I never knew how easily boring life can get when it's repeating itself in an endless seeming amount and if i`m going to be honest with myself, it has already been boring and meaningless before this world decided to bully me and started to repeat this personal designed hell. My reason to continue living, my salvation, my joy, my everything has vanished infront of me. The reason to continue this hell is a person, a person i worship and love with every part of my soul, my body and my whole being. A person i would give everything even if it would mean to sacrifice my life or even this world. I can't bear to watch the person i love with every part of me to die in the most horrifying way possible.

For me, the worst is not my simple life that exists as my personal hell but to see them dying over and over again with every time i have to repeat this shitty life. I already tried to safe them over and over again but it just ended with me being killed or her dying again and me killing myself after because what is there even to live for if the person for whom i'm still here is here no longer so why should i stay?

So i repeat my awful life

even if it's just to meet them again because that's all i need for the moment. All i need right now is them, infront of me, breathing and living, smiling with this beautiful and mesmerizing smile that i will remember and cherish for the rest of my horrendous existence. 

That's how i ended up in my apartment again, in the middle of the night somewhere in the middle of a meaningless city that nobody cares about staring blankly at the ceiling over my bed and thinking about the things that just happened ''i never learn from my mistakes huh?'' i saw how my hand slowly made it's way into my view ''i guess i'm back again'' i sighed 'how often do i have to do this' my vision was still blurry when i made my way towards my kitchen 'i have to find a way to stop our suffering but i don't know how... this is cruel' my thoughts wandered through this endless world in hope that someone useful would hear them and could answer, answer why this cruel fate had to happen to me. I've never enjoyed living neither did i hate it. I was just a life that filled the void like everyone else and never thought about what could happen after i died but i definetely did not expect it to turn out like that. Maybe sometimes i thought about it in the dephs of my mind that i couldn't reach with just thinking or maybe just wished that it could be like a second life. Ahappier one, a life without regrets, an unending love, a life with happy ending but sadly the only thing that became reality for me is the second life part. And sadly more than one second life, no, a non ending repeat of a sad and boring story that's my life. I, for myself, never thought about it as boring but after seeing it so often and having to relife it i can't describe it as anything else. Maybe as painful but that's probably obvious. ''I'm pathetic'' a little laugh escaped my lips but it has no humour in it. I really was pathetic. 'how am i going to not break, if that's even possible' while thinking about my pathetic little life i got myself some water to at least not die due dehydration because that's what would've been not only pathetic but also more than embarrassing. My gaze wandered to the wall that looked painfully empty without a trace of life but not only my wall looked like that but my whole apartment looked like nobody lived here since the only thing that could be seen as a trace of life were my clothes scattered unlovely on the slighy dirty ground. 'it doesn't really matter since i won't be here for too long' the moment i ended this thought i walked towards the door that kept me away from the real world and took my key from the counter next to the now slightly opened door. "Hm i somehow feel a little strange like it will be different this time but... How could there even change anything? My brain is probably just rotten by now after being in this loop of hell" my thoughts rolled over my lips and walked into the darkness that met me outside of my comfortable home (it's not comfortable but it's what i can call home i guess) my phone got almost immediately in my left palm when i felt a little vibrate that told me that someone texted me 'where are you? I'm waiting xx better hurry up or i'll kick your ass to another universe" my steps came to a halt as i stared at the screen in disbelief 'who the hell is this' "no way this person never existed before so how can it come that they exist now?" I slowly got a headache after murbing my mind to sand trying to figure out what the hell could be different from my last lifes but i couldn't find anything what gave me even more questions for which i'll probably never get answers to so i just answered this person that texted me like we were best buddies since childhood 'where are you?' "what if it's a scam and you guys actually don't know each other? You never met her so how can you trust her so much?" I actually have no idea but if i'm being honest, what could i loose? My life? I'm just going to repeat this till end of time so there isn't really anything i could loose because what is more important than life? Nothing really since you can't have anything while being dead except finally resting in peace what i sadly can't because god wants to play a cruel game with me while probably enjoying it up there. 'at the park dump ass ' i didn't even realize how my view became blurry and my head began to feel dizzy because i was still staring at my screen in the middle of the street while zoning out and thinking about the same thing over and over again. Interesting isn't it? I quickly responded with an okay and walked down the street till i came to an abruptly stop "where is the park again...?" 

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