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Deals With Deities: A Beginner's Guide
Lesson Eleven: Two Constants. Taxes and a Madame

Lesson Eleven: Two Constants. Taxes and a Madame

Myra

“Myra. What in the hells is that thing?” Levi asked, eyes round as he saw the wringling animal in my arms.

Glancing down, I smiled as the ball of fur turned and shifted in ever-flowing softness. As if sensing her new papa was looking at her, a small ‘yip!’ came from the swirling fuzzy skin.

”Go on,” I said, dropping our new baby to the floor.

Levi started, his face paling as he watched me drop her to the polished wood floor. A fuzzy body with violet eyes and coal-black fur landed with barely a sound on the floor, pointed ears jutting from either side of her head. She cocked her head to the side, body shivering as she glanced at Levi. She considered him, and then her legs were growing longer, the head elongating and becoming more angular. A few seconds later, a hound of gleaming dark fur stood before Levi.

I waved a hand at the creature like a magician revealing a dove from a hat.

“My Lord McAlister, meet our new daughter! Madame!”

Levi blinked twice, looking her. As if on cue, she curled into a ball of fur and began to roll away, swirving this way and that to avoid the furniture.

Please don’t knock anything over, I thought, keeping my smile.

Levi massaged the bridge of his nose, a brown curl falling over his eyes as he leaned on an elbow on his desk. But I didn’t miss the smallest lift at the corner of his mouth when I used his married title. But the moment it appeared, it was gone again. Replaced with his new favorite expression. A scowl.

“You wanted a cat. I wanted a wolfhound. Is this an attempt at a comprise?”

Stifling the urge to roll my eyes, I walked with my best glide toward the desk.

“She is. Does she make you happy?”

Levi bridged his hands, resting his chin on them.

“Well Lady McAlister, Madame seems lovely, but she confuses me. Where did you find a schimb?”

I batted my lashes at him.

”She is no mere schimb! She is our baby, my love. Our Madame!”

“But how—“

“A lot of searching!” I replied, settling my skirt more evenly. A tuft of fur fell to the floor as I did. I could hear my mother’s cry of dismay, but somehow the fact that my silken dress was now adorned with fur didn’t bother me. Many things that normally bothered me didn’t anymore. Ever since I spent a few weeks in a rustic cabin with no servants and a growling bounty hunter.

A bounty hunter that should have still been here, were it not for me.

Levi gave nothing away apart from a long and slow blink.

“You mean to say that you actively looked for a Nightmare? They’re rare enough, but a schimb?”

The furry ball finished her lap around the room, rounding back to my dress. She began to hop with maniacle yipping noises until she bounced into my arms again. I curled her into my chest, gasping as Levi spoke.

“How dare you call Madame a Nightmare!”

An invisible hook pulled at the corner of my husband’s mouth again. A husband who, for the last month, had categorically refused to be happy. Not that life had made it easy. Something loosened in my chest at the sight of that small smile. Every day since our wedding had been a battle against responsibility and memory. Of constant learning to live with a man who now had the fate of an entire company on his shoulders. At least my father was patiently teaching me to run the iron mines and steel refractories. But Levi’s father had all but dumped the McAlister Pistol Company into his lap.

Now I knew why Rowena had hated him. She had been his punching bag. But she wasn’t here anymore. Just Levi.

Lesson one of matrimony. Marriage was hard, but presents make everything better.

Levi looked at Madame again.

”But a Nightmare is what she is. An Other spirit inhabiting a body of some poor animal and reforming the cells into-“

“Dearest, you don’t need to explain what a schimb it. I’m the one who bought her,” I said, letting Madame uncurl in my arms. She began morphing again, the fur shifting around the bones until a white cat was laying in my arms. I placed a kiss on her head.

“We couldn’t agree on a pet, so I got every pet! She’s perfect!”

”She’s dangerous. An Other that strong-“

”She’s paid for and they won’t reimburse us. Does she really look that dangerous to you?” I replied, more sharply than I intended. Levi frowned and I felt a shard of annoyance go through me. Gods, what would it take to please him? He’d gone from light-hearted to so serious in the past few months.

Ever since Rowena. Since his father had decided to hand McAlister Pistol Company to him, but still hover. All criticism. No help.

Levi stood from his chair, rounding his desk until we stood inches apart. He glanced down at Madame. The catlike eyes met the blue impassively as she continued to sit calmly in my arms.

Slowly, Levi reached out and petted her head.

