— Sophie PoV —
——Amazing! Who would have thought that just by grinding the meat you could make such a delightful experience? How did nobody ever think of this in the thousands of years of our existence?! [Cook 1]
——My mouth won’t stop watering! So juicy and delicious, please teach us more of your secrets! [Cook 2]
——Fufufufu! [me]
I bask in the adoration of the locals. Just a single dish is all it takes to blow their minds. It is all just step 1 for my “Curry favor with the Otharian common folk” plan. It seems to be working.
I note to myself how it sure is convenient that all the ingredients work just like Earth ingredients, even though they come from completely different plants and animals than those found on Earth. Garoph steak is basically beef, their local grains are equivalent to wheat, etc. It’s almost like the author didn’t bother to put any real thought into the details, even though all the animals and plants are different than Earth’s life. Except humans for some reason which is really lazy and shoddy worldbuilding and no I will not shut up about it, maybe if you weren’t a hack and spent more than 15 minutes thinking about these thigns then people would actually read your rambling screed and-
My ears catch the sound of sniffing over the sizzle of the garoph steak patties on the grill in front of me. I turn to find a curious Pari, that cutie patootie, here to find the source of the smell.
——Pari would you like to try one? [me]
——Nya? [Pari]
I slide the spatula under a freshly grilled patty, the meat smoothered with still-melting cheese. Picking it up and placing it on a bun, I set it on a nearby plate and present it to the nekomimi anime child. The eyes it with merry befuddlement before picking it up and biting into it.
——Nom nom nom! Wuh!? [Pari]
——Hehe you like it? Its called a cheeseburger. [Me]
——Cheezburger? [Pari]
——Dont talk with your mouthful [me]
Pari’s eyes sparkled as she took bite after bite. I haven’t seen her eat like this in a long time.
I think she likes it! Look at the way that tail hooks! No, Sofie! Don’t scratch her while she’s eating or she’ll make a mess!
In mere seconds, the burger is gone.
——Do you want another? [Sofie]
——Yes! Pari wants lots and lots of cheezburgers! [PAri]
——It’s “cheeseburgers”. [me]
——Cheezburgers! [Pari]
——... [me]
——Whatever. [me]
I hand her a second one and she scarfs it down just as quickly. I notice the way her eye slits seem to open and close almost randomly. She looks up at me, one of her eyes more dialated than the other.
——Moremoremore! [Pari]
I probably shouldn’t give her anymore, it’s like she’s addicted already.
——Sory, sweetie, these last ones are for the others. I’ll make you more some other time. [Me]
——But Pari want cheezburger NOW! [Pari]
I look at Pari’s adorable pouting face, and it took everything I had to to not just give the rest of them to her then and there.
——Pari, no! Your already full, you just don’t know it yet. [me]
——Pari hates Sofie-sis! Sofie-sis isn’t even Pari’s real sister! [Pari]
Nuclear feels bomb dropped, Pari sprinted from the room. I swayed from the child’s most brutal assault, unable to handle such viciousness.
I’m sorry, Pari, but I can’t let you become addicted to cheeseburgers, no matter what. Meth or heroin, maybe, but not cheeseburgers. At least meth addicts are thin.
***
After cleaning up and ushering everybody out of the fortress, I stand up straight and take a deep breath, the scent of wet paint invades my nostrils. I hear a sound to my right and go to follow it. Soon I find 1 of Blake’s dumb robots spraying the side of a nearyb wall with white paint, the spray nozzle in its robo-hand connected to a large tank in another hand. There are dozens of these robots ahead of me. Blake is also ahead of me, his arms are crossed as he watches the machines spray their tankfuls of white stuff all over the place. He nods to me as I approach.
——Felt like we needed a little color. [Blake]
——Yeah? [Sofie]
——Yeah, I mean, I’ve been thinking that this fortress is a landmark like the World’s Largest Twine Ball or Carhenge, you know? So it needs a little pizzazz [Blake]
I shake my head.
——I have no idea what you are talking about. [me[
——I just think it needs a name. A landmark name. So I’m painting it white and naming it the “White Fortress.” [Blake]
——the White Fortress? Why that, of all things? [me]
——I don’t know, the name just... calls to me [Blake]
Blake shrugs, the metal shoulders of his metal suit that is reminiscent of BUT LEGALLY DISTINCT FROM a certain Marvel superhero rising and falling.
——So you have enough white paint for the whole fortress? [me]
——Yep. Have a whole vat of it down in the basement. Actually, I have a bunch of other colors too. A whole rainbow of color down there. [Blake]
——Where did you get it all in this medieval world? I mean, pre-mixed paints didn’t even show up until the 1870’s, and that’s not even considering the quantity you’d need to properly cover- [me]
——Sofie, stop pointing out plot holes! Our reviews are bad enough as it is! [Blake]
——Ok. [me]
***
A day later, I stand outside the now-white fortress, waiting for Arlette to return from her latest trip. Since taking Blakes offer, she’s been running around the nation doing all sorts of tasks, so many that I can’t keep up. At this point, I have no idea what she’s up to. The whole place still smells of drying paint. I shiver in the cold. Maybe I should go back and get a coat. Yes, I’m going to do that now.
As I walk through the halls, I run across Samanta. The girl had a look of concern in her eyes but she kept walking past me. It is obvious that she doesn’t want to talk but I am written as a nosy, prying character who helps move the plot forward so that’s what I’m going to do! I stop her.
——What’s wrong? [Me]
Sam looks away, her face scrunched up like that brooding teenage boy in that one anime that everybody seemed to like for some reason I never understood.
——Nothing. [Samanta]
I bend down to get closer to her level and meet her gaze.
——Listen, Sam, you need to stop being all sad and depressed and angry. [me]
——It’s because you act like this and hold everything in that you’re not popular with the readers and the author is going to write you out of the story [me]
Samanta’s eyes go wide with shock and panic.
——B-but they can’t do that! Without me, how would they show Blake’s growth and character development!? [Sam]
I let out a sigh and tell her the hard truth.
——Look, Sam, do you know how many people pay the author a dollar a month to get early chapters? There’s like, a whole seventeen of them or something! Now, I don’t know about you, but if somebody tells me to do something and pays me seventeen dollars, I’m gonna do it. I don’t care if they want me to kill a man or skydive without a parachute, seventeen dollars is a lot of money! You could buy 4 whole 4 for 4 meals at a participating Wendy’s™ franchise location! So you better shape up now and start causing more drama while you have a chance. [me]
Samantha looks up at me with worried eyes.
