After that day, I was never the same. Looking at everything after I finally glanced down from the massive climb I took, I realised, there was no foundation below me. Only a void of nothing remained. One that would devour me if I stopped climbing.

Why was that? Well, it would have been my misguided thinking. My greed and obsession to accomplish what old man Rondell couldn’t. I felt as if he was passing down a torch for me to carry, when in reality, he tried to drown the idea alongside himself. Sink it deep into eternal hell.

In the following months that came, I was promoted to the main squadron directly serving the monarch's orders. There, did I finally learn the meaning of the desperate chase old man Rondell put himself through. The walk through boundless treachery of lies spouted by those who laugh on their thrones and throw money at the ones below them.

I remember, arguably the most crucial fight I’ve ever fought.

Heavy downpour moulded the landscape into a sloppy mess. The terrain filled with countless bodies from either side.

“Fuck!” I roared out, annoyed at the longevity of this battle. I glared at the last opponent remaining in front of me.

“Let's end this.” He said in gasps for air.

“Why do you do this!? Why do you turn against the kingdom!? Why do you lash out in murder and ceaseless fighting!? Is everyone's lives meaningless to you!?” I shot back in desperation. My voice vibrated and my fatigued body rested on my blade dug into the ground.

“Why do we do this? Why did we turn against the kingdom? Short answer is, we didn’t. You think we fight because we want to cause chaos? Wreak havoc? We fight because our future is being threatened by the current rulers. We fight for the people you try to eliminate in the name of worthless justice! You think what you fight for is JUSTICE!? Ha, hahahaha! Don’t make me laugh! All of you are mindless killers, no better than the rest. You talk about the fatalities on your side, but have you glanced at the ones on ours? Justice isn’t real and heed my words when I speak! If such a concept existed, justice would always prevail. Yet, look at the battlefield. An equal amount of death. Oh, but don’t get me wrong. That doesn’t mean we're equally just. This means we’re equally evil. Evil only manifests more evil and death isn’t the sign of progress. So don’t speak of false concepts. Die silently, like our rulers want us too. To protect their status!”

His words made me tick. The things he said were all correct. All blunt truth. Neither side was in the right and justice didn’t exist. It was just another civil war over power to rule the kingdom. It was just the scheme of prevalent evil who dressed as sheep.

But I still tried to cling to the hope of such a useless attachment, to a false ideal. That night, I had my blade pointed directly in his mouth. Congested between his two rows of teeth. Tears silently flooded from his eyes and acceptance settled in them. The silent cry of a puppet used as a sign of justice for people who knew no better.

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So in turn, I denied his death. Clinging to justice, by giving him a fair chance. I understand that neither of us stood for justice, so I tried to achieve that concept by dismissing my enemy from his service of death. It would be just, to spare the life of a human who has no better. Who follows orders, because that’s all he has ever been taught.

I relinquished my blade from his mouth and stepped off his chest, his body regaining oxygen and turning over in a crazed fit as he coughed. My eyes lingered on his sight for a while longer, lifeless and confused, before I turned around and set back to camp.

Maybe what I fought for wasn’t justice, but if so, how can I achieve it? Is there a way, for at least myself, as a person, to be just?

No. No there wasn’t, was the answer I didn’t have back then.

Later that day, after I gave my report, I was allowed to return home. So naturally I made my way to our house in the mellow fields. Their glamorous golden colour in the summer looked practically sickened and dead on a spring day such as this one.

But. That day. That…was the least of my concerns.

My eyes immediately began shaking and my breath sped up uncontrollably. As my house entered my sight, so did the door that was ripped off its hinges. I leapt out into a sprint immediately upon seeing this sight. All the noise around me was muffled. Only imaginations of my mind remained and the joyous laughs of Kala remained as tears slowly began building up.

No, non, no, no, no, no, NOOOOOOOO!!!! This must just be a mistake. Just a scare! Please don’t let it be what I think it is!

My mind raced into multiple different places, but all led into the same outcome. As soon as I burst through the entrance and slowly walked to the living room, chairs were scattered about and the table flipped over. Clear signs of struggle were present and blood stains clung to the white walls decorating the room. Deep down I knew what happened and what was waiting. But my body refused to accept it. It wouldn’t allow me to turn the corner. My knees buckled under me and my whole body shook.

“I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, I CAN’T!!!!” I screamed at the top of my lungs. Eventually I managed to tear myself to turn the corner.

What I saw…was worse than anything I imagined.

Instantly tears began pouring. My face drained of all its colour and my lips quivered at the sight. I could only collapse next to the sight. Clinging to Kala, strapped to a chair, blindfolded. Her fingers were torn from her hands, her body beat black and blue, her teeth ripped out, her skin burned, her right foot frozen and turned completely black.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!” A revolting cry escaped from my mouth, tears falling down faster than the rain outside. My knees sullied in the pool of blood all coming from my wife’s corpse. My pain only seemed to intensify with the feeling of thousands of daggers tearing through my heart and my throat. Vomit hurled from my mouth as I laid on all fours.

Kala wasn’t the only casualty that day. My unborn child was also taken that night. Her stomach was thoroughly torn through leaving nothing but a desolate hole.

On the walls, in her blood, were the words written “False justice”. I immediately knew who had killed her. And it was all my fault she died.

The false justice I tried to manifest. The one I tried to establish in the dying memory of my father figure. In result, not only did I disregard his advice to cherish my wife, I sullied his death and caused the death of the two closest people to me. Through a simple falsehood of justice.

After this tragedy, I quit right after finding the bastard I spared and murdering his whole family in front of him and then killing him. I discarded justice and embraced revenge. After that, I swore to never mess in any more fights or anything like that. Just to protect my life, so I can atone for the sins I made. In solitude. I didn’t and don’t deserve a second chance.

That’s why I can’t accept his offer. Why I can’t stand with him.

“I’m sorry to you, Elias. But I can’t and won’t do this. I am irredeemable and I will not involve myself in conflict. I swore.” I clearly spoke to him, calming myself.

I’m sorry…

— “Not even a million sorry’s are equal to you. To you, the flower which I cherished, I would kill everyone for you and plant a flower in their place, if it meant bringing you back.”