Chapter 16

The Repercussions of Actions

Four months after she arrived, Davina lifted her hand from Kathrine’s forehead and said the words I’d been waiting to hear. “Your daughter’s soul has fully recovered from the injuries you caused, your Dark Eminence. Give me a moment to heal the last of the physical deterioration from being bedridden, then I’ll wake her up when you’re ready.”

I snapped my fingers.

Shadow slid from where he was hiding inside my coat, crossed the bed in a rush, and hid inside the shadow cast by an armchair. Shadow was the shade I’d created.

Diana and I hadn’t noticed any problems with him so far, except his proclivity to hide in shadows. Neither of us could figure out whether this was a stealth habit he preferred or influence from uncontrolled emotions leaking into my magic, and I hadn’t been willing to make a second shade until after Kathrine was healed to find out. It had taken me four nights of hunting floor bosses in the Abyss to recover from the damage creating him caused my soul and I had more important uses for my time.

“Find Luke and Riza and tell them we’re ready to wake Kathrine,” I instructed Shadow.

Shadow slid under the door and disappeared.

Davina finished casting her spells and turned to me. “There are easier and less terrifying ways to deliver messages than using a shade.”

“I want to recuperate the time I wasted making him.”

Davina still wasn’t teaching me master tier magic, but she was helping me improve my technique and mana efficiency. My technique was now as flawless as hers up to the high advanced stage and my efficiency was getting close. Expert tier magic was still a work in progress, but Davina rarely pushed her body, so she got by on less than an hour of sleep. It meant that we had been able to get a lot done by working through the night.

While I liked using magic, outside of crafting undead, only a handful of expert tier spells made me more dangerous. The changes made to how I cast spells gave me a death bolt that was more effective against barriers than my finger of destruction and the grim reapers eyes spell let me see murderers, magic, and someone’s killer if I saw their corpse, but that was more of a useful trick than something I could add to my arsenal to keep my family safe.

An ancient vampire was just too powerful for expert tier magic to make a difference. Master tier magic was a different story. It would turn me into an army of one.

Fifteen minutes later, Riza opened the door and entered the bedroom, taking a seat on the couch. She was still weary of me, and that was unlikely to ever change, but she was less afraid now. Seven months with no missing persons and no more attacks on my daughter had shown her I really was in control of my thirst.

Most people wouldn’t have stuck around after what had happened to her, but Riza was one of the most loyal people I’d ever met. She’d helped my daughter run away from South Murdell and wouldn’t run away from me until she knew Kathrine was safe.

Luke showed up a few minutes later, wearing his armour. His scent was layered with excitement and trepidation. He’d been in town judging by the scents coming off him.

We shared a smile and then I turned to Davina. “You can wake her when I leave.”

I wasn’t going to subject Kathrine to my presence. I’d already hurt her enough.

I climbed off the bed, walked out of the bedroom, and closed the door behind me. Davina had been telling me that Kathrine’s soul was nearly restored for the past two weeks, so I’d stock the kitchen with all of Kathrine’s favourite foods.

Shadow hid in my coat as I walked into the kitchen. Inside, there were two pantries, each covered in enchantments. The one that stored dry goods would vacuum seal to extend the life of everything it held. The other was for frozen goods. Anything placed inside would instantly freeze and then instantly unfreeze when removed. I injected mana into this worlds equivalent to a stove and oven, filled pots and pans with water, and then blurred around the room as quickly as I could throwing together dozens of dishes all at once.

I was trying to distract myself with cooking, because I wanted to run back to the bedroom and watch. I wanted to be there when Kathrine’s eyes opened, and she returned to the waking world. I needed that reassurance that everything was all right. That I wasn’t a monster.

While I worked, I could hear a hundred thousand objects in motion, each one distinct and unique. I could hear every voice in the academy, every conversation, and heartbeat.

Kathrine’s voice cut through them all.

“Luke,” she mumbled. There was a groggy pause as she tried to get her bearings. “What are you doing here?” There was another pause and then happy tears and excitement as she snapped awake and leapt on her big brother engulfing him in a hug. “Luke!” she shrieked.

“Hey, Sis,” he replied.

He sounded a little choked up.

The two of them hugged for nearly a minute, overjoyed at being reunited. It was very human reaction.

Kathrine broke the hug first. “What the hell am I wearing under this dress?”

Luke laughed. “A diaper.”

“Do I want to know why? Forget that. Why are you here? How are you here?”

“I heard you were in trouble, so I came to help.”

“I was in trouble?”

“You’ve been asleep for seven months?”

There was a long pause. “What?”

