Nothingness.

An irrevocably empty void.

A vast darkness with naught but space in it.

Instinctively, I tried to raise my hands and count the fingers on my hand. It’s a habit I developed to tell between reality and fantasy…

—That was when I noticed…

I had no hands.

Rather, it seemed I had no ‘body’ to speak of at all.

Then, how was I able to see this void?

Was I even ‘seeing’ anything at all? Perhaps this was what it would feel like to be born blind? Of course, excluding the fact that I couldn’t feel anything at all.

No sensory responses, as far as I can tell. Let’s just hope that my body is still there, in any case.

I thought I’d seen quite a lot of questionable things in my life, but this one has to take the cake.

It is a little maddening.

Quite an uncomfortable feeling to not be able to move nor feel any parts of your body, I must say.

Was I just a consciousness drifting about, all alone?

…Descartes did once say, ‘I think, therefore I am’. I always wondered how much truth was in that statement. With how surreal the situation I’m in is…

Honestly, I’m starting to have doubts about my own existence. 

Nothing to do, nothing to feel. I could only think.

Is it really true that thinking equates to existence? Who am I then to say that I exist if there is no one else but myself to affirm my existence? That isn’t existence, is it? Is it not more akin to delusion?

Ah, damnit. I’m going insane. 

Just as I was about to curse my own existence, I could make out faint sounds.

Maybe because it was due to the previous lack of stimuli? Even though I could tell the sound was almost as quiet as a whisper, it felt as if it was so loud that my head was about to break. 

Shortly after, the abyssal void started to gain color. It gradually started getting brighter, and brighter…

I could see each change in shade.

From black, to gray, to white…

And then to green.

My eyes involuntarily winced and opened.

As I started to regain feeling in my body, I could feel my lower half on solid ground, and my hands resting on a rough surface. 

My eyes still adjusting to the sudden change in brightness, I could faintly make out all kinds of shapes and colors.

After a while, I could finally see. I am currently on a grassy hill, with my back against the thick bark of a tree. The soft breeze gently kissed at my feet, while the bright blue horizon showered my body in a colorful embrace. 

It’s warm. And nice. With that out of the way though, where exactly was this supposed to be? 

I raised my hand up to my face and counted my fingers.

…Still five.

Not a dream?

No, that isn’t enough to prove that this isn’t a dream. I’ll keep investigating.

I used the tree as support and regained my balance, slowly standing up. 

My head did slightly hurt, but it wasn’t so crippling that I couldn’t stand. 

I looked at the distant horizon, and could see the sun proudly arched in the sky. Clouds lightly covered everything, acting as a cardigan and a roof to the atmosphere. Interestingly, I couldn’t see any signs of life up there. No birds, as far as I can tell.

Then I looked down, and saw folds of green as far as the eye could see. An endless sea of grassy hill plains covered the land. 

Except for the occasional tree every here and there, there was nothing else. At least, until I noticed a dot in the distance. It stood out like a sore thumb, akin to a pimple to the perfect complexion of green.

Focusing, I could roughly make out the rough outline of what seemed to be…

A house? 

No…

Something that small would more accurately be described as a shack. 

With nothing else to do, I slowly made my way down to the shack.

It was a tiny bit annoying to traverse through the unique terrain, but somehow it didn’t seem like I made any mistakes warranting an injury. 

After what I assumed had been 30 minutes had passed, I finally was able to properly make out the building.

Indeed, it was a shack.

Or a house, I guess. Shacks are houses too.

I made my way there in a jiffy. 

Now that I was in front of the shack, its descriptions got clearer. Nothing out of the ordinary, really. Just a simple wooden shack. Looks quite comfy to live in, maybe. 

I am quite reluctant to interact with whatever kind of being is inside this house, but I don’t really have any choice. 

Hopefully there won’t suddenly be a super powerful and malevolent genie popping out and getting angry at me for invading his space. With how weird everything here is, that wouldn’t be too far of a speculation…

…Kidding. I guess I’ve been reading too many books.

Though hesitant, I knocked on the front door a few times.

Knock Knock Knock

The knocks were then answered.

…With silence. Haha.

Maybe no one’s home? Nah, perhaps I didn’t knock hard enough. 

I then proceeded to ‘knock’ the door a couple more times. That is to say if punches to the door were also considered knocks. 

