Have you ever had that feeling of deja vu?

Cause, like, I have a major case of that right now!

There is an idiot in the room. And the Idiot is dancing like a F***king Donkey!

Now that is all well and good. It's not my place to judge, or at least it would be if I wasn't swung around like basketball right now! Ahh, how can the gods really be doing this?

First a baby, then a girl, and to top it off, a miniature basketball!

What, are they trying to make me the next female Lebron James? Well, if so, let me tell ya, it ain't working! In fact, this is giving me trauma! If you want to coax me into this imaginary sports team of yours, use girls and liquor, not old men! I'm pretty sure that people will gain motivation from praise and rewards, not punishment! Like, that should be the first golden rule in coaching 101!

Also, if you're going for that carrot & stick strategy, you shouldn't eat the Carrot yourself!

What am I talking about you might ask? Well, currently, my precious mom is just egging this thief on! Saying stuff like, "As expected of my daughter!" and "I knew you were born under a lucky star!".

Sorry to disappoint you mom, but you've doomed us all! Luck? Yeah, I'm in deep need of that, ASAP! Cause if not, we are gonna end up in some H-scene! Don't think I don't know. It just so happens that I am an expert in that field! They start with the mom, before they move on to the kid! Not, only am I going to be on the receiving end of some non-consensual hand-holding, but I'll get cucked too!? Those tatas are mine, you hear! It's literally my birthright, or at least been with me since birth!

Mom, don't be afraid! This is my big-brain moment! time to start operation escape from 18+!!!!

...

Yeah, so that failed.

Apparently, he wasn't a: Non-Consensual Hand Holding Type of Pervert. He was just a normal: Bottom Dog type one.

Still, that doesn't mean my luck has turned around. Rather, alarms are going on in my head right now!

After the Dog Pervert, also know as Theif, was done with his charade, he took us to his studio. Seemingly, he didn't lie about that agency thing, huh. Well, that matters little, as the crisis was not averted. By that, I mean that instead of having an old guy up in my face, I have a camera doing it right now! I'm quite frightened!

Theif said that it was a commercial about baby powder. "And", I hear you ask, "What is so dangerous about baby powder? It's like the safest thing ever." Safe thing my a*s! It's not the powder that's the problem, rather, it's what it insinuates. Like, it goes down there, and we're filming it! Sure, they wouldn't show my assets, at least if they want to keep it pg.

This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

Still, that doesn't change the fact that I have to stand in front of a running camera in a room filled with adults, bottom bare! How bare, you ask? As bare as a teacher's bank account, that's how bare it is!

Ah, we started filming.

No, I don't want this! The shame, the shame, it's too embarrassing to bare!

"hehe, gogo gaga!"

Yeah, right. In my panic-inducing disappearance, I forgot to mention that I'm not the only star of this striptease today. The giggling moron by my side is my co-star. What they look like? A baby of course! I'm mean what else do you want me to say! We are both like two months old, and it normally takes a while longer to develop any distinctive features.

Still, there is one thing that I guess stands out despite that. On top of her head stands 3 locks of golden hair. I mean like super golden. Like, I have seen a lot of examples of golden hair in my time, but this is in another league! It looks like real pure gold! In fact, I think It's shinning more than real gold! Shimmering and dazzling, It looks like a tressure! Like, girl, you got some mad bling right there! I guess I'll call you Goldie Locks from now on, Goldie for short!

"Don't worry dear, mommy is here"

Ahh, seem like I dazed out again. But, I mean, how could you blame me? When suddenly get gold shoved in your face, of course, it's gonna grab your attention! Anyway, a woman just grabbed goldie in her hands. Hmm, it's probably Goldie's mom, right? Ohh, and let me tell you she is a looker! like mega beautiful face and mad tatas, though of course not as good as my mom's. She has blond hair like Goldie too, but noticeably dirtier. Goldie is a lucky girl, if she takes after her mom then she will be blessed with looks that will pierce the heavens, and stuff.

Again I was too taken aback to notice my own mom grabbing me up too. She holds me close in an embrace. Man, I missed these natural beauties. As the saying goes, "You can take the man out of the mountains, can not take the mountains out of the man." After all of this shock, I'm in deep need of a recharge!

"Cut, now change the camera positions for the applying scene. 3,2,1... action!"

Oh, yeah I forgot about that...Help, help this is targeted harassment!

"waaaa!"(I'm too young to die of public shame!)

"gogo gaga, haha"

If only I could be an innocent baby like goldie, then I wouldn't have to suffer like this. This is unfear!

Danger detected in users mental stability

initiating program

processing...

download complete

launching system

Popular system: operating

First-time login award: skill: gacha

initiate skill: gacha?

Huh, maybe the gods "really" do exist!

A system, huh. But popular, what does that even mean? Do I have to collect clout on install*am or something?

"Don't worry baby, mama is going to make everything okay"

F**k, let's think about that later. Now I just have to survive, and I just got the perfect tool for that-

"whaaa!"(initiate gacha!)

Initiating gacha...

Beauty candy (no attribute) 3x (R)

Healing bandage 1x (N)

Analyze 1x (N)

Harem protagonist F (Unique skill) (pasive) (%/&()

Moonlight Aura (Aura skill) (sub-passive) (SSR)

Omg! Wait, I don't have time to admire my sudden luck right now!

"whwhwhaaaa! (activate something useful!)

Activating moonlight skill

Shira*

"wooo"

Huh, seems like it's working! ... Or not! My mom was shocked too but now she's continuing!

Wait, what? Goldy is shinning too!

"I have never seen anything like this before!"

"Cut! That silver-haired child has another worldly aura skill, and it's resonating with the golden Haired child. It can't be? Is it a duel awakening? And at that age!?"

...

While the adults went crazy it seems mom finished changed my diaper and applying the baby powder... A-at least they didn't see me right? They were too busy watching that duel awakening thing, right? Y-ye-yeah, let's say that. The dignity of my nonexistent d*ng is safe, fwuua. Huh, Goldie is looking at me like she is stupefied. Well, I would too if I were a kid. Or, I guess if a baby suddenly went Super Saiy*en, I would be pretty shocked anyway.

Anyway, that's not the problem. Mom seems to have been shaking for a while now. Did I scare her with the sudden light show? I would be really troubled if she now fears me. I mean, if she avoids me that means my treasures will follow her right!? Fyu, she is smiling, crisis averted. Hmm, but she doesn't look that scared right now, rather is it possible it's excitement? Nah, can't be right?

"Alice this is wonderful! you really are blessed!"

Oh yeah, I guess that was my name.