As long as I can remember, I have felt something odd with this world. It is a subtle feeling which many adolescents, I feel, have experienced once in their lifetime. However, for me, it has been there for my entire life. Some people may refer to it as the symptoms of growing up. However, if insanity is a part of growing up, then I feel that this world would be much different. I would not call that world ‘better.’ It would just be ‘different.’
The world, as I know it, is fundamentally divided into two groups: ‘good’ and ‘evil.’ There exists no middle ground. Simply by existing, you are put into one bracket. No one knows the origins, or when it began. It is a unspoken law, a tendency of humankind. Unlike most children, I was not born with this innate tendency. My parents thought that it would eventually develop, as many children develop it by the age of four, but that was simply not the case. For the first few years of my life, I had lived an ignorant life. A life of bliss. The first time I was met with this law was in the summer of middle school, when I saw a dead boy besides the road. My mother, I think, knew of this, and intentionally made me go through that route back home. I was scared. ‘What if I was the one in place of that boy?.’ Such thoughts terrified me. It was normal, I felt, to cry. That day, I cried all the way back home. I hugged my mother tightly, fearing that she will leave me alone on the streets. I was scared of dying. But, my mother did not stop me from crying.
“Death is given to the ‘evil’.” That is what she said to my middle school self when we reached home. I stopped crying, not because it resonated with my supposed innate ability, but because I was scared. I was scared of my mother. I did not know the reason behind that fear. However, it felt like if I were to stop fearing, I would lose myself.
The next day, I saw the boy’s body again. It was covered with scratches, and blood clots, this time. The blood covered his entire head. The next day, I saw the body as well. His chest was not levitating anymore. His broken ribs were visible through the skin. It had become one of the neighborhood landmarks, dubbed “The Cursed Grave.” The body was removed eventually, after the neighbors started complaining about the smell.
I started fearing people from then on.
Throughout my school life, I kept quiet. I did not interact much with my family, and my friends slowly started to leave me noticing the changes in my personality. My parents did not intervene in my isolated life. “How has he turned into such a failure?” “Has he become insane?” “Leave that pig alone.” Such comments had become commonplace. But, I did not care. I had become apathetic. I had become hollow.
On my first day of college, my parents killed themselves, leaving a note behind for me: “We should’ve never given birth to you.”
“‘Evil’ is punished rightfully by God, for Good shall remain in God’s Kingdom.”
If that is the case, what does that make a monster like me?
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“Are we near him?” I cautiously looked back to the point where we had started, trying to locate anyone else that may have come from the portal.
“Are you sure this is the right place?” Eren said with a slight cough in his throat. There was no doubt about it. The scenery was similar to the photos that we had received. It seems we had landed at the same spot as the other parties.
“I am searching for him. Please, the two of you, be patient. If it were so simple, the other two parties would not have failed.” The other two parties had not just failed, they had reportedly forfeited the mission. It was not just that they were unable to find the target, but that they had showed signs of emotional trauma as well. The cause of that still remains unknown. The Elders had abandoned the mission for a long time, until Lindel insisted that we be given one last chance. The Fuhrer was sure as hell not going to send us, until one of the clergymen convinced him.
“It is God’s chance that we are here, and it shall be by God’s chance that we shall unite with Him. Fuhrer, I feel a certain blessing in this party, unparallel to other two parties. If you were to deny the young man’s offer, it would surely anger our Lord!” For your information, the clergyman whom I am referring to barely believes in the religion, so all of it was basically sweet talk.
“Lindel, have you visited the human realm before?” Lindel’s movement felt coordinated. He was channeling his mana to specific routes to search for the target’s sigil.
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“A few times, yes. Though it feels quite different the last time I came here.” He halted abdruptly. From The Ruler, I summon thee he chanted under his breath, to summon his grimoire.
“Did you sense something?” Eren leaned towards him, his eyes fixated on his front.
