"Oh fuck."
Wait sorry, PG? Hell no I am not doing that, you may have shoved me through a death-defying adventure but you sure as shit aint censoring me. Deal with it.
Oh yeah, my name's James. And I hate everything about my life. Why? Oh because I guess if you put a regular teenager in a dangerous foreign situation where his entire worldview is shattered, they tend to hate you, and yes I am talking about my fucktard of an author.
Why do I dislike my author?
Ok first of all I hate him, second of all this guy didn't just throw in the regular ingredients for an epic story, instead he decided to milk every ounce of helpless danger out of it, meaning of course that he used me, a retarded kid as the main character. And no I wasn't cursing. I'm actually a diagnosed retard.
One day, a group of us, five individual disabled kids woke up where they weren't supposed to be, my first thought was that I had been shoved out of the tent that I had been sharing with my normal ass brother the night before, but then I sat up and realized that that was not the truth. I was in forest, and looking up into the balcony of the trees like I was before should have told me something was amiss, but I agnored it and didn't realize the gravity of the situation until I looked around.
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That’s when I cursed, that first sentence you read, "Oh fuck." I said when I saw the other kids sprawled around me in unnatural sleeping positions. We were definitely not anywhere I recognized, and these people were not the ones I saw every week at physical therapy, they were complete strangers.
I stood up, slowly as that was the only way to do it without falling over, then looked around. We were outside, in the woods, the sun was just peeking over a mountain in the distance, one I didn't recognize.
Soon everyone else began to wake up as well, another mentally retarded kid began crying, fucking baby. I was the first person standing up, so naturally everyone who had the brains to turned to me. "Hi," I said, "James." I pointed at myself with a thumb. Hi, James? How fucking stupid am I? That is not a proper sentence!
A guy with a normal sized head and body, but arms and legs not worth shit walked up to me, "How old are you?" He asked.
Of course, in my head I said sixteen, but out loud I said "six ten." How fucking stupid...
The dwarf squinted at me then said, "No, you didn't do it."
"What?" I asked.
The dwarf, who had begun to turn away spun around again, "You didn’t drag us all out here you big pile of dung, at least not on your own."
I agreed by nodding.
The dwarf turned back around and looked at the rest of the group, we were the biggest, saddest, dumbest, most helpless bunch of retards to walk the face of the planet, and we were all alone, out in the middle of a forest, with no idea what we would do. Thanks Author.