They have become more withdrawn, refusing to fight in the majority of engagements, intending for us to take the lead in this war. I fear they are unable to protect us without destroying our world, yet their reservation means we must send more of our own to their death.
--A note from Oswald to Leofwine - 7th of Frostbreak, 456
ARC 4 - RADIANT
CHAPTER 7 - A FATHER'S LETTER
Cenric stood, his back leaning against the wall and his legs crossed at the ankles. The room had emptied after Raegn’s trial, his new brothers and sisters hardly waiting for him to be dressed before parading him back up into the Hall of the Crusader to celebrate. It wasn't often that the Justicar were able to welcome a new member and everyone had been eager to introduce themselves, even if they’d tried to hide it.
Everyone except for Raegn’s sponsor. Cenric looked ahead at the font, trying his damnedest to keep his eyes off the blonde-haired girl that was dressing nearby.
“Well?” he asked.
“Well, what?”
He winced at the cold bite of her tone. Was she still frustrated? He risked a sideways glance and glimpsed her pulling on her shirt and tucking it into her pants. Nora was usually quite modest, yet never around him. He couldn’t help but wonder if that was intentional. Regardless, he jerked his eyes away before the blood could reach his face.
“You were the last to fill the font like that. What’s it been, six years?” he asked, recalling when Nora had broken the surface of the golden pool and fulfilled the first part of a destiny she’d spoken of since the moment her father had passed.
She scoffed. “You had him prostrate himself before me.”
“I did not,” Cenric scolded. “I gave him the choice and, despite the resentment you showed him, he still chose to bow.”
“It wasn’t resentment,” she replied, curtly.
“No? What would you call it then? He’s not the arrogant child your father once wrote about, Nora. To believe he hasn’t grown in ten years is foolish.”
“It’s not that he hasn’t grown,” she gave a small grunt as she tugged on a boot, “but what does it say that his own people turned on him? I saw what he saw - watched Raguel what bury him in with his past. It wasn’t his fault, yet they still believe him a traitor.”
Nora gave up on trying to keep her balance while tugging on the other boot and sat on the floor.
“The Shield Cities have lost themselves in the fight against the Void,” Cenric explained. “Fighting is the only tradition that has survived. I would argue the Church has failed them by not keeping them apprised of their own history. I doubt the people of Bulwark know of the twin obelisk that resides within their own city.”
The image of that impossibly smooth stone pillar had Cenric chew on his cheek until he could taste a bit of blood. Why that particular piece of information was kept secret was beyond him. Farlings were a hardy people, it wasn’t like fear would take them at the knowledge. They were already sacrificing themselves to the constant fight. What difference did the form it occurred in make?
“Why did you choose me to be his sponsor? Why not you?” Nora asked, cutting into his thoughts.
“You were the better choice.”
“I could feel his pain, you know. His past is not a pleasant one.”
She tied off her boots and rose to her feet, then picked up her folded cloak from the ground. A few graceful steps brought her in front of him, letting him know she was done changing. Cenric knew already, of course, for he’d been failing at keeping his eyes on the last of the ripples in the font.
“Are you afraid he’d bring the rage back out of you?” Nora asked. “Or are you just pushing me away?”
Cenric looked down at her soft face. Not rage, girl, he thought. Sorrow.
“I am not afraid,” he said. “I simply have nothing left to teach him he does not already know. He looks at me like I am my brother and that is a crutch he must break from. It will benefit him to learn from a different type of person,” he continued, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder, “and it will benefit you, too. I believe you’ll get along well together.”
Nora raised her brow. “And?”
“And I’m not pushing you away,” Cenric huffed as he took his hand away. “Nora, you’ve been on your own as a Justicar for nearly four years. I will always be your sponsor, but it’s time you took someone under you. I think you’ll be amazed at how much you’ll learn simply by teaching another.”
Nora sighed and her shoulders slumped. “What am I going to tell Tera?”
“I fail to see how your sister has anything to do with this,” Cenric grumbled.
“Whatever problems came between them, I think she still loves him. You can’t see how this arrangement would upset her?”
He tried hard not to scoff. This is why it was best to put emotions and feelings aside. Anger, shame, fear, love…they all blinded the same
“If Tera still desires to become a Justicar,” he said, “she will have to learn that duty must come before all else.”
Nora kept her timid posture, then looked up at him with those big, beautiful eyes.
“And you can’t see how it would upset me?”
Cenric looked into those endless pools of blue, knowing he’d tormented them for years. There were times when he wished he could stroke her cheek and give her the comfort she desired, but what he gave instead was worth far more. His teachings had only begun to take hold. A few years more and neither of them would need to be burdened by unspoken words any longer.
