Ep 80. Live. (3)
“Bye mom, bye dad! We’re off!”
The couple looked to each other, then towards their little daughter rapidly waving her hand at the door. Her kitten ears were perking up in excitement – which was adorable – but they couldn’t help worrying about the distance between their home and their daughter’s supposed destination.
Then again, it wasn’t like Light was going alone; a trusted professor was accompanying their daughter, as well as an actual dragon that the couple had come to regard as their second daughter.
The mother was the first to respond.
“You girls be careful out there, okay?”
“We will! Ilias said she can bring us back whenever too!”
“Don’t worry, Miss Torin! I’ll make sure Light stays safe.”
The father chuckled at the dragon’s confidence. He was nodding his head, but his eyes were solemnly staring into Ilias.
“You be careful out there too, Ilias. You’re both just as important to us.”
The red dragon sheepishly scratched her head at the request, compliantly nodding back.
“Ehehe…I will.”
“We’ll be back soon. Promise!”
Even as the two grew distant, the couple remained at the doorstep, waving their hands back at their two daughters. Only when their figures completely disappeared did they close the door, heading back inside.
“I wonder how long they’ll be gone for?”
“Hmm…longer than a week, I hope.”
“Thomas! Why would you say that?”
“Ilias is fine, but Light is still a child. She needs to grow used to living without us.”
“Oh, psh. You worry too much. There’s still plenty of time until that happens! And even when it does, I’m sure Light will still be living just a few minutes away from us. She loves this city.”
“Hahaha. I suppose you’re right.”
The couple both looked towards the closed door, then back at each other. A short laughter escaped them both.
“…I already miss them.”
“…Yeah. So do I.”
…
…
…
It hadn’t been long since then.
No, it really hadn’t been long since then.
✧ ✧ ✧
Drip.
As usual, it began with a single droplet of water falling from the sky.
And, as usual, it didn’t take long for the drop of water to become a sudden rainfall.
“Aw. It’s raining…”
It wasn’t particularly cold. They were in a tent, and whenever it grew even a little cold, Ilias would always wrap her tail around the little girl beside her.
But contrary to her usual vibrance, the red dragon’s eyes were full of concern, worriedly looking towards the half girl sitting beside her.
“Light…are you okay?”
“Mhm! I’m not cold at all.”
“No, I mean…”
“Mm?”
“…”
Ilias opened her mouth to say something, but soon closed it back without another word.
‘It’s only been a week…’
She was smiling. Just like always, just like she always had, the half girl’s lips were curved into a bright, cheery smile.
Even though it’d only been one week since she’d held her parents’ lifeless bodies.
“Ilias, I’m really okay. You don’t have to worry.”
“…Light…”
Her school had been destroyed – along with almost everyone she knew there.
The home she should’ve returned to had crumbled down. The parents that should’ve been there to welcome her back were instead crushed underneath the rubbles of their house.
Under such circumstances, was it really normal to be ‘okay’?
“I don’t even have to go back to school…it’s like I’m on vacation! Hehe.”
When things began to seem terribly off to the red dragon, someone’s head suddenly poked into their tent.
“Hey, kid.”
“…Huh?”
‘Raizel?’
As soon as the steel dragon spotted the half girl within, she wordlessly motioned with her hand for Light to come along.
“…?”
While puzzled, Light rose to her feet to follow the steel dragon outside. Ilias was likewise getting up to come along – until her friend’s cold voice stopped her midway.
“Ilias, you stay here.”
“Huh? Why?”
“Just stay, you dumbass.”
“Hey, that’s uncalled for! What’re you-“
Before Ilias could even finish her response, Raizel briskly pulled Light out of the tent. After giving one final glance at her friend, the steel dragon’s footsteps began to grow distant.
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“…What was that for?”
Left alone, Ilias plopped back down onto the small mattress, grumbling beneath her breath. Raizel and Light’s footsteps were fading out into the falling rain outside.
‘…You didn’t have to look at me like that.’
✧ ✧ ✧
“Hey, um…where’re we going?”
“You’ll know when we get there.”
“I could at least bring an umbrella or something…”
“You’ll be better off without one.”
After her last few words, Raizel merely led the half girl, walking through the rain indifferently. Light likewise followed the steel dragon without any further comments for a long while.
But when she began to realize the direction they were headed in, Light couldn’t help but slow down her steps.
