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The University Apocalypse!

I come from a long line of Handsomson's. Some of them were musicians, some of them teachers, a lot of them politicians.. me, well I'm a detective. And not only a detective but the best damn detective you'll ever have the pleasure of running into. I'm the best of the best, the top dog with the loudest bark, the head corn of the crème crop.. or something like that. So it didn't surprise me when a small dame came to me in her time of need, came to me when the wide dark world had nothing else to offer her. When all else seemed bleak it wasn't surprising that I, Detective Handsomson was the sole remaining light, the sole standing pillar, the sole brave.. uh soul. Miss Belle Token had nothing to worry about, once I took her case, it could already be considered solved.

"So this is University?" I observed shrewdly through contemplative musing.

"Oh it's horrible Detective Handsomson! Just look at what's happened to the young minds of today!"

I wasn't sure what she was talking about so I started to look around at the straggling students that passed us by. It became more and more noticeable...

"My god, these students are disgusting... Look at these pale pallor complexions, the bloodshot eyes, the deathly tortured groans. Their twisted bend forms as though they are forced to carry great weights on their backs day after day after day. It's worse then I had feared! These students have all been turned into Zombies! And under my very nose...how could this happen?" It took considerable effort to keep down my own bile at the unholy sight before me. It looked as though Miss Token was about to loose her composure. There wasn't time to comfort her womanly sensibility.

"Do you hear that Miss Token? They're all following the same monotonous chant..."

It was subtle, but I could tell by her face that she heard it too. Slowly she confirmed this with a " Yes... yes, I believe they are saying.. 'brains, braiiinnss must get more brraiiinnss.'" she paused and shivered "what's wrong with them... how can we help?"

"I don't know.. and I don't know. But I, Brave Mr. Handsomson will -at risk of myself mind you, try to communicate with these vile monsters!" I whipped around to catch one such ambling creatures by surprised, with a pointed charismatic and controlling finger demanded "You there! How did you become so disgusting?"

There was a pause and vague light came to otherwise lifeless eyes. The creature spoke in turn "I don't have time for this, I have three essays to get done and a test to study for." A low death moan bellowed from the creature and cut off all further conversation as the creatures mindless shuffling onward continued. All thoughts on this discovery between myself Miss Token were cut short by an abrupt bell that sounded over the campus. There was only a brief hesitation before out of every door, out of every corner of the campus came more zombie-students. They converged as though compelled by one commanding voice. A gasp sounded to my right where Miss Token stood, and being quick witted as I was took her hand and pulled her within my arms, diving as quickly as I could to the only door that was not lined with the monsters.

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We stood inside our new shelter, with heaving breath we turned to watch where we were standing mere moments before be passed by hundreds of the abominations. We both grew pale to think of what could have happened to us if my sheer brilliance hadn't saved us. But were we any safer in this building. Another gasp from Miss Token set the hairs on my neck on end. Were we just out of the fire and into a hard rock?

"Look! Detective Handsomson, look!"

I thought I was, but I opened my eyes even wider in hoping to take in more. It took me a moment but then it gradually came to me.

" These students.." They were normal, they were awake, they were active. Some were laughing, some were playing desktop games, some were eating pizza, and all were drinking coffee. "they seem totally unaffected... but why...?"

I placed a hand upon my chin and rubbed and rubbed in attempts to stimulate the vice like grip of my mind. Why were these students in such close proximity to the effected but were perfectly okay. What antidote.. what vaccination.. what reason? Then it hit me.. like third degree scalding to the face.

"Coffee! It's the cure!" And without hesitation i grabbed a cup of coffee and flung it at the nearest student. It only seemed to agitate them further! "Confounded science! You never work with me" a pause "... unless" and another "...it's meant to be taken internally"

"You're mad-!" Miss Token responded without hesitation.

"-Yes! Insanely brilliant!" I retorted mad with power.

I grabbed another cup and this time threw myself outside into the thicket of zombie students and madness. I held the coffee in front of me like a shield, like a last dieing request, like a life-line that held me above certain doom.

"Here" I said to a student that stared at me with hungry eyes "have a cup of coffee"

Slowly life came back to the students eyes, slowly a smile broke the face with life, slowly humanity returned to the once dead corpse "Hey.. thanks man" was the only word of thanks I got.

But that's all I need. That's all I require of the world. The students are once again safe to improve their impressionable naive ignorant minds all thanks to me! Detective Handsomson!

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