As the dirty, blue dodge dart muscled its way onto the highway, the scruffy-looking bald man behind the wheel jettisoned his spent camel coal into the moist night air.  As he merged onto the busy interstate, he reached to crank the volume knob of the relic of a car stereo.

                        Looking in the rearview mirror, he could see a beautiful blond speeding up beside him in a late-model red stingray corvette.

                        Pulling out the pack of smokes rolled up in the right sleeve of his blue b.v.d tee shirt, he lit another butt and floored it.   The rusty floor beneath him almost gave way as he gave chase to the mythic beauty before him.

                        As the tired, old engine beneath the corroded hood whined, the wretched creature behind the wheel moaned.  As the distance between the fair, maiden, and the troll with the two pack a day habit lessened the filthier his thoughts became.

                        He had never been with a woman that delicious, and he could only imagine what he would do to her if given the chance.

                        He followed her for hundreds of miles; all of which were out of his way.  The sun fell from the sky and the moon took control as she turned into a townie bar parking lot in the middle of nowhere.  With the malice of forethought, he crept into the lot and parked out of view, as he watched her stealth fully navigate her way to the entrance of the tavern, tight jeans, and all.

                         As he shook the cobwebs from the dark recesses of his dirty mind, the stranger in the beat up, old car walked toward the bar.  In glowing crimson neon “KNOW THYSELF SALOON” bled from over head, as he walked through the threshold of the dark tavern.

             He spotted his prey as he walked into the room.   In the corner by the jukebox, bikers and truckers surrounded her, all of which seem to know her quite well.  They called her by name, Eve he thought they said, but he wasn’t sure from that distance.

                        He decided to move in closer.  This vixen had all the men spelled bound, he thought, and he was desperate to find out why.

                        He sat there for hours trying hard not to drink too much, trying to keep his wits about him. This Eve, she would leave with a man on her arm and return a half hour or so later adjusting herself and retreat to the lady’s room only to do it all over again, all evening long.   She’s a whore, he thought.  Thinking with this one he would have a chance.  

                        After last call was announced and the lights went on the poor, dirty wretch approached the industrious, young, truck stop harlot and made his pitch. 

                        “Hey baby… You still on the clock?”

                        “What?”

                        “Are you still taking customers?”

                        “Who the fuck are you?”

                        “Just a horny, curious bystander.”

                        “Well get your filthy, fucking face out of here or it’ll get stomped on!”

                        “Come on honey, my money is just as green as the last guy you fucked out there by the dumpster.”

                        “Skull, this guy is harassing me.”

                        That said, the mountain of a bartender turned and leapt over the bar and in one fluid motion had our dirty stranger by the scruff of the neck hoisted overhead and charging toward the door.

                        As he landed in a pile of gravel and cinder, he vowed to himself, they had not seen the last of him, and yes, he would have his way with her. 

                        As the cloud of dust settled and he made his way to his car, he could hear them laughing at him.  That laughter, that night touched a dark nerve in our dirty, stranger that would gnaw and eat away at the black heart of his loathsome being.  

                        On the drive back to his seedy, little apartment overlooking a dirty, rancid alley the stranger vowed he would change his life; he would rise from the ashes of the squalid existence he called his life and fly to her, Eve, a new man.

              Over the course of the next few months, Seth our lonely stranger turned over a few new leaves if not an entirely new tree.  He had got himself a new position with the firm where he was working; he went from working in the mailroom to being enrolled in the management-training program.  Everything seemed to be going his way, he moved to a nicer apartment in a better neighborhood, got a loan for a newer car, new clothes and his hygiene improved almost to the point that even his friends, the few he had, hardly recognized him.

                        He was almost ready; there was only one thing left to do before he went back to that hick bar in the sticks and to claim his prize, he needed to see Madame Sophia.  Seth needed to get some advise from the woman who was a friend of his grandmothers who told him his fortune ever since he could remember and who was always right.  She knew him better than anybody and if anyone could help him it was Madame Sophia.  She may even have a love potion or spell, he thought to himself, as he approached her door.

                        Seth stood straight and tall as he rang the doorbell to Madame Sophia’s house and fortune-telling salon; a place Seth knew since his youth.  Sophia was getting up in years now and it took eternities, Seth thought, for his intuitive friend to get to the door.

                        As she slowly and cautiously opened the door, a look of apprehension gradually faded from her face and was replaced by a grand smile that only years of real living could produce.

                        “Could this be?  No, it can’t be.  Are you my long lost, wayward Seth?”   

                        “Yes, it is I my doll.”

                         “Seth, where are your shabby clothes, scruffy beard, your total disdain for personal hygiene.  If I saw you on the street, I wouldn’t know who you were, if you are in fact my darling Seth.”

                        “It is I doll, believe me, please.  I am here on a mission of mercy.  That is if you love me and will show me some.”

                        “A woman is the only thing that can truly transform a man.  You have met a woman.   She has stolen your heart.  You have come to see Sophia to tell your fortune and to counsel you in the ways of love and if you are lucky to give you a love potion or incantation.  Am I correct, child?”

