Chapter 2

I didn’t waste the motes.

And I did use it.

All three hundred and sixteen [Essence] went into thickening my scales.

Remember your vow, Elisa. You promised yourself that you will not waste your second life away.

I did not return to the column after the incident, leaving the [Green Worms] to themselves.

You can’t run away, Elisa. There is nowhere to go.

…

…

I know.

…

Am I even Elisa?

Of course you are.

…

It was at times like that I was so utterly aware.

So aware that there was no sound.

No movement.

No one.

Not even your own beating heart.

There was only me, and only me by myself, sitting in the void.

I don’t have an identity save for my name.

I knew that I was human — but not anymore. I have neither the love from my parents, friends or anyone left that cares about me.

Then, why am I still hesitating?

…

Why can’t you let go? It’s only fourteen years, what have you to lose?

…

Still…

I couldn’t let go. I was — am human. That must not change. I will not let go, not now, not ever.

I’m not a monster. I…

Humans can be monsters too, Elisa.

So? I snapped at myself, angry for even suggesting such a thing, I will not be a monster.

…

No, you are not a monster, but an alien. A creature that will never again be part of the world you once knew. It’s gone.

Doesn’t mean that I can let go. There is… worth in being human.

…

It’s gone.

…

Now what?

There is no way but forward.

Where are you going? What are you even trying to find?

… Anywhere. Anywhere but here.

People — I need to find people. I can’t stay alone. I will go mad — I am going mad.

You are not crazy, Elisa. Just seeing too much.

People. What’s left of a human, when you take away his body, his sense, his friends, his world? What’s left, when all he got was his mind?

People rot when they are alone. They grow desperate and start losing themselves. Is he still a human, then? When they start spending their being in search of desires?

I mustn’t stay here. I must keep moving.

…

If you are so set in doing so, what are you waiting for?

I can’t even say I’m wasting time because I have forever.

I moved.

And moving on is what I must do.

My body that wasn’t me twitched and flexed, glinting all pretty as lies do. The body was powerful, but it felt so weak, so transparent now. I’ll never feel hungry again, I’ll never breathe again and I’ll never feel my heart beat again.

I am…

I turned my eyes away from the column, a part of it scorched grey, devoid of green. The [Green Worms] avoid that place now.

I stood before a [Corridor], its clouds and vertex whirling silently like the gates to heaven or hell, impassion.

Behind me was the column and on it the [Green Worms].

I…

I do not have any words left. There’s nothing I say that can excuse what I did. I left a mark, but not the one I wished.

…

Don’t look back now. There is only forward left here.

I swam forward. The [Corridor] didn’t answer with words. It didn’t judge as it’s folds swallowed me within its misty heart, it didn’t smite with when it pulled me closer instead.

There is no one left to judge.

I closed my only eye. I don’t know why I did it, but it felt… right.

You are being melancholic again.

I’m a coward. Fleeing is what I’m doing.

So? sometimes you must move on. Shit happens, but you’ve always moved on. It’s a new place. You won’t know what you might find.

…

True enough.

I’ve always moved on.

Maybe, soon. Maybe I’ll soon find what I’m looking for.

I can not leave my past behind, but there is always forward. There’s nothing holding me from exploring the world. [Corridors] only go one way. There will not be any turning back for me.

Then, I passed through.

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...

I didn’t open my eye until I felt the familiar current brushing against me, the familiar tingle of the [Beyond]. The transition from one [Area] to another was once again rather odd, the way that you were moving despite being completely still, space itself leaking over to another chamber.

I’m over in another [Area] now. I chanted to myself, I’m over in another [Area] now.

It felt unreal. The way a simple door seem to permanently erase your mistakes. How the simple act of simply moving away or turning your head away can bring solace.

I didn’t like it.

I feel like I’m trying to forget my mistakes.

Focus now, Elisa.

…

Right. There is no point to dwell on it now. Moving on is all I can do now.

I sighed to myself.

Indeed. There is only forward.

When I did open my eye though, it was not what I expected.

Oh.

Ohhhh?!

Suddenly, I felt extremely disorientated as I stared at the sky.

Or more accurately, the fucking grey forest that —

… oh.

Feeling foolish, I turned myself over hastily and stared out at the unexpected sight.

Because instead of the tumbling grey walls of the [Beyond], before me was undoubtedly land. With a floor.

A FLOOR.

The white landscape that stretched outwards, ending at an indescribable distance away that would normally have disappeared beyond the horizon line on earth. On the earth, pale trunks rose and rose, until the very tips curled back the top of the [Area]. Sprouting from the marble-like trees were grey limbs and leaves, spraying open into a forest of ash and dust.