“Your feelings are precisely the reason why you must teach another,” he said, heaving himself off the wall and standing upright. “When you are forced to bare your own character for someone else you’ll finally be able to see the flaws. If you want to be like your father, or better, you will need to take the title of High Justicar. Were you and I to be together it would only undermine your eventual authority.”
Cenric saw Nora’s cheeks redden and she hung her head like a defeated child. Light, woman, must you tear at my heart like that? I only do this for you.
He forced himself to turn away and head to the door.
“Come, he will be waiting for you.”
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Nora let Cenric lead her out of the ritual chamber and back through the winding halls and staircases that led to the Hall of the Crusader. Many of the other Justicar still lingered, talking amongst themselves in small groups. She scanned the room and found Raegn sitting on a bench along the far wall, alone, with his elbows on his thighs and his head resting on his hands. He looked exhausted and took no notice of their entry. The other Justicar did, however, and several took the opportunity to come speak with their commander.
“I’ll leave you to it,” Cenric whispered and peeled off to converse with the others.
Nora sighed, but made her way to Raegn and sat down next to him. Her presence startled him some and his head jerked up to look at her. He made a sudden move to stand, but she caught him by the shoulder and gently held him down.
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“It’s fine, sit,” she said. “You’re a Justicar now, not a candidate. There’s no need for formality.”
Raegn relaxed to the extent that he didn’t look like he was about to jolt upright, though his posture stayed stiff and he wouldn’t look directly at her. They sat in silence, both entirely unsure of what to do next. Nora bit her lip. She felt like she was supposed to lead the conversation, to welcome him and assuage any of his concerns, but she couldn’t think of anything to say.
“I’m sorry,” he said suddenly.
She gave him a quizzical stare. What would he have to apologize for? Had Cenric told him what she thought of him? No, he couldn’t have. Wouldn’t have.
“For what?” she asked.
“I got the impression you didn’t want to be a sponsor. Or my sponsor, rather.” He slumped some. “The others have told me bits and pieces of what happens next. You’re to mentor me. To guide me until you believe me able to work alone.”
He looked at her, studying her face and she hoped she was showing some amount of poise.
“I don’t want to be a burden.”
Nora sighed and leaned back against the wall. “Well, I’m sorry that I gave you that impression. It probably didn’t give you much confidence going into the trial. But you’re right, I didn’t want to be a sponsor. Not yet, at least.”
She caught him eying her cautiously, waiting for her to continue. Nora pressed on, trying to convince herself of Cenric’s words.
“I believe this will be good for both of us,” she said. “I’ve heard much about you, Raegn. In the coming days, I will refine your knowledge of the Order and the Light. I’ve no doubt you’ll become a great Justicar.”
“And how does that benefit you?” he asked.
“If I’m to be as great as my father was,” she explained, “I need to follow in his footsteps. He sponsored only one other Justicar, but that man is now probably the strongest of us.”
Raegn followed her gaze across the room.
“Cenric?” he asked. She nodded and he turned his gaze back to her. “Who was your father?”
“By the...” Nora sat upright and turned to face him. “I still haven’t introduced myself. My father was Lucas Caloman. My name is Norabel, but I prefer Nora,” she said and reached out her arm.
Raegn’s eyes widened in dismay and he tensed up like he had the moment she’d sat down.
“If you’re thinking of Tera, know that I also had my concerns when Cenric told me I was to be your sponsor,” she assured him.
He opened his mouth to speak, but shut it before any words came out. Whatever he had been about to say, he’d either thought better of it or couldn’t turn the thought. Regardless, he took her by the forearm in a firm grip.
“There will be plenty of time to discuss it all later, but from what I’ve heard you’ve been good to her,” she told him. “I’m sorry she pushed you away.”
“She did the right thing,” Raegn said, turning to look at the ground.
“Maybe,” Nora agreed, “but this is too odd a topic for now. Come, you must be tired. I’ll show you to your room.”
She stood and took several slow steps to make sure that Raegn would follow. He did, giving a subtle glance at Cenric as they left. Maybe he was a bit too reliant on him, Nora noted as she led him up the stairwell.
Their ascent was more methodical than quick, with Nora trying to be cognizant of the fact that Raegn had been all but brutalized for the last two seasons. She remembered completing her Trial, then sleeping for nearly a day straight. It was a fond memory and one filled with joy so strong that it was hard to remember how tired her body had felt. Her mind had been willing to stay up and talk with her new Justicar brothers and sisters long into the morning, but her body made every movement feel as if she were trapped in thick mud.
They reached the fifth floor, the highest in this wing of the Citadel, and she started them down the hall.
“Your belongings have already been moved for you from the Templar wing,” Nora said as they walked. “The entirety of this floor is for the Justicar. The one beneath for Inquisitors, and the two above the main level for Crusaders. It’s best not to linger on other floors unless you have business. The main level is also divided into thirds. It would be wise to remember the stairwell we came up so that you can return to the Justicar hall for bathing and meals.”
