway. But what if…’ I couldn't stop thinking. It was not the time and place but my mind was already wandering.
“... are going to introduce you to a system to help you better control Reason in case he felt threatened and possessed your body again…” she successfully drew my attention one more time.
‘System?’ I thought while trying to remember what was that. That was probably something that was not part of the official curriculum due to being only important for a minority.
“It would not only help you never lose control of Reason completely even when he possesses your body, but also help you to task and purpose him. But that can be discussed another time. Now, let’s finish the ritual now.” she ended her monologue.
Just like the beginning of the first part of the ritual, I was expected to actively participate at the beginning of the second part thus, they let me collect myself from the stone altar and left the chamber.