THUD! THUD! THUD!

“Hellooooo? Anyone hooomeee?” I ‘knocked’ a couple more times.

“HELLLOOOOOO?!” I gave the door a good hard ‘knock’.

THUD! THUD! THUD!

Fine, I guess no one really is home. 

“If no one opens this door in the next 5 seconds, I’m going to kick it open.” I announced.

From experience, in situations like this…

It’s better to give an ultimatum.

“One…two…”

“Three… four…” I enter a stance to ready a kick.

“Nooooo!” 

Before I could finish the countdown, I could hear a woman’s voice ring out from inside the shack.

I could hear heavy footsteps hurriedly making its way over to the door.

Klack!

The previously motionless entrance opened in an instant. A woman was there, seemingly out of breath while bent over and holding her knees.

“Huff… Puff…” 

All the while, I just stood still while observing her. I didn’t actually expect there to actually be anyone, if I’m going to be honest…

…Speaking of, the woman looked quite exotic. With disheveled long black hair that was mixed with streaks of dark green. She wore a simple white t-shirt with oversized tracksuit pants. 

When she finally caught her breath, she stood straight up and looked at me. Dark green eyes, and a bright complexion. Her beauty looked both innocent and mature. Somehow, she gave off a vibe that made me feel like I was face to face with both a child, and an adult. 

When I snapped out of it and looked at her carefully, she didn’t look very happy.

…In fact, you could say her gaze alone was enough to eat me whole.

“Are you insane?” A high-pitched voice inquired.

“Who the hell thinks to kick a door open just because someone doesn’t answer their knocks? Damn, take a hint!” Her face wrinkled in anger.

“Uh… sorry…?” 

Strangely, even though she was definitely outraged. I couldn’t take her seriously. She was… kind of cute? Wasn’t like she was actually a kid or anything either. In fact, she was about as tall as I was.

The tale has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.

“I apologize, I just didn’t know what else to do, miss.” I pleaded, “I suddenly woke up here without remembering how, and your shack was the only thing I could see around…”

She glared at me.

“It is not a shack. It is a house.” The woman said in a serious tone.

“Umm, okay.” I answered, “In any case I was wondering if you could tell me anything about this place? Maybe a way to get back to where I was before this…?

“Ugh.” She grunted

“…Of course, if it doesn’t bother you too much. If it is, then I’ll just go away and stop annoying you.” 

I was very desperate for information. At the same time, I value my life. Who knows whether that genie theory was correct or not…

She looked at me blankly for a few seconds before parting her lips.

“…No, it’s fine. Just come in.” She walked back into the house, ushering me to follow. 

“Make sure to close the door.” 

----------------------------------------

“I’ll be right back” 

She halted her steps.

“Ah right, tea or coffee?” She questioned.

“…Tea is fine.”

“Alright.” She resumed to walk away.

When I confirmed she was out of sight, I let out a heavy sigh.

‘Haaaaaahh…’

Currently, I am sitting on a couch in a living room. Turns out, the place was not as small as it seemed outside. It was quite grand, in fact. The living room alone felt like it was as big as 2 classrooms. 

I didn’t know what kind of dimensional sorcery that woman used, but I don’t think I should try to find out.

She was both the biggest risk, as well as the only hope I could cling onto. 

I was off to a pretty bad start, but I could try my best to get back on her good side.

“I’m back.” A voice called out.

As she sat across from me, she began to pour me a cup of tea from the teapot she brought. I noticed that she was now wearing an oversized tea green hoodie over her t-shirt. 

“Don’t be shy and just drink. I didn’t poison it, haha.” She joked.

“Not that I have any reason to anyway…” She murmured under her breath.

That last comment was a little worrying, but it’s about time I ask some questions.

“So… uh, miss…”

“Call me Syn.” She added, cutting me off.

“Alright, miss Syn—“

“No need for formalities. Just Syn. Hearing you call me miss is a little disgusting, quite frankly.” 

Ouch.

“Okay then, Syn. I’d like to ask a few questions, is that fine?” I looked at her expectatively.

“Yeah, whatever. I let you in knowing that was what you were going to do anyway.” She shrugged.

I’d like to know how to get back as soon as possible, but I couldn’t go back without first satisfying my curiosity.

“First, where, or rather what is this place?”

A thin smile appeared on her lips.

