Chapter 31

Al was taking the three days prior to Thanksgiving off as sick days without pay. All his paid personal days and vacation had been used since the beginning of the month.

Mary went on to work after dropping Al off at the house. They had said little to each other in the car and less at her leaving. Al spent his time pacing the floor thinking.

“All Mary and I have done for the last four years is argue. Where to live? What to drive? Where to eat? Everything has been a fight. And now with these blackouts everything is more intense. If that's possible? I just don't see how we can continue like this. I can't. I'm miserable and so is she.”

And when it was not Mary he was thinking about, it was Robin. The events in Galveston had been set-aside for the time being.

“Here is this beautiful young woman who is interested in me. Me, as I am right now. Well, at least I think she is.” Robin had not visited Al in the hospital this last time. He thought of a hundred reasons why she had not. Maybe Mary had not told anyone about this latest episode.

Al walked the floor debating with himself, trying to decide if he should call Robin. Maybe she had given up on him too.

Finally he decided, “Jeez, just call her. If she wants to talk she'll talk. And if she doesn't, at least you'll know.” At ten minutes after ten Al walked into the kitchen and called Robin at work.

Al hated talking to people over the phone. He preferred to see their faces and their reactions. He used the kitchen phone whenever he could. It had a long cord and allowed him to walk as he talked. It helped some. He was on hold while they transferred the call back to Robin. Some “easy listening“ music came over the phone line. Al moved the receiver away from his ear. He did not care to listen. Being on hold, on the phone or in life, was a great waste of time.

There was a click on the phone and Al heard Robin's voice asking, “Hello?”

He put the receiver to his ear and spoke, “Hello Robin. This is Al.” His voice quivered slightly from nervousness, he hoped she did not notice. There was silence on the phone. Al waited apprehensively for her reaction to his call.

“Oh, Al!” she exclaimed. Then in a soft purr, “Al, I'm so glad you called.”

And Al was glad he had called. Robin's voice sounded so happy. “And I'm glad you're glad,” he laughed. The laugh was a little loud he thought. Nerves.

“I'm so sorry I haven't been by the hospital to see you. I don't think Mary likes me there.”

“It's okay, she doesn't like me there either,” Al happily stated. “I just figured you were busy, with the holiday's coming up and everything.” Al began to relax as he talked. He stopped pacing the kitchen floor and leaned up against the counter.

“I'm out again anyway,” he laughed.

Robin returned Al's happiness, “Oh Al, I'm so glad to hear that. How are you feeling?”

Al was elated by the loving tone in Robin's voice. He felt like she had just pulled him out of the Gulf of Mexico to safety.

“I feel great Robin. And don't worry about what Mary thinks. That's my problem.” Al spoke fast, clearly, and with obvious pleasure. “Will you have lunch with me today?”

There was no pause for consideration on Robin's part, she answered instantly, “I'd love to Al. Where and when?”

There were only a few restaurants in the area. They would be busy at lunch, full of people who might know them. There was a bowling alley just off the freeway near work. Maybe they could get a hamburger there in relative safety. Al was not worried about himself. He did not want people talking about Robin. She did not deserve that.

“How about noon over at the bowling alley. I don't think we will be bothered there.”

“That sounds fine to me,” she answered.

“I'll see you there at twelve then,” Al said. “You had better get back to work now before they get pissed off.”

“I don't care,” Robin laughed, “let them.”

Al laughed back saying, “I'll see you in a little bit, bye.”

“Bye, Al,” Robin answered and then she hung up.

Al held the phone to his ear a second longer before he put it down. It was nice to talk like that to someone; to joke, to kid around, to flirt. He left the kitchen and walked into the living room. He turned on the television and lay back on the couch to watch some game show.

Robin and Al sat at a small table behind the lanes, eating their burgers and fries. There were several groups of people taking their lunch at the bowling alley. Al did not recognize any of them.

The place was big, with 50 alleys. The brightly lit alleys gleaming with oil offered a great contrast to the dark area behind, where the spectators sat. There were a few people bowling away their lunch hour. The boom of smashing bowling balls into the ten pins echoed through the building. Al talked around the sound as he told Robin about his latest trip.