“That leads me back to the question of where exactly you found her,” he murmured, fingers curling around an ear to scratch. I painted on my best smile, looking up at him through my lashes.

”A farmer’s dog got attacked in the ethereal forest. A few days later Madame walked out in his dog’s form before shifting. Believe me, I saw the farm. He needed every Brill he could find.”

Levi frowned.

“And how much did we pay for her exactly?”

Batting my lashes, I grinned wider.

“Don’t ask the question if you don’t want the answer, Dearest.”

Something shifted in Levi’s eyes, just as the door opened.

”My Lord,” came a calm male voice followed by the tall and lithe form of our butler, Archibald. He folded himself in a neat bow that would have made my mother proud. Levi flushed, motioning for him to stand.

“Is everything alright Archibald?” He asked as Madame curled herself into another ball, rolling on the floor until she was right by his side.

“I’m here to remind you that—“ Archibald began before breaking off in a gasp as the schimb bounced again, limbs sprouting into another wolfhound. She pressed her nose into Levi’s hanging hand, even as a tail elongated to curl around my hand, the fur turning white. Levi’s face relaxed, and his hand began to scratch her head reflexively.

I suppressed a giggle as Archibald arched a brow. Recovering, he adjusted his tie and continued as if there had been no interruption.

“May I remind you sir that the Town Hall meeting begins soon and to be on time you need to leave within the hour. Shall I prepare the carriage for you?”

Levi nodded, his mouth hardening. My stomach dropped. So close. We had been so close to being happy for more than five consecutive minutes.

So much change in such a short time, What more could a wife do?

I waved for Archibald’s attention, and his pale eyes snapped to me attentively.

“Prepare the carriage for both of us, good sir.”

It was Levi’s turn to arch a brow at me.

“You actually want to come to a Town Hall meeting?”

As much as I want to watch grass grow.

“Of course!” I said, looping my arm through his. My chest eased as another smile touched his lips. He donned a more posh accident, a glint in his eyes.

“My lady, I have yet to meet anyone beside Counsilman Terris that actually wants to attend.”

His arm squeezed mine and I laid my other hand on his, heat coming to my face.

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“Then it sounds like I’ll be in good company.”

Archibald cleared his throat.

“Two seats in the carriage them, Madam—“

Madame perked her fuzzy ears at her name, sitting on her haunches and looking at Archibald expectantly. Archibald glanced down at her, blinked, then looked back at Levi and I.

“May I assist either of you with anything else?”

Levi looked at Madame contemplatively, scratching her ears once more. A beat of silence. then two.

“Since you offered Archibald, I suppose,” he murmured quietly, “We will need to get Madame a bed, food, and a collar.”

The schimb tilted her head to the side as he spoke, giving another “yip!” when he mentioned food. Without further prompt, she sank into another ball of fur, making two laps around Archibald. The ball then began to bounce, jumping as she leapt into the bulter’s arms. To his credit, he caught her gracefully. Though he looked at her like a dirty rag. A rag he would have to clean.

With a bow of his head, he left the room, taking Madame with him.

Moments later, we heard him uttered a soft curse as the unmistakable sound of a furry body jumping onto a cashmere chair came from the front room.

*******

“Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to call this meeting to order!” Called Councilman Terris from his podium. The general mumur of hushed conversation faded as his gavel came down on the polished wood. The other members of the counsel sat evenly on either side of Terris in a large semi-circle, their eyes stern.

Taking the cue, everyone sat in the rows of wooden pews making a larger semi-circle in the room. A single other podium stood in the center of the space across from Terris’s for anyone wishing to bring their grievances to light.

Normally, Luradian Town Hall meetings were a multi-day affair of general complaints of the people, announcements, and trials.

Tumblend, however, was a small enough town that the monthly meeting served all those purposes. The days were combined into one seat-numbing tribunal.

I sat next to Levi, who held my hand in a firm grip. His father sat on his other side as my own parents sat on my right. Dash Eastmark sat across the aisle in our row, his large bulk noticeable along with his blonde hair. The Burlish man had just returned to Luradia to finally settle his business agreements with my father, and I was glad for his soothing company.

Sheriff Stone was the last to sit in a small chair next to the council’s table.

I winced. No. Not Sheriff anymore. After the disaster of our wedding, Councilman Terris had launched a movement to demote Stone, and it had succeeded.

So Stone was now a Tax Collector.

Oh, the hell Rowena would have raised if she had been here.

