***

Our drive smoothly going on the roadway to home.

It's truly confusing for me. I still cannot clear my mind but like my uncle said I cannot dwell too much on it.

But I still in lost and that's cannot change that easily, like with a snap of finger all of this will go poof and gone which of course it does not work like that.

Maybe I can act as if nothing happened and looked like everything is alright but that didn't change the fact that a part of me has already gone, a big part of me were gone.

We drive in solemn mood and no words are thrown out to lighten it. It may be because of my inability to respond to anything right now or maybe a polite understanding on my uncle part, I don't know for sure what makes this solemn mood drifting in this car.

But it's looked like my uncle cannot stomach this situation any longer.

"Y'know Shin-ya? Your every day will not chang'n much y'know.  The same old'y school, the same old'y home, the street. Everything will not change much with your loss, no matter you hate it and reject it. It's the truth. That's is a reality."

My uncle said it with a straight face but at the same time sorrowful.

I know how the world works. Even if my uncle did not say it I already realize that truth. If not then I really must be dense as diamond and blind not seeing other people act after the funeral.

then it hits me. This my own problem. No matter how bad it is, it's still my own problem, not other's and they not caring what's my problem is no matter how justified it is because it's simply not their's. In fact, in their eyes, I am just a stranger, a nobody.

"I know uncle, I know. World and time wait for no one, I realize that, painfully so. But still it does not mean I cannot reject it, maybe time will heal it or maybe it will worsen over time? I don't know. But for sure is it acceptable if I am not my former self for a few days, right? People just can't expect me to be like my old self after experiencing all of this. That's just absurd."

Hearing my answer my uncle just hummed and giving me a small thin smile.

"I'm glad you know it. But still don't let yourself brooding too much and suddenly grow out a duck butt hair... Wait. That actually felt so wrong. And I know for sure your late family will not like that either ya?"

I shuddering at the duck butt part. But well there is a point there actually about my family will not like me brooding.

"You got it, right uncle. Maybe my parents will not too hard on me if brooding, they just gonna think that it's just puberty... but I sure my sisters will scold me to no end."

My uncle chuckle a little when he heard my answer. A kindred spirit of abused brothers huh?

"Haha... Nanashi and Yuri are really hard on ya huh?"

He glancing at me when he said that and giving a smile.

"You've got no idea uncle... there is one time-"

That night on the road we spent some talking about my family. For most of the time, I'm the one talking and my uncle just hearing me or giving a comment like 'your sister really got that from ya mother' or 'welp, your mother done that to me too'.

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Uncle is my mom only sibling. He is around eight years younger than my mom, he is 28 right now and still single. When my mother is asking the reason why he does not go out to find a wife yet he always answers 'haven't found one yet' with a nonchalant attitude. Such an irresponsible answer, my mother and I have the same opinion on this.

Uncle is working for a magazine publisher and he works as a writer there. He usually writes about plants and how to take care of it, the material for this were are all from mom. But that's not his main speciality for when writing. He just writes that as a side job and a breather for his main topic writing material.

His main topic is a mystery, crime and rumour that had something around the former topic. He always goes to work to find material in the morning and back late at night. Sometimes I always think his writing topic is so out of his character.

Without my knowledge, we already reach home.

I got out of the car and looking at my home.

The house felt like usual, nothing wrong with it. It's as if my family is not dead and they still live.

With that thought, I had an imagination that maybe they are still alive and just pull a prank on me.

When I got home they will give me a surprise and said that they were hiding from me all this time... of course, it's just my parents, my siblings already tucked on their bed because is it already late.

But... it is just only an imagination. The bitter reality were in front of me.

My house is empty and felt cold. It sure felt spacious without people in it.

Now I will not live here together with my uncle. My house will be rented out for people. The one that will manage it is my aunt from my father side. Aunt Tsukiko Aokou.

All of my late family belongings will be kept in the storage. My mother flower shop will be managed by my aunt too, well not her all the time but with my cousin too, aunt Aokou daughter Tsukiko Miya.

Aunt Aokou husband already passed away when Miya still elementary school. He passed away because of sickness, he has brain cancer and cancer win the fight. I remember that time aunt Aokou and Miya was really devastated when it happens.

Miya is one year older than me. She is attending the same school as me, that I gonna attend this semester. So she is my senpai at the same time she's an older sister figure for me and my late siblings.

The school that I will attend have an elevator system. So almost all of the student already know each other from elementary or middle school.

I suddenly felt stomachache. It's gonna be a hard start for me to familiarize my self to a new place.

Oh right. Miya-nee is the head club for the tea ceremony and flower arrangement. and with her personality and black long silky hair, she is one of that Yamato Nadeshiko.

"Shin-ya! I will take your clothes and all of your miscellaneous belongings! Make sure all of ya important things is not left behind!"

"Yes, uncle!"

I gazed at my home and take the steps inside and face the reality.

***