                        “As always you are right on the money, Sophia.”

                        “Well, sit and tell me all about this woman who has stolen your heart and vexed you so.”

                        Seth sat down as Sophia laid all his cards 0n her table, while he spilled his guts about the night at the “Know thy self Saloon” and how it ended.  Sophia sat there entranced hanging on Seth’s every word and when he was finished she sat back, crossed her arms, looked him right in the eye, and asked him. “Son, what the hell are you thinking?  It sounds like to me, if you go back there that bartender Skull is going to crush yours.  And the way you tell it, that woman isn’t interested in you in the least.”

                        “Sophia, you said it yourself, that if you saw me on the street you wouldn’t recognize me.  Well, they only saw me once.  I imagine guys get thrown out of that bar all the time.  If anything I project poise and class; they will think I am a gentleman.”

                        “Something I’m sure all the patrons at this bar are all well versed in poise and class.”

                        “Either way, are you going to help me?”             

                        “Yes my love, I will help you.”

                        “First, I see that in your near future, there will be a struggle.  Second, a cleansing followed by an awakening.  It’s all quite cloudy, but I’m confident that you will get what’s coming to you in the end.”

                        “I will? You're sure?”

                        “As I said, it is all very cloudy.  But, let me give you a love potion that I picked up last time I was in New Orleans.  For insurance, just in case your charm and devilish good looks don’t get the best of her; just put a little of this in her drink and stay in her field of vision.  It’s guaranteed to feed the well of unearthly desires.”

               Kissing Sophia and bidding her farewell, Seth set out on his journey to vanquish the fair maiden Eve.  In his new clothes, new car, positive attitude and smelling like a gentleman, Seth started to formulate a plan.  The plan would be an easy one, he would go to the bar, slowly mingle with the locals; never addressing or looking at Eve directly but making sure she was aware of his presence.  He’d do his best to be charming, witty, and debonair.  Seth knew that a woman that beautiful needed to be paid attention to and if he ignored her he would have the upper hand and by the end of the evening she would be eating out of it.

Did you know this story is from Royal Road? Read the official version for free and support the author.

                        It would be at that moment he would be able to slip the love potion into her drink.  By the time he pulled into the parking lot of the saloon, he had it all figured out.

                        He was not the same man Skull the bartender pitched into the cinders not so long ago.  He had matured, grown, and became a man.  Seth was now in his late thirties, not the slight, muscular, flaxen-haired lad that Sophia came to love.  He had begun to lose his hair, gain some weight, and generally lose any interest in his overall well-being, frankly, he had become a slob.  But as of late this obsession with this woman had given him a new reason to live, albeit a sick twisted maniacal one but a reason all the same.

                        Seth once again parked in the shadows, ate a mint, said a prayer, checked the little love potion bottle in his jacket pocket rallied his courage, and got out of the car.   As he slowly walked to the entrance of the “Know Thyself Saloon” Seth recognized some of the people leaving from his last time there; nervous he reached into his jacket pocket to retrieve a cigarette forgetting that he had given them up.  Frustrated he rifled through his pockets hoping to find a stray butt hiding in the folds of a pocket.  In his flurry of agitation, the sparkling, little bottle of love potion that Sophia had given him to woo the fatally out of reach Eve, fell to the earth, cracked like an egg and its contents seeped into the earth.

                        Fearing that all was lost Seth decided to go into the saloon and have one for the road.  He would go home live his new life and be thankful for his many blessings.  One beer, he thought, and what’s it going to hurt?  Having made up his mind he pushed through the double doors and made his way to the closest bar stool.

                        Flagging down Skull, Seth sat back and patiently waited.  “What’s your poison stranger?” Skull snarled as he approached wiping some blood up off the bar.

                        “Me?”

                        “No, the other dead man sitting in front of me!”

                        “OH, I’m sorry.  I will have a draft beer, thank you.”

                        “That’s better, first time in?” 

                        “Yes, just passing through.”

                        “Really…” Skull snickered, as he looked both ways before crossing the line. “I don’t know if a respectable guy like you would be interested, but see that hot broad over there by the jukebox…” As Skull pointed to Eve leaning against the old Wurlitzer, her tits falling out of her blouse and bordering on falling drunk, Seth’s heart and other organs began to swell.

                        “Yes, what about her?”

                        “She’s a Pro and will take you around the world.”

                        “Really?  Sounds like a trip worth taking.”

                        “A couple of Franklins and she’s yours, my friend.”

                        “Here is the money my friend and a Franklin for yourself.”  As Seth reached across the bar to hand Skull the money, he could feel something in the inner pocket of his jacket rub against the bar.  Reaching in he could feel that it was a small bottle, not unlike the little liquor bottles on the airplane. Pulling it from his pocket he recognized it to be the same type of glass and style of the bottle given to him by Madame Sophia and with it a little note.

          “My love, I know you are all thumbs, so here is a spare in case you break the bottle I gave you.  This will not make her fall forever in love with you but will at least get you in her pants.  Love Sophia.”