——Pari has been acting weird since yesterday. She started obsessing about some thing called a cheezburger- [Sam]
——It’s “cheeseburger.” [Me]
——That’s what I said. [Samanta]
——... [me]
——So she wouldn’t stop talking about them and how she needed more and that was bad enough, but then things started getting worse. I think she’s hallucinating now because she keeps acting like she can see invisible things. [Samanta]
——So she’s seeing things that aren’t there? [me]
——No, it’s not that she’s seeing something that isn’t there. She’s not seeing something that isn’t there, because it’s invisible to her too. First, she said she was riding an “invisible bike,” whatever that is. Then it was an “invisible piano”. Now I- [Sam]
We both pause as we hear the pitter-patter of tiny feet heading our way. Samanta pales.
——She’s coming! [Sam]
She runs away as Pari rounds the corner, a wild, almost unhinged look in her eyes.
——Pari can has cheezburger?!?!?!?! [Pari]
How did she manage so many question marks and exclamation points?!?! I wonder in stupefaction.
I prop my arms up on my hips like an angry schoolteacher.
——I said no, Pari! I’m hearing bad things about your behavior and even your grammar is getting worse somehow! [me]
The tiny catgirl’s face twists into a snarl of incoherent rage. She jumps up and down, throwing a tantrum that somehow manages to be both adorable and aggrevating.
——CHEEZBURGER CHEEZBURGER CHEEZBURGER! [Pari]
——No!
——Pari never loved Sofie-sis at all! [Pari]
I rock back as if struck as the little catchild runs away, her teardrops falling to the floor. Or was that drool? Hard to tell, really.
I walk in a daze, wandering aimlessly back outside. Arlette is there. She returned from her mission I guess and it standing atop the fortress wall, looking off into the distance as the sun sets behind her and dramatic orchestral music plays. Or at least that is what would be happening if this were some story in a movie. But it’s not, it’s real life.
——You’re finally back. [Sofie]
——Yeah. [Arlette]
——What are you doing? [me]
——Not much, just brooding about my tragic past. [Arlette]
——So, same as always?? [me]
——Pretty much. What’s wrong with you? You look terrible. [Arlette]
——Arlette, am I a monster just because I don’t want to let Pari get fat? [Me]
——What? [Arlette]
I explain the events of the last few days to her. She nods sagely.
——Maybe you need to introduce her to other foods. Stuff she can eat in moderation. Anything come to mind? [Arlette]
——Hmmmmm... maybe she would like salami? Yes, Pari can have a few slices of salami as a treat. [me]
——...I meant something more like a salad. You know, something healthy. [Arlette]
——Yeah, I guess that works too So, what did Blake have you doing these last few days? [me]
Arlette sighs.
——He sent me around the country looking for places to build hot springs. ]Arlette]
——What? [me]
She snorts.
——YEah, I don’t get it either. He said something about it ‘not being a proper isekai without a hotsprings chapter’, whatever that means. [Arlette]
——Maybe we should just go ask him. I bet I could get him to talk some sense. [me]
——Sure, why not. I finished my daily brooding anyway. [Arlette]
Together, we head for Blake’s workshop. That’s the place we’re most likely to find him. And that’s where he is when we enter.
I shiver at the low temperature in the workshop
——It’s cold in here. Can you do something about that, please?! [me]
——What are you talking about? It’s not cold at all. It’s perfectly nice, [Blake]
——Your a large man though. People like you never want to turn up the thermostat. Us thin wome-AAAAAAAAAHHHHH! [me]
Sophy Ramaut Level 4 Experience 3985/4000 Age 20 Class Freshman Attributes Strength 10 Intelligence 20 Dexterity 15 Wisdom 17 Hardiness 10 Intuition 30 Gumption 50 Perspicacity 16 Bellicosity 6 Truculence 3 Odor 12 Opacity 100 Mana 2954 Qi 394 Titles Commenters' Favorite; Shiva’s Right Hand; Ravager of Realms Skills Skill Name Skill Rank Skill Level Skill Experience Walking Boron 17 262487 Putting one foot in front of the other: you can do it! And you rarely even fall over anymore! Decades of practice, finally bearing fruit! Skill Name Skill Rank Skill Level Skill Experience Talking Selenium 22 185774 You are well-versed in the basest form of communication. That's it. Congrats. Skill Name Skill Rank Skill Level Skill Experience Sistering Manganese 8 90489 You know what? I’ll give you this one. Pari still has all her limbs. That's actually kind of impressive. Skill Name Skill Rank Skill Level Skill Experience Head Petting Platinum 7 89609 All that practice scritching kitties behind the ears finally paid off! Man, how convenient that Pari is a catgirl, huh? You really lucked out, didn't you? Ever stop to consider what your relationship would be like if she were a platypusgirl or a porcupinegirl or something like that instead? How strong would your bond be then? Not so great, I'd bet. Yep, suuuure is convenient. Skill Name Skill Rank Skill Level Skill Experience Fighting - Knife Tungsten 0 1 All you had to do was stab the farmer in the cellar. That was all you had to do, and yet you couldn't fucking do it. Jesus H. Christ on a cracker, Sofie! How are you supposed to go from weak to strong when you can't even find the power within yourself to kill even a single one-off bit character? I mean, the author didn't even bother naming the guy at first, because he thought that you could handle something as simple as murder in self defense but noooooooooo, you had to get all stuck in your morals and shit. THE READERS ARE RIGHT ABOUT YOU, SOFIE! YOU'RE A TRASH CHARACTER! AN UTTER WASTE OF WORDS! NOBODY LIKES YOU, SOFIE! NOBODY, YOU HEAR ME?! Skill Name Skill Rank Skill Level Skill Experience Soul Sense Argon [LOCKED] [LOCKED] - Reach Fifth Level Qi Condescension Realm to unlock You can "sense" things with your soul. How do you do that? Beats me. What does your soul sense let you discern? Whatever the author wants, baybee! Plot-relevant details of basically any kind? Check! Hidden enemies that the author wants you to notice? Check! Hidden enemies that the author doesn't want you to notice? Sorry, looks like they were too strong and able to hide from you with their more powerful souls! You know, like how a bonfire hides from a lit match by... you know what, you get the idea. Unlock this to let the author point out anything he wants, even if you can't see it. It's the ultimate descriptive tool! Skill Name Skill Rank Skill Level Skill Experience Pocket Space Vanadium [LOCKED] [LOCKED] - Crystalize Mana Pool to unlock You know what sucks? Forgetting to bring something you need with you and not realizing it until you need it. You know what REALLY sucks? Forgetting to make sure that a character has a needed item and then writing an important scenario where that character needs that item and realizing that you will have to completely rewrite it to account for the fact that the MC or whoever left that one critical item with that nun two arcs ago. But fret not, with the incredible Pocket Space, you'll never need to worry about your (or your character's) inventory ever again! Just create your own dimension that ignores the rules of time and space and throw every little thing you own in there! It's easy peasy! How big is it? However big you want it to be at the start. Don't worry, if you need to, you can always justify some way to increase the size of it later. Those worried about the potential mana costs of use can always try space rings instead. Skill Name Skill Rank Skill Level Skill Experience Acid Immunity Antimony [LOCKED] [LOCKED] - Defeat 500 acid slimes to unlock No acid, no matter how powerful, will be able to harm you. You know that acid blood that the xenomorphs in the Alien franchise have? The stuff that eats through everything? You could swim in an Olympic-sized swimming pool of the stuff and it wouldn't do a thing to you! Well, you probably couldn't because it would eat away at the swimming pool before you could jump in, but that just makes my point all the more! What makes you suddenly completely immune, you ask? What a stupid question! You're immune because you have the Acid Immunity skill! It says it right there in your status window! That's how all X Immunity skills work! You get the skill, and then the thing you're immune to doesn't work on you anymore. It's that simple, so just stop thinking about it and move on, okay? Good. Skill Name Skill Rank Skill Level Skill Experience Skill Steal Arsenic [LOCKED] [LOCKED] - Switch to Asshole class to unlock You know how skills often come through achievements? Through acts of bravery and might and cleverness? How there's a feat and a story behind how somebody got the skill? Well, fuck those people. They might have worked for years to earn their skills, but why should you have to? Just take that skill the dude got for slaying an arch-demon and saving the world. What did he ever do to deserve such a skill anyway? It would be better if you had it. Accomplishments are for losers. Skill Name Skill Rank Skill Level Skill Experience ????? ???? ??? ?? ?
