I’m pissed. I’m so fucking pissed. You may be thinking, “Wow, is that the way he’s going to start this new story?” Yes, the fucking hell I am! I got fucking cheated! I mean, it’s not all that bad. In fact, to most people, this is a blessing. But to me, a constant reader on Royalroadl and FanFiction, this is the absolute worst possible outcome for this blessing.

    Now, I’m probably assuming correctly when I say you now want to know what’s got me so fucking upset and pissed. Well to answer that, first I have to tell you that I died….Yea, did it sink in yet? Well now that you're overreacting is done, let me tell you that being dead is not what’s pissing me off. No, I actually found the peace of Death mostly comforting once my body went numb and the pain went away.

    It’s not even the fact that the peace of Death was taken away from me so soon, although I’m pretty peeved about that too, it’s not the main reason. Before I tell you what I’m angry about, first let me tell you how I died. For a dog. No, you didn’t mishear...or misread or whatever. It was for a dog. It was my dog Xeke (Xz -  ee - k). I am a 35 year old man, or I should say I was a 35 year old man, living in an apartment in New York, alone with Xeke.

Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

    At the time I and Xeke were at a dog park. I’m not going to bore you with details but basically, some movie shit happened. Xeke, being a dumbass ran into the street to get a frisbee that some other dumbass dog owner threw. I ran after him and I ended up pushing him out the way of a truck. I got hit, I was in a lot of pain, the pain numbed, and I died. That’s it summed up. I died for a dog....shut up.

    So now here I am, in my mother’s hands as a baby. Yes a fucking baby! But wait, that’s not what I'm mad about either. No, I’m mad because I see my own mother. The same exact mother I had the first time. So apparently, I’ve been reborn, as me! I feel cheated! I didn’t get to be in a magical world full of super cool awesome wizards! I didn’t get reborn a demon king! Or hell, even a hero! My life was pretty fucking normal and I didn’t have any regrets. Not even dying for my dog was a regret. I might as well have stayed dead! Oh, and if you’re wondering how this all happened..it was God’s fault.

You have been Reborn! God has decided that he has blessed 

you with too many opportunities that you have completely ignored.

Instead of letting you waste all the blessings, he's decided to give

you one more chance! How bout you don't fuck it up eh?

    ….God’s a dick. I mentally sigh at how troubling this is.