                        “I don’t need this.”  He thought as he put it back where he found it.  “I got her right where I want her.” 

                        As Skull went to the other end of the bar to get Seth his beer, he motioned to Eve that she had a customer.  Following Skull back to the gentleman in question, she sidled slithery almost into his lap.

                        “I understand you want to fuck a stranger?”  She hissed as she reached between his legs rubbing his crotch.  Seth stared straight ahead bewildered; all color absent from his face. 

                        “I said she was a Pro,” Skull said, glaring at Seth as he reached in to set down his beer.

                        “Thanks, friend, for everything.” Seth boyishly giggled, as he and Skull had a moment as he threw back his beer.

                        “Let's go, I got one good fuck left in me and it’s almost midnight.”

                        “Alright, alright keep your dress on.  I got to settle.” Saying that Seth felt for the bottle of potion in his pocket and threw down another Franklin on the bar.

                        “Thanks, Brother.” Skull graciously snarled as he scooped up the money off the bar.

                        “No thank you.  I owe you big.”

                        “We’ll see, you're not there yet.”

                        Eve whisked Seth out the back door past the dumpsters, her usual place of business, across the parking lot, and up the trail into the woods behind the tavern. 

                        As Seth and Eve crested the hill a thick and dank fog descended and swallowed the terrain before them.  Eerily the amorphous earthbound cloud hovered just below their waists and stretched as far as they could see. 

                        Eve was familiar with the landscape and guided Seth through a tunnel of pines that ended at a bluff overlooking a pond and a view of the “Know Thy Self Saloon”.

                        “We can Fuck here.” She moaned as she felt around for a soft patch of grass.

                        “Here? Won’t someone see us?”

                        “Hello… fog, darkness, I don’t think so!  Do you want to Fuck or what?”  She screeched, as she pulled him down to rest with her in the soft, dewy grass.

                        “Yeah, yeah… Let's do this.”

                        As they tore at and molested each other, coupling like two gorillas in the mist beneath a now full, fervent moon; Seth remembered Madame Sophia’s prediction.

                        “‘First, I see that in your near future there will be a struggle.  Second is a cleansing, followed by an awakening.  It’s all quite cloudy, but I am confident that you will get what is coming to you in the end.’”

                        As Seth writhed and contorted himself into new fits of pleasure pulsing into Eve, sweat began to erupt out of every pore of his being, his passion and energy now waning he felt nauseous and lost consciousness.  He awoke sometime later to find Eve going through his pockets. 

                        “Eve you whore.  What are you doing?”

                        “Looking for a smoke.  If you must know.”

                        “I don’t smoke.”

                        “Well… Well… What do we have here?”  Eve cooed, as she rifled through his jacket pockets.  “you say you don’t smoke, but you sure must drink.  You got one of those little bottles of booze you get on the airplane.”

                        “That is not what you think it is Eve.”

                        “There’s one way to find out.”  As Eve began to uncork the little bottle of love potion, Seth slowly walked toward her.

                        “Eve, you don’t want to drink that.”

                        “Why, is it poison?  Are you trying to kill me peckerwood?  What I ever do to you.”

                        “Nothing Eve, just the opposite. I assure you. I… I… I… love you.”

                        “What?  You don’t even know me.”

                        “That is true.  I was in the Saloon several months ago.  I upset you and Skull through me out.”

                        “That happens a couple of times a week.”

                        “I thought as much, but I saw you on the highway and followed you here.  I vowed after getting bounced that night that I would go home change my life and come back to claim you as my girl when I was worthy.”

                        “Claim… What the Fuck am I anyhow Fucking luggage!”

                        “No… NO… I meant that I would come back and profess my love for you and take you out of this cesspool.”

                        “So, now I’m shit!”

                        As Eve lifted the tiny vile to her mouth, she quipped.  “And I guess this is a love potion?”

                        “Something like that.” Seth blurted out, as he rushed forward to stop her.

                        Grabbing her wrist did not stop Eve; as the two struggled she merely pretended to faint and as Seth loosened his grip, Eve quickly inhaled the solution.”

                        “You don’t know what you have done.”

                        “Was it Schnapps? It tasted like Schnapps.”

                        As Seth reached out and shook her, the earth beneath Eve’s heels gave way and they plummeted to the rocks and water below.  As they fell and before Seth lost consciousness for the last time, he noticed that Eve was smiling at him in the most angelic way.  Which made him think of Sophia’s note, the one she attached to the second bottle.  “‘This will not make her fall forever in love with you but will at least get you in her pants.’”   

                        Right before he hit the ground, he thought. ‘What if she does fall forever in love with me?’

                        The next day Skull went looking for Eve and found the bodies.  Two months later he sold the place to a couple of yuppies who opened a karaoke bar and laundry mat called “Dirty Tricks”.

                        It is said that on a foggy night with a full and fervent moon and the right combination of watered-down drinks, bad singing, and fabric softener you can see a nude man and woman dancing on the cliff behind the bar.