W-w-w-what was this?!?! My mind spins as I try to read this weird blue thing that popped up in front of me.
Is this... me? Wait a minute! Odor 12?!? What are you trying to say, you fucking rectangles?!
——Hmmm... only a 3 for Truculence. That explains a lot. We’re going to have to grind that up to at least an 8. [Arlette]
——But a question mark skill! One that will reveal its OP self just at a critical moment in the plot, no doubt. How lucky! [Blake]
My flustered mind finally catches up with what the others are saying.
——Wait, wait, don’t tell me both of you can see it too? [me]
——Yeah, the author decided it was simpler this way than having you explain it out loud to the rest of us every time something pops up. Less work. [Blake]
I focus on the weird boxes disappearing and they do. I breath a sigh of relief.
——What even was that [Sofie]
——Its a System interface for this world that mimics the exact behaviors of old-school JRPGs. [Blake]
——What. Do you have one of these too? [me]
——Oh no I never saw one before. [Blake]
——Then how to you know what it is? [me]
——You try reading a single manga made in the last 5 years and see what happens [Blake]
——Anyway, why did that even show up in the first place? [Sofie]
——It might have been something you said? [Arlette]
——Like what? Let’s see... People like you never want to turn up the thermostat. Us thin- [me]
Sophy Ramaut Level 4 Experience 3985/4000 Age 20 Class Freshman Attributes Strength 10 Intelligence 20 Dexterity 15 Wisdom 17 Hardiness 10 Intuition 30 Gumption 50 Perspicacity 16 Bellicosity 6 Truculence 3 Odor 12 Opacity 100 Mana 2954 Qi 394 Titles Commenters' Favorite; Shiva’s Right Hand; Ravager of Realms Skills Skill Name Skill Rank Skill Level Skill Experience Walking Boron 17 262487 Putting one foot in front of the other: you can do it! And you rarely even fall over anymore! Decades of practice, finally bearing fruit! Skill Name Skill Rank Skill Level Skill Experience Talking Selenium 22 185818 You are well-versed in the basest form of communication. That's it. Congrats. Skill Name Skill Rank Skill Level Skill Experience Sistering Manganese 8 90489 You know what? I’ll give you this one. Pari still has all her limbs. That's actually kind of impressive. Skill Name Skill Rank Skill Level Skill Experience Head Petting Platinum 7 89609 All that practice scritching kitties behind the ears finally paid off! Man, how convenient that Pari is a catgirl, huh? You really lucked out, didn't you? Ever stop to consider what your relationship would be like if she were a platypusgirl or a porcupinegirl or something like that instead? How strong would your bond be then? Not so great, I'd bet. Yep, suuuure is convenient. Skill Name Skill Rank Skill Level Skill Experience Fighting - Knife Tungsten 0 1 All you had to do was stab the farmer in the cellar. That was all you had to do, and yet you couldn't fucking do it. Jesus H. Christ on a cracker, Sofie! How are you supposed to go from weak to strong when you can't even find the power within yourself to kill even a single one-off bit character? I mean, the author didn't even bother naming the guy at first, because he thought that you could handle something as simple as murder in self defense but noooooooooo, you had to get all stuck in your morals and shit. THE READERS ARE RIGHT ABOUT YOU, SOFIE! YOU'RE A TRASH CHARACTER! AN UTTER WASTE OF WORDS! NOBODY LIKES YOU, SOFIE! NOBODY, YOU HEAR ME?! Skill Name Skill Rank Skill Level Skill Experience Soul Sense Argon [LOCKED] [LOCKED] - Reach Fifth Level Qi Condescension Realm to unlock You can "sense" things with your soul. How do you do that? Beats me. What does your soul sense let you discern? Whatever the author wants, baybee! Plot-relevant details of basically any kind? Check! Hidden enemies that the author wants you to notice? Check! Hidden enemies that the author doesn't want you to notice? Sorry, looks like they were too strong and able to hide from you with their more powerful souls! You know, like how a bonfire hides from a lit match by... you know what, you get the idea. Unlock this to let the author point out anything he wants, even if you can't see it. It's the ultimate descriptive tool! Skill Name Skill Rank Skill Level Skill Experience Pocket Space Vanadium [LOCKED] [LOCKED] - Crystalize Mana Pool to unlock You know what sucks? Forgetting to bring something you need with you and not realizing it until you need it. You know what REALLY sucks? Forgetting to make sure that a character has a needed item and then writing an important scenario where that character needs that item and realizing that you will have to completely rewrite it to account for the fact that the MC or whoever left that one critical item with that nun two arcs ago. But fret not, with the incredible Pocket Space, you'll never need to worry about your (or your character's) inventory ever again! Just create your own dimension that ignores the rules of time and space and throw every little thing you own in there! It's easy peasy! How big is it? However big you want it to be at the start. Don't worry, if you need to, you can always justify some way to increase the size of it later. Those worried about the potential mana costs of use can always try space rings instead. Skill Name Skill Rank Skill Level Skill Experience Acid Immunity Antimony [LOCKED] [LOCKED] - Defeat 500 acid slimes to unlock No acid, no matter how powerful, will be able to harm you. You know that acid blood that the xenomorphs in the Alien franchise have? The stuff that eats through everything? You could swim in an Olympic-sized swimming pool of the stuff and it wouldn't do a thing to you! Well, you probably couldn't because it would eat away at the swimming pool before you could jump in, but that just makes my point all the more! What makes you suddenly completely immune, you ask? What a stupid question! You're immune because you have the Acid Immunity skill! It says it right there in your status window! That's how all X Immunity skills work! You get the skill, and then the thing you're immune to doesn't work on you anymore. It's that simple, so just stop thinking about it and move on, okay? Good. Skill Name Skill Rank Skill Level Skill Experience Skill Steal Arsenic [LOCKED] [LOCKED] - Switch to Asshole class to unlock You know how skills often come through achievements? Through acts of bravery and might and cleverness? How there's a feat and a story behind how somebody got the skill? Well, fuck those people. They might have worked for years to earn their skills, but why should you have to? Just take that skill the dude got for slaying an arch-demon and saving the world. What did he ever do to deserve such a skill anyway? It would be better if you had it. Accomplishments are for losers. Skill Name Skill Rank Skill Level Skill Experience ????? ???? ??? ?? ?
