I am like every soul on this planet and have went through the difficulties life has to offer like everyone else. Yet here I am second guessing the reasoning behind going the extra mile. Sure, there a plenty of people who are absurdly passionate as I am; however I having doubts if the flames of passion has dwindled until almost nothingness and a handful put their hearts into every little thing they do.

As I was doing my work, my shift easier than the other side, I had finished what needed to be done and decided to help people on the harder shift. Repeatedly, I do the chores that needs to be done as the rest are doing their own tasks listed. However, after assisting for nearly two hours, I walk in to find the whole shift were chatting away while I was doing their work.

Fury heated inside my chest and I asked if anyone has done this assignment yet because I hadn’t seen it marked off the lists. They looked at me like deer in the highlights and shrugged, telling me to ask whoever was charged. I double check the list and saw the objective hadn’t been done and went back, saying no one has bothered to do it.

Agh, the audacity when one of the shift members stared dead eyes with me and whined: “Oh, I have been cleaning the worst kind of fiflth” – which were from our clients. Along with everyone else in her team standing and doing nothing, she added, “You go do it.”

I have already done THREE tasks that were their jobs but decided to help out because I had nothing to do while they finished up their work. However, I was about to lose my shit because for the first time a hard lump of reality choked up my throat and suffocating the words I wanted to say. Through trauma, being a people pleaser, and liking to get things done on a timely manner, I have usually put my heart in any labor I did, if I liked it or not.

The worst part, I have been on the their shift last week and cleaned all the filth our clients left from overnight and when someone asked me to do these duties, I didn’t want to but kept my mouth shut and refused to complain because what is the point? Nope, I didn’t ask the other shift to help me in the slightest because coming here willingly for the job, I get what needs to be done. I was so outraged and thankfully, this nice guy could see steam coming out of my ears and volunteered to do it.

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I shouldn't complain because I feel I put myself up to this as I wanted to help out. However, I felt my kindness was used and this is truly the first time I’ve noticed this on a deeper level. I never want to say I’m better than most people...no; neverthless, when people can’t get their shit together to do the job they signed up for and make me do their dirty work, that’s when shit hits the fan for me.

I admit, I am proud to not turn into a bitch and left the shift to go back to mine. I want to tell my manager but I don’t want to be the cause having someone failing on their part. As awful as it sounds, I’m used of being a mat for people to clean off their shoes and go home with their work a well done from all their efforts.

I don’t understand, please someone help me understand why I feel I am the only one that pours my heart into everything I do and go the extra mile so things can be easier for the people around me. I suppose I am appreciated, but I always have this curse aiding my hand and used afterwards. Sadly, I haven’t noticed my kindness a sign of weakness people can take for granted until now and it feels like a hard slap of reality of what kind this world truly is.

It hurts and confused why mankind is like this. Why do some people have to be a certain way of audacity that they think they are privilege to use my time without a care how I feel. I guess I am a cycle of self-sabotage because my parents have did the exact same thing—using my time for their gain and reputation of what a wonderful child they rose who always wants to support and be with them. Of course, their adult kid is there with them, so no one can think they are awful people.

Everything that I get messed up with ends up back to my family. No, I don’t mean to blame my family for my mistakes. However, I can help but wonder if they hadn’t taken what wasn’t theirs, I could appericatae my time more…

Please, I know there are many others like me out there suffering the same fate and confusion why the world we live in is so twisted that nothing is safe or recognizable anymore.