“Ladies and gentlemen, we have one grim announcement we shall save for last this evening,” Terris said, making everyone shift in their uncomfortable seats. Stifling the urge to groan, I sat straighter. If the announcement was so important, why wouldn’t he lead with it? But it wasn’t my place to comment, so I glanced at Levi. I frowned.

Levi wasn’t looking at Terris. He wasn’t at all paying attention to him. He was watching a group of guards near the door.

I leaned forward, narrowing my eyes.

They weren’t Tumblend soldiers or guards. Their uniforms were different. Their armor was gleaming steel instead of leather. Their helmets had an adorned plumage on them, and they wore gray cloaks with the royal family’s sigil. A flame encased in ice.

Realization hit me all at once. I pressed my lips together, squeezing Levi’s hand tighter.

What were guards from Skywater doing here?

“However,” Terris went on, drawing my attention back to him, “First we have a trial on our hands which we respectfully request you bear witness to. Tax Collector Stone?”

Dragging my eyes back to the center of the room, I watched Terris gesture toward Stone.

An awkward moment passed as Stone remained seated.

“Yes, Counciman Terris?” Stone asked calmly, his face impassive. Terris flushed, and I felt a smile pull at my lips. Clearly Stone had missed some sort of planned cue. Or chosen to ignore it. Terris loosed a breath through his nose, his eyes narrowing at Stone. He considered him, then returned his attention to the congregation.

“Ladies and gentlemen, as you know, tax rates have been regrettably increased in the past few months. We, the council, understand your frustration with these raises.”

He took a theatrical breath as my father let out a nearly inaudible snort beside me.

“The only thing he regrets,” my father, Lord Beafountonte, breathed in my ear, “is that he can’t take more money from our pockets.”

“Please know,” Terris continued, “that these taxes also have gone toward several incentive programs to ensure improved quality of life for all citizens of our proud town of Tumblend!”

He raised his hands as if expecting applause. There were a few people who clapped indugently, but otherwise the room remained silent.

“However, one among us has declined to pay her taxes like the rest of us. Charges which she will be put on trial for today.”

Another theatrical breath as people muttered in annoyance. Who was that entitled to not pay like the rest of us?

“Tax Collector Stone, has Levira Casanadii of the Blue Flame responded to our lawful order to pay the raised income taxe, for which she owes over eight-hundred thousand Brill?”

My breath caught at Casanadii’s name. The ancient succubus was definitely that entitled. And with good reason. I leaned forward in my seat again, anxious to see what Stone would do.

The tall former Sheiff with snow-white hair remained in his chair. Slowly, he removed an envelope from his coat pocket.

“Levira Casanadii of the Blue Flame has elected to not appear this evening, however she did give this statement in writing.”

Terris frowned.

“The agreement was that she would either pay, or present herself here for trial. Did you not place her under arrest?”

Stone’s mustache twitched upward.

“May I remind you, sir, that I no longer have the authority to arrest someone? I am, by your order, no longer Sheriff,” Stone countered, his strong voice carrying in the room. People began to mutter to themselves again.

Terris flushed, his gavel coming down to silence everyone.

“The council will hear Casanadii’s statement, Tax Collector Stone. Read it,” he ordered sharply, reaching to pull at his collar.

Another twitch of Stone’s mustache.

“I’m afraid the statement contains several words and phrases that are inappropriate for polite company,” Stone said, bridging his hands in front of him.

Terris’s face turned a shade of red I’d rarely seen from him as a few chuckles rang out from the audience. Levira Casanadii. The Spider of Luradia and owner of the Blue Flame. She and the council had always had a contentious relationship if rumor was to be believed, and apparently that had not changed.

“Summarize it then,” Terris amended. Stone’s teeth flashed in a brief grin.

“As you wish,” he said, opening the envelope and unfolding the thick paper within.

“She said she wishes to remind the council that the fact she pays taxes at all is a donation on her part to the incompetent—“ he paused, standing and clearing his throat.

”And she also wishes to remind members of the council, specifically Alura Lusk, Robert Perrier, and Lead Councilman Terris and his wife that their bill for services rendered at the Blue Flame is overdue.”

I, along with several others in the audience let out a gasp. Levi, Dash, and my father let out snorts of amusement. The Blue Flame was, for lack of a better term, a cesspit of debauchery. If one wished a prostitute, or normally controlled magical elxirs, that was the place to go. Everyone knew it’s business, but the place was essentially it’s own island of rules the council had never dared to challenge. I’d seen it for myself when Rowena dragged me there.