This must be what he was referring. One of the Elders, Weissman, insisted on the principle of distrust. It was not that you should not trust your partners, but that you should not trust them to the point of dependance. “One must be a wolf, to live with the wolves.” Lindel was definitely acting weird. I could sense it. It was not any special magic algorithm. It was instinct. He had been acting strange the moment we had left the portal. First problem: his impatience. Lindel was never one who would jump directly in the lion’s mouth. He has never started a search without analyzing the surroundings first. And, the main culprit: his grimoire. His grimoire is releasing abnormal values of mana. He might have borrowed it from the library, however, even if he did so, Lindel is not the kind of careless guy who would bring a new grimoire to a dangerous sitaution.
It was then that I sensed something odd with my surroundings. How was it that the portal, despite not being given any specific location, always redirects to this place? “On The Matters That Art Unknown, Shalt Thou Guide me!” I whispered, keeping myself away from the other two.
There was no mana to be found.
“Eren, get away from him!” I shouted hastily, rushing towards him. Eren looked back to me, his eyes gleaming as if he understood the meaning of my sudden call. He rushed away from Lindel, and quickly tried to levitate away from him. Until, he suddenly stopped.
“Halt, Time!” Lindel shouted, his bloodshot eyes and blood-watering mouth covering my eye. From Ars Goetia, I Summon The Greater Forces, Who Art at Solomon’s Behest, To Guide Light To Darkness, Life To Death, and Good To Evil. Eren’s mana slowly started disappearing. Weissman had warned about it, “The other two parties had likely fought between themselves.” Though it is too late to reflect on that advice.
Lindel’s body became deformed, to the point that he was unrecognizable. One black wing, white hair, a long white beard, with a monacle on his right black eye.
“The demons of this era really do not how to respect their elders.” His voice was heavier than Lindel’s. It echoed throughout the skies, as if the world itself was a chamber. The sky slowly turned to black, and the city started to disappear. I knew it. It was an illusion.
“You’re wide open.” The moment I knew it, he was in front of me. His smile was covered in blood, except the edges of his teeth. He drew his sword instantly from his sheath, grazing my arm.
Yes, his sword. The emblem on that sword. The apparition of the mythical age, whose sword bears the emblem of the snow wolf. There is no mistake.
I rushed towards Eren’s body, while chanting the Nomenburg algorithm: “First: Shalt Thou Lose Blood…” I continued the chanting, drawing a map of the setup in my mind. I hastily bit my thumb, making the blood leak. The method of extermination needs to be cut short, I demanded to myself. The seal requires a constant supply of mana throughout its use, which meant I had to use a different way to make this viable. Second, Shalt Thou Lose Conscious. I drew the seal on Eren’s hand, with a second magic circle on top of it to draw dormant mana from his body. Third: Shalt Thou Lose Life. I rushed towards the center point, between where the portal was initially created and Eren, drawing the apparition towards me.
According to Weissman, an apparition is an unnatural, otherworldly being. It does not have its own body, mind or soul. It takes form in the beings of our world for an unknown reason. The way to defeat one depends on the type of apparition.
The snow wolf. It is not an apparition that usually takes form in the first place. But when it does, it unconsciously wrecks havoc. Simply by existing, it loses its purpose of life. Yes, it is the exact opposite of ‘existing.’ To exterminate it, one must sacrifice their own soul. That is the only way. However, that does not mean that one cannot regain their soul afterwards. The snow wolf only cares about watching someone else lose their ‘purpose’ after all. The portal was one of many ways to regain my soul. Though, I would not say that it is the most ideal way. For a short period of time, you do experience ‘death.’ Though, I feel, it is a fair price.
I woke up, lying on the terrace, where the portal was summoned. The apparition seemed to have disappeared. It cut my arm quite a bit, though.
I was able to sense the people’s mana now.
After an apparition posseses someone, there is no saving them, Weissman had said.
“Guess I am going to continue this journey alone.” I did not want to go back. I feared that there would never be a search sent to find Him again.
“This time, for sure.” I whispered, smiling in anticipation of meeting Him.
This time, for sure, I will find him. This time, I won’t fail.
I won’t let the demon realm be destroyed.