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Devour The Sun
Chapter 4: Hope in Madness

Chapter 4: Hope in Madness

There was a careful knock on the door and Erica immediately went to open it. She wasn’t expecting company, and it had been over three years since someone last knocked on her door unannounced. It almost felt somewhat unreal that there was someone standing at her doorstep. Outside stood Doctor William Witherbark, who looked somewhat anxious as the late evening wind almost tore the hat off his head. “Ah, Ms. Rivers, can I come inside?” He asked while he firmly held onto his hat.

“Oh, Doctor Witherbark, of course, come in.” Erica responded and stepped aside to let the man in. His hair looked less greasy this time, as if he hadn’t had the time or energy to put effort into his appearance that day.

“It’s quite cold today, winter is approaching faster than I expected it seems.” The man said as he stepped into Erica’s home, taking his hat off and placing it on the small dresser next to the door.

“It would seem as such… what brings you here today?” Erica then quickly asked, while both relieved and disappointed at the familiar presence.

“I told you I would return with paperwork regarding those experimental treatments.” The doctor responded, though his voice lacked his usual confidence.

“Ah, sorry, I was expecting you to take longer to be honest.” Erica said and crossed her arms. She didn’t really have the energy for this currently, as work had been especially draining.

“It shouldn’t take long, I even brought one of the treatments with me. So if you agree to the treatment we can start it right away.” William quickly explained, as if in a bit of a rush.

Erica responded with a deep sigh. “Alright, then can you go over the paperwork with me quickly? I don’t know all that many words yet and paperwork like this is always very complicated… I learnt most of the words I know from the tavern menu at work and children’s books, so I still have a lot to learn...”

“Of course, that won’t be a problem at all. I am more than happy to assist.” William responded as Erica guided him into the small kitchen where a small table and two raggedy chairs waited. As they both took a seat, William was quickly startled by the loud creaking of his chair, wood having bent under his weight. He wasn’t a large man, but the chair had certainly seen better days and Erica did not have the money to either repair or replace it.

“So… Can you give me a rundown of the things I need to know before I sign any of this?” Erica asked firmly, in an attempt to properly establish herself as the main figure of authority in the conversation.

“Yes. To keep it brief we have prepared a series of experimental treatments which we would like to go through with. The first involves an injection of a substance created from a mixture of herbs and plants used a lot in alchemy and potion making. Some but not all of the plants have magical properties and we hope that in mixing these we can at the very least… grant her some pain relief...” The doctor explained in a somewhat rushed manner, a few drops of sweat running down his forehead as he looked a little nervous.

“Okay… continue…” Erica said and crossed her arms.

“Uhm, it contains some of the materials also used in the most potent of healing potions, such as Armillaria Mushrooms, Silvergrass and others… We hope that the combination of these will have a positive effect on her life in one way or another… If nothing else, we will learn a lot based on how she reacts to this treatment.”

“And has this been tested?” Erica asked impatiently, as none of this really made any sense to her.

“I hope you understand, there is no one else to test it on. There have been no recorded cases of anyone with similar symptoms for several thousand years. At least I have not read any reports of any cases which are even remotely similar that took place within the last… 5000 years. Someone without her illness will likely have a different reaction to the injection than her, so there is no one we can test this on before her.”

“I know… I just feel like I have to ask each time since, well… she’s my daughter… I want nothing more than for her to get better, and I just feel really lost in all this…” Erica said with an audible sigh. She really did not know what to do when it came to all this, no treatment seemed to work yet not continuing to try was unacceptable. There had to be something that would help Molly, yet Erica had no idea where to turn to with all this.

“I know… and I know this is difficult for you and I hope you know that you have my sympathy. I wish I had the answers for you, but neither I or the institute have them.” William sighed in turn, an expression of genuine sadness and guilt on his face. “I genuinely wish I could have been of more help.”

“Do you have any idea of what else might work? Who or what I could turn to?” Erica asked, a touch of desperation in her voice.

“I don’t know… These treatments are likely the last possibilities we can provide you as well, after this I don’t think there are any other possible treatments for us to try…”

“Do you think this will work?”

“If it doesn’t, then I don’t know what will.” William said and took a deep breath. “Perhaps a miracle from the gods, though they seem to have little interest in interacting with us mortals.”

Erica leaned back in her chair for a moment, her head almost felt empty. Was there really nothing that could be done? Silence filled the room for several minutes until Erica broke the silence. “And how much will you be charging me for the treatment?”

“This time, nothing. We have charged you enough for treatments that failed to help her, anything we try from here on out I’ll find a way to make the institute pay for.” William said with a slight smile on his face, though once again the confidence in him felt lacking.

