Diary of the outer sect’s manual pavilion attendee.

[Yellow grade] [spiritual roots].

The lowest grade [spiritual roots].

When our group awakened our [spiritual roots], I didn’t care if I had the lowest grade.

It was better than being a mortal.

Way better.

I decided then and there, I would push myself.

I would exceed all expectations.

I stayed strong.

Most of the others that joined the sect with me, dropped out, or got kicked out, or died.

But I’m still here.

It was painful though.

It took me several years, around eight or nine, before I had my first breakthrough.

It seems not all [yellow grade] [spiritual roots] are created equal.

I should be more clear in my situation.

I lasted longer in this sect more than my peers that I joined with.

Got kicked out of the first two.

No potential.

I figure, they didn’t see any future for me, so they politely asked me to leave.

The first one wasn’t actually so polite. But whatever.

But hey, I’m still alive.

Everyone else had higher grade roots, stronger roots, but they are all gone.

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Most of them.

The few that had talent and managed to stay alive are doing pretty good.

I have a job helping some juniors.

Being here so long, I have a few pointers. Advice to those who would listen.

Those I lead, will surpass me some day.

They should anyways, unless they meet the same fate as most others.

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You don’t know the feeling.

Maybe you do.

When you hear the instructors speak about all the heights you can reach.

Dreams of grandeur.

I was pumped.

Pushed myself.

Hard.

Every day.

Not at first.

At first I thought I would live forever, so I slacked off a bit.

Maybe more than a bit.

But when I started to age, and my peers who were progressing in their cultivation were staying young.

That kind of motivates you.

Didn’t help though.

Trash will always be trash.

How many more cycles do I have left?

Till I will be gone and forgotten, just like everyone before me.

Only the greats are remembered.

Oh, how I envy them.

Even if I only envied their ability to focus on their goals, to cultivate with such dedication.

But then there is also their natural talent.

I can envy it, but I can never hope to reach it.

That is really the big divider.

“Talent”.

Like a scientist with a photographic memory.

Or an athlete with a perfect figure.

Imagine that.

Imagine you are an athlete, competing with everyone else.

And everyone else is a foot taller, with a perfect build, muscular, agile.

And then there is you.

Handicapped.

Disfigured.

And there is no option to go do something else.

In this world, there is only one focus.

Only one goal.

Only one drive.

There is only one thing for you to strive for.

But you are forever at a loss. Forever behind.

Three months!

Three months for the most talented in my arrival group to reach the first stage of the [earth realm].

Fuck that guy.

I am not talking about the countless previous groups before mine.

Some of those had heavenly, or even higher, talent.

But the guy I knew. The guy I talked to, joked with. While we were waiting for our orientation to the sect.

The one with the [purple grade] talent.

Fuck that guy.

My life is shit.

Not literally.

I am making it by.

I have everything I need, even more.

But compared to everyone else.

Fuck.

I am with the new arrivals.

Power wise.

We are the same.

Same clothes.

Same classes.

Same treatment.

The only difference is,

my beard is growing in.

I see the elders.

The levels they have reached.

And I think to myself,

fuck my life.

Why the fuck am I even still here.

Fuck this shit.

I am glad they have not yet kicked me out.

But holy shit man.

I don’t even compete in the competitions.

And those are basically mandatory.

Even with those on my own cultivation level,

I stand no chance.

My fucking bullshit sing-song riddle-me-this manual comprehension is obsolete.

How the shit do other people even do this?

“The east wind blows to the west.

All actions are happenstance.

To annul the void, you must be one with the all.”

And somehow, after reading this, I am supposed to create some spiral punch?

It is supposed to result with several rings appearing, and the more rings that appear, the stronger the punch.

I think the only reason I reached [earth realm] was because of all the ambient Qi I absorbed by just regularly breathing.

I hate the instructors.

“Look at the [heavens chosen] previous sect master. If you all strive hard enough, you can also reach those heights”.

What utter bullshit.

How can they tell me,

with a straight face,

that I have a chance?

So why am I here?

What is my drive to not just leave?

For now, I will just achieve what I can.

Grab what I can.

Take what I can get.

There is nothing else for me, anyways.