And now, in black and white, Levira was revealing that the council was partaking of the Blue Flame’s services despite outwardly condemning it.

Several eyes swerved to Councilman Terris’s and his wife, who sat in the front row. The poor thing looked like she wanted to melt into the floor.

Stone snapped the paper, now reading directly from it.

“Furthermore, Astar would like to express his particular grievance with the most esteemed Councilan Terris, who forgot to tip him at his most recent visit.”

Stone kept his voice even, which made the message even funnier. He spoke over Terris’s exclamations for him to stop.

“Please deliver your overdue balances to the Blue Flame directly. You may also make bank withdrawal slips out to Levira. S. Casanadii.”

A grunt of disapproval came from the corner of the room the temperature seeming to drop in the area. I looked to see the Skywater guards standing at attention there. They weren’t laughing. Not so much as a chuckle.

Terris’s gavel cracked down on the podium, but it did little to silence the inferno of gossip now going around the room.

”Levi, did you say Town Hall meetings were boring? I rather disagree,” I murmured in Levi’s ear. He was still grinning ear to ear along with Dash Eastmark.

“One last thing,” Stone boomed as he read further into the letter, and his deep voice was louder than the gavel. People quieted at hearing him, despite ignoring Terris. I was fully smiling now. It did my heart good to see that even though Stone had to endure the public humiliation of a demotion to Tax Collector, he had lost none of his pride.

“That’s enough!” Terris boomed, further quieting the audience. His face was beet red now. Stone plowed on as if he hadn’t spoken and the room finally settled down. His face turned more serious.

“If you want to fund your war, we suggest you get your money from somewhere else.”

All mirth in the room died.

Stone was lowering the paper now, folding it back into his pocket.

“With best regards, the collective staff at the Blue Flame. Enjoy your war. Leave us out of it.”

The room was back to being quiet. Terris looked stunned as my mind whirled. War? Luradia? For what? I remembered the king and queen ordering a specialty gun from McAlister Pistol Company. A gun that only one successful model existed for, made by Yared’s apprentice, Otta.

A gun capable of wielding Elemancy.

A gun powered by a crystal containing Elemancy souls.

A gun that Rowena, thankfully, had destroyed.

I shook my head as the silence stretched, the impact of the word “war” making its way around the room.

But there had been no further word about it since our wedding. Why was this coming up again?

My eyes drifted to the circle of Skywater guards in their armor.

Stone cleared his throat.

“Councilman Terris, can you explain—“

”Enough.”

The voice was quiet, but distinctive. The type of voice that drew attention regardless of its volume. A predator’s growl..

Everyone looked to the source of the voice as two of the Skywater guards strode to the center podium, their armor gleaming. One had a captain’s rank painted on his armor. It was definitely he who had spoken. I knew that just by looking at him. Sometimes a voice does not fit the person it comes from. But his? His did.

The captain reached into a bag at his side and drew out a large envelope with the royal seal on it. He eyed Stone for a chilling moment, the air crackling with challenge between them.

“It was inappropriate for the citizens of Tumblend to find out this way. It is not a Tax Collector’s place to make such announcements,” he said, not breaking his glare at Stone.

“However given the state of your leadership, I, Captain Bullard, shall deliver this news,” he continued, shifting his icy eyes to Terris, who found particular interest in straightening his collar.

Captain Bullard broke the seal of the letter, the snapping wax echoing off the walls.

”By order of King Lorimor and Queen Aricella and in light of the abduction of multiple royal family members—“

Murmurs arose in the room again. Levi, Dash, and I met eyes. Elemancers abducted who? Why? When?

“Silence,” Captain Bullard said, his eyes seeming to look at everyone in the room.

“In light of the abduction of multiple royal family members, Luradia will announce its intent for war against the race of Elemancers for full submission of lands and eradication from Luradia. Their blight on this world will no longer be tolerated.”

The captain paused here, letting his words sink in.

”Able-bodied citizens of Tumblend will submit themselves to a draft to the Royal army effective tomorrow morning.”

A few gasps of outrage rang in the room, but the Captain just lifted his eyes again. They died away. Another beat of silence, and he continued reading.

”Furthermore, McAlister Pistol Company will submit its services for providing weapons of war, specifically technician Otta Tawanan under penalty of treason.”

As an heiress to a prominent family in Tumblend, I was used to eyes being on me. In fact, part of me lived for it. But as Captain Bullard finished his order, and people heard Levi’s name, all eyes swerved to us.

And I had never been more uncomfortable.

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