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Demons Don't Lie
Chapter 31 - It ain’t over ‘til the fat human sings

Chapter 31 - It ain’t over ‘til the fat human sings

Have you ever sat back and wondered, how the fuck did I just manage that? You know, like you’re in so much shock that you can’t process anything and just walk around in a daze. Well, that was me at the time, struggling to process the fact that I’d just erased an estray. Except I wasn’t walking, and not exactly by choice.

My left arm was busted. My legs felt like jelly and one had a nice gaping hole in it. I was covered in scrapes and cuts. My face was stinging from third degree burns. If it weren’t for the final vestiges of ash, I would have passed out by now.

As I shuttered my eyes, a popup flashed in my vision. With great effort, I forced my eyes back open and read.

Secret objective fulfilled: [Defeat the Spawner]!

For landing the final blow on the Spawner, you have been awarded 1000 points.

An accolade has been added to your profile. It can be redeemed in the next Ring.

[Corruption] has increased to 9 (was 8).

[Ash] saturation down to 2/100.

Aside from the corruption, and the fading effects of the ash, that was great and all, but I was too tired to celebrate. Also, now that I was looking, I had just discovered something terrible: erasing the estray didn’t get rid of the existing digressers. With the fire walls completely devoured by explosions and reality-eating beams, they were coming in fast.

My head was pounding. An unintelligible string of thoughts was flowing in from Volce. I closed off the connection and, groaning, I picked myself up. Experimentally, I placed pressure on my gored leg and realised it couldn’t carry much weight at all. In fact, I was struggling even to move it. The only way I could move was by hopping on the other and dragging it behind me. Crawling was pointless on account of being unable to raise my left arm. The ash had helped cover for that weakness earlier, but now it was no use.

Both of my weapons had been separated when I fell. I prioritised Möbius as it had kept me alive the longest. Looking back, it was the wrong choice, but even if I had been thinking straight, I don’t think I was ready to accept the reason why.

I hobbled over to where the estray’s form was slowly fading into nothing. Climbing over a gap in its rigid yet disappearing remains, I found Möbius stuck tip downwards into the ground. I yanked it out of the earth with little effort and immediately a comforting feeling washed over me, like I’d just got home after a long day’s work.

My ease was cut short when a digresser leapt at me. I hadn’t been paying attention so it had snuck up on me. Bringing up the knife, I attempted to stab at it, but I was too slow and not sure if I’d actually smack it with my hand, losing it in the process.

Before the digresser reached me, however, a hammer broader than my shoulders smacked it down, practically obliterating the squiggly thing in a puff of smoke.

Volce rounded on me and flashed his serrated fangs. “If God were real, then he’s definitely got a hand up your ass. Because that was fucking divine!”

Though the deuce was smiling, he was in terrible shape. His clothes were burnt right off him, revealing a baby smooth red body devoid of nipples, belly button, and dangly bits. Trickles of smoke rose from all over the deuce’s form.

The smoke pouring off the estray then rushed away as a blade of wind sliced through the air. Enzi charged in behind the strike with Gale raised over her opposite shoulder in preparation for a swing.

She’d forgone any pretence of beauty. Her body was now covered in bulky, spiky armour, built much like an echidna’s quills, that protruded straight from her form. Her hair was torn and frayed. The jewels that had adorned her single horn had come off during the fight, leaving the smooth dark thing bare.

“Enough with the dallying!” she shouted in a snappy tone. The enepsi brought her sword down and across, and another ten or so digressers departed from this world.

I caught sight of a digresser leap at Enzi from behind. I tried to yell, “Behind you!” but I couldn’t make the words come out.

Fortunately, I didn’t need to say anything. A blade appeared from nowhere and carved the leaping digresser in two. The squiggly had been aiming for Enzi. Her saviour appeared momentarily, like mist parting from the morning sun.

Toll was more haggard than both Enzi and Volce combined. Their robe was more holes than fabric and from patches of missing feathers and skin now emerged streams of smoke. There was little to see under the robe: the balaam’s body was so smoothly generic that they reminded me of an unfinished video game model.

“The situation is yet to be improved,” Toll said lowly, like they were struggling to speak. “There are still far too many digressers and we lack the means to—”

They were cut off when flames started jetting all around us. Everyone ducked as fire spewed over our heads in a wild torrent. When they had finally stopped, a ring of flames had been formed around our position, and standing at the edge of it was a very pissed off Markus. He pointed a finger at us—specifically, at me. Heat radiated off it in waves.