“Thank you, things have been… really tough financially… So hearing that is a bit of a relief.” Erica sighed, somewhat relieved as this would greatly lessen the financial burden on her life. Perhaps for the first time in many years she would be able to take a proper break.

“It should have been done long ago, but things in this business are unfortunately much more expensive than I’d wish for them to be. The rarer herbs and plants can be worth a small fortune even.” William responded as he moved the papers in front of Erica and placed a pen next to the papers. “All you have to do is sign.”

As Erica grabbed the pen a cold shiver ran down her spine which was quickly replaced with a warm sensation as if someone had wrapped a warm blanket around her while she was sitting before a fireplace. She felt as though she could hear something whisper in the distance yet she couldn’t hear what it was saying. Was she going mad? She had been entertaining the thought since the doctor's last visit, as eerie whispers seemed to surround her whenever silence and exhaustion fell over her. This soothing heat that fell over her shouldn’t be possible as winter was approaching, yet she felt as if she stood outside on a warm sunny day.

“Is everything okay?” William then interrupted her train of thought.

“Y-yes, why?” Erica quickly asked in a concerned tone.

“It’s just, you have been staring at the pen for a concerning amount of time now.” The doctor explained with a concerned look on his face.

“Ah, I have not gotten a lot of sleep lately so the exhaustion is likely just catching up to me.” Erica responded with a smile as she waved dismissively towards the doctor. In truth she likely wasn’t fine, she understood that well enough herself. In the recent months she’d found herself blacking out increasingly often, yet she could not afford to rest. There was also the whispers, which slithered into her mind from some unknown origin, causing her to question her own sanity. Yet there was something soothing about this potential madness. While it was all likely in her head, it almost felt as though something or someone was watching over her. An imaginary guardian angel with a surprisingly deep voice perhaps? Or perhaps the spirit of one of her ancestors? Either way it seemed as though no one else could hear its voice.

She carefully signed her name on the paper before her and suddenly the voice in the distance went quiet and the strange heat disappeared. The cold autumn air shocked her senses as the hair on her arms rose and shivers ran down her spine.

“Perfect, if you don’t mind I’d love to administer the treatment now and then I can leave to give you the good nights rest you deserve.” The doctor said as he stood up and picked up the papers Erica had just signed.

“If you believe it should be done today then I will trust your judgement. Just, be nice to Molly, her nightmares have been getting worse these last few nights.” She explained and stood up as well.

“It won’t take long and it sounds like you and Molly both need some time to relax.”

“Unfortunately I haven’t had any time to relax in these last few years. But now that I don’t have to pay for her treatments anymore, that will hopefully change.” Erica said and she could even feel herself mustering a smile. Perhaps this was the starting point of a less stressful and hectic life for her.

“Let’s hope it does.” The doctor responded and started walking towards Molly’s bedroom. He carefully knocked on her door and Molly’s words could be heard through it.

“Come in.” She said and not even a moment later the doctor opened the door.

“Good day.” He said and carefully approached her, kneeling down next to her bed and reaching into his robes to take out a large metal syringe. “We are starting a new treatment today.”

“Is it going to hurt like last time?” Molly asked carefully and pulled her covers up as if to hide from the doctor.

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“I can’t promise it won’t, but let's hope it doesn’t, okay?” William responded and looked over at Erica who was glancing down at him from the entrance of the room, leaning against the doorframe.

“Okay… Can I hug Mr. Bear while we do the treatment?”

“Of course, just make sure not to tense up too much.” William said as he lifted the shoulder part of the girl’s sleeveless dress, revealing a large, black blister located near her armpit. He carefully manoeuvred around it with a nervous look on his face and carefully inserted the needle into the girl's arm, slowly forcing its contents into her muscle.

Molly winched and looked away for the few moments it took for the doctor to finish up the treatment, and only really looked at her mother once William was done wrapping a thin bandage around her arm. “Make sure to get lots of rest, okay?” He said as he placed the syringe in a paper bag and stood up.

“Okay…” Molly said while rubbing the bandage on her arm. The hairs on her arms were standing and she had a pained expression painted on her face.

With no more words said, the doctor left the room and Erica followed him to the hallway. “I’ll make sure this is disposed of properly.” He said and held up the bag.

“Thank you… Let’s hope the treatment works this time.” Erica responded with a tired look in her eyes.

“Yes, let’s hope as such.” William said and quickly put on his coat in a rushed manner. “I’ll leave you two alone so you both can rest up. Have a good night Erica.”

