"Cats are superior creatures, sending projections of themselves onto Earth, due to their instinctive desire to be pampered by humans. They are not to be disturbed, as although they cannot directly interfere and do anything to us, they are allowed to disrupt the spell. We can, however, disturb dogs as much as we want, as that will earn the cats' favor and they may help us in the future.
-Unknown source
* * *
David woke up on Monday morning to the sound of dogs barking.
That was weird.
Not the fact that the dogs were barking, that is, it was the fact that the dogs woke him up that was weird. Dogs were made for a grand total of three reasons; The first being to annoy cats, the second invading personal space, and the third being, you guessed it, barking. Dogs had barked, do bark, and will bark, as far as David was concerned.
As you can see, David wasn't exactly a dog person.
So the fact that the dogs were barking didn't surprise David. They barked all day, all night, and all the time in between, David assumed, while he was sleeping. What surprised him was that the dogs managed to wake him up with their barking. It sounded like all the dogs in the neighborhood were barking, all at once.
Not that that mattered. He could yell at the dogs and the dogs' owners for their barking later. For now, he would have to get to work.
If God had existed, David would've killed him five times over for inventing Mondays. He didn't care if God was supposedly immortal; That just meant that he would be able to kill God more than once.
* * *
David nearly spat out his coffee as the sun went out again.
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Nearly.
Coffee was essential; He couldn't afford to spit it out, as he would then need to wait a minute or two for the coffee maker to make him more coffee.
But this time, the sun going out was welcome, as he needed to go to work today.
* * *
From: David
----------------------------------------
To: Boss
Subject: technical issues with the sun going out and all that, how do I get to wor
David frowned as the stupid email once again limited the number of characters his subject could contain.
Whatever.
From: David To: Boss Subject: sun out, how I get to work if I cant drive car bcuz taxi driver prolly wont Hey, boss, how do I get to work if the sun is out? I'm pretty sure that taxi drivers won't be willing to drive me there now, that with a lot of them crashing yesterday, so...?
Yes! The subject line still limited what he wrote, but yes! He managed to fit most of it in there!
As he celebrated the small victory, David went and got himself another cup of coffee. If he still had to go to work, he would need more than one measly cup of black espresso.
* * *
From: Boss To: David Subject: Re: sun out, how I get to work if I cant drive car bcuz taxi driver prolly wont
> Hey, boss, how do I get to work if the sun is out? I'm pretty sure that taxi drivers won't be willing to drive me there now, that with a lot of them crashing yesterday, so...?
WHAT THE FUCK DAVID WHAT THE BLOODY HELL ITS A FUCKING SUNDAY MORNING AT FUCKING 8 AND YOURE FUCKING EMAILING ME ABOUT THIS THIS MOTHERFUCKING EMAIL BETTER NOT BE SOME KIND OF FUCKING PRANK AND BECASE OF THIS YOU DONT GET YOUR FUCKING PAY THIS MONTH YOURE LUCKY YOURE NOT FUCKING FIRED FOR THIS YOU MOTHERFUCKER
Oh no.
As David stared at the email his boss sent him, he gathered that it was, in fact, Sunday, based on the fact that his boss was typing all in caps, his boss didn't bother with punctuation, and his boss was using the word "fuck" less than usual.
Did that mean that yesterday was Saturday? No...It was all a dream? Did that mean that he could predict the future? Was he psychic? No...What?
His monthly pay...
That meant that he would have to spend his coffee money-- money that he had painstakingly saved to buy the mother of all coffee machines-- on food and bills, which were almost as necessary as coffee.
As David pondered over that, he realized that all that was unimportant; His boss was mad at him.
He was fucked.