I will the blue crap away again.
——Oh, I know. I should have realized immediately. You said ‘status’. [Blake]
——No I didn’t. When did I say ‘status’? [me]
Sophy Ramaut Level 4 Experience 3985/4000 Age 20 Class Freshman Attributes Strength 10 Intelligence 20 Dexterity 15 Wisdom 17 Hardiness 10 Intuition 30 Gumption 50 Perspicacity 16 Bellicosity 6 Truculence 3 Odor 12 Opacity 100 Mana 2954 Qi 394 Titles Commenters' Favorite; Shiva’s Right Hand; Ravager of Realms Skills Skill Name Skill Rank Skill Level Skill Experience Walking Boron 17 262487 Putting one foot in front of the other: you can do it! And you rarely even fall over anymore! Decades of practice, finally bearing fruit! Skill Name Skill Rank Skill Level Skill Experience Talking Selenium 22 185826 You are well-versed in the basest form of communication. That's it. Congrats. Skill Name Skill Rank Skill Level Skill Experience Sistering Manganese 8 90489 You know what? I’ll give you this one. Pari still has all her limbs. That's actually kind of impressive. Skill Name Skill Rank Skill Level Skill Experience Head Petting Platinum 7 89609 All that practice scritching kitties behind the ears finally paid off! Man, how convenient that Pari is a catgirl, huh? You really lucked out, didn't you? Ever stop to consider what your relationship would be like if she were a platypusgirl or a porcupinegirl or something like that instead? How strong would your bond be then? Not so great, I'd bet. Yep, suuuure is convenient. Skill Name Skill Rank Skill Level Skill Experience Fighting - Knife Tungsten 0 1 All you had to do was stab the farmer in the cellar. That was all you had to do, and yet you couldn't fucking do it. Jesus H. Christ on a cracker, Sofie! How are you supposed to go from weak to strong when you can't even find the power within yourself to kill even a single one-off bit character? I mean, the author didn't even bother naming the guy at first, because he thought that you could handle something as simple as murder in self defense but noooooooooo, you had to get all stuck in your morals and shit. THE READERS ARE RIGHT ABOUT YOU, SOFIE! YOU'RE A TRASH CHARACTER! AN UTTER WASTE OF WORDS! NOBODY LIKES YOU, SOFIE! NOBODY, YOU HEAR ME?! Skill Name Skill Rank Skill Level Skill Experience Soul Sense Argon [LOCKED] [LOCKED] - Reach Fifth Level Qi Condescension Realm to unlock You can "sense" things with your soul. How do you do that? Beats me. What does your soul sense let you discern? Whatever the author wants, baybee! Plot-relevant details of basically any kind? Check! Hidden enemies that the author wants you to notice? Check! Hidden enemies that the author doesn't want you to notice? Sorry, looks like they were too strong and able to hide from you with their more powerful souls! You know, like how a bonfire hides from a lit match by... you know what, you get the idea. Unlock this to let the author point out anything he wants, even if you can't see it. It's the ultimate descriptive tool! Skill Name Skill Rank Skill Level Skill Experience Pocket Space Vanadium [LOCKED] [LOCKED] - Crystalize Mana Pool to unlock You know what sucks? Forgetting to bring something you need with you and not realizing it until you need it. You know what REALLY sucks? Forgetting to make sure that a character has a needed item and then writing an important scenario where that character needs that item and realizing that you will have to completely rewrite it to account for the fact that the MC or whoever left that one critical item with that nun two arcs ago. But fret not, with the incredible Pocket Space, you'll never need to worry about your (or your character's) inventory ever again! Just create your own dimension that ignores the rules of time and space and throw every little thing you own in there! It's easy peasy! How big is it? However big you want it to be at the start. Don't worry, if you need to, you can always justify some way to increase the size of it later. Those worried about the potential mana costs of use can always try space rings instead. Skill Name Skill Rank Skill Level Skill Experience Acid Immunity Antimony [LOCKED] [LOCKED] - Defeat 500 acid slimes to unlock No acid, no matter how powerful, will be able to harm you. You know that acid blood that the xenomorphs in the Alien franchise have? The stuff that eats through everything? You could swim in an Olympic-sized swimming pool of the stuff and it wouldn't do a thing to you! Well, you probably couldn't because it would eat away at the swimming pool before you could jump in, but that just makes my point all the more! What makes you suddenly completely immune, you ask? What a stupid question! You're immune because you have the Acid Immunity skill! It says it right there in your status window! That's how all X Immunity skills work! You get the skill, and then the thing you're immune to doesn't work on you anymore. It's that simple, so just stop thinking about it and move on, okay? Good. Skill Name Skill Rank Skill Level Skill Experience Skill Steal Arsenic [LOCKED] [LOCKED] - Switch to Asshole class to unlock You know how skills often come through achievements? Through acts of bravery and might and cleverness? How there's a feat and a story behind how somebody got the skill? Well, fuck those people. They might have worked for years to earn their skills, but why should you have to? Just take that skill the dude got for slaying an arch-demon and saving the world. What did he ever do to deserve such a skill anyway? It would be better if you had it. Accomplishments are for losers. Skill Name Skill Rank Skill Level Skill Experience ????? ???? ??? ?? ?