‘Wait, if we keep going this way…’
The city cemetery was right up ahead.
An outsider – a dragon at that – was casually making her way towards it. Ironically, the person hesitating to follow was Light, who’d lived in Partivine all her life.
Realizing that the half girl wasn’t following along anymore, Raizel came to a stop after a few steps, turning to face behind her.
“Something wrong?”
“…Why are we…going in here…”
“You know why.”
Immediately after, the steel dragon made her way back over to Light, grabbing the half girl by her collar and dragging her along into the cemetery. Although Light did make an effort to resist, she was nowhere near strong enough to free herself from the dragon’s grasp.
“Wait! I really don’t need to come here, I-“
“Yes you do.”
Raizel turned her head to lock eyes with Light’s once more. The little girl’s hesitant gaze was soon overwhelmed by the steel dragon’s pressuring stare – a stare that seemed to remind her that she should’ve been here long ago.
And after a few minutes of being dragged along, the two finally reached their destination. When Raizel let go of the half girl, Light scanned their surroundings to soon notice a clean, brown headstone embedded before them.
Though, it wasn’t really ‘stone,’ per se.
“…Is this…bronze?”
“It lasts longer than stone.”
A heap of metal had been carved into the shape of a headstone, placed before two small, grassy hills behind it.
Raizel then knelt on one knee, bringing her fingertip towards the metal plate.
“Go on. Say their names.”
“…Names?”
“Of your parents.”
“…”
A heavy shadow crept onto the half girl’s expression. Her small pair of eyes began to shake as they stared into the rain-drenched metal.
“…No.”
Light’s little hands rolled into trembling fists.
“I don’t want to. You’re…going to write it down.”
Although Light was to slowly beginning to step back, this time Raizel neither looked back, nor arose to stop the half girl. She merely knelt in place while giving her answer.
“Not writing their names won’t make your parents come back alive.”
“…”
“It’ll just make things worse for you. And your parents won’t even have a proper grave to their name.”
“But…”
“But what?”
“…”
Raizel let out a small sigh at Light’s lack of response.
She could understand wanting to turn away.
She could understand not wanting to accept how things were.
She could understand wanting to pretend that everything was alright, and genuinely believing that things would really become alright somehow. But reality wasn’t like that.
An untreated wound was wont to fester; an avoided duty was wont to become regret. And in that case, it was better to face things sooner than later.
Or never face things at all. Ever.
“I can kill you.”
“…What?”
“If you’d like, I can bury you too, right here beside your parents. I promise it won’t hurt at all.”
“I…”
Light’s voice soon trailed off. Her gaze dropped to the ground as she lost herself in thought.
‘…Really?’
To the oblivious, the dragon’s words would’ve been nothing but ominous. Depending on the listener, it was practically no different than a sudden, unwarranted death threat.
But in her current state, Light could tell that the dragon was actually speaking out of kindness. Even in this very moment, the little girl was wishing that she were dead just the same.
‘If I die…’
Maybe it’d be painful. Or maybe it won’t.
Maybe she wouldn’t have to keep forcing herself to grin and bear things.
Maybe, just maybe, she’d get to see her parents again.
Even without sharing any words, Raizel could read the half girl’s thoughts like a book: they were the exact same thoughts she’d had every so often. They were thoughts that had plagued her mind for decades.
However, Light still shook her head. She didn’t want to, but she did anyways.
“But…I can’t just…die. I survived, so…I should be thankful…”
“Yeah. That’s what everyone tells you, isn’t it?”
A hollow, demeaning laughter escaped the dragon’s lips.
“Your whole world’s crumbling apart, and everyone just yaps at you to ‘be thankful.’ Are you really though?”
To an outsider, the circle of destruction that befell the Magic Institute was a horrible tragedy.
But to someone who’d spent their lives at the very centre of that circle, it was considerably worse: no different than their entire world crumbling apart. Home, school, family, friends, teachers and neighbours – not a single thing had remained intact.
“…”
In the past week, Light hadn’t spoken her mind a single time. She’d felt so disgusted by her own thoughts that she couldn’t bring herself to share them with others.
But when Raizel began to plainly speak the half girl’s thoughts out loud, Light’s eyes were finally beginning to water again.
- ‘I’m glad you survived. That’s very fortunate.’