When he finished talking Robin reached across the small metal table and grasped his hand much as he had done for others during the storm and said, “Al, you're so brave.” She looked into his eyes and asked him with absolute sincerity, “How do you go back there Al?”

“I don't know how it happens,” Al admitted. Robin's hand felt soft and warm resting on top of his. Their hamburgers sat half-eaten before them on the table. “I wish I could make it happen,” he stated resolutely. “There is so much to do back there.”

“But why do you have to do it? Can't they do it themselves, whatever it is? Why do you have to take the risk?” There was no disbelief in Robin's tone, no patronization.

It was good to talk with someone who believed him! He answered, “Robin, I don't know what this is all about. I didn't ask for it and I don't understand it. I can't answer except by saying it is just something I have to finish.”

Al turned his hand over and took her hand in his. He held her hand tightly and looked deeply into her eyes. “Robin, I can't tell you how much it means to me that you believe me.

Robin blushed under his gaze but she did not turn away. She returned his look. She loved him. She had never seen Al look more handsome. He was so alive, committed, and independent. He was easy to love.

“Can I go with you?” she asked.

Al smiled. “Robin, I don't even know if it will ever happen again. I feel like it will, but I don't know. How could you join me? You want me to hit you in the head with a chair or something?” They both laughed.

Al squeezed Robin's hand as he continued, “I know what you mean when you ask that though. I'm proud you feel that way about me. I feel the same about you.

If I can go back I will. I have to do that. If I could, I would take you with me. But I don't see how that can happen. When everything is over if we are meant to be together, we'll be together.” He stopped talking, Robin's eyes, still on him, were filled with tears.

Chapter 32

That afternoon Al lay on the couch in the living room. The television was on but he was not watching it.

“How do you go back into the past?” Al asked himself over and over. He knew there was only one answer to his question, another blackout. And suddenly he was feeling less comfortable with that idea.

Despite his earlier conviction when he talked with Robin, a growing fear of his blackouts pervaded his mind. “It is like dying here when I blackout. I lost two days last time. That's how Mary thinks about it. Mary may be a lot of things but she is not stupid. What if she is right?”

And he had something new to consider in the present, Robin.

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“Robin does love me. It was as plain as the tears on her face. And she is worried about me. Is that something I want to gamble with right now?”

Was love enough though? Al could not answer that question. He knew he was needed in Galveston. They needed his help. He was important back there! And now he did sound a little crazy.

Al took a deep breath and exhaled slowly putting the past out of his mind for a moment.

Chapter 33

The sun was setting when Mary arrived home a little earlier than usual. The western horizon was ablaze with color. Starting from the southern edge, long fan-like fingers of alternating dark pastel blue and a warm reddish pink stretched northward and heavenward. One long, wispy, feather shaped cloud hung suspended, gleaming ivory white with a tint of blue around the edges. It was poised, surrealistically, miles in front of the diagonal beams of color. Between Mary and the Texas sunset stood the central downtown business district, skyscrapers in silhouette. Mary watched as the sun receded and the fan folded itself away, only the buildings, lights on inside for cleaning, remained.

The weather was warm, it had been a very mild fall so far, not even a hint of a hard freeze, and Mary delayed entering the apartment as long as she could. She was afraid of what she would find.

Finally, she could not put off going inside any longer. She walked around to the front.

The outside light was not on over their door. When Mary tried the knob she found the door locked. She knocked lightly twice and waited for Al to open the door. No one came to the door.

“Oh shit,” Mary swore under her breath. She knocked again only louder. Then she fumbled about in her purse, looking for her house key. Finding it she unlocked the door and eased it open and stepped inside.

The living room was dark, black. There were no lights on anywhere in the apartment.

“Al?” Mary called out softly, like she did not want to receive an answer. She listened for a reply and when there was none she took a deep breath and raised her hand to the light switches beside the entrance.

“Be okay Al, please be okay.” Mary flicked on the living room ceiling light. The dark room jumped into vision. Every piece of furniture etched itself deeply in her mind.