Go away, dumb things!
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——You said “thermostat. Us women”. [Blake]
——That’s preposterous! Do you really think that in the more than a year in this place, in this entire long-ass story, I’ve never once said the word “status”? [Sofie]
Sophy Ramaut Level 4 Experience 3985/4000 Age 20 Class Freshman Attributes Strength 10 Intelligence 20 Dexterity 15 Wisdom 17 Hardiness 10 Intuition 30 Gumption 50 Perspicacity 16 Bellicosity 6 Truculence 3 Odor 12 Opacity 100 Mana 2954 Qi 394 Titles Commenters' Favorite; Shiva’s Right Hand; Ravager of Realms Skills Skill Name Skill Rank Skill Level Skill Experience Walking Boron 17 262487 Putting one foot in front of the other: you can do it! And you rarely even fall over anymore! Decades of practice, finally bearing fruit! Skill Name Skill Rank Skill Level Skill Experience Talking Selenium 22 185855 You are well-versed in the basest form of communication. That's it. Congrats. Skill Name Skill Rank Skill Level Skill Experience Sistering Manganese 8 90489 You know what? I’ll give you this one. Pari still has all her limbs. That's actually kind of impressive. Skill Name Skill Rank Skill Level Skill Experience Head Petting Platinum 7 89609 All that practice scritching kitties behind the ears finally paid off! Man, how convenient that Pari is a catgirl, huh? You really lucked out, didn't you? Ever stop to consider what your relationship would be like if she were a platypusgirl or a porcupinegirl or something like that instead? How strong would your bond be then? Not so great, I'd bet. Yep, suuuure is convenient. Skill Name Skill Rank Skill Level Skill Experience Fighting - Knife Tungsten 0 1 All you had to do was stab the farmer in the cellar. That was all you had to do, and yet you couldn't fucking do it. Jesus H. Christ on a cracker, Sofie! How are you supposed to go from weak to strong when you can't even find the power within yourself to kill even a single one-off bit character? I mean, the author didn't even bother naming the guy at first, because he thought that you could handle something as simple as murder in self defense but noooooooooo, you had to get all stuck in your morals and shit. THE READERS ARE RIGHT ABOUT YOU, SOFIE! YOU'RE A TRASH CHARACTER! AN UTTER WASTE OF WORDS! NOBODY LIKES YOU, SOFIE! NOBODY, YOU HEAR ME?! Skill Name Skill Rank Skill Level Skill Experience Soul Sense Argon [LOCKED] [LOCKED] - Reach Fifth Level Qi Condescension Realm to unlock You can "sense" things with your soul. How do you do that? Beats me. What does your soul sense let you discern? Whatever the author wants, baybee! Plot-relevant details of basically any kind? Check! Hidden enemies that the author wants you to notice? Check! Hidden enemies that the author doesn't want you to notice? Sorry, looks like they were too strong and able to hide from you with their more powerful souls! You know, like how a bonfire hides from a lit match by... you know what, you get the idea. Unlock this to let the author point out anything he wants, even if you can't see it. It's the ultimate descriptive tool! Skill Name Skill Rank Skill Level Skill Experience Pocket Space Vanadium [LOCKED] [LOCKED] - Crystalize Mana Pool to unlock You know what sucks? Forgetting to bring something you need with you and not realizing it until you need it. You know what REALLY sucks? Forgetting to make sure that a character has a needed item and then writing an important scenario where that character needs that item and realizing that you will have to completely rewrite it to account for the fact that the MC or whoever left that one critical item with that nun two arcs ago. But fret not, with the incredible Pocket Space, you'll never need to worry about your (or your character's) inventory ever again! Just create your own dimension that ignores the rules of time and space and throw every little thing you own in there! It's easy peasy! How big is it? However big you want it to be at the start. Don't worry, if you need to, you can always justify some way to increase the size of it later. Those worried about the potential mana costs of use can always try space rings instead. Skill Name Skill Rank Skill Level Skill Experience Acid Immunity Antimony [LOCKED] [LOCKED] - Defeat 500 acid slimes to unlock No acid, no matter how powerful, will be able to harm you. You know that acid blood that the xenomorphs in the Alien franchise have? The stuff that eats through everything? You could swim in an Olympic-sized swimming pool of the stuff and it wouldn't do a thing to you! Well, you probably couldn't because it would eat away at the swimming pool before you could jump in, but that just makes my point all the more! What makes you suddenly completely immune, you ask? What a stupid question! You're immune because you have the Acid Immunity skill! It says it right there in your status window! That's how all X Immunity skills work! You get the skill, and then the thing you're immune to doesn't work on you anymore. It's that simple, so just stop thinking about it and move on, okay? Good. Skill Name Skill Rank Skill Level Skill Experience Skill Steal Arsenic [LOCKED] [LOCKED] - Switch to Asshole class to unlock You know how skills often come through achievements? Through acts of bravery and might and cleverness? How there's a feat and a story behind how somebody got the skill? Well, fuck those people. They might have worked for years to earn their skills, but why should you have to? Just take that skill the dude got for slaying an arch-demon and saving the world. What did he ever do to deserve such a skill anyway? It would be better if you had it. Accomplishments are for losers. Skill Name Skill Rank Skill Level Skill Experience ????? ???? ??? ?? ?
GAHHHHHHH!!!!
——You sure you have an Int of 20? Because you keep stepping on that rake over and over and over and- [Blake]
——You wanna get a nother fist to the face, Blake? Because I am NOT in the mood right now. [me]
——Calm down, Sofie, he’s just baiting you for his own twisted amusement. Just don’t let it get to you. [Arlette]
Blake laughs.
——Hahaha! [Blake]
——She can’t help it, for I have mastered the art of baiting her! One could say that I am a master ba- [Blake]
A series of loud echo-y bangs from up above interrupt us.
——Nya! [???]
I look up and see a pair of glowing golden eyes peering out at us from the air vent above, their deranged gaze staring deep into my soul.
——Wha? Hey is somebody in the airvents? [Blake]
——Ceiling Pari is watching Blake master bait! [Pari]
——Pari, get out of the air vents this instant! [me]
——Can has cheezburger? [Pari]
I sigh.
I guess its time I tell her the full truth about the world.
——Listen, sweetie... I understand that you like cheeseburgers, but they’re just too high-calorie! You’ve already gotten chubbier since we got here, and if you keep going your going to end up fat and we can’t ever let that happen. You see, Pari, fat people are barely people. They’re wastes of space whose only purpose is to inconvenience real people like me on long plane trips, forcing me to squeeze between their blubber folds to get in and out of the middle seat... [me]
I shudder at the thought of having to share armrests with their greasy arms.
