Yet, amidst their emotional turmoil, Alex acknowledged their efforts to navigate their vulnerabilities.

"But I'm really doing my best," they asserted, a hint of determination seeping into their voice.

"I feel so shy and timid if I'm unsure what I can do and what I can't."

Their journey toward emotional expression and intimacy unfolded with uncertainty and longing.

"Ahaha, I'm just not good at sensing what's right," Alex admitted, their voice tinged with self-deprecation.

"Screw this. Let me be in love. I really want this star close; it's so comforting in a way."

Their struggle with independence and self-care underscored their ongoing battle with mental health.

"I can't take care of myself, or I can, but not in a 'live in an apartment' type of way," they confessed, their voice tinged with resignation.

"I would probably die from starvation since I don't really feel my own stomach; I just think nothing of it."

The challenges of managing their own thoughts and emotions weighed heavily on Alex's shoulders.

"Maybe the truth is that I can't be on my own for so long without harming myself or getting mentally overwhelmed," they admitted, their vulnerability laid bare.

As their thoughts drifted through mundane moments and existential reflections, Alex found solace in the escapism of music and solitary pursuits.

"The power of headphones really grabs me out of nowhere and takes me to another..."

Alex's internal dialogue continued to unravel in fragmented yet poignant reflections, offering glimpses into their struggle with insomnia and the weight of daily life.

"It's been three days with restless sleep and spinning and turning around in my bed," Alex recounted with a sigh, their voice laced with frustration.

"I just lay there for hours, trying constantly to sleep."

Their struggle with sleep deprivation colored their outlook on the day ahead.

"And when I sleep, it's this bullshit when I wake up almost every hour," they continued, their tone weary.

"It stresses me out, and my alarm rings at 6:20. And I can already feel it ringing before it does. That's how bad I sleep."

Their resolve to attend school wavered under the weight of exhaustion.

"When I'm conscious again, I only want to sleep," Alex admitted, their voice tinged with resignation.

"School's off the radar. I've pulled up to school too many times being a zombie, so I'm three hours late instead of skipping school."

Navigating the day with reduced hours seemed like a pragmatic compromise.

"I won't be getting all the hours but fuck it," they asserted, their defiance palpable.

"I can't stand it. I'll just go with the flow. Fuck forcing myself to wake up at shit in the morning when I have issues sleeping. I'll be there at lunchtime. Good timing."

This narrative has been purloined without the author's approval. Report any appearances on Amazon.

Their thoughts drifted to the impact of literature on their perception of societal norms.

"Also heard the book *The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck*," Alex recalled, their voice contemplative.

"Honestly, I can't remember it completely, but once I heard, five hours went by like it was nothing."

The concept of not conforming to societal expectations resonated deeply with Alex.

"To not give a fuck in public, it's a skill," they reflected, a hint of defiance creeping into their voice.

"People who put themselves under this influence that you gotta act like this or you can't do this out in public. Like, why would you care? Don't give a fuck. Why do you care, lol."

Their aversion to societal norms extended to their discomfort with public interactions.

"You gotta act a type of way to be in public. Nah, fuck that, I'm not a dog," Alex asserted, their voice tinged with frustration.

"I'll behave how I want to. Even though I hate sitting in front of people 'cause I'm scared of making eye contact. I hate it. I hate it. It's so weird. It's so uncomfortable. It really kicks me into a black void. So I'll just be looking left or right or down. It's easier and less exhausting."

Their relief upon exiting a public space highlighted their need for personal space and comfort.

"The thing in front of me just left the bus now; I'm safe and sound," Alex observed, their voice tinged with a mix of relief and detachment.

"I love this beanie 'cause I can flip down these glasses that aren't see-through so I can look everywhere without worrying. I feel so free."

As their thoughts shifted to a new day, Alex's reflections on January 26, 2023, revealed a mix of introspection and mundane activities.

"Friday was a good day ," they reminisced, their voice lightening.

"Saturday, like my other days, I smoked weed and got stoned."

Their solitary pursuits and leisurely reading added texture to their day.

"I read my Bible; I still have one manga left, but honestly, I'm too tired," Alex admitted, their voice reflecting a sense of lassitude.

"I'm almost falling asleep in my chair, and I haven't moved an inch. It's comfortable."

Music provided a backdrop to their moments of relaxation.

"I'm listening to some random classical music; it's a banger," they remarked, their voice tinged with amusement.

"I ate rice and chicken in the morning, three pieces of bread, and a bowl of oats for lunch. Later on, I had a big bowl of oats."

Their quest for activity amidst boredom highlighted their restless nature.

"Lol, I'm trying to find something to do instead of sleeping," they chuckled, their tone lightening momentarily.

"I'll just keep on going until I figure something out."

Their self-awareness extended to an observation on their likability.

"I've noticed that I'm likable; that's nice," Alex noted, their voice carrying a hint of surprise.

"Or I noticed it earlier, but it's odd compared to my per—I'll stop."

Despite their engagement with their inner world, Alex's contemplation often led them into deeper existential thoughts.

"Either way, I'm bored as shit," they admitted, their voice reflecting a sense of ennui.

"Sunday was good. Monday was good. It just bothers me; I keep thinking if I'm boring, and it's bad. It's like it grabs all my attention."

Their tendency to retreat into their thoughts underscored their introverted nature.

"I talk to myself. At least pretend," Alex confessed, their vulnerability laid bare.

"Can't sleep; I'm tired and high. Oh, I forgot—I cried. Wow, it felt really cold. She comforted me in a way. It was still cold. Words so calming. Let it last, no matter the authenticity."

Their reflections on their dreams and the impact of media on their psyche reflected their ongoing struggle for clarity amidst the chaos of their thoughts.

"This world is boring," Alex mused, their voice tinged with cynicism.

"Why do we get jobs? We all do the same thing. I wish I were born in a time where you actually had to gain something or fight for something, not this beta NPC storyline. I hope it won't be long before this story ends, probably soon."

Their existential musings gave way to a desire for external validation.

"I got scared of my microwave beeping," Alex confessed, their voice betraying a hint of vulnerability.

"I also really want curtains in my kitchen; I've got four big windows with a view of the main road. Yay. Everyone can just see me eating the same Thai box in the middle of the night. I feel like I'm just a lowlife, a nerd who can't even take care of themselves."

Their struggle with self-care and sustenance revealed layers of internal turmoil.

"I tried to starve myself to death once at a foster home; I failed, clearly," they admitted, their voice tinged with resignation.

"Now it's the perfect time since I can't figure out when to make food. I know how to cook; I'm actually pretty good at it. But I can't feel. I don't know."

As Alex's thoughts meandered through the mundane and the profound, their narrative painted a vivid picture of a soul grappling with identity, relationships, and the relentless pursuit of inner peace amidst external chaos.