“A difficult question.” She chuckled.

“I guess you could call it a mirror. Or maybe a ‘safe space’ would be more accurate? No, this place definitely is anything but safe…” She held her chin, thinking.

“A personification. That’s the word.” 

That’s interesting. I thought she was the master of the place, but judging from her manner of speaking, I guess not. More importantly though,

“Can I ask about what you meant when you said this place is anything but safe?”

She looked at me, and then answered, “Just what I meant. It’s not safe. It’s very unstable most of the time, and random, too. You must have seen a rather peaceful scenery outside, right? It isn’t always like that.”

She waved her hands in the air, and then a hazy smoke apparition appeared in front of us both.

“Sometimes the place could get excessively hot, and cause the entire land to become dry.” The apparition changed and showed a scene of the previously green hills now a light color of brown, with all the grass dried up and dead.

“Other times, it could bring a heavy storm with thunders that could cause craters to form and rain that could cover everything in a flash flood.” The apparition changed again, showing an endless sea, with not a hint of land in sight.

She waved her hands and the apparition disappeared.

“In fact, just before you came here, this place was under the heaviest thunderstorm that it had ever experienced.”

“No need to get into the details, though.” She added, then proceeded to take a sip from her cup.

Huh. Well that’s interesting. From what she said, it sounds like this place is almost akin to hell. Sounds uninhabitable, really.

She looked at me with a wide grin. 

“Wondering how my house is still standing, eh?” She put on a proud expression and crossed her arms, “Well of course, it is because of the high level architecture of yours truly!”

Yikes. I guess she really is some high level genie. In any case, it’s time to ask the next question. 

“How do I get out of here, Syn?”

She glanced at me then proceeded to finish her cup of tea.

Putting it down, she addressed me. 

“Sam.”

I opened my eyes in surprise.

“Ah? Yes?”

“Don’t worry about it too much. You’ll return to where you were whether you want to or not in an hour.”

Huh?

“What does that even mean? How did I get here in the first place?”

“Wait a minute.” She halted my words.

“You’ve been asking too many questions. It’s my turn. I’ll answer that question of yours after.”

What? What could this woman possibly want to know from me?

“So.” She looked at me expectantly.

“How has life been for you these days?”

…?

“Make sure to not leave out any details.” She smiled.

“Can I ask the reason as to why you want to know about that?”

“Just want to have a grasp on your current emotional profile, that’s all.”

It’s a very peculiar question. I couldn’t fathom why she actually wanted to know this. Wanting a grasp on my ‘emotional profile’ sounds a bit suspicious.

How has my life been?

Of course, pretty badly.

“It’s been alright.” I answered.

“Don’t lie.” A cold voice cut down my voice.

My heart jumped.

“It isn’t a lie, though?”

“It is a lie.”

“How do you even know that?” I raised an eyebrow.

“I just do. Now, answer.”

Damn, I don’t know how she knew I was lying but from the conversation I could tell that she at the very least was capable of reading my intentions.

“…Okay, fine. My life isn’t going very well.” I surrendered.

“Do go on.” She answered.

“I can’t. I can hardly remember anything from before I came here. I just know for sure that my life isn’t going very well, even if I don’t remember the reason.”

“That’s normal. Just explain a bit more about the emotions you feel regarding the state of your life.” She answered indifferently.

Ah man, I really don’t want to answer her. But I DO want to know more though…

“Let’s see…”

“It feels despairing. As well as so hopelessly repetitive. It is the same feeling as building a tower of cards only to watch it get blown away by the wind, only to build it again and again with everything repeating all through eternity.” 

She looked at me with an unreadable expression, “…Is that so?”

“Yes…”

“It’s a feeling similar to letting something go. I believe I tried to do something many times in hopes of change, only for everything to lead me to the same path of pain.”

“What’s the point of trying if it inevitably does nothing in the end? It would make no difference whether I chose to do something or just stay in bed the entire day.” I growled.

I notice her gaze wandering downwards. Which made me also notice that I had unintentionally started gripping my hands into fists. 

“…”

A heavy silence filled the room.

After a while, she stood up. 

“Come.”

With that, she started to head towards the front door and out the house. I followed.

The bright green embraced my eyes yet again. 

“What are we doing out here?” I gave her a questioning look.

“Nothing much.” She answered.

