The next testing that they wanted to do was to have Jack sit on the platform and channel as much power as he could. This was the part that Jack’s memories of the last time that he had been in here started to fragment. It had been only seconds after he started that the entire world had been engulfed in pain. So much pain. Even though Jack was sure that there was no remnant of the entity hiding within him as well as the fact that he had been channeling mana the last two weeks and change with no ill effects, other then the normal level of excruciating pain, there was still a hesitation in his mind. An instinctive fear that if he stepped forward onto that platform, he would feel that same agony once more.
As Jack moved toward it, one foot in front of the other, the steps got harder and harder to make as that fear and paranoia ramped up. His eyes dilated, his breath became shallow and harsh, his hands began to shake. It wasn’t until Dr. Trovihn called out to him, asking him if everything was okay. That Jack realized he had completely stopped moving. He forced himself to take a deep shuddering breath, then another, and another. He took his right hand and felt his chest where his heart was beating so hard it felt like it would jump right out. He wasn’t alright. He had not realized it before, but alongside the trauma of the agony from his previous time on the platform, there was another horrific side to that same experience. One where the depths of his own mind had been violated and turned against him.
Staring blankly ahead memories come flooding back. He had not registered what had been done to him in the parasites attempts to get him to stop while he had been channeling his mana before. But now, now he remembered, far clearer than he should have been able to. He didn’t know if it was simply a side effect of having broken the control of a psychic entity actively influencing his mind, or if the creature had wanted to leave one last painful twist of the knife to punish him for his audacity in escaping its control.
At first the system had taken every beautiful dream and happy memory that he had. Everything from his first successful heist, where he, the useless jack, had managed to pull off something that others had thought impossible. To his hope of one day finding someone that would love and care for him without care for who and what he was. Each and every joy and victory, ambition and desire had been bundled up and shown as just a drop in the bucket of what he could achieve with the Great System by his side.
When that had failed to stir him, the being had turned attempting to dissuade him through intimidation and misery. It had pulled out every dark secret that he had, his fears and worries, hatreds and mistakes. Every little piece of information that he had chosen to ignore, consciously or unconsciously. Buried memories, blocked out by years of repression torn out and shoved directly into the front of his mind. Burning with such vivid detail as if it were happening right in that very moment.
Hand now clutching his chest his fingers digging painfully into the skin as his muscles spasmed, Jack fought to bring his whirling thoughts under control. The breath in his lungs fled his body as his vision swam under the bombardment of emotions. Blood pounded in his ears as he heard some distant echo of words that he couldn’t quite make out. Suddenly there was a pressure gripping his shoulder and Jack whipped around fist punching out at whatever had grabbed him. He would not go quietly again. Not after what had brought him here to this agier forsaken place.
Jack barely managed to stop himself in time as his limb hurtled toward Dr. Trovihn’s face. He felt his muscles strain as he stopped his arm from moving, the punch halting right in front on the doctor’s eye. Both guards were now quickly coming over to the pair, their truncheons in their hands. The doctor spoke, his voice sounding strained. “I’ll take that as a no then.”
His chest heaving with exertion and panic Jack lowered his arms to his sides. Carefully keeping still so as to not trigger the guards. He licked his lips and slowly said “Sorry, I didn’t. Just sorry.”
Looking at Jack carefully with his hand still upon his shoulder Dr. Trovihn asked “That seemed to almost come out of nowhere. It’s clear that something happened you there. How about we talk about it and just calm ourselves down a little. Does that sound good to you?”
“Yeah, I can do that. Just… give me a moment to center myself a little.” Jack replied unsteadily with a jerky nod. Closing his eyes, he tried to take a step back, only to trip over the edge of the meditation platform and almost fall. He decided that with how unsteady he felt it would be a good idea to sit rather than continue to standing. Jack lowered himself until he was balanced on the edge and pressed his forehead on his knuckles. After about thirty seconds of sitting there he looked up at the doctor and said “Okay, I think I can talk now.”
“So, what happened there? Did the parasite still have some residual control over you to prevent you from repeating what you had done before? Or is there something else?” Dr. Trovihn started at Jack intently.
“No, I mean yes, I mean no. It’s residual effects from the parasite, just not control. It’s good old-fashioned trauma. Not only is there all the physical pain that I went through last time, and if that isn’t a hell of a memory on its own. When I got close to the platform a slew of memories came rushing back. Things that the bastard tried to show me or use against me to get me to stop. Things I didn’t or couldn’t notice last time with all the pain. It all came crashing back to me as I tried to step forward.” Rubbing his head Jack stumbled over his words trying to convey the mess that was in his mind in a way that could be understood.