Beneath the canopy was quiet, but not silent. There were clicks and chirps as strange beings of [Essence] made their living here. Green forms, some in the shape of [Green Worms], some not, danced through the undergrowth. Odd looking six limbs green creatures hung from the branches, swing from one tree to another in groups, hooting.

Through the air, countless [Grey Blobs] drifted by, the currents taking them where they might go. Some were caught by the tree limbs instead, splattering across the snowy bark. Where the motes fell, leaves sprouted from it, fresh and tender. [Red Blobs] however avoided the trees, drifting close but never touching.

Its an honest to god forest, I marveled, holy shit, it's Narnia. The way the forests scratched the top of the world, the way the ambient light seems to permeate wherever you go, the stark whiteness of the branches in a grey, grey world — it reflected Earth so bizarrely it's almost creepy.

…

Hey, forests mean bigger animals.

And that means predators — oh shit. I immediately moved out from around [Corridor] opening I was at. Paddling along quickly, I disappeared along the tree line. The way the [Ash Trees] popped the [Grey Blobs] were slightly worrying, but the six limbs somethings were fine with it, so I’ll probably be fine.

Safely and securely tucked behind a bushel of leaves, I continued to carefully observe my surroundings. My current position was rather up high, almost three-fourths up the tree my rough estimation alone. The group of green tinted [Monkeys] had swung away into the distance, their howls disappearing.

Way, way below me on the ground were predictably [Green Worms], slowly munching away at the leafs and grass. Some thinner, spinier variations had seemed to climb the [Ash Trees] instead, hooking into the bark with long thing legs, chomping away at the leafs just like their fatter cousins on the ground.

The worms, however, were absolutely dwarfed by what appeared next.

Stepping out from behind a thick bush was a long, thin creature that was shaped oddly like a deer. It got four long legs, lightly stepping over the worms beneath. Its green hue and green leaves in its lipless mouth designated it as a “herbivore”.

What drew my attention to it, aside from the obvious inclusion of a skeletal structure was the head. More accurately, it got eyes.

Small dots of beady blue seem to protrude from both sides of its face, gazing about. They contained no pupil, but it was obvious what it was. Aside from the mouth and eyes, however, it lacks any other orifices. With its queer-looking skeletal structure that seemed to jut out, it appeared more like an undead deer than an actual one.

I didn’t move as it’s gaze slid over the undergrowth. Since I didn’t make a ruckus when I arrived, it wasn’t alarmed at all.

I bid my time, patiently waiting. I do not know if such a place contains any predatory creature aside from the obvious [Red Blobs]. Besides, herbivores are not solitary animals, so it’s brood might still be around.

I counted ten seconds.

The [Deer] stood there without moving, still chewing on the leaf.

Thirty seconds.

Forty seconds.

The [Deer] redistributed it’s weight, stepping forward. Behind it was another [Deer] — maybe a juvenile — this time quite a bit smaller. It lowered it’s head to the, pulling up more [Grass] to eat.

While the [Small Deer] spent its time eating, the [Deer] stood guard, it’s eyes scanning vigilantly. I wasn’t sure if these more advanced creatures still process the basic [Scanning] that all beings of the [Essence] have, but it seemed very likely. Partnered with’s its eyes, it seemed that sneaking up on this creature might be difficult.

…

They don’t have ears, do they? I noted down their perfectly smooth skull and the complete absence of the appropriate orifice, but neither do you, pal.

…

Well, I’m not getting hungry anytime soon, so I suppose that I should just wait.

With my long body, I wind around the branch I’m on, the [Feelers] and [Spears] strapping myself tight to the wood.

The branches themselves appeared perfectly smooth as if they were grown out of stone, hardy and strong. I do not know if I could snap the branch though, seeing that most things up till this point were pretty squishy.

Speaking of hard, I wondered how strong were the bones of these [Deers]. Seeing something that contained a skeletal structure was a surprise but it meant I’m one step closer to my goal — which was ultimately civilization.

Jelly to crystal, yay.

Also, it seemed that I too somehow contains a skeletal structure — not one that belongs to a fish but more akin to that of a mammal, with ribs and all. I had no idea how or why, but it was vaguely reassuring that I’m not jelly through and through.

But things are happening on their own. Seems like you are losing control there.

Shush.

Beneath me, the two [Deers] finished their rounds, lightly trotting away. I watched them as they disappeared into the underbrush, footsteps fading away.