——Don’t let the thicc lobby fool you, fat people are a plague upon all worlds! Just thinking about them jiggling down sidewalks and taking up too much space, or sweating up a storm when it’s not even hot out and stinking up the place, or being the funny sidekick character in movies makes me sick! They’re wrong! Abominations against God! Anyway, that’s why I can’t let you have any more cheeseburgers. [me]
Pari’s face morphs into a demented snarl. I know what’s coming now, and my soul quivers in fear. I brace myself for the most terrible of words, though I know not what they will be.
——PARI READS THE YOUTUBE COMMENTS... AND ENJOYS THEM!!! [pARI]
It feels like a kick the face, but I am not the one most damaged.
——GGGUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHH! [Blake]
I watch as Blake staggers to the side, barely catching himself before he topples over by reaching out and grabbing a nearby wall. He is sweating profusely and panting heavily. He looks forward with glazed, bloodshot eyes, as if terrible memories are pouring back into his consciousness. Suddenly he bends over and pukes all over the floor.
——M-m-monster! Devil! Demon! You let Satan into this house! She must be purged before it is too late! [Blake]
——Hey! Don’t you dare! Pari is my problem, and if anybody is going to purge her, it’s me! [me]
To punctuate my proclaimation, I grab a nearby crystal sitting on a workbench and prepare to hurl it as this infuriating character who does terrible things but all the readers love for some reason.
Entity 485AN%#Jf4 is deactivated. Activate? Y/N
We all stare at the popup dialog box for a moment in confusion.
Uhhhhhh... yes?
The crystal flashes and zips from my hand, and floats over to the center of the room. It pulsates and suddenly the room itself begins to shift. The metal walls shift to stone and mortar while the lights change into burning torches. I watch in horror as the shift spreads slowly through the room and then down the hall.
——Damnit, one of these... looks like everything just went seriously downhill. [Blake]
——You mean our situation? [Arlette]
——No, I meant this fiction. But yeah, that too. [Blake]
***
Arlette and I stand by the table, watching Pari sit in the chair at the table and fidgit.
It’s been a day since I accidentally triggered the phenomina. After beating a tactical retreat, we’d watched as the transformation slowed and eventually stopped about four rooms from the workshop. A quick servey of the area showed that the transformation had spread in all directions equally, including above and below.
We’d gone back inside and Blake had stayed to study everything. Meanwhile, Arlette and I had gone to bed and now the next day are working on O-Pari-ation Veggies. It isn’t going well.
Pari sits on the high-backed chair, her head poking just above the table. She stares at the exquisite salad I set in front of her with open disgust, her mouth slightly open.
——Pari not want to eat green things. Pari wants delicious juicy meat and cheez! [Pari]
——Pari, listen to you sister. It’s important to learn to eat healthy. [Arlette]
——No! Pari not eating if not cheezburger! [Pari]
——That’s ENOUGHT! [me]
After so long, my anger finally flares up. I raise my right hand up in front of me, pointing it at the little beast while Arlette watches over my left shoulder, and I open my mouth real big and yell.
——PARI! YOU WILL EAT THE SALAD AND THATS FINAL! [me]
——NO NO NO PARI HATES SALAD!
——PARI, YOU START EATING THAT SALAD BEFORE I COUNT TO FIVE OR... OR... [me]
I work up my courage. It hurts to have to lay down the law like this but...
——OR YOUR GROUNDED FOR... FOR A WHOLE WEEK! AND YOU HAVE TO VACUUM AND DO ALL THE DISHES! [me]
A stunned silence fills the room. Pari’s eyes dialate in shock and she stares at me with disbelief. I can see her emotions writhing beneath the surface as she trembles with what I assume is terror.
It quickly becomes clear that I am wrong. With one hand, Pari grabs the salad and throws it off the table. She hops off the chair, her whole body still quaking with what I now understand to be fury, and takes a deep breathe.
Oh no! I brace my soul for impact. What terrible thing is she going to tell me now? What fact will she throw at me to shatter even further the mental picture of my cute little sweetie I’ve treasured inside me for so long? That she was the one who’d actually kidnapped the Lindbergh baby? That she’s a mass murderer with a collection of heads strung up in some hidden basement? That she was actually the one who wrote the last seasons of Game of Thrones?
——PARI POURS THE MILK IN THE BOWL BEFORE THE CEREAL!!! [Pari]
The words slam into me like a freight train, knocking me to the floor. I cough as blood spews from my mouth in great spurts. Milk... before the cereal?! Before?! Impossible! Unthinkable!
——PARI WILL HAS CHEEZBURGER IF ITS THE LAST THING PARI DOES! [Pari]
The girl scampers out of the room while I hack up more blood. Tears fall, and they won’t stop. I’d thought I was ready, but nobody could be ready for such horror. I sob and wail at the unbarable nature of the truth.
——WHY?! WHYYYY?! Where did I go wrong?![me]
Arlette gets down on her knees and cradles my blubbering form in her arms. I can see that she is also in terrible, horrible pain.
——I don’t know... [Arlette]
——I tried so hard to raise her right! I was nice, and loving, and caring and... Was that the problem? Should I have beaten her more? Would that have stopped her from becomming history’s greatest monster?! [me]
——Maybe.... [Arlete]
Arlette lets out a forlorn sigh.
——Blake is right, Sofie. We have to put her down before she bites somebody else and infects them too. [Arlette]
——What?! No! This isn’t rabies! I can still fix her! I know it! [Sofie]
A hand smacks me across the mouth with vigerous force. I cry out.
——AAAHhH!! [me]
Arlette eyes me with determined eyes.
——Listen! We can’t take that risk! What are you going to do when Samanta walks up to you tomorrow and says “a hotdog is a sandwich” as if it’s the most rational thing in the world!? Or if Leo starts putting pineapple on his pizza?! Do you really want that on your conscience?! DO YOU?! [Arlette]
An involuntary shudder runs down my spine. She’s right. I hate to admit it, but she’s right. I take a long, wet sniff.
——...okay. Which way did she go? [Me]
——I think she got into the air vents again. [Arlette]
——How does she even keep getting up there? [me]
——I think we should go get Blake’s help to track her down [Arlette]
——Yeah, good idea. [me]
Together, we head towards the newly transformed area, which I have decided to call a dungeon because it looks so much like the dungeons I was stuck in for much of this story.
As we enter we see a small blob slinking along the hallway. It looks like a translucent sack of green goo slowly oozing along the stone floor.
——What is this? [me]
Basic Slime - Level 1 It’s one of those. You know the drill. Make good jello shots when chilled.