“You were asleep for seven months. Do you remember what happened to you?”

She shuddered as her heartbeat turned erratic and fearful. “I don’t want to…” There was another pause. “Did you kill him?”

“Not yet. Do you want me to?”

“He’s a monster.”

This might have been me hoping, but I thought I heard a question in her statement.

“How did you get me away from him?”

“We didn’t get you away from him,” Riza replied. “He’s been protecting you for the last seven months, taking care of you while you slept. He’s also the one who healed the damage he did to your soul. He didn’t want to scare you, so he went to the other room.”

“Where are we?”

“The occult professor’s apartment,” Luke replied. “Dad got a job at Darksmith so he could keep you safe. And you didn’t answer my question. Do you want me to kill him?”

“Will you hate me if I say yes?”

Luke chuckled, trying to pretend like everything was alright. He wasn’t well equipped to deal with emotions.

“I’ve tried to kill him on two occasions, so I won’t hate you for wanting me to kill him. I’ve been where you are. I’ve been afraid of what he might do. I even let him roam near innocent people so he would kill one and lose his immunity to holy magic.”

Luke had set me up.

No wonder he was there to kill me the moment I killed my first Unseen. He hadn’t trusted me at all, and he’d been willing to sacrifice an innocent person to put me down. It explained why his eyes didn’t have a white glow, showing he was favoured by heaven. My instincts told me he had made the right choice, but my memories told me he hadn’t. His choice disappointed me as his father.

I wasn’t used to being disappointed in him. It made me sad to know how much I’d failed him. The son I raised wasn’t the type of person to sacrifice others.

Kathrine had the same reaction. “You were going to let him kill someone?”

“It was one life against the lives of thousands. And I did let him kill someone. It just turned out the someone he killed was Unseen.”

She dropped her voice to a whisper. “You’re supposed to be a hero.”

“I’m not perfect, Sis. No one is. My training taught me ancient vampires were one of the biggest threats I could face. That thousands of people lives were at risk. Sacrifices had to be made.”

“They’re supposed to be made by you. Not by others.”

“I didn’t come here to talk about me.”

“Doesn’t matter. You brought it up and now we’re going to talk about it. Good people don’t sacrifice innocent people for the greater good, Luke.”

“No, they don’t.” I heard Luke sit on her bed. “I never claimed to be a good person, Sis. I don’t actually think I am anymore. But I save people and I make the world safer. It’s the best I can do.”

“Well, I want you to be better than that.”

“I can’t be better. You might want me to kill Dad.”

Kathrine froze, as her heartrate accelerated even more.

“He’s the one who told me what happened,” Luke continued when she didn’t reply.

“You talked to him?”

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“After I broke his jaw.”

“You broke his jaw?”

“He had it coming. He promised me he could control the demon inside him.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Dad promised me he could control his thirst. That he could limit his feeding to only Unseen. He sent his familiars to find me right after he attacked you.”

“Why?”

“Because he’s more worried about you than he’s worried about himself. He broke his agreement with the guild. I’m here as his judge, jury, and executioner. Now do you want me to kill him?”

“An innocent person has to die for you to do that.”

Luke sighed. “It doesn’t matter.”

“It does matter.”

“I can’t kill him without him losing his soul. Someone has to die.”

“Then let it be me.”

Luke’s anger matched my own. “What the fuck, Kathrine!”

“I’m not letting you kill some innocent person just so you can kill him.”

“That doesn’t mean you have to volunteer.”

“Yes, it does.”

“No, it doesn’t. You’re a hero. Do you have any idea how much of a difference you can make?”

“Yes, I can help you kill an ancient vampire.”

“Do you really want him dead that badly?”

“Do I have a choice?”

There was a pause.

Luke seemed to be in disbelief. “You have no idea what he’s done have you?”

“I’m aware he helped you kill a lich.”

“He didn’t just help me kill the lich. He saved the church of Arcadia, the only surviving daughter of the king, and millions of people by warning the army about a nation-wide dungeon surge was about to take place. He’s done more good than I have!”

Kathrine burst into tears, unable to keep it together with her brother yelling at her on top of everything else. “Why did he attack me then?”

I heard Luke get up and walk to her, hugging her tight again. “He’d been in an unawakenable slumber for two months when you summoned him with that spell. He was so beaten up and exhausted, only the demon woke up, and it woke up inside out. He didn’t attack you. The demon did. But he heard your voice, even though he was asleep, and he tried to stop the demon from killing you. But it was already too late. You were dying and there were no healing potions nearby to save you, only your best friend. So, he made her kill you and become a vampire, because without his soul to keep the demon in check, it was unlikely it would let you return to being human.”

