“Oh my God, he’s up! He’s up, my son’s alive!” cried out the voice of my mother. I could hear footsteps frantically leave the room I was in, the hollow sound of heels hitting the ground ringed in my ears. I was still lost and disoriented; what had happened? Where am I? I tried to move my head, though something was keeping it in place, maybe a brace?

Absolute stillness ensued, and everything went black; I could’ve sworn I saw a spark in the darkness like a firework in an abyss. Did I pass out? My eyes opened fast and sporadically, almost as if I had no concept of how to control them. They moved independently against my wishes. Although I couldn’t move my head, my eyes could scan the room and absorb every little detail of my surroundings.

Am I in a hospital? I must be! I recognize those crème-colored walls from all the hospital visits I had to take as a kid. Every time I came here in my adult life, it reminded me of the discomfort I felt in my belly from the appendicitis I had as a kid. Hell, even the day I woke up from the operation to have my appendix removed was like this. Pure confusion and not having a sense of what is up and down.

But still, what happened to me this time? All I can feel is my body vibrating with a dull pain from my lower back through my right shoulder. I tried to move the rest of my body, but to no avail; my body felt like it must weigh more than a thousand pounds. My arms lay limp on my sides, and one of my legs felt wrapped in something.

I must’ve broken one of my legs. Was I in some accident? I hope it wasn’t because of a car mishap. Man, I sure hope it wasn’t my fault! I bet I don’t even have enough money to pay for this hospital visit. Oh god! The ambulance bill! But at least I can feel my body, so whatever happened to me didn’t leave me a paraplegic. I thank God for that. I can at least do overtime at the dock just to cover these hospital bills.

“Hello, Mr. Lambe. Welcome back to the land of the living”, said a woman’s voice. My eyes bolted towards the direction of the unrecognizable voice, and there she was. The ginger woman from the house wore a nurse uniform, and her hair was tied in a knot; it wasn’t let down like before. There was no mistaking it; it was the same lady. She had the same smile.

I tried to speak to her, but my mouth did not move. I couldn’t even produce a slight sound.

“Don’t panic,” said the woman very calmly, “I am Nurse Aisling, and I’ve been over watching you since you were first admitted here at St. Anthony’s emergency hospital. Can you speak?” My mouth would not move, but with just the expression in my eyes, Nurse Aisling could tell that I could not speak. That’s kind of a funny name; the way she said it and the way it’s spelled on her name tag sound very different.

“Ok, Mr. Lambe. Don’t force yourself to speak; you’ve suffered trauma to your neck and, therefore, your larynx: your voice box. So, you might remain mute for a while, but it should subside with time. For now, can you blink?” I furiously blinked my eyes to show her I was able to.

“That is how you are going to communicate for the time being until your voice returns, ok? One blink for yes, two blinks for no; the standard”, said Aisling with compassion.

I blinked once.

“So, Mr. Lambe. Do you know why you are here?”

I blinked twice.

Aisling’s smile dissipated, and her face became concerned. After a brief sigh, she explained, “On the night of June 9th, 1974... You drove home from a night of drinking at the local pub, “The Witches Brew,” and collided with a tree. The police report that your car spun out of control because of the heavy rain that afternoon. When the ambulance arrived, you were sprawled out on the floor with a broken leg and a major concussion from being ejected and crashing through your windshield. When they brought you in, you were at death’s door.”

A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.

With an awkward smile, she says, “Strange, right? Raining that hard at the beginning of Summer.”

I was in the hospital because I was drunk driving? Dear God, what was I thinking? I almost died because of fucking alcohol. Although I couldn’t speak, Aisling could tell that I was tormenting myself inside. My eyes began to swell and burn, tears flowing down my face. I was so ashamed of myself; I must have scared everyone just because of my stupid drinking! God help me!

The sight of me crying had made Aisling uncomfortable, but she probably hated me; it wasn’t an uncomfortableness out of sympathy but of disgust. God, if anyone else was on the road, I could have killed them! I wish I could scream out if I hurt anybody, but no sound came out of my mouth, and I grew even more frustrated with myself.

As I berated myself, I felt something soft on my cheek. Aisling wiped away my tears and told me, “I know this might be a lot of information to take in, but if you are worried that you might have injured somebody else. You didn’t. This was a self-contained incident; you did this all to yourself. But still, it is no excuse to be doing these kinds of self-destructive things, you understand, right?”

I blinked once.

She gave me a weak smile, “Now, please stop crying. You are still alive... Just please be more responsible with yourself from here on out.”

I blinked once. When I blinked at Aisling, at the time, it felt like I was making a contract with her. For some reason, it filled me with dread. I did not want to promise this woman anything even though she spoke to me with such kindness, but still, my eyes blinked and looked dead in her eyes.

“Good… That’s good”, she gently said with a heartfelt smile, “You know if you follow through with this, it won’t just benefit you, right? Quite a few people would come in just to see you. I’m sure if you took more care of yourself, the people who were by your side these past few months would also benefit. You know, the next time they get a phone call about one of your accidents, it could be a call from the coroners instead of the emergency staff.”

The mixture of having someone I don’t even know showing me compassion about my idiotic behavior and the startling realization that my stay had been for months filled me with horror. “God, how long was I out? Who came to visit me? My mom? Grandma? Charlotte?” I asked myself over and over. There was no way for me to ask Aisling for any of this information. At that exact moment, my little world only became smaller.

My body wanted to move, but I couldn’t because of my own doing. My mouth wanted to speak, but I couldn’t because of my own stunt. My soul was ensnared in a battered and bloodstained body; the only way a person could tell if I was living was through my eyes. I wondered if it was only my body that was abused. I can see my broken body, but there’s no way I can look into my eyes the same way others gaze into them. How I wished I could; only then would I be able to tell if I was alive or not.

The kindness Aisling gave me warmth, but without thinking about it, I thought, “I wished I died.”

“It is now September 9th, 1974. Exactly three months…” Aisling told me with a bit of remorse, but her cheerfulness immediately returned, “We will keep you here a little bit longer, just until you’re able to eat and walk upright on your own. It might be a few days, but lucky for you, that fracture on your knee healed mostly while you were in a vegetative state. So, the hardest part of its healing is over. It might be awkward to walk on, but that will pass.”

She walked towards the bed and looked at me. I can get a good glimpse of how beautiful her eyes are, how bright and green. For a second, I forgot that I had a girlfriend. But I couldn’t help myself; her glance entranced me. “I know you’d like to see your family, but right now, considering how you are, it might not be the best. I’ll let them in when you regain your speech”, said Aisling.

She looked away from me, and my eyes followed her. She raises two fingers and slowly places them on my neck. She gave me a small giggle and told me, “I’m sorry. I guess I also can’t believe that you’re awake. What a fool I would’ve been if I had been talking to a corpse this entire time.”

Did she not see my eyes? I am alive, right?

Something catches my eye as I think about this: a window by my bed. It’s wide open, and the moon is perfectly cut in half.