Skill Unlocked: Observe Examine Inspect OMG why didn’t I think of this before?!?! It’s the perfect way to infodump stuff at the reader without making it seem like too much of an infodump, because it’s a skill and you the character are doing it! And it’s broken as fuck too! I can literally explain anything about the world and I don’t need a single bit of context! No side characters needed to explain it, no having to learn things beforehand to understand it, the boxes just explain it all to everybody! Man... writing LitRPG is easy mode...
Before I can say anything, Arlette thrusts her sword into the slime. The long sharp metal pierces its outer coating and stabs into the goo. It writhes slightly but seems largely unaffected as it slowly begins to crawl up her weapon.
——When I first saw this slime creature, I thought it the weakest creature I’d ever seen. But now I see that it is adaptable to the extreme, and if allowed to grow, capable of being the strongest. I find the thought inspiring! [Arlette]
——Yes, I could see how that would be inspiring. I know! You should write a story about it to inspire the children of Otharia! [me]
Arlette beams.
——Yes! I should write a story about somebody who is turned into a lowly slime and must survive in a dangerous world against all odds! I could even incorporate those strange boxes of yours! I would bet all my money that nobody has ever before written a story with blue boxes where the main character is a slime! It’s truly a unique and original concept! [Arlette]
——But seriously, kill it. It’s fucking gross. [me]
Arlette splats it against the wall and it dies, probably.
We soon find Blake standing in the former workshop, dozens of pieces of equipment placed around the crystal. It glows with an omenous, pulsating light.
——Blake, we need- [me]
——Not right now! This is too important! [Blake]
——What is? [Arlette]
——This! This changes everything! This explains everything! [Blake]
——...the rock? [me]
——Yes! [Blake]
——what is it? [Arlette]
——It’s an ancient construct that exists to sieze control of an area of space and modify it into a dungeon. From there, it manifests various things to protect itself and expands its territory. Since the stone is the core controling the dungeon, I’ve dubbed it a “labyrinth heart”.
——You sure you shouldn’t call it a- [me[
——PSSSH! [Blake]
Blake interrupts and waves a hand dismissively.
——Sofie, pls. I think I know a bit more about labyrinth hearts than you. [Blake]
I roll my eyes.
——You were saying something about it changing everything? [me]
——Yes! Look, ever since I discovered cantacrenyx crystals, I’ve wondered where the energy they had came from. They seems to refill themself natrually without expending any energy, so I always thought they were absorbing it from the world or something. But no! They generate the energy themselves! And what’s more, that is just what they generate when deactivated! Now that you activated this, it’s creating much, much more energy. Energy we can weild for the betterment of society! Finally, I’ll be able to introduce invaluable devices like the panini press and smart fridges to this world! [Blake]
I applaud.
——Clapclapclap! Amazing! [me]
——Isn’t it truly?! I mean- [Blake]
——Shhhh! [Arlette]
——Do either of you hear that? [Arlette]
——Hear that? Hear what? [Blake]
I focus my ears and pick up a strange high pitched voice. The voice is singing a looping song that I find to be overly hyper and manic but still strangely catchy in a “torture your subconscious nonstop for 5 hours” sort of way.
~~nyan nyan nyan nyanyanyanyanyan nyan nyanyanyan nyanyanyan nyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyan nyanyan nyan nyan nyannyannyannayn... [???]
BOOOM!
The wall on the other side of the workshop exploded inward, sending shards of stone flying dangerously. Through the new hole stepped one Pari Clansnarl, resplendent in all her terrible glory. By which I mean she’d painted herself like a rainbow.
——Hey! She got into my paints! Those were expensive! [Blake]
——She’s gotten even worse... [ARlette]
Pari runs over to the crystal.
——Pari, get away from that dungeon core- [me]
——Labyrinth heart [Blake]
——labyrinth heart this insta... [me]
My voice trails off as I notice the large candle in her hands.
——Pari, is that a bomb?!? [me]
The girl hold up a hand, a small flame hovering between her fingers, and brings it just centimeters away from the candle’s wick.
——Pari can has cheezburgers NOW or Pari make machines go BOOM! [Pari]
——Pari, now is not the time for jokes! [Sofie]
——Pari not joke! Pari are serious cat! This is serious threat! [Pari]
——Sofie, give her what she wants... [Blake]
I notice the tension in Blake’s voice.
——I can’t! [me]
——Sofie, you don’t understand. This whole area isn’t the world anymore. It’s a pocket dimension created by the labyrinth heart! If the heart breaks, the dimension vanishes and we all die! [Blake]
——But I have no more Scyrian beef equivalent! I didn’t want to make any more cheeseburgers so I threw it away! [Sofie]
——Then improvise! [Blake]
——Pari, I, uh, I can’t make you more cheeseburgers- [me]
The flame starts drifts closer to the wick.
——BUTBUTBUTBUT! I can make you something even better! [me]
——Nothing better than cheezburger! [Pari]
——Ah, but that’s where you’re wrong! There is something even tastier than a cheeseburger: chicken tenders! [me]
The flame’s motion suddenly comes to a halt.
——.......chicken tendies? What are chicken tendies? [Pari]
——No not chicken tendies, chic-... you know what? Sure. Chicken tendies. You know how you like the way the cheeseburger meat is all ground up nice and soft? [me]
——Uh huh! [Pari]
——Well, chicken tendie meat is ground up so fine that it turns into a pink slurry! [me]
Pari’s eyes sparkle at the thought.
——And you know how you like the greasy fat of the burger? [me]
——Uh huh uh huh! [Pari]
——Well chicken tendies are so greasy that they’re literally left to swim in tubs of oil for minutes until they’re completely soaked in fat! [me]
——Oooohhhhh!!! [PAri]
She is drooling now. I can tell I almost have her.
——but that’s not enough, is it? You know how you like the creamy, heart-clogging cheese? [me]
——Yeahyeahyeah! [Pari]
Pari is practically hopping up and down at this point.
——Well, to make the chicken tendies even better, you dip them in greasy sauces so thick that they’ll clog your arteries in a single bite! All you have to do is put the bomb down and come over here and I’ll make all the chicken tendies you could ever eat! [me]
Pari drops the candle like it’s a vegan cookie and sprints into my waiting arms, purring up a storm and covering my clothes in still-wet paint.
——PRRRRRRRRRRR! [Pari]
I look at the multicolored hair in my hands and sigh.
——Pari, you’re shedding again. We need to brush you mo- Sam, no! STop! [me]
Samanta stood beside the glowing labyrinth heart, a large sledgehammer in her small hands.