“Do you actually believe that?”

“Killing the lich was a suicide mission. Dad, let himself be torture for nine straight days to make sure I came out alive. He let the church torture him for seven months to prove he could control his thirst and that he was still a good man. Yes, I believe he’d do anything to keep us safe. Even kill us if he had to.”

“I just wanted to see him. I missed him so much.”

“I know. I missed him too.”

“He scares me.”

“He used to scare me too.”

“He’s not our dad, is he?”

“I don’t think he’s anything else, except our dad. From what I’ve seen and read about demons, he can’t change. He’s read tens of thousands of books. He’s got other peoples’ memories in his head. But his personality hasn’t changed at all. A normal person would grow and develop, changing who they are. He stays the same. He’s the exact same man we knew before we were all summoned here and he’s never going to change.”

“You really believe he’s still in there.”

“I do.”

“He hurt me.”

“The demon hurt you. Dad, just wasn’t able to stop it.”

“You aren’t going to kill him, are you?”

“No.”

“Even after what he did?”

“He hasn’t stopped beating himself up over what happened and he’s more awake than I’ve ever seen him. The memory causes him constant pain. It wasn’t something that he wanted. So, he’s not a monster, and I can’t make myself kill him until he is.”

“Does he expect me to forgive him?”

“No. He hasn’t forgiven himself, so he doesn’t think he deserves your forgiveness.”

“Where is he?”

“He’s making dinner. You can see him if you want to.”

She changed the subject which told me she didn’t want to see me or that she was to afraid. I kept making dinner.

“How long are you going to be here?”

I could hear the fear in her voice.

“For as long as he’s worried about you. You, me, and Mum, are the only people in the world he cares about. And he’s not always reasonable when it comes to keeping us safe. He’s currently holding King Linus’s daughter hostage, so the king doesn’t kill me.”

“I thought you said he saved her?”

“He did. The queen had been taken over by a body snatcher and replaced all but one of the king’s children with Unseen. He ate the heir and his brothers before he realised who they were. He knew the king would kill him for that and if he couldn’t kill him, he would likely kill me instead. The king’s kind of a dick that way. So, after he ate the rest of the king’s Unseen children, he kidnapped his only remaining child to keep me safe.”

“Couldn’t have he just found you and run off?”

Luke laughed. “That’s where the unreasonable part comes in. He knows I like what I do, and he wanted me to be happy. Kidnapping the king’s daughter let me continue with my life unaffected. He didn’t care that it effected the king or his daughter, so long as it didn’t affect me.”

“You’re afraid of what he will do to keep me happy and safe?”

“What part of him literally getting into a standoff with an entire kingdom makes you think I’m afraid of what he will do to keep you happy and safe?”

“He sounds like monster.”

“He also sounds like our dad.”

***

Kathrine talked to Luke and Riza for over an hour, trying to piece together what had happened since I attacked her. Luke eventually convinced her to let Davina help, and the two of them sat down together. Kathrine went through her experiences playing them over in her mind and talking aloud while Davina smothered her negative emotions.

Traumatic unprocessed experiences continue to affect us until their processed, but sometimes processing them is nearly impossible, so we can’t move on. What Davina did, allowed Kathrine to gain a detached perspective to overwrite her emotional response. She had done the same for Amelia to help her get over all the violent torture she’s seen me subjected to and was now helping her with the angel’s death.

While they did that, I kept myself busy.

My wife had done the majority of the cooking at home, but I had watched her work, washing dishes as she prepared meals. I’d copied what she had done from memory, creating dishes I knew Kathrine liked as a kid. There was potato salad, roast chicken, burgers, mashed potatoes, hashbrowns, macaroni and cheese, and everything else I’d been able to find the ingredients for.

Kathrine had been through a lot, and I would do anything to make this easier for her. Luke came to find me as I was setting the table.

He scowled when he saw the food and smelled upset. “This is youngest child favouritism. I spent months with you, and you didn’t cook dinner for me once. Kathrine wakes up and you whip up twenty different dishes and get out cushions, so her butt doesn’t go to sleep.”

He grabbed a plate and began piling food on top while he stuffed mashed potatoes in his mouth.

“I don’t have a favourite.”

He spoke with his mouthful. “The evidence would suggest otherwise. These are good, mashed potatoes.”

“They’re the smoothest I’ve ever made.”

“You don’t look happy about it.”

“They’re a reminder that I’m not the man I was.”

“None of us are.”

“Some of us have changed more than others.”

