Have you experienced being doubted by your own family? Have you tried to explain, but deep inside, they keep doubting you?

I am sure that some of you have experienced it, and I'm sure that it felt awful and painful!

The saying of 'Once you lost trust, it is hard to regain it back.' Is true...

But I did not give up, i keep moving forward to face it.

I ignored all kind of shit talk other says to me, I keep smiling at my mother and all of my families.

I hid the pain from being betrayed and misunderstood by other and even my own family. At the tender age of 19 years old, when my emotion is starting to develop into that of an adult, when my emotion is at its weak state because of stress and depression.

A stupid and yet hurtful incident happened. Being stabbed by your own best friend, doubted by your own family, slandered by your so called friend. Even though I know that society is a cruel place and yet…

To think that I would fall into a state of leaving no choice but to be passive and endure it silently….

Every day I keep my head down and covered both of my ears with earphone to block the whisper of the devil.

But all of that just keep escalating even if I ignore it. I don't know what to do, so I let out all of my worries and said it to my families at the family gathering. And again… I was left disappointed!

Their doubt intensified, their cold and mocking eyes opened a new wound on my battered heart! Their whisper and muttering made my ears bleed with hatred!

Explaining my reasoning and trying to endure it is just foolish! I lost my composure and ended up blowing up all of my emotion…

All of my grievance and bottled emotion came out in a flurry, I screamed, cried and cursed. However it was a mistake…

I lost everything….

........

"Hmmm… I think that should do it. If I pull this rope, the soil will pour down from above." i muttered quietly.

After digging a two meters deep pit, wide enough for me to sleep in it, I made sure that the wooden board that is supporting the soil working properly.

It would be quite a joke of fate if I have to dig again after this…

And just like i planned, I got down in the two meters deep pit while holding a rope in my right hand.

I lay down on my back and stared at the blue sky with white clouds floating in the sky, moving slowly being blown by the wind.

"…. I wonder if I'm going to hell for this… I have to say that I did a good job for a suicide plan, now I just need to let my body rot and be eaten by worm… Hahaha…. Whatever, not like anyone going to worry about me anyway…"

Closing my eyes slowly as if I'm going to sleep, I pulled the rope with everything I have.

Guuhh!

With a heavy feeling of being squashed, I can feel the dirt entering my mouth and nose, it was really uncomfortable, seriously uncomfortable…

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I regret for gasping when the soil poured down just now.

As time moving on, my lung started to hurt quite a lot, it was as if it's going to explode. I can't open my eyes, I can't breaths nor can I speak. All I can do is just made some strange grunting sound using my throat.

"Aaaauuu...."

And that groan is the last sound I uttered in this world called Earth.

........

"Uuunngghh…. This… I… Uuhh… Where am i?!"

Shaking my head due to dizziness that attacked by brain, I muttered with a bewildered tone. I bet that there is no one who will shout and then be happy after they committed suicide. So my feeling as of right now is just pure bewilderment and confusion.

Furthermore, the place I'm currently at is just too strange, didn't I burry myself a moment ago?! This bright and completely white place is different from what I imagined for an afterlife…

And i'm sure that this is not hell either, I read in a lot of religious history that hell is a place of torture, but this empty and completely white place is just… Creepy!

"…. How idiotic… foolish being…"

When I was staring in a daze while thinking something about hell and random stuff. Suddenly, there is a hoarse and yet gentle voice that echoed in this white and empty room.

It sounded like it came from a woman and yet not. That ambiguous voice is like a hoarse voice of a female but there is this strange feeling from it.

Before I was able to reply and ask some question, my vision was filled with darkness. I can feel my five sense started to dull and fade away slowly.

Not only that, even my brain started to hurt like it was stabbed by countless needles. I opened my mouth wanting to scream, but there is no sound coming out from it.

I was panicking like crazy, but I remembered that I killed myself once, so why do I need to panic with something like this? So I calmed down and ignored everything that is happening to my body(?), not long after that, I can feel that my consciousness started to fade and then I was completely and utterly fell into the darkness…

....

…......

….........

In my hazy and blurry mind, I could hear a broken voice from male and female, they sounded happy but I don't really understand what they are saying. I tried to open my eyes, but all I could see is a blurry figures of a giant moving frantically here and there.

"… Its… oy… lati… on…"

"Yes… reat… truly... ha… py… n… me… his name… Alexius."

What is this… What happened now!? Is this something dead people would experience upon their death?! This ridiculously random scene that keep happening to me?! White and empty room and then this?!

There is also that strange and weird voice that creeped me out!

When i was wondering what the hell is going on, one of the giant man(?) tried to take me with his hands.

S-stop! Don't come near me! Da-damn it!! I frantically moved my heavy body trying to run away from the giant man(?) That is trying to grab me.

But when I frantically moved my body, I glimpsed on something which seemed to be my own hand. Even though it was blurry, I still could see the shape of my hand.

The problem is not my hand, but the shape! What's with this chubby and small hand?! I can't understand! I don't understand it! How did it become like this?!

When I froze up and think about my current situation, one of the giant man? Hold me in his arms, feeling the warmth and care from the giant man, I was overwhelmed with a sense of being at ease and my chaotic mind turned calm and empty!

That feeling of love was a kind of drug for my cracked heart that was filled with darkness! When I was snuggled and kissed by the blurry figure, I let out a silent tears while starring at the blurry face in front of me.

"…Wha… go… ng on?! He… s… not… cr…ing!!"

I could hear a broken angry voice of the man that is holding me, he was shouting about something I don't understand, but I can feel his worry and uneasiness.

Seeing this, I finally understood what is going on, I turned into a baby… I was reincarnated into a baby! Is this some kind of God's whim?!

Even though I was someone who doesn't believe in god, seeing is believing, me turning into a baby and that weird voice I heard in the white room is probably the God!

I was happy, I am happy! I finally has the chance to start over! The overwhelming felling of happiness flooded my heart. The feeling of happiness and gratitude made me want to shout in joy!

"Waaa… Waaahhh... Uwaaa!"

The sound that come out from my mouth is like a wailing of a baby… I immediately became silent again after that burst of happy shout! What the hell! So embarrassing!!

However, after that wailing I did a moment ago, I was then shoved into the arm of a giant that seems to be sitting. I could feel something soft and smell nice like that of a flower entered my mouth.

...… I know what is this! And I refuse to say it! GOD DAMN IT!!