“Thank you, and same to you.” Erica responded as William swiftly headed out the door, leaving Erica alone in the silence of her home. Yet something about the silence felt loud and overwhelming, and it sent uncomfortable chills down her spine as she suddenly felt cold. She knew she wasn’t actually alone, Molly was in her room down the hallway, but something about the cold and the silence that came with the winter months always made her feel incredibly lonely.

She quickly gathered herself and headed back to Molly’s room to check on her daughter. Starting a new treatment was something she knew Molly had always found scary, yet the girl would always try to put on a brave face. The door was slightly open and Erica carefully pushed it open to find her daughter sitting on her bed with her stuffed bear in her arms. She looked sad in a way that reminded Erica of dark, gloomy skies. The expression on her face being something Erica would imagine someone wearing to a funeral. “Are you okay sweetie?” Erica asked carefully as she sat down on her daughter’s bed.

“Yeah, it just hurts a little… and I had run out of good night stories to tell Mr. Bear…” Molly responded in a saddened voice. “How is he supposed to sleep without a good night story?”

“Sounds like you need some inspiration?” Erica responded in an attempt to cheer her daughter up yet at the same time distract her from the pain.

“Inspiration? What does that mean?” Molly asked with her voice and expressions taking on a more curious tone.

“Inspiration is something that makes you think and have new ideas.” Erica responded after a moment's thought.

“Like Mr. Bear?” Molly asked as she tried to wrap her mind around the bit of knowledge she had just been handed.

“Potentially, I am sure Mr. Bear could be very inspiring.” Erica chuckled.

“What do you think is inspiring?” Molly asked, as a hint of the sparkles which usually rested in her eyes returned.

“Things that are strong or beautiful, maybe? I don’t think about these sorts of things often.” Erica responded, though if she was to be honest she did not know the answer to that question herself. The most inspiring thing in her life was likely Molly, with how strong she was in battling her illness.

“Strong and beautiful… So like Mr. Bear and mom?” Molly said in a way that almost took Erica aback.

“That is very kind of you sweetie.” Erica said and ruffled Molly’s hair as she could not help but feel herself smile. She wanted to do something for her daughter, as her life must be very dull considering how rarely she left this room.

“If you could do anything at all, what would you want to do? Perhaps we can do something new and fun to help you think up some new bedtime stories for Mr. Bear.” Erica suggested in a hopeful manner, hoping that whatever Molly suggested would be something that was possible for them to do in this situation.

Molly went quiet for a moment, as if she was thinking really hard in an attempt to find the perfect answer. After several minutes she spoke up, her voice full of childish hope as she had a big smile on her face. “I think if I could do anything, I would want to make another friend.”

Molly’s words stung as if Erica had been stabbed. She wanted to cry, because no matter what stunt she pulled she couldn’t introduce Molly to anyone, as strict orders from her doctors said she was not allowed to leave the home. Getting her another stuffed animal would likely also just make her disappointed. She couldn’t help but feel hopeless, as if she had failed to do the one single thing she set out to do. There was nothing she wanted more than to protect her daughter’s smile.

“Anything else you would want to do, see, eat or anything like that?” Erica asked, as if fishing for other things they could do which would make her daughter happy.

“I’d love to pet a dog… or a cat…” Molly said shyly, as if she had just asked for the unthinkable. “Or ride a horse!” She then added, excitement filling her voice.

“Hmmm….” Erica hummed as if pretending to think. Even animals were out of the question for Molly to meet, though it could be possible to somehow let her see them from a distance. Considering how she had only ever seen a fat cat through her window a few times, letting her see more of the world’s animals could possibly bring a smile to her face. “Anything else?”

Molly looked absentmindedly at the ceiling for a moment and both her facial expression as well as her body language spoke volumes of how hard she was thinking about the question. “Maybe see glittery fey magic or ride a dragon.” She then said after several minutes in deep thought.

Realising that this wouldn’t go anywhere in Erica’s favour, she gave her child’s head a gentle pat. “Unfortunately I don’t know any dragons, but if you promise not to tell anyone we can go outside and look at another thing that sparkles like glitter.” She said while moving her index finger to her mouth as if to signal that they would have to keep quiet about this. “It will be a secret between you and me.”

Her daughter’s eyes lit up like the sun as she nodded profusely, as quickly as her weak body could manage. “Let me go get you some clothes, since we’ll have to dress up in a bit of a disguise.” Erica then added and left the room.

Not long later almost every inch of Molly’s body was covered by varying pieces of fabric. A hat as well as an oversized scarf covering her face while a winter jacket sized for adults and large pants covered the rest of her body. Over her hands she wore loose fitting gloves to hide the blister at the back of her right hand. It had been a challenge to put all of this on Molly while she was sitting down, but it was necessary as Molly didn’t have the strength to stand for more than a few seconds. Erica herself was dressed similarly, except her clothing actually fit her. A scarf over her face with a hat hiding her hair, and a large jacket covering most of her body, the only skin showing was the top of her face as well as her ankles.