“How the fuck did you get around my contract?” Markus shouted.

I stood with great effort and kept my knife lowered. Well, it wouldn’t have mattered if I tried to fight because there was no way I could move my right arm fast enough to be useful in a fight. As though to enforce the idea that I should not fight, another message obscured my vision.

[Ash] saturation down to 1/100.

“I protected you,” I croaked. “If Berlin had fired, she would have struck you. That last shot was going to erase the estray, so if I didn’t get the elimination you’d lose those points. Since we’re going to party anyway…” I let the point hang.

The haures blinked at me dumbfounded. Twice. Then his face contorted in rage and he bellowed, “Fuck!”

A tablet appeared in the air beside him. He flicked his hand around and fired a blast from Monk straight through it. Light shot out then instantaneously exploded with enormous force high up in the sky. Where it had exploded, the sky lit up in a hexagonal pattern which radiated outwards and over the Ring. He’d struck the protective shield that prevented Participants from escaping upwards.

The moment the tablet had been shot, similar red-backed tablets appeared before each of us with their screens shattered. The contents glitched out, became a rainbow of distorted colours, then the screens finally went dark. The tablets dropped out of the air, clattered onto the ground, then started evaporating.

Markus swung his finger back at me. However, before he could charge Monk again, Toll had already disappeared. Noticing this, Markus brought his left hand up at his waist and sent out a blast of fire in a wide cone. I dived again to avoid it, only getting licked by flames for a brief second. Then there was a thud next to me. Flames were catching in the air and hastily shifting about. Toll appeared beside me a moment later, rolling and smacking the patting at the burning parts of their robe.

“Did I say you could look away?” Markus said.

I turned and he was glaring right at me. Slowly, legs shaking, I stood up and faced him. “Even if you kill me now, you won’t kill her,” I bluffed, referring to Berlin. “She’s too talented. Just give up and work with us.” Honestly, I didn’t know who would win in a straight fight, but given she’d held her ground against Silica, the valax…

“Your opinion is duly noted and immediately discarded. I swear, I really need to be much harsher on you squirmy little primates. You all just love to weasel your way out of things with your interpretations.” He mouthed each syllable of that word deliberately.

Well, served the bastard right for trying to cut a hasty deal. When I’d asked him to cut down on the size of our contract earlier, it led to a situation where I could more easily interpret his words as I pleased.

I shrugged with one arm. “You know, if you were nicer to me, I might have just protected you on principle.”

“Ah, still telling your lame jokes, I see,” Markus hissed. “If you do manage to make it out of here alive, and somehow survive the Culling, I’ll make sure to hire you as my personal clown. That would be a great fit for your talents. However, I highly doubt you’ll survive more than five minutes. Take a good look at the situation you’re in, Algier.”

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The flame walls were holding, but digressers were trampling the fires repeatedly. They had completely abandoned strategy now that their controller was gone and were throwing themselves into the fires to get to us, only to be scorched for their efforts. Black smoke was mingling with the flames, all rising from the glitching masses. They were coming in strong. Beyond the flame there was still a dark sea, still pouring in from over the hills. At some point, there were going to be so many of them that no flame would stay lit.

Time was running out, and I needed to hold on for as long as I could. If I could keep Markus distracted for long enough, if I could have the others fend off those digressers for me… it could work. It was only a hunch, but if I bought more time…

“I don’t know,” I said nonchalantly. “Seems like we’re both in this situation. By all means, go get yourself eaten alive.”

“Is this the part where you share your genius plan to escape?” Markus inquired. “Seriously, don’t bother. I can easily blast all of you twits back to the Pits and burn a path out of here. Especially given the state you’re all in.”

“You’re not looking too good yourself, asshole!” Volce growled. He was standing on the ground with Mallus held back. Having not been fed in a while, the oversized hammer was shrinking back to a more manageable size.

Markus peered down at his clothes. The black suit was torn to bits. One sleeve had been shredded right off and the opposite leg was cut to ribbons, which flapped on the updrafts created by the heat. His featureless stomach was completely exposed. Rivulets of black smoke were rising off him.

He might have been torn up, but Volce was completely off about the haures’ state, or perhaps bluffing. Markus was only barely injured. It would be a short time before that evaporation stopped, judging from how thin the smoke was. The others, however, were a different story. If they didn’t get a chance to rest there’d be nothing left of them soon. Their forms were getting progressively hazier, their features harder to define, obscured as though they were surrounded by a dense fog that the heat couldn’t dissipate.

