Wednesday, June 9, 2020

It took every fiber of my being not to follow Brad as he walked towards the edge of our clearing with the rope. I wish he would have chosen differently but in the end, he now lays beside his wife. We cannot keep devoting time, precious time, to keeping watch on him. It became a choice between our humanity and our survival. Now, especially now, with food supply drying up, no medical support, no utilities, absolutely no communications, just this group, our survival of each of the members of this group is paramount. I guess, to put it bluntly, Brad made his choice and we had to make our's, no matter how brutal it seems to my self conscious, it is a reminder that my morality could very well cost lives if I let it come in the way again.

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I have been trying to save some shreds of it. I have been stuffing parts of me away in the shadows and letting it out from time to time, hoping for a swift end to this, but I need to wake up. This is not going to end soon and before it is over, there will be more of me missing then there is left. I just watched a man kill himself, commit suicide before me and I stood and watched because doing something could mean the death of someone else. Now, we can move on tomorrow as nothing happened, he never existed, a hole in the ground. Put the roof on, tend crops, hunt, fish, and survive because if he exist to us for a moment at the wrong time or in the wrong place and something goes wrong, there will be another mound of meaningless dirt in the graveyard. It is the sad, blunt, and unfortunate truth of our new and harsh world.