Everything went black again, and as the light slowly came back I saw that I was in a small prison cell with stone walls. There was some hay in the corners, a long chain on the floor, and an empty bucket. Not much to write home about, all told.

“Yes, indeed.” The woman’s voice continued. “The Darksign brands the Undead. And in this land, the Undead are corralled and led to the north, where they are locked away, to await the end of the world… This is your fate.

“Only, in the ancient legends it is stated, that one day an undead shall be chosen to leave the undead asylum, in pilgrimage, to the lands of ancient lords, Lordran.”

I wondered at that. First there were dragons. Then, a couple people found Lord Souls and used their power to defeat the dragons, which caused the age of Fire. And now…the age of Fire is over and I’m locked in a cell? Why is the age of Fire over? She glossed over a huge part of the story!

There was a metallic creaking noise from above, and I looked up to see a small skylight, blocked partially by an armored knight looking down at me. He backed up and pushed something through the hole. It was large enough to block out the light, and I pressed myself against the wall to avoid it.

The thing dropped into my cell with a clattering plop. I stared, motionless for a moment. There was one thing I knew about this game, and it was that it was lauded as one of the most difficult games ever made. It wouldn’t surprise me at all if my first encounter was against a surprise enemy in my prison cell.

But the thing didn’t move, and when I crept closer (weapon in hand) I saw that it was a corpse. I glanced back up, but the knight was gone. Hopefully he was gone for good, and not just looking for more corpses to throw at me.

Towards the center of the body was a glowing, wispy orb. I reached out to it, and the thing was sucked into my body like my hand was a vacuum.

[Dungeon Cell Key] Opens dungeon of Undead Asylum in the north.

“Huh. Thank you!” I called up to the long-gone knight. Sure enough the key opened my cell door, allowing me to step out into the hallway of the dungeon.

An emaciated figure waited for me outside the cell, its body puckered and pink with diseased flesh. I shuddered at the sight of it and gripped the broken sword I’d started with. It was little more than a couple inches of blade attached to a sword hilt, but until I could find something better, it would have to do.

Based on what I’d heard in the cut-scene, I gathered that it was an undead creature, but I didn’t know what that meant in this world. Was it a zombie hungering for brains? A tragic fallen hero with a backstory that would make me cry?

I edged around it, and the creature didn’t seem to even notice me. I let out the breath I’d been holding as I passed. I was sure I would have to fight something eventually, but the longer I could put that off the better. Preferably, my first fight would happen after I replaced my sad excuse for a sword.

I wandered through the dungeon, passing more than a few vomit-inducing undead creatures that didn’t react to my presence. Each time, I gripped my sword hilt and crept past them, my confidence growing until at last, in a moldy corner of the dungeon, I found a ladder. By which I mean I found a nasty, rusty contraption that probably used to be a ladder.

I whispered a quick “thank you” to the game developers for including a full set of gloves in the starter set. Full immersion was all well and good, but there were some things I just didn’t want to touch. I gave it a tug. It didn’t fall apart, but the thing creaked under my weight enough that I hurried to the top. Moments later I emerged into sunlight.

It was thin and dreary, straining past the heavy cloud cover overhead, but compared to the oppressive darkness of the dungeon it felt like a bright summer day. I closed my eyes and took a moment to enjoy the warmth on my face.

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I was out in the open for the first time since starting the game. Straight across from me was a set of massive double doors that screamed “Boss Battle,” but the grassy clearing was a small patch of life in the midst of the undead. Best of all, smack dab in the middle of the clearing was a sword, lodged point first in a pile of ash and bones.

I glanced around for any sign of sneaky monsters. Seeing none, I sprinted across. Just as I reached it though, a system message appeared in the center of my vision: Rest at the bonfire to recover HP. Light bonfire?

I reached out to grab the sword, and a ball of fire shot from my palm, instantly setting fire to the sword.

BONFIRE LIT

“What the hell?” When I tried to reach for the sword again, I got another system message: Rest at the bonfire.

Curious, I sat by the flame. I felt a sensation of healing warmth wash over me; it was like the feeling of wrapping yourself up in blankets when it’s cold outside. I unequipped my gloves so I could hover my hands over the fire for a bit, but as soon as the gloves came off I yelped.

I should have screamed. I wanted to scream. Most normal people who experience this in the game probably do scream, but it’s just not something I’ve ever been able to do. So… I yelped.

When I unequipped my gloves, my hands weren’t my hands. They were the same size, the same shape, and they felt like my hands, but they had the same pink, puckered look of the undead I had passed in the cells. I was undead. My whole body looked like that.

I put my gloves back on and put my head in my hands while I hyperventilated, hastily reminding myself that this wasn’t real. I don’t want to tell you how long it took me to get back to normal, but honestly, I’m not even sure myself. Time isn’t always a factor in video games, and when I came back to my senses the thin sunlight and thick clouds were unchanged.

I did what I should have done in the first place, which was rest at the bonfire and make for the Boss Battle doors. They pushed open with a slow, terrifying creak. The room was largely empty, aside from some big jars along the walls.

I inched my way inside. The doors slammed shut behind me (because of course they did), but I couldn’t see the boss anywhere. I tend to imagine that if I walk into a scenario tense and ready for anything that I will not be frightened or startled when something startling does inevitably happen. I firmly believe this no matter how many times it is proven to be untrue, so what happened was, the Asylum Demon leaped down from, I don’t know, the roof? It landed in front of me, too big for me to even see all of it. Boss Music started playing, loud as shit because I forgot to turn the volume down when I got into the pod. A system message flashed: Get Away! And I let out a little “ahhh!”

I tried to dodge and rolled immediately into a cluster of the big, useless jars. Trapped. The Demon brought it’s massive (axe? Sword? Club? I didn’t see, I was too busy being fucking terrified) weapon down on me, and I felt my whole body vibrate from the blow. It knocked my health bar down by almost a quarter.

I tried to run the other way (away from the jars) but I’d only made it a couple steps before it swatted me again. I saw my stamina bar completely deplete and for the first time experienced the absolute horror of not being able to dodge out of the way. The rest of the fight was a bit of a blur. I got a couple hits in, but I only did two damage and it wasn’t enough to even register on the monster’s health bar, so there was no way I’d be able to kill it.

YOU DIED.

Everything went black for a bit, and I reappeared at the bonfire. Huh. So, I couldn’t take the sword, but I’d gotten a respawn point. That was pretty neat.

I took a deep breath and reviewed the fight. The Asylum Demon was way too tough for me to kill, and that first message had told me to “get away.” Ergo, there must be some sort of escape route. I just had to find it before the Demon turned me into a pancake.

I pushed the doors open once again and paused at the doorway. Last time, the beast had appeared when I walked into the middle of the room. Would I have time to break the jars, so I didn’t get trapped again?

I decided it was worth a shot and started smashing jars, my broken sword hilt finally proving useful. I got maybe a quarter of the way around the room when the demon crashed down into the room with me, but by then I’d caught sight of an open doorway. He smacked me once (with his club, I paid attention) and I rolled away. No sooner had I dived through the doorway than spiked metal bars closed behind me.

That seemed like overkill to me personally, since the door was way too small for the Demon anyway, but it also stopped me from going back into the boss room, which was probably more the point.