I waved my good hand to silence Volce, then fixed Markus with a cold stare. “If eliminating us was the optimum way out of this situation, you would have done it already. You’re hesitating, and a demon doesn’t hesitate unless they’re waiting for something. So why don’t you just say it.”

Markus clicked his tongue. “You’re right. I was trying to turn up the heat to make you more inclined to agree to my proposal. I guess I can’t slip anything by you, you weaselly bastard.”

A moment later, a tablet appeared before me. In just a few short seconds, the screen filled with words in tiny font. Pages after pages were churned out before even a dozen digressers managed to get caught in the flames.

“Sign that and I won’t kill you,” Markus said.

I gazed out at the ocean of digressers and snorted a laugh. The whole situation should have been terrifying, but that last bit of ash was holding my sanity firm. “Oh, Markus, don’t you know you have to wine and dine a human before you fuck them?”

The haures’ jaw clenched and the heat emanating from Monk became overwhelming. Oceans of sweat were pouring out of me, which evaporated as soon as they touched my skin. Though it may have seemed idiotic to provoke Markus like that, one thing I’d noticed about him was that he always needed to have the last say. He always needed to be in control.

“I’m getting rather used to your shenanigans,” the one name howled, “and that makes them all the more frustrating. It’s a contract that will make you my bitch. There are no loopholes for you to squirm your way out of. The only way to break it is if I break it. Sign it and I’ll let you live.”

I shuffled back slowly. “That’s really tempting,” I said, voice dripping with sarcasm. I gestured at the other demons, who were all keeping their heads low. “What about them?”

Markus shrugged. “It depends on whether they can survive the blast or not.”

I took another step back so that I was close to the fire walls. The heat crawled up my back and soaked into the remaining fragments of my jacket. “You know what’s more tempting, though? Letting the digressers eat me. Because the look on your face when you can’t get my points will make me so damned happy.”

A look of disappointment crossed Markus’ face. “So this is what it comes down to: the first human in hundreds of years that could outwit me—twice, as frustrating as it is to admit—decides to give in to complete irrationality.”

Despite the pain and heat, a smile managed to split my face. “Oh, there’s nothing irrational about it. I don’t plan to stay dead for long. And when I do come back, I’ll make it my hound to hunt you to the ends the universe.”

That did the trick. Markus’ head tilted to the side, his mouth hung slightly ajar, and he lowered his hand. Not just he was in shock, but all the demons were staring at me aghast.

“Who the fuck told you about that?” Markus uttered.

“It was—kkggh!” From a crouching position, Toll doubled over and clutched a hand to their throat. Their feathers were puffed up and the one hand they used to support themselves clawed into the earth. They opened their beak to try answer again, and again they choked on their words.

Markus expression switched to mild fascination as he watched the balaam struggle. “You know, Toll, I ought to be concerned that you can’t answer this question, but I’m actually just glad that you’ve finally shut the fuck up.” He pointed his finger at my chest again. “Forgive my momentary lack of decorum. Now, getting back to the matter at hand, are you going to quit bitching and become my bitch?”

I swallowed saliva—it momentarily relieved the dryness in my throat. I needed to think, to stall for a little longer, but everything was growing hazier. Dehydration and smoke inhalation were doing their best to fight against the ash coursing through my veins.

That was when Volce let out a chuckle. Both Markus and I stared at him, but the little demon seemed not to notice. He was consumed by laughter, cackling like he’d gone mad assuming such a thing was possible for a demon. When I realised why, I would have laughed with him if it didn’t hurt so much.

Markus pursed his lips. “I don’t know why you’re laughing, Volce. You know that you’re next.”

“Oh—oh, no,” Volce stuttered between his chuckles. “No no no, that’s not what’s happening. The only one here who’s going to bitch it today is you.”

What had caught my eye was a change, of sorts. The sea of black was still glitching its way across the land, but it was glitching in a different manner. Though we were surrounded, only one side seemed to be swarming towards us and it wasn’t the side coming from over the hills. The rest were shuffling away from us. They’d stopped crossing the fire wall a minute ago.

Volce thrust his finger eastward at a spot where all the digressers were congregating. They were piling high atop each other to form a dome of impenetrable depth. Only one spot remained open like a door which faced towards us, and smiling perpetually at us from inside it was the valax, Silica.

Markus’s eyes locked with the valax. They both exchanged their bullshit smiles and a string of silent threats. If you do this, I’ll respond like that, is what they seemed to be thinking. Thousands of similar calculations must have crossed their thought patterns in the span of a few seconds, and in that momentary distraction, Toll made a move.