The light reached the far corner of the room and Al jackknifed into a sitting position on the couch.

“Good God Al!” Mary gasped. “You scared the pee out of me!”

Half awake, Al answered, “And you damn near gave me a heart attack. What are you doing sneaking in?”

Al did not look well to Mary. His eyes were shot full of red and he looked exhausted. He looked as though he had been drinking. And considering his reticent behavior Mary expected nearly anything from him.

Defensively Mary retorted, “The door was locked and the lights were out. How was I to know you were sleeping there? Besides, it's my house too! I can sneak around here if I want to and I wasn't sneaking! How dare you? How do I know what to expect from you? Where you might be?”

Al stood up and pointed a finger at Mary, shouting, “That's it right there! You figured I was blacked out, didn't you? Well I'm not! But at least when I am, people back there listen to me! They don't try to push me off on some quack!”

There it was. That was the trouble. This business about the past had taken over his existence and Mary could not stand it. And Al would not let go of it. Mary only wanted him to be well again, to be himself, instead of this person he was becoming.

Calmly and collectedly she said, “I'm worried about you Al. If you can't see that then you are a fool. I'm tired of all this shit you bring in here about the past. You're god damned crazy and you need some help! And if you don't want it, that's fine too.” She walked past Al and headed to the bedroom. “Now I'm going to go and get something to eat. You're welcome to come along if you like.”

Al stood in the living room. He could hear Mary in the bedroom changing clothes. The air in the living room carried a hint of perfume. Mary always liked her perfume to be subtle. Now was the time to tell her they were finished. There were things he had to do with his life and she only threw obstacles in his way.

He walked into the bedroom. Mary had changed from her work suit into a white silk blouse, long sleeved, ruffled cuffs, with a drawstring neck, and a mid-calf length, loose fitting blue skirt. She looked lovely.

Al walked over close and stood before her. Mary would not look up at him. He moved closer, reached out with his right hand, and lifted her chin until she was looking at him. She offered no resistance.

Al lowered his head; their lips met and they kissed. When they parted Al saw tears in Mary's eyes. He said, “I don't mean to upset you. It's just that things are so mixed up for me. I don't really know what's happening anymore.”

Mary pulled Al to her tightly, hugging him with all her strength. “I don't mean what I say Al. I just worry about you so much. I never know what to expect any more. Please,” she said pulling back so she could look into his eyes, “see if you can't find someone to help.”

“Mary,” Al sighed. He sat her down on the bed and sat down next to her holding her hands in his. “It's not something I can be helped with. It's something for me to take care of. It's like I'm being tested. Please, don't look at me that way. I'm not crazy. God's not talking to me. It's just that I know this is something I have to do. If I don't work this out, if I run from it, I'll always be looking over my shoulder wondering what it was all about.”

Excited, Mary interrupted, “But Al, a doctor will be able to explain all this to you. Why it happened and what it means. You won't have to look over your shoulder.”

Al pulled Mary close to him. “No, Mary. All I can do is ask you to please trust me, to believe I know what is best for me.” He kissed her passionately, running his left hand up under her blouse. He did love her. It had been too long since they had made love together.

“Mary, I wish you could see the ocean down there. It is so beautiful and peaceful.”

She reached up and softly placed a hand over his mouth and pulled him down on top of her.

Chapter 34

It was late Monday night, early Tuesday morning. The LED on the alarm clock, in a subdued, faint blue, showed the time as 2:03 AM. Mary had moved the clock over to her side of the bed since his blackout spells had begun keeping him home.

He lay in the bed wide-awake. Mary slept quietly next to him. She rested on her left side facing Al; her back bowed slightly, thus allowing only her feet at the one end and her head at the other to make contact with him. Mary slept with her chin tucked against her chest; her forehead and the perfumed hair that hung over it snuggled at Al's shoulder. The soft sound of her breathing filled the quiet room.

- What to do, what to do? - roared throughout Al. That one question had become his life. Two women loved him. Either one was more than suitable for a wife, though one already was. There should have been no decision to make; yet there was one.

