I set a brisk pace through the quiet streets. I was upset at both Akiko and myself.

You shouldn’t have taken her out last night. Now she thinks she doesn’t need anyone’s help anymore.

As I neared her house, I smelled smoke and noticed a glow over the trees. It was quite bright, indicating a large fire.

Uh-oh, looks like someone’s house caught fire.

My heart began to race.

Someone’s house caught fire!

I started running.

My fears were justified. Akiko’s manor was ablaze. Some of the outer areas had not yet caught fire, but the main building looked to be fully engulfed. Flames shot into the air three or four times the height of the roof. Bright sparks streamed upward into the night sky. The eastern end had already collapsed into a pile of ashes and burning beams. As I came running up, panting with exhaustion, I was intensely relieved to find the children and the servants watching the house from across the street. While Masanori was nowhere to be seen, I could hear the old bushi yelling for the neighbors to get water and put out the fire. However, Akiko was nowhere to be seen. I asked Sachiko, “Where is your mistress?”

She looked at me, frightened. “She went back inside. She said something about the deed to the property, and ran back to get it.”

“What?!” I shouted. “Quickly, where does she keep the deed?”

She stammered, “In-in the far outbuilding, in the southeast corner of the estate.”

I dashed across the street to the front gate. The wall was already burning, but the gate was mostly clear. One edge of the door had caught fire, but I kicked it, knocking it open. Although the fire didn’t touch me, I could feel the furious heat from the burning wood enclosure as I slid inside.

Once on the grounds, I called for Akiko and searched for any sign of her. The flickering light from the fire made shadows I took for a fallen woman. I ran to one only to realize it was a bush. I tried to get to the southeast corner, but my way was blocked by fallen timber from the main building. It had collapsed against the outside wall, completely filling the space between the blazing building and the now-burning wall. With horror, I realized it was also blocking the door to the outbuilding. If Akiko was in there, she couldn’t get out.

“Akiko,” I yelled. “Where are you?”

No response but the roar of the fire.

I had to backtrack and go around another way. I raged at the delay, cursing every extra moment it took for me to make my way around the burning beams and flaming shingles that littered the ground.

The blaze from the main house was so intense I had to edge around it with my back against the perimeter wall of the estate. I finally reached the southeast corner of the property. The fallen timbers from the main building had set the outbuilding ablaze. As I watched, the roof partially collapsed, sending burning tiles into the building. I thought I heard a scream.

I raced around the outbuilding, calling her name. “Akiko! Can you hear me?”

There was a weak response from inside. I looked around wildly, trying to find something I could use to get her out. I spotted an iron gardening tool in the underbrush and grabbed it. The fire was beginning to lick along the bottom edge of the building. I struck at that point, hoping the flames had weakened the wooden joins.

The heat from the wall was too much for me to bear. The smoke made breathing difficult. I stepped back and stripped off my outer robe. I removed my underrobe and tied it around my head and face, leaving only a small strip of skin around the eyes exposed. Then, I reversed the outer robe, leaving the arms long and wrapping them around my hands. With most of my skin covered, I attacked the wall again. Although the heat was stifling, the fabric provided enough protection I could ignore the flames for short periods.

I hammered at the wall in a frenzy. I could hear Akiko. She was coughing almost continuously at this point—deep wracking spasms that sounded as though her lungs were being ripped out. I kept hitting the same spot on the wall, over and over again. Every time Akiko coughed, I redoubled my efforts. I struck the wall so hard it felt like I was tearing my left shoulder open again. I didn’t care. The only thing that mattered was getting Akiko out.

At last, the iron tool penetrated the wall. I ripped at the small hole with reckless abandon, enlarging it until it was big enough I could crawl through. I shimmied my way into the corridor and stood up.

It was like a scene out of hell. The air was choked with smoke, ashes, and embers. Through the fallen ceiling, I could see the flames leaping only a few body-lengths away. The air burned my lungs with each breath I took.

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With a stab of panic, I realized I couldn’t see Akiko. Just then, she started coughing again. Following the sound of her coughing, I found her lying on the floor. I knelt down beside her and grabbed her by the shoulders.

Her burnt robe tore like paper, and she shrieked in agony. I adjusted my grip and dragged her to the opening I’d made in the wall. After I wriggled through the hole, I reached back through to drag her out. She was still coughing, but weakly.

I was in a blind panic. I cradled Akiko in my arms and ran, heedless of where I was going. I have no idea how I got off the property. The next thing I remember is staggering across the road to the waiting children and servants.

“Bring me some covering and whatever you do, keep the children away!” I shouted. I couldn’t let them see their mother like this.

