I laugh at myself for being in this situation.

My entire life is made up of irony, depending on which side you were on.

I was either your role model or an example of what not to be.

Eleanor, the CEO of a successful company at the age of 29 “wow how accomplished” is what everyone said about me without knowing anything about me or how I got here. Everyone says they want to be me, they want my money, my success, my opportunities.

I wish I could hand it all over if it meant I wouldn't end up where I am now.

In a storm looking over the edge of the golden gate bridge with water rushing beneath me.

In a couple moments my book will be released explaining where this all started and how I got here. I mumbled under my breath “see you in the next life”.

Before letting my foot slip and closing my eyes listening to the air rush by me.

My ears filled with the sound of pouring rain hitting the water under me, until I took my last breath with an unrecognisable sense of relief.

For the first time in my life taking a breath wasn't a challenge, it instead left a feeling of calmness that spread through my body as I reached my last moments.

...The book was released and was followed with hundreds of thousands of questions from her co-workers, the press, everyone.

Later the news got hold of the information that she had committed suicide.

No one around her knew why she wrote a book or why she committed.

All they knew is that they were left with this book she released the day she died.

To their knowledge she was always happy and devoted to her work there was really no telling what her limits were.

She was one of the youngest CEOs to a great company.

In everyone's eyes there was no reason for her to jump so why did she?

Everyone had yet to realize the book sitting just at their fingertips was filled with the answer they all wanted so dearly, all they had to do was open it

Her co-worker Leilah bought her book as soon as she heard the news.

Leilah always considered herself to be Eleanors closest friend, when in reality Eleanor did not have any friends.

Leilah was just her secretary and tended to pry farther than she should have.

When Leilah bought the book she didn't know what to expect.

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Was it going to give her answers to the overflowing questions in her head or was this book something Eleanor just did for fun and this was all just coincidence?

She couldn't help but want answers, no matter how many times she went through it in her head none of Eleanors actions in the past year could have led you to think this would even be a possible outcome.

Forget the past year she had been a great leader and CEO for the company since Leilah became her secretary in the first place 4 years ago.

Leilah always wanted to work for a big company.

She wanted to work with someone who wasn't power driven.

Instead she wanted to work for someone who valued fairness in a workplace and not connections, as well as the amount of effort you put towards your work.

Leilah didnt come from a family that struggled financially or anything so when she got out of college she didn't have to rush into work.

She took small jobs here and there so her resume wasn't blank but when she went into those jobs she always knew that those weren't going to be where she stayed to grow in the long term.

When Leilah found eleanors company she looked into it and saw its successes and how fast the company was growing.

She went into the job knowing how the company as a whole was growing but she didn't know the reason for this company's success was because of its leadership.

When she became Eleanors secretary she immediately saw why the company was as successful as it was.

The directors of each department were the directors based on experience and their way of working with people, not because they knew Eleanor or the people around her.

When leilah met eleanor she was the example of a leader she was kind and didn't give you any worry that she would be someone hard to work with.

Eleanor explained the job calmly and thoroughly to Leilah so there would be less room for mistakes.

She was always like that calm, trustworthy, her way of saying things never made anyone feel as though they were lower than her.

The one problem Leilah had with Eleanor was after a year or so of working there she realized.

No matter how hard she tried eleanor would kindly turn down her offers to go out and if leilah would try and talk about things outside of work unless it was small talk eleanor would avoid the conversation.

It led to a gapp in their relationship that leilah wanted to close but Eleanor always kept walls up that were so thick and tall, leilah didn't know if anyone knew what Eleanor was like outside of work.

That was until one day where they accidentally ran into each other in probably the worst way possible.

Eleanor was at a club that night and had drank more than she could handle and while walking home ran into leilah.

Leilah wanted to help her get home but Eleanor refused, she wouldn't tell her where she lived, someone she could call, not even what direction she lived in, nothing.

Leilah kept pushing and Eleanor slowly lost patience.

Since Eleanor was drunk, anything she felt she portrayed she yelled at leilah and told her that her personal life was none of leilah's business and if she wanted to continue being her secretary she should walk away and pretend they never saw each other.

Leilah, In absolute shock and fear of losing her job, walked away but was not going to forget what she had seen that night nor was she going to pretend it never happened.

The following monday came and started with an apology from Eleanor she said she shouldn't have threatened leilah's job and will be more careful when she decides to drink in the future.

To Eleanor that was the end but to Leilah she wanted to know just who Eleanor was outside of work now more than ever.

The never ending questions she wanted to ask were never answered the rest of her time working for her and now she's dead.

There was so much she wanted to know and now it's almost doubled.

She always knew eleanor had secrets since she was so closed off but to randomly commit suicide when your at the peak of your career nothing made sense.

how could everything she had matter so little that she could actually take her own life.

When leilah finally opened the book and began to read, her questions were slowly answered With each turn of the page.

She had made a lot of ideas in her head over the years but she never would have imagined this.

As she read deeper into the book she realized her question of “why”should have been “how”.