“Why do you separate yourselves?” Raegn asked.
Nora gave a bit of a shrug. “Some say it’s to prevent conflict as each group thinks itself better than the others, but in reality we end up in each other’s spaces anyway. We mingle in the Great Hall and other areas of the Citadel, too.”
“Do you spend time with anyone who’s not a Justicar?”
Nora pondered the question. “Do you mean me, specifically? No, not really, why?”
“One of the other candidates was selected as a Crusader,” Raegn said. “He’s my friend.”
“Oh, Kai? Rest assured, you’ll still be able to see him often.”
Raegn gave a tired smile at that.
“Here we are.” Nora stopped outside a door that was, at first glance, no different than the dozens of others that lined either side of the hall. She confirmed that the name carved into the small plaque at the center of the door was indeed Raegn’s, then stepped aside to allow him entry.
“Rest as long as you need,” she said. “We’re only a few hours from sunrise. Once you wake and eat, find me. So long as it’s not mealtime, I plan on spending tomorrow on the training grounds.”
Raegn hesitated. “When is our first assignment?”
Eager to get started or nervous, Nora wondered. Based off the little she knew of him, she’d guess eager.
“We’ll have a few days, but don’t worry, there will be plenty of missions. Not all as glamorous as you’d like, probably, but all are important.”
Raegn gave a tired nod, then turned to face her.
“Thank you,” he said and began to offer a slight bow, but stopped as Nora quickly raised her hands in protest.
“That’s not necessary,” she said and tried to stop the pink from rising into her cheeks. “We’re equals, Raegn. It might be awkward for a while, but we’re going to spend a lot of time together. I’m sure things will become normal soon enough.”
“Well, good night then,” he offered with a faint smile before entering his room.
The door closed behind him and Nora was left to stand alone in the empty hall. She exhaled slowly, relieved that Cenric had been right. He didn’t seem nearly as brash as she had imagined him. It could just be how tired he was, though. The coming days would be much more telling of how much work had been forced upon her.
She continued down the hall another five doors or so and quietly entered her room. The knots in her boots were loose and came out easily and after a moment of rubbing the soles of her feet, she changed into a set of nightclothes and making her way to her bed. She laid down and stared up at the white mortar ceiling held up by thick wooden beams, but found that sleep would not come so easily.
It had been too odd a day. Just that morning Cenric had told her of her sponsorship duty and given her no opportunity to plead her case. She’d spent the day feeling forced onto a path she didn’t want and let herself get lost in her own emotions along the way. New Justicar were the future of the Order. She should have been welcoming him with open arms, not glaring at him before his moment of judgment.
With a miniscule amount of Light dancing on her fingers, Nora lit the candle that sat on the table next to her bed. The drawer of the bedside table squeaked a bit as it was pulled open and the single piece of paper inside delicately removed. She positioned herself along the edge of the bed so she could see the neat handwriting by the light of the candle and read the letter for the thousandth time.
My dearest Norabel,
I wish you could see this city. Its tiered walls built away from the valley were a spectacular sight to behold as we approached. The western mountainside is covered in beautiful blue flowers that remind me of your eyes. They even perk up in the sunlight, just as you do. I’ll be sure to pick some on our return for you and your sister.
The people here are some of the hardiest folk you could imagine. They have to be given their purpose, I suppose. I admit, I do miss the food we have at home. The offerings here are very bland. It’s as though salt is the only seasoning they know, though they do make some decent bread. Perhaps you and Terosa can make us a nice loaf once I return so I can compare.
Tomorrow we head out beyond this protected valley and into the lands beyond. I pray that we will find some way to aid the Farlings and lessen the burden they have shouldered for centuries. The Lord of Bastion, Aerich Edelgard, is accompanying us. He’s a good man. A strong man.
He has a boy, Raegn, I think his name was. Apparently, he’ll be with us for the start of the journey as well. I was surprised at first, for he looks to be about your age. He’s brash and overconfident, but I find it hard to blame him. Watching him train with the marshal of Bastion’s forces, well, he already fights better than most Templar. Perhaps the fire within him will calm in time, in which case you might consider him a potential suitor. He’s a handsome lad, you could certainly do much worse.
I’ve no doubt spurred the embers in you with the idle ramblings of a father. In truth, I imagine you would want to spar with him, in which case you can show him what I’ve taught you. I’ve no doubt that you would win, my little fledgling.
Give my love to your sister and mother. I know things can be difficult when I’m away.
-Lucas
Nora folded the letter, careful not to tear it as the paper was worn on the creases so badly that anything but the gentlest touch was a danger. She carefully placed it back in the drawer and blew out the candle. Pulling the blanket up to her chin, she stared at the ceiling once more. A final thought, drawn out by a mind fading to sleep, slowly took her mind.
Could you have possibly known?