“Huh?”

“The view is nice, isn’t it?” She said, looking into the distant horizon.

“…I suppose so.”

“It’s not always so peaceful, but when it is, you just forget all the other times the place was otherwise so hectic.” She snapped her fingers.

With her snap, a big apparition of hazy smoke appeared. It promptly took shape and materialized, making it seem as if two wooden chairs appeared out of nowhere.

She took a seat in one of the chairs.

“Come sit, Sam.” She called.

I sat down on the other chair, accepting the invitation.

“You know, life is often similar to this place.” She said, “You quickly learn to realize the joy you feel in life only ever has significance when sadness exists, too.

“Life is a trial, of sorts.” She looked at me and answered, “For some it might seem easy, but everything is actually relative, you know?”

My head hurts.

“What are you trying to say?”

“Your life isn’t as hard as you think it is, Sam. You only think that way because you care too much, about everything,”

My head hurts.

“…And what do you know?”

“Who are you to say that about my life? Do you even know everything I had to go through? The things I’ve had to endure? How could you say that to me without knowing a single thing?”

“Who the fuck are you to talk all this shit about whether my life is hard or not!?”

Ah, shit… 

My head hurts so bad.

She looks dejected. Hurt, even.

Why did I have to go and say all those things? 

She had good intentions, she just wanted to give me advice…

Ah, I don’t know anymore, this headache is killing me…

“…You asked earlier about how you got here, right?” She stared off into the distance.

“…Yes.” Shaking off the pain, I answered.

“You’re in a dream.” She told me.

Ah, that makes sense I guess…

My head still hurts badly, though.

I hurriedly raised my hands and counted my fingers.

…Five.

—And then the next moment, six, then seven.

When I noticed, I jumped then glanced at Syn. She was looking at me.

“You know, this isn’t the first time we met. Throughout every single time we talked, this one habit of yours stayed consistent.” She smiled.

A dream… A dream huh…

I rubbed my eyes.

She said earlier that this was a personification when I asked what this place was. Did she mean this was a personification of my mind?

“Then who are you?”

She went silent for a bit before promptly answering me.

“…I’m you.”

My eyes opened wide in surprise.

“Eh..? But, you’re…”

“What? I’m a woman?” She scoffed, “Don’t think too hard about it. There’s no special reason as to why my appearance is like this.”

“Rather than just ‘you’, it’d be more accurate to say that I am just a portrayal of you.”

“I am me, but at the same time, I am you.”

“Not a super powerful genie, unfortunately.” She added.

I coughed in response.

Suddenly, patches of black startered to fade in and out of my vision.

“Ah, it looks like you’re about to go back.” She said, noticing my change.

“It’s a shame. I wish we could’ve talked more, Sam.” She frowned.

“You never remember anything after you wake up…” She told me, “I doubt you even knew you were the one that gave me my name, either.”

Before I could answer, I fell from the chair onto the grassy ground. The head-splitting headache overwhelmed me, and the patches of black started to gain permanence. 

“This is farewell for now, Sam.”

“Before you go…” She stood up, “Engrain this into your soul.”

“…Stop just trying to survive.” She said,

“Love yourself more. Try living instead of surviving. Stop caring so much about everything.” She looked at me with an expression I couldn’t decipher.

My vision went black. My senses fell, one by one. Before I was overtaken by the void, I heard one last whisper.

‘Be happy.’

----------------------------------------

I opened my eyes. My back was on the same familiar soft texture of my mattress. 

How many times did this make it?

I continued to stare at the ceiling. I watched the ceiling fan turn over and over and over again. 

…Looks like I fell asleep. 

My eyes felt dry and prickly. I slowly raised my body and took a moment to catch my breath.

“Hoooooh…”

I look to my side. 

The knotted rope I tied laid there, both beckoning me and provoking me.

I couldn’t do anything but laugh at myself. 

The room was dark, and chillingly cold.

Just another day. 

“…”

How could I have been so stupid.

No matter how hard things were, this was one line I should never cross. 

I must’ve tried it in the heat of the moment. 

Even then, it didn’t make for a good excuse. 

It was so very tiring. 

Tiring it was, but there’s nothing else that I can do about it.

All I can do is keep trying.

Speaking of, I feel oddly energized. 

…I must’ve had a pretty good dream.

[END]