The balaam took a Rise and Shine from their inventory and tossed it at Enzi, who leapt up, sliced her hand across Gale, then caught the bottle with a barely formed haze that extended from her wrist. She took a swipe at Markus then slammed the vial to her mouth.

At that same moment, Markus fired Monk. I covered my head in a pointless attempt to survive. However, death didn’t come for me. No heat seared my flesh and no blast knocked me away. The force of the explosion had been halted on a wall made from air itself. Enzi hadn’t slashed to cut; she’d used Gale to blast back the explosion. And the only one who’d been caught in it was Markus.

When everything cleared, my ears were ringing. For a moment I thought the estray had remade itself and was silencing the land, but it was nothing more than momentary deafness brought on by the noise. Enzi was slumped on the ground in front of me. She wasn’t injured. Rather, the streams of smoke had vanished entirely and her body had reformed itself into the visage of a naked woman.

Markus had thrust his left hand forward, using Penny to shield himself from the blast. Just as he raised Monk to charge another blast, Toll appeared behind him and, coiling an arm around the haures, poked the tip of Myst under Markus’ jaw. Just like Enzi, the balaam’s form was completely reformed. No doubt they’d slipped a Rise and Shine during the chaos.

Volce was the next on scene, still injured but he’d never been in that bad a shape to begin with. He slowly drew the needle he’d pointed at my neck a day ago then, sliding low, pressed it to the back of Markus’ knee. Simultaneously, Enzi leapt up onto her knees and held the tip of her sword to the haures’ stomach.

As all three had moved into position, Markus pointed the finger of Monk into the palm of Penny. This time there was no heat radiating off it. Between the two halves of the rabdos, a spot of darkness formed. It was so infinitesimally small that, if not for the ash, I wouldn’t have been able to see it. However, I didn’t need the ash to feel it, or at least the effect it was having on the world. The flames around us dipped towards him, the smoke rising off Markus’ body was sucked in, and I felt myself fall very subtly towards it.

“Don’t fucking try it!” Markus howled. “Monk and Penny have a few more tricks up their sleeves.”

“You’re not the only one with tricks, you flaming ass,” Volce snapped back.

“A truce!” Enzi huffed. “The valax wants us all erased, and now she has an army that can practically wipe out a legion. We must work together if we want to survive.”

“Or more importantly,” Toll added, “we must not cause harm to the one she is watching over.” They fixed me with a cold stare.

Seconds passed that felt like hours. The four of them were locked in that perfect gridlock. No matter which way you diced it, none of them would be the first to drop their weapon. If the situation dragged on, then sooner or later they’d let their weapons fire and the whole lot of them would be blasted to smithereens, along with me. I needed to diffuse the situation.

“Listen,” I spoke carefully, trying not to spook them. “If you show that you’re my allies, Silica won’t attack. Just stay close to me and don’t do anything stupid.” Well, I had no idea if that was true. Who knew what the valax was thinking? They needed something more. “Markus, you’re going to get those points no matter what. We’re going to form a party. What you’re doing here—what you’re all doing—is mutually assured destruction. It shouldn’t take a human to tell demons how fucking stupid that is.”

More seconds passed that felt like hours. I was struggling to stand with gravity shifting ever so slightly towards Markus. None of them had changed in the slightest, just choosing to remain perfectly poised.

Then Markus finally relented. The dark point between Monk and Penny vanished in an instant, along with the shift in gravitational pull. He held both of his hands up in surrender.

“Well, we agree on one thing—everyone else here is stupid. How about we get all chummy while we wait for that snake to leave?”

The rest of the demons slowly backed away. Volce let out an exaggerated sigh of relief. Toll disappeared and didn’t return for a while. Enzi withdrew her blade and shuffled back. Red frills slowly formed out of her skin as her dress regrew from her body to cover up her curvaceous form. I did my best to hide my relief, and in doing so I fixed my gaze onto Silica. Through the dying flames, I offered her a reassuring nod. The valax closed her eyes and turned away from me. The dome of digressers closed around her and the army slowly marched off across the plains.

As I watched her leave, Markus caught me off guard when he swung an arm around my shoulders, causing a spike of pain to shoot up from my tendons into my chest. He grinned right in my face, flashing his fangs. “Until further notice, you and I are going to be best buddies.”

I would like to say that I retorted with something witty, but it was at that moment when a popup flashed in my face, telling me my ash saturation was at zero. So instead, I collapsed like a rag doll.