“Are you ready?” Erica asked and Molly nodded as a response. She then carefully lifted her kid, placing her on her back in a similar fashion to a backpack before she headed for the exit to their small abode. Moments later they were outside, and the door was locked behind them. It was already dark, and the cold wind quickly blew over them. With hastened steps Erica marched towards the outskirts of town, past the farms where she pointed out the few remaining horses who were still outside this late into the evening. While she couldn’t see her daughter’s face, she sounded happy, proudly announcing that she would one day own her own horse and learn how to ride it.

Erica couldn’t help but smile, there was something about this childish innocence, and how she could remain so cheerful despite her situation which brought Erica hope. If Molly could keep fighting through this, then Erica could fight through anything, or at least that is how she felt. More so than hope, Molly gave Erica a purpose, something she had never properly experienced before. Before she had Molly, her actions were without meaning. They amounted to nothing, all she did once she got off work was gossip and party. But things were very different back then, where she could afford to be careless and carefree because she had no real reason to get out of bed in the morning. She worked only to afford rent and booze, but these last few years had made her entire past feel incredibly pointless, filled with nothing but fake friends and alcohol.

Time felt as though it was moving slower than usual when she climbed the small hill by the outskirts of town, all she heard was Molly’s childish gasps in amazement, yet everything else felt missing. She knew that she was cold, that her entire body was aching from another stressful day at work, and that the soothing heat she had felt occasionally was gone… yet none of that mattered in this very moment. The only thing that mattered was the smile on Molly’s face.

She sat down on the hill and carefully took Molly off her shoulders, placing the girl in her lap. The view from Molly’s window barely showed the sky in the slightest due to the narrow spaces between the town buildings, but here they had a clear view of the night sky as not even a single tree blocked their vision.

Erica knew how much she used to love stargazing, she had snuck out countless times to meet up with her friends and gossip under the light of the stars. Though she had rarely paid attention to the things they said during those evenings. In Erica’s eyes, the stars looked the same as they did all those years ago, yet they had lost their beauty, despite that Molly’s eyes glimmered with childlike wonder at the sight before her. She pointed up at the sky towards a constellation of stars that together formed the shape of a small bird. “If you draw a line between those stars it forms what many call ‘the messenger of the all-knowing’. They say it is a sign from Sopheia the goddess of knowledge that you will soon learn something new.” Erica explained while carefully pointing out the order in which the stars should be connected.

“Like how to ride a horse!? Or pet a dog!?” Molly exclaimed in a cheery manner.

“Maybe, only time will tell.” Erica said with a gentle sigh. It had been forever since she could sit down and feel somewhat relaxed like this. She then moved her arm to point towards another constellation, this one in the shape of a sword. “They call that one ‘the sword of Zoltan’; it is meant to be a symbol of hope. They say it is meant to be a reminder to treasure life, and to fight for what you think is right.”

“Who is Zoltan? Was his sword cool?” Molly asked innocently as she looked up at her mother. Her eyes glittering with curiosity.

“He is the god of life, and I am sure he had the coolest sword anyone has ever seen.”

“I wish I could see it…” Molly said as she looked up at the stars with a look of pure awe on her face.

“That one there.” Erica said and pointed up at another constellation which took the form of a large flower that covered a big portion of the sky. “They say it is a sign from Calanthia the goddess of nature and growth. I have heard it means that you will bloom into a new and stronger version of yourself.”

“You can tell all that from looking at the stars?”

“This is just what I have been told, it was determined by some really smart people many, many years ago.” Erica explained as Molly’s face contorted from the deep thoughts in her mind.

“If smart people said so, then it must be right.” Molly said with a shy smile.

“Let’s hope so. Perhaps the gods do watch over us more than we think.” Erica said with a smile as the now familiar heat returned around her, as if she was sitting by a campfire wrapped in a blanket. She watched Molly’s lips move but she couldn’t hear what the girl was saying, the sound of the wind as well as the birds were also missing.

“You have let them deceive you. Do not trust them, they do not care about you or your child.” The voice felt almost overwhelming as it seemed to resonate all the way down to the core of her very being.

“Who are you?” She asked in a worried tone.

“What do you mean mommy?” Molly’s voice tore her back to reality as sounds returned around her and the heat once again faded.

“Oh… it-it’s nothing.” Erica responded awkwardly. “I think mommy is just a little tired, how about we head home soon and go to bed? We can maybe do this again another night.”