And this problem paled when he compared it against where he had been and where he needed to go. He had gone back to Galveston! That was real. It was no past life, it was his current life! Was he to go back there again or was he going to stay here forever? There were things he had to finish there. He knew that. If he did not return he would be leaving something very important half-done and he could not stand that thought.

- How to go back? - The blackouts worried him. Losing days out of his life worried him.

- Maybe they are right! - Al had to consider that Mary and the doctors might be right. He could be losing it.

- No! - He would finish what he had started!

- What to do, what to do? - Even after that determined statement it was still there. Would it never go away? Was this how every important question was decided, through gut wrenching indecision? Was greatness only the measurement of the stomach lining? Was Al supposed to sit and wait for time and chance to decide where he should be?

Chance had decided! He had gone to Galveston! He would return there and finish what he had started. When that was done he would make his choices here. Al would take it one step at a time, no worrying about the future, no worrying about the present. He must settle the past before looking onward. He had something to do, something he had to measure himself against!

Chapter 35

Tuesday morning, Al was again on the couch. The cold winter sunlight passed through the windowpanes and warmed as it lit the room. Mary was at work. Al had called Robin shortly after Mary left the house. She was going to meet him for lunch again.

Lying on the couch Al focused on his problem. How to have another blackout? They might be totally spontaneous, independent of his influence entirely. He hoped they were not. He tried focusing on the last moment that he had been back there.

The sun had been rising and he was on the beach. It was the east end of the island. The ocean and the two jetties were the only things between him and the sun. Al concentrated on the act of turning to the west, walking away from the smooth white beach towards the city. He searched every corner of his mind for details of that moment. The smell of the salt air. The sand had been smooth as far as he could see. The retreating floodwaters had leveled any trace of sand dunes. There was no visible wreckage from the city. On the beach there was only the calm that can be nature. His presence seemed to be the only disturbing feature. Al wondered why that was. Maybe he was not supposed to be there? He forced the thought from his mind. There was nothing positive to be achieved from it. He had been there, he would be back there, that was how it was to be. Al tried to force himself back into time.

Al woke up. He had fallen asleep during his concentration. He ran a hand through his hair and rubbed his eyes, removing a small amount of sleep from their corners. He looked at his wristwatch.

“Shit! It's a quarter past eleven already. I've got to get going.” Al rose from the couch and hurried into the bathroom to wash his face.

Robin and Al were seated at a table in the bowling alley. Neither had ordered any food. Robin was sipping on a beer; Al drank coffee. When she first saw Al's face Robin knew she was in for bad news. She had ordered the beer in preparation.

Al sheltered his coffee cup under both hands. The warmth radiating from the stoneware felt good to his chilled fingers. The weather outside had turned cold. He looked down at the cup as he spoke.

“Robin, I want you to know that you and only you,” here he looked up at her, “have believed me, have trusted me through all this. I realize that and I do so very much appreciate it.” Robin reached across the table and held Al's hand. Al continued.

“I'm going to go back there and see this thing through to its end. I don't know where that end is though. It's possible I'm just crazy. And if that is the truth then I've got to go and face that. I want you to know that you are the best friend I've ever had.”

Robin smiled and said, “That's not as bad as I thought it would be. I was afraid you were going to say you could never see me again.”

“Oh, no Robin! I could never say that.”

“Well then, don't look so sad Al. You talk like you're never coming back.” Robin paused but Al did not speak so she continued, “How are you going to get back there?”

“I don't know. Hit myself in the head I guess.” It was an old joke now and was beginning to seem like a reasonable solution. Al did try to brighten up a little though as he looked into Robin's young face. “All I know is that I will go back.”

They were silent for a short while. Robin still held Al's hand. At last Al turned his hand over and they held each others hand. With this motion he asked her, “How can you take any of this seriously? Doesn't it all sound a little off the wall?”

“Al,” She said tightening her hold on his hand, “You tell me it's true. That's all I need to believe it.”

A long silence followed. When they started talking again it was about nothing, shoptalk, no goodbyes.