——Samanta?! When did you get here?! [Blake]
——I’ve been here this whole time, asshole! I dragged this hammer on the floor all the way across the room! I walked RIGHT BY ALL OF YOU and none of you even noticed I was even present! And it’s my fault that the readers don’t care about me?!?! “Write me out”?!? “Not causing enough drama”?!? Here’s your fucking drama!!! [Samanta]
She brings the sledgehammer crashing down onto the crystal, shattering it. The world breaks with it, and all is finally nothing once again.
***
— Blake PoV —
“Uuuuuuugggghhhhh...”
Blake let out a soft groan and coughed. He could feel the bile in this throat, the acid wearing at his esophagus.
He found himself in his bathroom, lying on his chest on his bathroom floor. Both he and the floor were covered in vomit and semi-liquid fecal matter.
Just one glance around told him everything he needed to know. He’d gorged himself on semi-edible faux-meat mini-hamburgers to the point that he’d fallen into a fast-food-fueled bender filled with semi-lucid hallucinations while he peed, puked, and shat all over himself.
Again.
He really needed to find a better way to spend his Friday nights.
“Fuck... White Castle...” he mumbled to nobody in particular as his eyes rolled back and he lost consciousness once more.
Sophy Ramaut Level 4 Experience 3985/4000 Age 20 Class Freshman Attributes Strength 10 Intelligence 20 Dexterity 15 Wisdom 17 Hardiness 10 Intuition 30 Gumption 50 Perspicacity 16 Bellicosity 6 Truculence 3 Odor 12 Opacity 100 Mana 2954 Qi 394 Titles Commenters' Favorite; Shiva’s Right Hand; Ravager of Realms Skills Skill Name Skill Rank Skill Level Skill Experience Walking Boron 17 263298 Putting one foot in front of the other: you can do it! And you rarely even fall over anymore! Decades of practice, finally bearing fruit! Skill Name Skill Rank Skill Level Skill Experience Talking Selenium 22 186437 You are well-versed in the basest form of communication. That's it. Congrats. Skill Name Skill Rank Skill Level Skill Experience Inspect Copper 1 22 OMG why didn’t I think of this before?!?! It’s the perfect way to infodump stuff at the reader without making it seem like too much of an infodump, because it’s a skill and you the character are doing it! And it’s broken as fuck too! I can literally explain anything about the world and I don’t need a single bit of context! No side characters needed to explain it, no having to learn things beforehand to understand it, the boxes just explain it all to everybody! Man... writing LitRPG is easy mode... Skill Name Skill Rank Skill Level Skill Experience Sistering Manganese 8 90489 You know what? I’ll give you this one. Pari still has all her limbs. That's actually kind of impressive. Skill Name Skill Rank Skill Level Skill Experience Head Petting Platinum 7 89615 All that practice scritching kitties behind the ears finally paid off! Man, how convenient that Pari is a catgirl, huh? You really lucked out, didn't you? Ever stop to consider what your relationship would be like if she were a platypusgirl or a porcupinegirl or something like that instead? How strong would your bond be then? Not so great, I'd bet. Yep, suuuure is convenient. Skill Name Skill Rank Skill Level Skill Experience Fighting - Knife Tungsten 0 1 All you had to do was stab the farmer in the cellar. That was all you had to do, and yet you couldn't fucking do it. Jesus H. Christ on a cracker, Sofie! How are you supposed to go from weak to strong when you can't even find the power within yourself to kill even a single one-off bit character? I mean, the author didn't even bother naming the guy at first, because he thought that you could handle something as simple as murder in self defense but noooooooooo, you had to get all stuck in your morals and shit. THE READERS ARE RIGHT ABOUT YOU, SOFIE! YOU'RE A TRASH CHARACTER! AN UTTER WASTE OF WORDS! NOBODY LIKES YOU, SOFIE! NOBODY, YOU HEAR ME?! Skill Name Skill Rank Skill Level Skill Experience Soul Sense Argon [LOCKED] [LOCKED] - Reach Fifth Level Qi Condescension Realm to unlock You can "sense" things with your soul. How do you do that? Beats me. What does your soul sense let you discern? Whatever the author wants, baybee! Plot-relevant details of basically any kind? Check! Hidden enemies that the author wants you to notice? Check! Hidden enemies that the author doesn't want you to notice? Sorry, looks like they were too strong and able to hide from you with their more powerful souls! You know, like how a bonfire hides from a lit match by... you know what, you get the idea. Unlock this to let the author point out anything he wants, even if you can't see it. It's the ultimate descriptive tool! Skill Name Skill Rank Skill Level Skill Experience Pocket Space Vanadium [LOCKED] [LOCKED] - Crystalize Mana Pool to unlock You know what sucks? Forgetting to bring something you need with you and not realizing it until you need it. You know what REALLY sucks? Forgetting to make sure that a character has a needed item and then writing an important scenario where that character needs that item and realizing that you will have to completely rewrite it to account for the fact that the MC or whoever left that one critical item with that nun two arcs ago. But fret not, with the incredible Pocket Space, you'll never need to worry about your (or your character's) inventory ever again! Just create your own dimension that ignores the rules of time and space and throw every little thing you own in there! It's easy peasy! How big is it? However big you want it to be at the start. Don't worry, if you need to, you can always justify some way to increase the size of it later. Those worried about the potential mana costs of use can always try space rings instead. Skill Name Skill Rank Skill Level Skill Experience Acid Immunity Antimony [LOCKED] [LOCKED] - Defeat 500 acid slimes to unlock No acid, no matter how powerful, will be able to harm you. You know that acid blood that the xenomorphs in the Alien franchise have? The stuff that eats through everything? You could swim in an Olympic-sized swimming pool of the stuff and it wouldn't do a thing to you! Well, you probably couldn't because it would eat away at the swimming pool before you could jump in, but that just makes my point all the more! What makes you suddenly completely immune, you ask? What a stupid question! You're immune because you have the Acid Immunity skill! It says it right there in your status window! That's how all X Immunity skills work! You get the skill, and then the thing you're immune to doesn't work on you anymore. It's that simple, so just stop thinking about it and move on, okay? Good. Skill Name Skill Rank Skill Level Skill Experience Skill Steal Arsenic [LOCKED] [LOCKED] - Switch to Asshole class to unlock You know how skills often come through achievements? Through acts of bravery and might and cleverness? How there's a feat and a story behind how somebody got the skill? Well, fuck those people. They might have worked for years to earn their skills, but why should you have to? Just take that skill the dude got for slaying an arch-demon and saving the world. What did he ever do to deserve such a skill anyway? It would be better if you had it. Accomplishments are for losers. Skill Name Skill Rank Skill Level Skill Experience ????? ???? ??? ?? ?