Fortunate? What is?
- ‘Thank goodness you’re alive!’
What’s there to be thankful for?
What’s so positive about all this?
‘Why are you all saying such things to me? I feel horrible. I wish I died with everyone. I didn’t want to be left alone like this…’
Light had hated the way her mind perceived things. She’d hated that she couldn’t bring herself to agree with what the adults were telling her.
And because she couldn’t, she’d pretended that she was alright. Because she couldn’t bring herself to speak her mind, she’d merely smiled as she as always would. But truthfully, she hadn’t agreed with what anyone was saying for even a single moment.
Glad about surviving?
“…I’m not.”
After quietly speaking her mind, Light finally came to Raizel’s side, getting on her own knees. Trembling arms embraced the cold headstone before her.
Heaving breaths and inaudible words were mixed into the little girl’s sobbing.
“…”
To be honest, nothing was okay.
To be honest, I didn’t want to pretend that things were okay.
I wanted to hold onto them,
Bitterly curse at everything,
And just cry here all day.
✧ ✧ ✧
How long had it been?
Even though the rain had been soaking her for so long, she didn’t feel cold in the slightest.
Even though she’d been crying here for so long, the pain in her chest hadn’t lessened in the slightest.
It wasn’t that it had ‘only’ been a week. Light was already a week too late.
It was time she’d spent running away. It was time she’d taken to face reality. And it may have taken a lot longer had Raizel not dragged her out here.
No. It definitely would have taken longer. Far, far longer.
“…”
When the steel dragon lowered her gaze, she could see the half girl, still sobbing by their parents’ graves. It’d been hours since Raizel had stepped back for Light to grieve alone.
A quiet, whimpering voice slithered through the falling rain.
“If I die…will I get to see them again?”
“…No.”
It didn’t take long for Light to hear the dragon’s cold, indifferent answer.
Despair carried within it a power to overturn the most basic of reasons.
All life feared death. However, to an individual lost in despair, even death could appear as hope. The notion of escaping their reality may appear warm and comforting.
But that couldn’t be.
“Once you die, there is no ‘after.’”
Death is not a severance of life’s pains, but a severance of life itself. There can be no hope or despair afterwards; there is no future after one’s death.
Death is not a unit of hope or despair. It’s merely a closure.
“…”
Light’s small hands gently caressed the nameless headstone.
If they were here, they’d do everything they could to raise their daughter’s spirits. If they were here, they’d ask her to live no matter what.
They weren’t here. But even so, they were right here with their daughter.
Then, in a calmer voice then before, Light softly recited two distinct names. It was barely audible, and others may have missed it amidst the rainfall, but Raizel didn’t fail to pick up what the half girl was saying.
‘Thomas Torin. Catherine Torin.’
Raizel then wordlessly approached the headstone, kneeling down once more. Her sharpened fingertips silently cut into the metal to carve out the recited names.
And once the two names were engraved before her, Light once again burst into tears.
One could describe it as being weak. One could describe it as being naïve. But in the dragon’s eyes, the little girl before her appeared stronger than anyone she’d ever seen – even more than Raizel herself.
The little girl before her had chosen to live. And that alone was something to be commended about.
“Live.”
Raizel rose back to her feet, throwing a few final words before leaving.
“And if you don’t think you can take it anymore, then come see me anytime.”
She didn’t necessarily wait for Light to answer her. She merely turned around, trudging along the rainy paths to leave the cemetery – towards the black, feathered figure up ahead, hiding their eyes beneath the equally black umbrella they were holding.
Once the distance between them closed, Raizel scoffed at the figure before her.
“Watching all along, were you? Your taste is just as bad as before.”
“…Do excuse me. I tend to worry quite a fair bit.”
“Worry about your own life. If I were you, I wouldn’t stand before me.”
“Well now…that’s not a realm of worrying, is it? If you were to ask me to die, then I simply should.”
“…”
The two exchanged uncomfortable gazes with each other. But before long, Raizel merely passed by the professor’s side.
“If you’re gonna go, go now. The kid’s going to catch a cold.”
“…Raizel.”
“What?”
“Thank you.”
The sudden words of gratitude took the dragon by surprise, making Raizel throw a distasteful, almost disgusted expression towards Karas. She then kicked her tongue as usual, leaving the professor with a curt wave.
“…Yeah, sure.”