I didn't want to censor Svenja in what she was allowed to talk about and not talk about. However, I was convinced that the whole visit to heaven was her imagination. I really did worry that Svenjas obsession with heaven could do her harm in the long run. I knew that Svenja was mad at me when I told her no more talk about heaven But I was also sure that she would understand in the long run

After all, religion was something that man invented. Throughout history, Religion has been used to control people and our morality. There were never so many serious sins than those committed by the Church leaders. They have done everything they told the normal person was wrong. On top of this, religion is responsible for a lot of wars in the world. If there was a God, he would most like frown at the religious organizations and the way they have done things.

The next day, I was at the bank. It was a nice day, so I sat in the park eating a sandwich. I was thinking so much about Svenja and what the wise thing would be to do. I was interrupted when the doctor from the hospital sat down beside me. We started talking. It was a relief that we talked about everything except Svenja. It was nice to think about something else. The more that we talked, the more that I found out that we had things in common. The only difference was that the doctor was a strong man of faith.

We finally did talk about Svenja. The doctor told me not to close my heart and to give my daughter the benefit of the doubt. She could have been in heaven. How did she know about the dying girl and her kitten? How did he know that something made me sad and bitter? The Doctor also said that Svenja was raised as an atheist. Would an atheist say that they have seen heaven?

I was late getting back to work. I admit that I had fun with the doctor and he was a man I liked spending time with. I knew that I had problems with Svenja at the moment. However, I had to be optimistic. Svenja died and if she did not wake up, it would be far worse. I would have been mourning now. At least I had Svenja.

When we were home that night, Svenja was very silent. She did not say much to me and just went to her room. I thought about everything that Svenja said about her trip to heaven and what the doctor told me. Maybe what was needed is that Svenja and I had a long talk about what happened. She could tell me what she believed in and I could talk to her what I believed in. We would most likely not agree, but we could agree that we disagree with each other, but will respect each other

I walked into Svenja's room. She was sitting on the bed combing her doll's hair.

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“ Are you still mad at me?” she asked

“ Oh, I was never mad at you. I am just worried about you. You were pronounced dead and suddenly you came back to us as if you were never in a car crash. Then you tell everyone I was in heaven. This was so confusing for me and I do not know what to do”

“ I was in heaven!” Svenja insisted

“ I know that is what you believe. You understand it's hard for me to believe because I do not believe in God.”

“ I know,” Svenja sighed, “ I met granny in heaven. She said that you used to believe in God. However, she died when you were a small bit older than me. You thought that was unfair and stopped believing in God because of it.”

“ You met your grandmother?”

“ Yes. She said its hard to understand when God calls a person back to him, especially when it seems unfair. Granny loves you and you were the best thing in her life. She has always been in your heart and is so proud of you.”

I felt tears in my eyes and told Svenja I had to go. My daughter told me that she also met her sister, that told Svenja that she was never born.

I went to my bedroom, and found a picture of my mom and clutched on to it. Svenja was never told about her, never mind her death. I never told Svenja that I had a miscarriage. I was so confused and so sad. How did Svenja know these things? The only logical thing was that Svenja was in heaven. This was a big deal to me, as it meant that I spent years believing something else.

Svenja was also right about me being sad. I never grieved the loss of my mother. I just got mad at God and shut him out of my life.

I rang the doctor and told him everything. I do not know how he understood me as I was sobbing on the telephone. He did not say much and was a good listener. In the end, he said that it was like being born again. He also asked me out for a date.

It probably was the worse time to ask me for a date. I never needed a relationship. Deep down I was protecting myself from someone becoming to close to me. I was afraid that I would lose them. Now I remembered Svenja's words, saying that my mom was always with me. She never left me. She was protecting me.

I said yes to the date.

I then went up to hug Svenja and say we were going for a drive. We went to my mother's grave. It was there I told Svenja that I believed her and then I told her everything about my mother.

After that, we went to the Church. I was back and wanted God back in my life. When I opened the Bible, I read this:

"Blessed are the poor in spirit,

for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are they who mourn,

for they shall be comforted.

Blessed are the meek,

for they shall inherit the earth.

Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for righteousness,

for they shall be satisfied.

Blessed are the merciful,

for they shall obtain mercy.

Blessed are the pure of heart,

for they shall see God.

Blessed are the peacemakers,

for they shall be called children of God.

Blessed are they who are persecuted for the sake of righteousness,

for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."

Gospel of Matthew5:3-10