“Stay here,” Sachiko told them. Aoi-chan and Yoshi-kun started shrieking and crying. Sachiko’s oldest daughter held them. Sachiko found a set of gray silk robes and spread them on the ground, and I gently laid Akiko down. Sachiko gave a horrified gasp when the light fell on Akiko.

Her hair had been almost completely burned away. The left side of her face was blistered and raw. Her clothes were blackened and charred.

Akiko seized me by the wrist and tried to say something, but her voice was so distorted and cracked I couldn’t understand it. She pulled me down until my ear was next to her head. This time, when she spoke, I understood her. “The deed. For the children. Got the deed.” She reached into her robes and pushed it into my hands.

I set it aside. “Don’t talk. We’ll take care of it. Everything will be all right.”

Sachiko brought some wet rags and tried to wipe down Akiko’s face and hands, but she pushed her away. She grabbed my wrist again and pulled me back down. “The children. Take care of the children.” Her voice was almost inaudible, but I could tell she was beside herself with worry.

“Surei and I will take care of the children. They will want for nothing.”

I looked at her and tried to speak. I couldn’t get any words out. Finally, I just nodded, and I could see her relax. I sat there, just holding her hand, not knowing what to do. I felt completely helpless.

She pulled me down again. Her voice was weaker than before. “Surei.”

“Surei will be fine,” I assured her.

Another spasm of coughing. “Needs you.” She struggled to breathe. “Be happy,” she whispered.

With my eyes filling with tears, I once more nodded.

She closed her eyes.

I heard her whispering something under her breath. “Namu Amida Buts—” she started coughing. She grew agitated as she tried again. ”Namu Ami—” More coughing. She grabbed my wrist again and looked at me, a silent plea in her eyes. I knew if she could not say the nenbutsu, she believed she would not be reborn into the Pure Land.

She tried once more. “Namu Ami—”

I chanted the prayer along with her. Her voice was terribly weak, so I made my chanting loud and clear.

“Namu Amida Butsu,” we said together. She couldn’t get more than one or two syllables out before a coughing fit overtook her. I continued in her stead. ”Namu Amida Butsu. Namu Amida Butsu.”

I could see her mouthing the words, “The children…”

“We will take care of them, I promise.” We repeated, “Namu Amida Butsu.”

She still wasn’t satisfied. I could see her struggling to say something more. I grabbed both her hands and told her, “I swear before the gods and Buddha, we will care for your children.” I tried to pray with her again. “Namu Amida Butsu.”

As she laid her head back and closed her eyes, my voice broke on the last repetition. “Namu Amida—” She gave a weak cough. “Namu Amida Butsu.”

She took one last rattling breath, then fell silent.

“Akiko?” I leaned forward to listen for breathing but heard nothing. I held my hand over her nose and mouth but could not feel the stirring of air.

Slowly, I released her hands and got to my feet. Despite the terrible burns, she looked remarkably peaceful lying there. She even had a small smile on her lips. I stood there, looking at her, then reached down and gently covered her face with the robes. Suddenly a wave of weakness swept through me, and I sat down on a rock next to her.

The suddenness of it all made it unbelievable. Just the previous night, she had been so alive and happy as we took her out to see the capital. Now, she was gone, her life snuffed out like the flame of a lamp. It brought home to me the impermanence of life and the world.

I didn’t understand. Or maybe I understood, but I couldn’t accept it. Inside me, something burst. I was overwhelmed by the enormity of it all. I wanted to end this miserable existence. My evil karma had spilled over onto those closest to me for the last time. When I tried to help someone, I only wound up making things worse.

Because of me, Surei had been forced to sell herself to survive. My father had charged me to find his killer, and I had failed. Akiko had relied on me, and now she was dead. All these people had been tainted by my evil fortune.

I couldn’t breathe. I felt like my chest was being crushed under the weight of the world. Hopelessness gripped me. I started crying. Sobs racked my body. My face was wet from tears. I sat there, bent over her body, weeping, my tears soaking the fabric of the robes covering her.

I looked up at the sound of running feet. Surei, still dressed in her shirabyoushi costume, came rushing up, out of breath. “Akiko!” she screamed.

She stopped, staring at the body before me. “No,” she whispered, slowly backing away. “No.” She sank to the ground, gasping.

I choked out, “I tried to save her, but I was too late.”

I began crying again, inconsolable. Surei also started weeping.

With the appearance of their aunt, the children could no longer be controlled. They came running over, bawling. “Obasan, obasan, what’s wrong with mommy? Can’t you make her better?” Unable to speak, Surei just shook her head and wrapped her arms around the children and held them close, all of us crying together.