Why are there even sounds? Don’t they need a medium to transmit?

I ignored my queries and continued my vigil.

Then, out of the white something entered my own sensory range, moving in.

It’s a [Stick Insect], the one that climbs trees and chews on leaves. Awkwardly stepping around, it wobbled and waltzed on its spindly legs. I remained still as it walked around me until it’s right in front of me.

Now that I could see it properly, I realized that it was definitely not some kind of [Green Worm] variant. The [Stick Insect] had clear segments, which was oddly four. Covered in a thin looking carapace, it hobbled on its eight legs, four blue orbs stuck to its forehead as eyes.

Compared to a [Green Worm], it’s size was on the small size, barely reaching the size of a [Red Blob: Big]. This meant its fucking tiny when compared to me. I could pick it up with a single [Feeler] with no issue.

[Stick Mantis]? Are you suicidal too?

Then, it used its forearms to drag in a leaf, it’s bisected mouth opening to bite down on it.

…

It didn’t notice me.

I was clearly inside its sensory range, being literally right next to it, staring at it with my stupidly large eye.

But yet, it completely missed me.

Or it’s suicidal. Unlikely, but still an option.

Tentatively, I unlatched one of my [Feeler] from the trunk.

It froze.

I froze too.

Interesting.

I checked my [Sensor Space], but I couldn’t “see” it. I could see its shape as if it’s part of the background, but it lost its hue. However, my eyes can see it very very clearly in a vivid green.

So, not moving disguises yourself, huh. I wonder what color I seem to them.

It didn’t move for a while. We both sat there, unmoving, waiting for the other to start doubting. Eventually, as minutes passed, it relaxed, it’s head jittering sideways nervously.

Sorry, little guy. Science needs to be done.

Lightning fast, I curled my lose [Feeler] around its midriff. Caught by surprise despite its vigilance, most of its limbs were bound tightly to itself. Unhappy about the abduction, it waved one of its free arms wildly, clanging against my scales and hard flesh in futile. In the sounds of the forest, no one could hear its cries…

I turned the [Stick Mantis] over, observing it. The texture of its carapace was… refreshing. It seemed pretty tough looking, but…

It’s “loose”.

Although it is crystallized [Essence], it’s not as compact as it could have been — not even close. To me, it seemed… porous, even. It’s better than being pure jelly, but still…

Should I let it go?

Why? You caught it. Humans don’t let go of prey they caught.

…

I shoved it in my mouth, It’s jittering cut shot at it vanished. There was a small crunching sound — more like dry paper crumbling — as the [Stick Mantis] was promptly bashed to bits. With it came the flow of [Essence] and a taste of nuts.

Six [Essences] huh… not too bad for its size. I supposed it went into the carapace?

…

Oh, texture huh, I thought to myself, I need a proper mouth. And teeth.

Currently, my mouth was basically just a rectangular opening like a catfish, useful for swallowing large preys like [Green Worms] in the past since they were about half my size. But now, since I’ve increased my size by a factor of two, I no longer require a mouth like that.

What I do need is a predatory mouth, with teeth made to subdue prey.

Like a wolf’s jaw.

I highly doubt that my ability to swallow a [Deer] whole was practical.

I briefly scanned through my [Deposit], seeing that it still contains two hundred [Essence] to be used.

How should I approach this…

Push the [Feelers] forward so that they are located on the sides of the upper and lower jaw? Then I can slowly increase the size of the mouth by pushing the throat back and snout forward…

Let’s give it a shot.

I closed my eyes again, unwinding myself from the [Ash Tree: Branch], relaxing. It tingled as the base of my [Feelers] moved forward to the front of the mouth, right around where the lips would be. I felt the cavity of my jaws become longer and longer as [Essence] fuelled its growth, allowing the throat to be pushed back. From the fleshy gums erupted long crystalline teeth, shaped like wide-based needles and interlocking outward in an underbite.

Then, finally, the sides of my mouth pulled back, splitting asunder and exposing the rows of teeth the took the place the flesh that once made up the cheek, giving my Cthulhu-fish a permanent grin.

I yawned, feeling how my jaw could now be opened so wide it’s almost ninety degrees. I felt the way the muscles at the back of the mouth tensed, ready to snap the mighty jaw shut at the blink of an eye.

Not a monster, huh? I swear you have the attention span of a goldfish.

It’s just my physical form. Give me a break, Conscience.

Then, my [Deposit] hit rock bottom.

Shit. I’m broke.

…

That’s an excuse, isn’t it? God damn it, me.