Gesundheit the goblin stood outside the cottage, debating on whether or not he should actually go through with it. Well, he was the king's royal messenger after all, and he was very experienced with negotiation and of course running away when negotiations broke down. In not dying, at least, Gesundheit was certain that he could rank as one of the best in the kingdom. Finally, he mustered up his courage and knocked on the door.

"What is it?"

A hoarse, raspy voice floated out of the cottage. Gesundheit thought that he could detect a hint of irritation.

He gulped and said a bit timidly, "H-his Royal M-majesty-"

The other side of the door interrupted him.

"Speak up, pipsqueak! I can't hear you."

In thirty years of messengering, Gesundheit had never been interrupted while saying the king's title. Gesundheit gulped again, and, mustering his courage, relayed his message.

"His Royal Majesty, King of Goblins, Monarch of-"

Gesundheit was interrupted again.

"Get on with it! Who and what for!"

Gesundheit gulped a third time. He really wasn't getting paid enough for this.

"King Gobbeck has requested that you, Sir, go to slay a dragon which is terrorizing-"

"Nope."

Gesundheit was cut off yet again. And yet, he was more surprised by the answer. What kind of person dared to refuse the request of a king? Sure, he was talking to that legendary existence, but there was no reason to refuse, especially since that existence had already proven himself to be capable of slaying a dragon.

"Sir, might I ask why? You've killed a dragon before, haven't you?"

The voice on the other side sighed.

"Yes," it said, "but that was luck, pure luck. A dragon is an absolute monster. I won't be fighting one again."

"Sir, the king will offer the generous compensation of-"

"Compensation schmompensation," the voice rasped as it cut Gesundheit off once again. "I'm telling you plain, pipsqueak, I can't kill a dragon. Not even mentioning that last time was just a fluke, my old bones have deteriorated. I'm just not capable anymore."

"Sir, if you need it to restore your bones, I'm sure the king will give you all the milk you-"

Enjoying the story? Show your support by reading it on the official site.

"SILENCE!"

Gesundheit dropped to the ground, losing all strength in his legs. Was this something like the legendary dragon-fear? As expected of a dragon slayer, he thought.

Then he heard the voice muttering to itself.

"Why is it always milk? I hate milk. Which idiot decided that I had to like milk? Which idiot decided that milk was good for bones in the first place? Screw milk. Screw milk, screw the king, and screw you."

Here the voice rose in volume and fury, addressing Gesundheit once again.

"As a matter of fact, screw the dragon, and its mother too. SCREW OFF! GET OUT OF HERE!"

Gesundheit, trembling, wet himself and tried to run, but found that he could not move. Gesundheit was distinctly aware of the scent of his urine.

It took several minutes before Gesundheit recovered from his paralysis and ran off.

***

Inside the cottage, Sam sighed. He was not a human, not a goblin, but rather a skeleton, and an extremely old skeleton, from the looks of it. He turned his head from his game of checkers and seemed to watch the retreating form of the goblin messenger.

"...That was a bit immature of me, eh, Spot?" said Sam, as his bone dog barked lightly. "Oh well."

Then he turned his head and went back to his game of checkers.

***

Gesundheit the goblin stood nervously outside the cottage. The last time he was here, he'd pissed himself and was chased off. He'd gotten a lot of flak for not bringing back a favorable response, and of course lost quite a bit of reputation from the whole pissing himself thing.

Looking up at the tall, regal goblin next to him, Gesundheit whispered, "Your Majesty, he doesn't seem to want to be disturbed. Maybe we should back off..."

"Perish the thought!" boomed the goblin king. "Even if he doesn't want to be disturbed, he will be! Who dares ignore a king's polite request!"

Gesundheit hesitated, then sighed and turned back to the cottage. He opened his mouth and shouted,

"His Royal Majesty, King of Goblins, Monarch of the Five Forests, Master of-"

"Shut up," came the growl from inside the cottage.

Gesundheit was certainly shut up when he felt an wave of pressure sweep out of the cottage. He tried to speak but could not.

Gesundheit turned to look nervously at His Royal Majesty Gobbeck. The goblin king had a pale face.

Gobbeck looked at Gesundheit and nodded to leave.

***

Gesundheit the goblin stood, knees knocking, legs trembling, every rational part of his mind telling to run away, in front of the cottage once more.

Crying inside, he looked toward the king, who was heading a massive army which surrounded the cottage.

'Doesn't the army have more important things to do than this?' he thought. Looking at the faces of some of the commanders, Gesundheit realized that he wasn't the only reluctant one here. But it was either do the job and maybe get killed, or don't do the job and get killed for sure. So Gesundheit inhaled.

"Hisroyalmajestyordersyoutogoslaythedragonwehaveyousurroundedrefusalisfutile!" came out all in one breath, for fear of being interrupted yet again. Gesundheit immediately ran off, not waiting for the answer. He had already delivered the message His Majesty had ordered him to deliver, and he sure as hell wasn't gonna stick around to see what would happen. But while he was fleeing, he still clearly heard the skeleton's answer and the king's response:

"I told you, I refuse."

"Attack!"

And at that moment, the sky lit up.

***

Gubner, commander of the Fourth Legion, cringed as he heard the king's command.

'You want us to attack a guy to scare him into killing a dragon?' he thought. 'If we could do that, we should just kill the dragon ourselves!'

But complaining, especially in his head, was useless. Orders were orders.

"Attack!" he ordered, and as he did, threw his spear through the air. The spear arrived at the same time as everyone else's attack, which served to create a massive dust cloud. But when the dust cleared...

The cottage was still intact. Gubner fell to the ground, praying for his life.