I can barely remember the last time someone ever smiled or spoke to me with sincerity, love or happiness.
An exhausting helping of contempt, hatred or cool indifference was the order of the day for the past few months ever since I returned to my Family home a year ago. And to think that in just a short span of 10 years, my status changed from the Great Formidable General Xiao Hung Fu’s most beloved daughter to simply 'that cursed child', is quite harrowing.
Even now as I watch my step mother yelling at me about what an ungrateful child I am, from behind this silk veil that has hidden my face from the world since childhood, it never ceases to amaze me how a woman who literally blended into the shadows at the mare presence of my late mother, could now walk the hall ways of the Xiao Manor with the airs expected from a General's official wife, when she was nothing but my father's concubine prancing around like a proud peacock.
However, despite our obvious difference in status, Dong Mei continued to show me whose boss, while her annoyingly angelic daughter: Ping Ping pitifully looked on with so much concern that one would think she looked like a bullied puppy. But to any prudent person, her well concealed façade of a fragile doll had a habit of occasionally displaying subtle flashes of contempt in her childlike eyes. She was the reason behind all this yelling as always, in today’s episode, I have apparently 'stolen' her favorite jade bracelet that my father gifted her for her 16th birthday…among other things.
To say that she was out to get me from the moment I walked into this Estate would be an understatement. Like her mother, she had supreme scheming and acting skills that qualified her as my bonafide tormenter. And to think of what she has managed to do in the last 12 months, I shudder at the mare thought of what my life could have been like if my father still loved me enough to let me stay after what happened that fateful day.
I guess it’s true what they say: one's misfortune can also be a blessing in disguise.
"ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME!!!"
In a way, no. I wasn't really paying attention, especially with that big shiny black mole at the left corner of her lips vying for my attention against the jade like paleness of her skin, like a black pearl fruit at the bottom of a bowl of sweetened milk. And I would be lying if I didn't admit that its unique appearance has led me to wonder from time to time if..... She polishes that thing.
I just about to humbly reply to her obviously rhetorical question, when I felt something warm splash against my right shoulder followed by the familiar scent of eight treasures tea. That was all it took for me to know that I had just broke the thin ice that I've been treading on for the past hour, on this little veranda attached to the tiny garden behind my courtyard. It was sunny, it was spring, if it where any other day I could have been here reading, writing or doing something productive to pass the time. It was a shame that today could not be that day.
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"YOU IMPUDENT WENCH!” My step mother suddenly screamed before turning to the older woman standing next to her,” Quickly Ju Mama, bring the chest of chastity so that I can teach this thoughtless girl a lesson!!!"
My eyes widened as dread filled my pounding heart, I didn’t need to put two and two to know what she meant. Fear, was all I could feel as I desperately clasped my hands together against my knees and closed my eyes shut in anticipation, before the sharp crack of a whip echoed through the air, like a signal of the blinding pain to come.
I didn't last two minutes before I collapsed onto the polished floor in a messy heap of cloth, sweat and blood.
"How dare you steal from Ping Ping! Yo- You wicked disgraceful wench! How can you be so jealous of your sister!" she screamed.
Don't scream, don't cry, I reminded myself in my feeble attempt to consul myself as the thin leather severed through my robes and into my skin, opening my recently healed wounds, it didn't take a second for the air in the room to be filled with the faint taint of blood.
Don’t let them know how much it hurts
I clutched my teeth together in pain, doing my best to muffle any sound that tried to break free from my mouth.
it will stop soon.... please end soon.... I prayed.
But it didn't, it only stopped when a maid came announcing my father's return to the Estate from his usual morning sessions at court. Startled, Dong Mei immediately straightened out her appearance with the help of her daughter, and within a blink of an eye she 'magically' transformed into the shy refined woman everyone knew her to be, not the frenzied demon that had been flogging her step daughter with an eerie flash of blood lust in her eye’s a few minutes ago.
"Ping Ping, let’s go greet the General," she cooed with such gentleness, I felt a chill run down my throbbing back. "And you" she seethed venomously as if she spotted a speck of mud on her perfect silk shoes, as she stared me down. "If I catch you stealing again, I'll make sure to cut that ugly face of yours!" she spat before walking off.
"But mother! If you do that, even her trash of a sickly fiancé wouldn't want to be with her, once he sees what’s under that veil." cried Ping Ping with mock concern before bursting into insincere giggles as she followed her mother out of my court yard.
Once the sound of my stepmother and company faded, I heard the sound of rushed footsteps followed by two weak arms trying to sit me upright.
"Second Young Miss!!!" cried a familiar voice as I tried to support myself against the wall, "Please don't move anymore, I'll call the doctor maybe he will help this-", I reached out and grabbed the person's hand just as she turned to leave.
"No" I whispered, as fatigue and pain continued to consume me. "Don’t call the doctor.... help me to my room"
My faithful servant of nine years Bao Li, turned her reluctant eyes to me in hesitation before finally giving in. She knew my convictions about these matters and even if she did ask for help, it never came, my step mother made sure of that.
Two minutes later, I laid face down on my lumpy bed with my upper body bare, I felt numb but that didn’t mean that I still couldn’t feel the throbbing pain, despite my wounds having been cautiously tended to by Bao Li.
Now alone in a room that was sparsely decorated with basic furniture, I continued to lay there as the minutes turned to hours, as Ping Ping's last words echoed in my mind.
Would he like me? Would he want me? Would he love me?
Don't scream, don't cry…. don’t let them know how much it hurts
......No, I thought before closing my eyes in resignation.
No one, could ever l love a 'cursed' child.