Yesterday was a roller coaster. It started off terribly, but when I started trying to route what power the ship had so I could access the data servers I found my reroute had been already rerouted. Not only that, I found that the power levels weren’t hemorrhaging like they had been when I last checked. They were holding steady and even steadily charging. There was only one person I knew that could pull that off.

I scrambled to get the comms going and started yelling into each channel. Finally I got a response! Graham has survived. He’s banged up but alive and able to move around. Our comms were unstable and we kept breaking off. I fought to repair the port I had and find him again. (*) I kept repairing and shouting my location for him to find me. I have no idea if I’ve succeeded. I have no idea how injured he is and if he can make it to me. I’ll keep the comms on and keep repairing them just in case. I’m not sure where he is, or if he’s nearby in any way. I’ll wait here until I have to go.

*Communication detected*

“Graham? Graham can you hear me?”

“Right, I hear you”

“I’ve located the doctor. Heavy damage, I need you to walk me through repair.”

*Communication interrupted*

I couldn’t just sit here and wait so I started trying to access the data servers. I needed more parts so I left a note telling Graham to wait with the comms and servers until I got back. I emptied my pack in the little shelter area, then I set out to find parts to get the servers working. Gathering parts and gutting everything that can possibly be used. While scavenging who else should I stumble into but the doctor.

I mistook him for dead at first. He was fairly worse for wear. Most of his mechanical parts were severed and mangled. Hydraulic fluids were mostly iced over. It was obvious to me that he hasn't moved since the crash.

I called at him and to my immense surprise he responded. Very stilted, not quite conscious. Inspecting further and I find most of his circuits are also damaged. He’s probably conscious on some level but so damaged he can’t move. A hell I certainly can’t imagine. Admittedly my first thought is that it serves him right to be stuck like that. I correct myself fairly quickly. He’s not in my favor right now but he’s still my crewmate and in my charge. I tell him that I’m going to bring him into shelter and that Graham is somewhere on his way and we’ll try to get him back on his robotic limbs again.

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I chip the fluid away so that I can divorce him from the metal and stone. I don’t say anything more to him. I’m still so angry that I have nothing to say. I want to blame him for everything. Shove all the responsibility onto him and just leave him to the consequences of his stupid actions. It would serve him right if I left him to die.

So of course I freed him from the ice and made a sled to drag him into the makeshift shelter. I hopped on the comms and hunted for Graham’s station. I filled him in on the situation and instructed him to lead me through the repairs. I’ve taken classes in basic mechanics and I know how to fix the parts that I also have.

I would probably still need the assistance even in a situation where I had every tool and resource I could want. The damage is extensive. I focused on the chest cavity and the cranium. There’s some nasty dents that there was just no way to safely hammer out. Wires were burned and corroded. Computer chips bent and some snapped in half.

I was annoyed further when I had to dip into the parts I scavenged for the data servers to make the repairs. I don’t have unlimited resources and I felt angry using them on Dr. Blackwell. It’s annoying how bitter I am. Is it a good sign that as I follow Graham’s instructions and repair Dr. Blackwell, I’ve become more irritated with myself than I was with him?

I’ve fixed up the doctor the best I can with what I have. There’s more movement in the mechanical limbs when prompted and reflexes seem to be working. There’s no real conscious response that I can tell. Makes me wonder…

There’s this thing that can happen with class 3 and higher level cyborgs. A class 1 or 2 can also have it happen. But since the lower cyborg classes consist mostly of replacement limbs or organ modifications (ocular sights, liver filtering). It’s less of a concern.

Dr. Blackwell is a class 3. I didn’t think about it earlier, but as I’m writing it occurred to me. Dr. Blackwell has no organic limbs and has an added two arms. His cranial cavity is completely replaced with metal, housing his brain with what I think is modifications. Probably extra memory but I’ve never looked into brain modifications so I can’t tell for sure. After going through his chest cavity it looks like quite a few of his organs are fully replaced. Including his heart.

It’s common knowledge that all machines will outlive organic flesh. Which is why cyborg replacements are very common. But sometimes, the machine keeps going. Even when the person has died.

I wish I could say this makes my feelings change. That his possible death makes me want to go out and find more pieces to try and repair him to know for sure. But my honest thoughts are less charitable.

I don’t know what that says about me. But given how I completely messed up a mission that had literally no risk or danger. I don’t think it’s anything good.

There’s a lot of stuff in this journal that is absolutely grounds for discharge. I should burn this journal.

Or maybe I should just resign.