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He let out a sour laugh as he attempted to reassure the others in the room. “I’ll be alright. I just, I need to get myself settled a little. I’ve delt with the stuff that overwhelmed me before and I can do it again. It was just a lot all at once. Honestly as absolutely horrific as it was, I think I was lucky to be in such nightmarish pain when I was last here.”
“How is that? From what you have said and what little I have seen in our attempts at replicating what you did with infected animals, the pain is, or can be, lethal all on its own. At least two test subjects that I know of died simply from it.” Dr. Trovihn inquired, curious as to what caused Jack to make such a drastic claim.
Jack’s body shook as he spoke “If I hadn’t been in such pain, I am pretty sure that I would have failed to truly remove it’s influence from my mind. I would have either been too tempted or too distracted by what it showed me to keep up my concentration on what I needed to do.”
“Too tempted? What did it do? Show you your greatest desires or something?” The doctor pressed wanting to know more.
“Yeah, that and more. It showed me that with it by my side I could have and accomplish everything that I had ever wanted and more. All my hopes and dreams, my deepest desires, even those that I never spoke about to anyone else.” Jack paused and let out a shuddering breath a small tear running down his face as he picked back up. “It showed me the happiness and fulfillment that I had always wanted from life in such vivid detail and strength that even knowing that something would be there, riding alongside me, controlling me at least partially I could very well have given in. What it showed me would tempt even the most zealous ageirian believer. But, because of the blinding agony I felt at the time. I wasn’t even consciously aware of any of what it was tempting me with.”
His eyes unfocused as he halted again for a brief moment before continuing, “When it realized that the temptations weren’t working, it went the opposite route. If I couldn’t be dissuaded through coercion. Well, then I needed to be stopped by any means it could manage. So, it hit me with everything negative from my life all in one horrifying bundle of misery. Every scrap of pain, every bit of abuse, every wrong choice. Everything from the “care and attention” that I received as a child, to the slow breakdown and deterioration of my mind caused by absorbing and using magic too powerful for my body to handle. All of that piled on in an instant. Pretty sure the goal was to make me have doubts about myself, or even for it to be just enough of a distraction, that it would cause me to fail at what I was doing.”
A rough dark chuckle escaped his lips. “It’s funny. While there was far more material for this second attack; I know I would have done better facing it then I would have the temptations. I’ve had a lot more experience dealing with the… darker aspects of life after all. But even with all that being forced on me I didn’t even realize at the time as I barely had any moments of being lucid.”
“With what littles bits of lucidity I did have, I could barely think enough to stabilize my mana much less pay attention to absent thoughts running through my mind.” Jack let out another dour chuckle at the fact that it was really only sheer luck and stupidity that had saved him. His same foolishness that nearly killed him in the attempt was probably the only thing that had kept him from being a mere flesh puppet for some multiplanar entity for the rest of his life.
He took an unsteady breath and closed his eyes, “Give me a minute and I’ll be ready to get on the platform and get to the testing. I was just a bit overwhelmed being hit with all of that all at once.”
The more Jack spoke of what had been done in order to disrupt his concentration the more shocked and horrified the faces of the others in the room grew. The doctor whispered to himself just loud enough to be heard “Just how much pain would somebody need to be in to not even be able to think? And how much experience with it would they need to keep going?”
A few minutes went by with everyone in the room staying silent. Both guards remained on edge, keeping a close watch over Jack. Not sure if he was being truthful, or if he was still under the influence of an outside force. Jack simply sat there holding his face in his hands breathing harsh deep breaths feeling overwhelmed and venerable. Far more then he had in years. Fingers biting into his face he forced himself to make a small smile and stand. He wasn’t okay, not even close, but he could fall back on his old childhood strategies to get by and deal with it later.
Mostly stabilized, Jack stood and stepped onto the platform. He took two steps into the center and spoke in an emotionless tone. “Okay, I’m going to get started with my channeling. It doesn’t look like there are any targets left or anything. Was there something in particular for me to use or should I just hit one of the walls?”
Starting slightly at how suddenly Jack switched gears from his nearly broken state to a cold and professional attitude Dr. Trovihn couldn’t help but check. “Are you okay? I mean clearly everything isn’t alright. But I mean it’s not like we can cancel the testing. You do still need to go through with it so we can get more data and attempt to confirm that there are no residual mental effects. We can however wait a little longer if you need. There is no rush, well there is a small rush, but not so much of one we can’t hold off for a few minutes.”
Jack’s face remained smiling even as his voice was filled with an artic rage. “I’m not okay, no. I’ll manage though. Also, lets just get this done. The sooner I am finished with this the sooner I can get out of this room and away from the reminder of what was done to me. Right now, anywhere, even that fucking gilded cage of a room is better than here. Nothing on you, but I can’t stand this room at the moment.”