“I thought you said you were okay with mum remarrying.”

I threw a cushion at him.

He knocked it aside with magic and continued eating.

“You should go tell your sister the food is ready.”

“Are you staying?”

“That’s for her to decide.”

Luke finished his first helping and went to talk to Kathrine. She wasn’t ready to see me, so I left the dining room and went to the study to deal with the other problem that had arisen tonight, Luke thinking it was okay to sacrifice people for the greater good.

Kathrine had a lot of questions, and the others answered them as well as they could. Eventually, she ran out of questions and left with Riza.

Luke walked into my study after escorting her to her dorm. “What are you writing?”

“It’s guide to show you how to build a utopian society.”

“What?”

“I heard what you said to your sister. How you set me up to lose my soul. How you thought your actions were for the greater good.”

Luke scowled. “It was one life against thousands, Dad. You can’t honestly say that you would do any different.”

This was the trolley problem, one life not against three or five but against thousands. But the trolley problem became far more complicated in a world where you could sacrifice a child to a demon to end a village plague. The morality of the question wasn’t as simple as throwing a switch and it highlighted the biggest weakness of trolley problem.

It wasn’t really a question of who you were going to save, but who you were willing sacrifice for the outcome you wanted. It told you nothing of value that would help you build a better world. It was just a thought experiment, in a sterile environment, detached from the realities of life.

The world got better when people did the right thing and accepted the cost. It was as simple as that.

I could turn this world into a sacrificial utopia if I was allowed to sacrifice one in ten children. It was a world that would be safe for my family. It was a world that would be a sickly-sweet hell on earth, cuddling everyone in the safety of others.

Luke needed to see that world, because that was the type of world his actions would lead to.

I dried the ink on the page with a spell and pushed the book to him. “Did you know half the people in this world don’t die from old age despite them not having medical issues?”

He picked up the book. “I didn’t realise it was that high.”

“It is, and one in twenty of those are children who don’t make it to their first birthday. If I were to sacrifice those children for the greater good, I could eliminate the others death rate.”

“What the fuck, Dad!”

“If I doubled the number of children I sacrificed, I could create a utopian society where threats from monsters and demons were non-existent. People would live happy lives, where they wouldn’t need to be concerned about their safety. It would only require me to sacrifice every tenth child they have. Isn’t their sacrifice for the greater good worth it, Luke?”

“Dad, what you’re saying is really fucked up.”

“Yes, it is. But the demon in me agrees with your philosophy, so I need to make my point. Read the book.”

He scowled but took a seat and began reading. The colour drained from his face as he read. I could smell his mounting disgust with every page he flipped through. The most horrible part of the book he was reading was that it really would create a utopian society. It would be a safe world for my family. Weirdly, both the demon and I found this world repugnant. But for different reasons.

The moment Luke finished reading, he burned the book with a spell and glared at me. “That was the most fucked up thing I’ve ever read. Why the hell would you think I’d consider this?”

“What’s the problem, Luke? The total number of people who die or receive harm goes down and everyone’s standard of living goes up.”

“This is fucking evil.”

“So is sacrificing an innocent man to kill an ancient vampire.”

“I agree it’s messed up, but it’s not this evil.”

“Son, what you tried to do was one small part of the plan you just read. If everyone was willing to make the same choice as you, they’d be able to create the utopian society in that book.”

“It’s not the same.”

“It is the same, but on a smaller scale. You made a choice, Son. The choice was who you were willing to sacrifice to achieve the outcome you desired. If I was willing to make the same choice as you, the world in that book would be the result.”

“I can’t do what you can.”

“No, you can’t. But with enough likeminded people you could.”

His shoulders slumped. “Why did you show me this, Dad?”

“I don’t agree with the choice you made, Son, but I don’t love you any less for making it. It’s a choice many in your situation would have made. And I believe at some point, someone told you that it was the right choice to make. Based on your reaction to the book, they failed to show you what that choice truly meant. Which is why, I wanted to give you another perspective.”

“Can we talk about something else?”

Challenging your own beliefs was difficult. But I’d left him with no other choice. What I’d written was too horrific for him to ignore. Even if he ran away now, it would haunt him until he either accepted a different perspective or rejected it completely and held on to what he thought was true.

“Would you mind crashing on your sister’s couch for a while? She’ll feel safer with you around.”

“Do you really think she needs it? She seemed okay when I left.”

“She’s tough, but everyone needs to feel loved. She’ll kick you out when you’re more annoying than helpful.”

“Do you want me to pass along a message?”

“Tell her, I’m willing to speak with her when she’s ready.”